


Remember When: The Postlude

by HixyStix (GaiaMyles)



Series: Bill/Sarah [3]
Category: Jericho (US 2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I'm ignoring the comics, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 140,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaMyles/pseuds/HixyStix
Summary: The show's over, but life goes on.  Sometimes it's pretty, sometimes it's not.





	1. May 2016

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I realize there are comics. I own them. I realize they're written by writers of the show. However, I'm ignoring them for two reasons: one, not everyone has access to them and two, I didn't find them realistic. So we're going with my interpretation of what happened next.
> 
> As always, thanks to my beta, [WarlockWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlockWriter), for all the work he does helping me!
> 
> If you have any questions, or want to complain about something, head to my tumblr, [ihaveallthesefeelsokay](http://ihaveallthesefeelsokay.tumblr.com/).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some leave, others come, and change is not always welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moodboard credit to [WarlockWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlockWriter)!

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=20rmvpy)

 

**May 2016**

Jericho had changed.  It was, in the words of Mayor Anderson, “no longer the sweet little town it was before the bombs.”  Or the town it was before Bonnie’s death.

It’d been just a few days of martial law and punishment, but it was enough.  The town no longer trusted the Army – and by extension, the Cheyenne government. 

It was an awkward time and no one quite knew where they stood.  People moved back into their houses, repaired the damage done by Major Beck’s searches.  Rangers walked carefully through the town, unsure if they trusted Beck’s amnesty or not.  Everyone avoided Jennings & Rall if they could, letting the J&R employees put the office back together after the fire.  Funerals were held for the three Jericho citizens who’d died in the civilian skirmishes, while the eight that were injured stayed openly at the clinic. 

Mary Bailey passed the word through her bar that there were broadcasts from Columbus on a certain AM channel.  Soon, everyone was talking about them, _sotto voce_ of course.

Beck tried to convince as many of his men as possible of the duplicity of Cheyenne.  Many came over to his side, but not everyone.  One private decided to report him to Colonel Hoffman at Camp Liberty.

Instead of waiting for a court martial, Beck decided to lead his men out of Jericho in an attempt to reach the Blue Line – the Mississippi.  _If_ they could get to the east and claim political asylum, they would be a boon to the Columbus government – Beck knew classified information from the highest echelons of Cheyenne.

That was a big if.

 

“So what’s your plan?” Eric asked Beck.

Eric, Jimmy, and Bill stood between Beck and the sheriff’s department door, stopping him from leaving.

Beck sighed and put down his helmet.  “If it were only me, I’d stay and face the consequences.  But now I have thirty or so men I’m responsible for.  I can’t give them up.”  He looked at the three Rangers, face set in determination.  “We’re making a run for it.  We’ll go as far as we can as a military convoy, then try to cross the Mississippi as civilians.”

“You think you’ll make it?” Bill asked. 

“If we hurry,” Beck said, giving him a significant look.

Bill took the hint and backed up, letting Beck pass. 

“Will you need anything?” Eric asked.  “Not all the Rangers have forgiven you, but some of us have and are willing to help.”

Beck thought.  “Hold off Colonel Hoffman as long as you can.  Keep him running around town looking for us.  Give us a head start.”

Bill nodded.  “Will do.”

Beck nodded curtly at them and left.

“He’s not going to make it, is he?” Bill asked.

“We’ll give him the best shot we can.”

 

“I’m glad he’s leaving,” Joanna said, turning around in her chair at the library.

Sarah spun her chair to face her friend.  “But we don’t know who we’ll get next.”

“Surely they’ll be better than Goetz or Beck.”

“We don’t know that,” Sarah repeated.  “We could get another hardliner.  And Beck _did_ come to his senses.”

“Not for days!  And not until he’d tortured one of the Rangers and ran the others out of town!”  Joanna shook her head.  “Your husband was a fugitive and they broke into your house!  How can you forgive him?”

“I didn’t say I forgave Beck,” Sarah said quietly.  “Just that he wasn’t as harsh as he could have been.”

“You’re still a lot more forgiving than I.”

“Well, we’ll see if you’re right when the new guy arrives tomorrow.”  Sarah spun back around to her desk.  “I hope you are.”

 

Bill dug out his grandparents’ old radio when he got home.  He’d already stopped by Bailey’s tavern on the way home, but he wanted Sarah to hear the broadcast, too.

They sat at the kitchen table while he tuned to the right channel.

“…proof that the Cheyenne government lied about who attacked us and illegitimately seized power.  Two heroes from the west risked their lives to bring us this information.  We have shared this information with the UN and expect a coalition to be formed to liberate our occupied territories.  Until then, stay safe and keep up hope.  Yesterday we received proof that the Cheyenne…”

Bill turned the volume down and looked at Sarah.

“Does this mean Jake and Hawkins made it?  Whatever they went to Cheyenne for, they were successful?” she asked.

“It sure sounds like it,” Bill said hopefully.  “I wonder what the proof is?”

“You said Bill told Eric something before he left,” Sarah said.  “Do you think that might have been it?”

Bill thought for a moment.  “You might be right.  I’ll have to ask him tomorrow.”

“Before the new guy arrives?”

“Before he arrives.  I don’t have a death wish,” Bill reassured her.  “This seems like something we should know, now that Jake and Hawkins are safe.”

 

Bill thrashed in his sleep, waking Sarah.  He held her tight so she couldn’t get away.  She tried to tap him on the shoulder, but he grabbed her arm reflexively.

Great.  Looked like she might have some bruises tonight.  Bill had suffered nightmares since the bombs, but they’d been worse since Bonnie’s death.  Tonight seemed to be one of the worst.

“Bill, babe, wake up,” she said repeatedly, a little louder each time.  “You’re okay.  You’re at home.  You’re safe.”

After the tenth repetition or so, Bill finally woke and ceased his thrashing.  He let go of Sarah and pushed back from her, horrified.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked.

Sarah looked at him in wonder: he was barely awake and still troubled, but his first instinct was to check on her.  “I’ll be fine.  You were kicking and waving one arm about.  You may have given me a bruise, but it’s okay.  You didn’t know.”

Bill got out of bed, standing back against the wall.  “I should sleep in the other room.  I might really hurt you one night.”

Sarah propped herself up on her elbow.  “Bill, you can’t even fall asleep in your chair anymore unless we’re holding hands.  How do you expect to sleep regularly in the guest bed?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, words ringing hollow.  “I don’t want to risk hurting you or the baby.”

Sarah grinned softly and turned the bedsheets down on his side.  “We’re tougher than you think, Bill.  Come back to bed.”

Bill gave her a wary look but complied.  He rolled to face the wall away from her.  Sarah supposed that was a precaution against hurting her again.

She was having none of that.  Sarah scooted up behind him and wrapped an arm loosely around his stomach.  “What were you dreaming about?”

“Nothing.”

She scoffed.  “’Nothing’ doesn’t make you flail about like that.  What was it?”

“A little bit of everything.  Bonnie.  Goetz coming to take you.  Imagining if Beck had taken you, too.”

“Bill, babe…”  Sarah couldn’t do anything about Bonnie.  Her death was still fresh, even if he tried to hide it.  But the other two, she could argue against.  “Goetz didn’t do anything to me.  And Beck just asked questions.  I survived both.”

“I wasn’t there to protect you.  I should have been.”  Bill sighed.

“You were protecting Mimi and Stanley.  You were _exactly_ where you should have been.”  Sarah squeezed him a little.  “We talked about this already.  You’re going to have to trust me now and not let your anxiety get the best of you.”

Sarah kissed the back of his neck.  “We’re both safe now.  Things are going to be fine.  We’ll survive, just like we always have.”

~~~

 

Town Hall was abuzz when Bill went in the next morning.  Jake and Hawkins all right?  Columbus with proof against President Tomarchio’s claims?  This was all great news!

But the new military commander was also arriving today.  What would he be like?  How would he treat Jericho?

Bill didn’t know any of the answers and he didn’t want to engage in any of the gossip.  He hoped the new administrator was a fair man, but he feared who Cheyenne would send now that they lost Jake and Hawkins to the eastern states.  Now that Texas was an enemy.

A little before noon, Bill and Jimmy had all the deputies head out to corral the crowds lining up to see the new Major.  They forced the crowds onto the sidewalks of Main Street and stood lining the way.  It made Bill proud – they were almost a real police force and that was all due to his and Jimmy’s training.  There were also more deputies than there ever had been before; Bill hoped they’d get to keep them all as things normalized.  It was nice to have regular hours again.

Horns honked down the street and a motorcade made its way towards Town Hall.  The cars pulled to a stop in the middle of the square.  ASA soldiers poured out of the trucks and a short, almost gentle looking man got out and looked at the deputies standing on the porch of Town Hall. 

Bill straightened a little, hoping to appear as official as possible.

The man nodded at them and made his way up the stairs.  He stopped in front of Bill.  “I assume you are the two head deputies?” he asked, looking between Bill and Jimmy.

They both nodded.  “Yes, sir.”

“I’m Major Alvarez,” the man said, shaking their hands.  “I was under the assumption Major Beck would be greeting me.”

Bill looked at Jimmy, who shrugged slightly.

“He took his men on one last attempt to root out a local road gang,” Bill lied.  “But I think he was going to head out right after that.”

Alvarez didn’t look like he bought it.  “You’ll have to direct my men to this road gang.  I’d like to aid Major Beck and then talk to him before he leaves.  You can ensure that, right gentlemen?”

Bill gulped.  “We’ll do our best, sir.”

Alvarez looked out at the square.  He spoke, voice booming, belying his stature.  “Citizens of Jericho, I am Major Alvarez and I am the new military commander and town administrator.  Recently your town has housed terrorists and hid fugitives.  That will not be tolerated any more.  From here on, your taverns and businesses and places of gathering are all closed unless they have been certified by Jennings & Rall as clean of smuggled items and free of seditious meetings.  This includes schools and churches alike.”

Bill saw Sarah in the crowd, looking disturbed.  He couldn’t blame her.  It sounded like he was wiping away the first amendment.  Bill couldn’t imagine the rant he’d get from Sarah tonight.

“It has also come to my attention that illegal broadcasts can be picked up from this location.  Because of this, we will be visiting every house in the next twenty-four hours and confiscating all radios and devices capable of picking up transmissions.  We will allow telephones to remain, but will be restricting all calls to within a fifteen mile radius of Jericho.  There will be no more Rangers, no more taking the law into your own hands.  President Tomarchio recognizes the sacrifices Jericho made during the lawless period, but cannot allow such anarchy to continue.

“When my men visit your houses during the next day, they will explain to you what is expected of Allied States Citizenry.  Follow the rules and restrictions will be lifted.”  Alvarez nodded at the crowd.

He turned back to a stunned Bill and Jimmy.  “The deputies will be under my command from here on out.  Do you understand, gentlemen?  I will use you as lieutenants, but final decisions are mine.”

Bill didn’t know what to say.  Jimmy stuttered out a “Yes, sir.”

So much for things being easier than under Beck, Bill thought.  Though really, he should have expected this.  Cheyenne wasn’t forgiving – he’d learned that from Beck.

Jesus, he hoped Beck and his men had made it to the Mississippi already.

 

The first thing Alvarez did after taking control of the sheriff’s office was to send all the deputies home.  Their houses – and the houses of Rangers – were the first to be inspected.

Bill drove home with a military truck following him.  Did they really need four people to search his house? 

Oh, shit.  Sarah had no idea they were coming.  Bill just hoped she’d had the sense to hide the radio immediately.

He pulled into the drive and Sarah met him at the door, eyeing the soldiers behind him.  “Alvarez is starting his search with the deputies and Rangers,” he explained quickly.

Sarah nodded and stood aside to let them all in.  “I don’t think you’ll find much here.”

The lieutenant of the group sent his soldiers off in different directions – one to the kitchen and garage, one to the living room, one to the bedrooms.  “We’ll see about that, ma’am.  In the meantime, I need to instruct you of changes that will be happening.”

“What sort of ‘changes’?” asked Sarah, a little defensively.  She crossed her arms and let them rest atop her belly.

Bill put a hand on her back to calm her down.  He didn’t want them to be noted as a belligerent family, especially with the radio he was sure they’d find and his history as a Ranger.

“Let’s go in the kitchen,” Bill said.

The lieutenant sat at the head of the table, leaving Bill to sit at the foot.  He rankled at the slight, but said nothing.

“First off, all businesses and places of gathering will be closed to the public for the next few days while we inspect stock and transactions.  We will open the stores once they meet the Jennings & Rall standards.  Meetings of four or more people will only be allowed with prior approval.”

“I work for the library.  That will be closed, too?” Sarah asked.

“Of course.  The Allied States government is very keen on making sure its citizens have proper literature to read.  We will bring in books to replace those we take.”

Bill saw anger flash in Sarah’s eyes, so he reached out and grabbed her hand.  “What else is changing?”

“We will be confiscating all radios and firearms from houses.  They will go to storage at the Sheriff’s headquarters.”

Bill started at that.  Being disarmed?  He was _not_ okay with that.

“We will also be limiting phone calls to the Jericho area.  No long distance calls, no calls to other towns.  All calls are subject to monitoring.  You will also be issued new ASA IDs, which you will need to have on you at all times.

“The military and Jennings & Rall are in control of this town now.  Not the mayor, not the Rangers, not the sheriff’s deputies.  You are required to do as we request.  If the town complies with all these rules, restrictions will be lifted slowly.  If not, more will be added.  Got it?”

Bill and Sarah nodded, holding hands in silence. 

A soldier came out of the garage.  “We found a gun safe, sir.”

The lieutenant looked at Bill.  “You’ll need to go open that for us.”

Bill walked slowly to the garage, trying to see what was going on.  He saw the attic stairs down and the door to the basement open.  They were being thorough, then.

He unlocked the gun safe for them, regretting every second.  He didn’t want to give up his guns.  Not when this was a government he might need to fight against.

To his surprise, only two rifles – their least used – sat in the safe, with a single box of ammo.  Where were the shotguns?  The pistols?  The other rifles?  The ammo he’d carefully saved over the winter?

Bill stepped aside and let the soldier take the rifles and the ammo. 

“Is this all that should be in here, sir?”

“Yes.”  Bill lied.  “I gave up the rest of mine to the sheriff’s department and Rangers who needed a weapon.”

The soldier checked both guns to make sure the chambers were empty and followed Bill back inside.  The other soldiers were waiting with the lieutenant, empty handed.

Where was his radio? 

The lieutenant nodded at Bill and Sarah.  “You’re free to return to work, sir.  Ma’am, I suggest you stay in the house today.”

The soldiers filed out, closing the brand new door behind them.

Bill turned to Sarah, but she put a finger to her lips and watched out the window in the front door until the Army truck drove off.

“There’s listening devices that can hear through glass,” she said.  “Or there were before the bombs.  I wouldn’t put it past the ASA to use them.”

“Where is our stuff?” Bill asked, still bewildered.

“Can you believe all they’re doing?  This is as bad as Beck’s martial law – and this is our new normal!”

“Sarah, where is our stuff?” Bill repeated.

“Oh,” she said, as if she just now heard him.  “I hid everything I could under the insulation in the attic.  Figured they wouldn’t stick their hands in fiberglass.  Come on, I’ll show you.”

Sarah led him up the rickety attic stairs and walked four boards down from the door.  She lifted up the sheet of insulation and pulled out her revolver.  “See?  I spread them out down this way.  Thought they’d only check the areas closest to the door.”  Hunched over, she walked back towards Bill.  “Your radio is six down on the right.  Your shotgun and rifle are across from it.  Ammo is in the fifth row.  I hope you didn’t mind me sacrificing those two rifles, but we almost never use them.”

Bill stepped carefully on the studs until he was next to Sarah and could kiss her.  “You’re brilliant, babe.  I can’t believe you thought of that so quickly.”

“Well, to be fair, I had almost a week to think about how I’d hide our stuff while you were on the run,” she admitted.  “I just assumed guns would be part of it.  They can’t abolish the first amendment if they don’t also abolish the second.”

“Gray told us it’d be like that.  The new constitution is supposed to be a scary thing.”

Sarah shook her head.  “I wish I could say I was surprised.  By the way, where was Gray this morning?”

“He stayed in his office.  Wanted to play a little bit of a power game.  Make the new major come to him.”

“I hope that doesn’t backfire on him.  Or the rest of us.”

Bill couldn’t help but agree.

“We should probably check the house for bugs.  I doubt there’s one here, but there might be in other rooms.”

“Your anti-government paranoia is coming in handy, I hate to say,” Bill said, making his way back down the attic stairs.

They both looked carefully – but Sarah was the one who hit jackpot.  There, in Bill’s bedside lamp, was a tiny listening device.  They left that one in place after a brief mimed argument.

Now that he knew what he was looking for, Bill found one in the living room and one under the table in the kitchen, which must have been placed by the lieutenant.  They removed these and placed them both in the garage, somewhere they almost never talked.

What was the world coming to?  Bugs?  An oppressive government to avoid?  Bill felt like he was a civilian in a spy movie.

~~~

 

Being a deputy under the ASA was very different from what Bill was used to.  They were allowed sidearms, but had to check them in and out each day from the ASA soldiers – and each weapon was checked to see if it’d been fired.  God help the deputy who couldn’t account for missing ammo. 

Bill and the other deputies found themselves relegated to traffic control and the most minor issues.  Anything big was handled by the Army itself.

It was rather boring, which left Bill lots of time to think while he and Jimmy directed traffic and dealt with lost cows and broken windows.

Bill caught Eric at the end of the day.  “Walk home with me,” he said.  No one could listen to them, then.

Once they left town square and entered Eric’s neighborhood, Bill asked the question that’d been bugging him for a week now.  “What did Jake tell you before he left?  What did he and Hawkins do in Cheyenne?  Why’d they go to the east?”

Eric stopped.  “I don’t know that I’m supposed to tell.”

“You know the whole town wants to know.  But you can tell a Ranger, can’t you?”

Eric sighed and put a hand on Bill’s shoulder, starting him walking again.  “I’ll tell you what he told me.  It’s what convinced Beck to leave.”

Bill thought about Beck and his men.  They’d been reported AWOL by now and dubbed enemies of the state.  Shoot on sight.  He hoped they’d made it across the river.  It was a straight shot down I-70, but the interstate was covered with ASA patrols, according to Dale.  He’d have had to use backroads, which would have slowed him down.

“Are you sure you want to hear it?” Eric asked, interrupting Bill’s thoughts.

Bill nodded.  “Yes, I do.”  He wanted to know what was so important that Jake and Hawkins had to leave town.

Eric told him.  About everything:  Hawkins being CIA, the ASA cover-up, the false flag attacks meant to force J&R to expose themselves, the freaking bomb that had been hidden in Jericho.

Now Bill _really_ felt like he was unwillingly in a spy movie.  “That’s insane.”

“That’s the truth,” Eric said, stopping outside Mary’s house.  “That’s why it was so important they go to Cheyenne.  They had to get the bomb to Texas and then to the east.  Prove that Tomarchio is illegitimate and corrupt.”

“I’m glad they did,” Bill said.  “Now if they can just get around to saving the rest of us…”

“War will come.  You know that, right?”

“Yes.  We’ve survived one war.  We can help the eastern states as much as we can from here.  You know Jake and Hawkins will have them free us quickly.”  Bill bluffed how sure he was, wanting to bolster Eric’s mood.

Eric shook his head.  “I wish I had your confidence, Bill.”

 

Sarah and Bill had taken to talking softly in the living room: the only room they felt sure was free from bugs.

“But does that mean J&R were also responsible for setting off the bombs?” she asked, confused.

Bill shook his head.  “Jake said there was someone else and that’s who’d taken the bomb to Cheyenne.  They had to get it back from him before he set it off.”

Sarah shuddered.  “I can’t imagine having the conscience to set off even one bomb, much less twenty-three.  Well, twenty-five, if his original plan had worked.”

“It still leaves us under ASA and J&R rule, though.”

“Did you listen to the broadcast today?” Sarah asked.

“No, I didn’t get a chance to.”  They weren’t the only ones who’d managed to hide away radios and Bill found that with a bit of electrical finagling, his work radio could be adapted to pick up AM waves.  Listening to it at work was a dangerous thing, but sometimes he and Jimmy stopped by the side of the road and listened while standing outside the patrol car.  They hadn’t gotten the chance today.

“The UN has formed a committee to examine the evidence.  We’re one step closer to them letting the US Army across the Mississippi!”

They both knew how committees could last, but at least this was a positive step.

“I think we should celebrate,” Bill said.

“What do you propose we do?”

“I propose I take you to the bedroom, right now, and we give whoever’s listening a show,” Bill said slyly, standing up and taking Sarah by the hand.

“Oh really?”  Sarah stepped close until her belly was bumping Bill’s stomach.  “I think I like this plan.”

He leaned in and kissed her, holding her head with his fingers tangled in her hair.  “Well, we do have to make the most of our time until the baby gets here.  It just seems logical.”

“Logical is how you want to approach this?” Sarah laughed, kissing his cheek up to his ear.

“I’ll approach this any way you want it.”

“Hey, Bill?”

“Mm?”

“Take me to bed or lose me forever!” Sarah said, grinning at the quote.

Bill didn’t wait.  He pulled her to the bedroom and started undressing her slowly, teasing her with kisses and pulling gasps and moans from her.

He wasn’t kidding about the show.


	2. August 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby stuff. :D

**August 2016**

In time, Jericho got used to the new rules.  They got used to scanning their IDs whenever they entered or exited a building.  They got used to being listened to on the phones.  They got used to an ASA presence everywhere they went.  The schools opened again, as did the churches, albeit with a required J&R presence at every service.

Most people followed the regulations, though every now and again a contraband radio or gun was confiscated.  When that happened, the offender was arrested and never seen again.

It was enough to cow most of the citizens into submission, but some still tried to fight back, in the small ways they could.  Those who’d secreted away radios spread news from Columbus, tracking the slow progress as the UN committee tried to get President Tomarchio to deal with President Charles in Columbus.  Others gathered in houses, sneaking in and out to escape detection.

Margaret Taylor tried to get approval to have a baby shower for Sarah, but was denied – too many people related to Rangers in one space.  Instead, there was a slow trickle of people stopping by, dropping off used baby clothes and furniture.  Work was so restricted, no one could afford anything new, least of all Bill and Sarah.

The J&R approved doctors told Sarah to expect a late July birth date, but July came and went with no baby.

Sarah was tired of it.

~~~

 

“I am _done_ being pregnant,” Sarah complained as she eased into bed next to Bill.  He reached out to her and with some effort, she rolled to face him.  “It’s like an oven outside and I know you’ve got the air on high but I still feel like I’m in a sauna.  I’m huge and clumsy and now I’m waddling and back to having to pee all the time.  And my back’s hurt all day today.  You’d think the baby dropping would mean I’m almost through, but _nooooo_ , it could be another couple weeks still!”

Bill leaned over and kissed Sarah’s forehead, smiling at the now familiar litany.  The backache was new, but he was honestly surprised she hadn’t had more pain there the last few months.  “Two weeks isn’t that long.  And you’re still beautiful.”

“Screw you, Koehler.  We’re already a week past the due date that damn J&R doctor said.  I’m ready for this baby to be out _yesterday_.”  Sarah kicked the sheet off and started to get all her pillows situated for sleep.

“Wait,” Bill said.  “Roll the other way.”

Sarah gave him a look but complied.  Taking a stab where the pain was at, Bill started massaging her lower back.  He’d guessed right; she moaned happily.

“Oh God, I take it all back.  I love you and you are perfect.  Do my belly too and I swear you’ll get lucky the next time I have the energy.”  She huffed a laugh.  “Maybe we should do that anyway and hope it gets things going.”

 

Sarah woke Bill in the early hours of the morning.  “Babe?  I need you to get up for a bit.”

He blinked blearily: the lamp seemed brighter than normal.  “Everything okay?”

She hesitated but nodded.  “Yeah, it is.  I need to change the sheets, though.”

Bill sat up and saw she’d already started pulling up the fitted sheet on her side of the bed, exposing the towel and bit of plastic sheeting she’d insisted on putting over the mattress.  On autopilot, he stood and started to help her.  Then it hit him and he froze:  “Wait… Why…?”

“Uh…”  Sarah looked almost apologetic.  “My water broke.  Apparently it’s not just a backache.  I started feeling – well, it still feels like cramps right now, to be honest – but I started feeling contractions around midnight.  So, uh...,” she glanced at the clock, “about two hours now.”

Bill couldn’t breathe.  Water breaking.  Contractions.  Good God, the baby was coming.  Now.  Sarah was in labor.

Jesus, Sarah was in _labor_.

He grabbed her arm as she rounded the bed.  “What do we need to be doing?  Do we need to be timing them?  Should you be lying down?  Are you okay?  What do _I_ need to be doing?”  No, he wasn’t panicking.  He was going to stay calm.  Really.

Sarah let go of the sheets she was gathering and rubbed the side of her belly.  “Bill, hon, please.  It’ll be okay.  Remember all the books you read?  This is going to take a while before we get to that point.”

Oh yeah, all those books Sarah had ordered back when they first started trying to get pregnant.  Back before the bombs – before the world changed.  Were the books still relevant?  He’d read them, really he had, but fuck if he could remember any of that right now.

And they _had_ talked through this, preparing as best they could when neither of them had ever witnessed a birth.  The main point sticking in Bill’s mind right now was Sarah’s insistence that she not have the baby at the clinic.  She didn’t feel especially trusting of the corporate doctors brought in to assist Dr. Dhuwalia.  He’d agreed at the time, but wasn’t convinced any more.  “You sure you don’t want to go to the clinic?” he prodded.

“And let the ASA barcode our baby as soon as it’s born?  No.  Not unless something starts to go wrong.”  Sarah caught his eye and he could tell she was steeling herself.  “And nothing _will_ go wrong.”

A thousand scenarios started flickering through Bill’s head, each more horrifying than the last.  It must have shown on his face because Sarah laid a hand on his cheek and looked at him pleadingly.

“Bill, no.  Don’t start thinking like that, please.  I’m really trying not to be scared and I need…”  She trailed off and let her hand fall, squeezing his arm tightly.  “The pain isn’t bad right now, like I said.  But it’s going to _get_ bad, I know – but I don’t know _how_ bad.  Or how long it’ll go on:  my mom was only in labor four or five hours, but your mom said ten and Darcy said fifteen and then Margaret said Woody took twenty hours and _I just don’t know_.  I don’t know how I’ll handle it.  I don’t want to stress over it already.”

In other words, _‘please don’t panic_.’  Right.  He could handle that.  He’d kept his calm with the bombs and with Ravenwood and the New Bern battle and even the night Bonnie had been killed.  Okay, he’d broken down later, but he held it together while he needed to.  Keeping his head in bad situations was his damned job.  Surely he could manage this.  He could watch Sarah be in pain for however long it took and not falter.

 _Jesus._   No, he was going to lose it, he just knew.  How could he watch his wife go through all this and not be able to do anything?  He reached forward and pulled Sarah into a hug, feeling the press of her belly, and tried to swallow his own fear.

She mumbled something into his shoulder and Bill pulled back.  “Hm?”

Sarah was red.  “I said I’m also trying not to think about being naked in front of you and Kenchy and probably pooping, too.”

Bill couldn’t help himself, then.  He laughed and some of the tension drained away.

“Shut up!”  Sarah pushed at him.  “I’m embarrassed just thinking about it.”

“I’m sorry.  I promise I won’t laugh at you.”  He smiled into her hair and rubbed her back.  “What _do_ I need to be doing now, though?”

Sarah pointed to the sheets.  “Would you take these to the laundry?  I’ll put the new ones on and then…  I only got a couple hours sleep so I’m gonna probably try to rest while I still can; maybe I’ll go lie on the couch.  You can go back to bed if you want.”

Bill frowned.  Sleep while this was happening?  Like that was even an option.  He bundled up the sheets and towels.  “No, I’m staying with you.  If you’re up, I’m up.”

 

Time seemed to crawl that night, but Bill could swear things were still moving too quickly.  Time was being marked not in the hours of the clock but in seemingly endless contractions and the too-short minutes in between.

Sarah had never been able to find a comfortable position to rest and instead took to wandering the house, checking every last bit of preparation.  At first, she snapped at him for hovering when he tried to follow her, so he’d grabbed one of the many books and refreshed his memory on what should be happening.  So many things to remember – stages of labor, what to do when the baby actually got here, what he needed to make sure Sarah had and did in the meantime.

He didn’t have much of a chance to study, however.  Sarah’s contractions quickly grew in intensity and frequency and before long, she’d called for him to stay with her.  She still insisted on moving around, but he was there with a hand on her back and supporting her each time a contraction hit.

The sun was just above the horizon now.  Sarah’s contractions were less than ten minutes apart and each one was _killing_ Bill to witness.  He held her as the latest one let up – finally – and tried to think of something soothing that hadn’t already been said a hundred times in the past four hours.

They were in the nursery and although they’d done the best they could, Bill still felt it was woefully inadequate.  There was no fresh coat of paint, no horribly expensive crib he’d had to figure out how to assemble, no new dresser full of baby shower gifts: just secondhand furniture and clothes collected from attics and storage units around Jericho.  They’d stockpiled as many disposable diapers as they were allowed to purchase from J&R, but friends had already warned them they’d be lucky to make it through two weeks before having to resort to cloth ones.  The only new thing wasn’t even in here, but in their bedroom – the cradle Bill had made.  It was small, but they’d be able to keep the baby by their bed for the first few months.

Bill offered, yet again, to fix Sarah a bath to see if that would help ease some of her pain and yet again, she rebuffed him, pointing out that all the books said it could slow or stop labor if she got in water too early.  He despaired, trying to think of anything else he could do, but came up with nothing except more of the same.

For all the trouble and grief the ASA and the war had brought Jericho, Bill was thankful today that they’d restored local landline phone service – and that he and Sarah had kept his grandparents’ phone installed when they moved in.  He’d been able to call Jimmy earlier, to let him know there was no way in the world he was going down to the station today – as well as Dr. Dhuwalia – Kenchy – who reminded Bill yet again that he was a plastic surgeon, not an obstetrician, but also to call back when the contractions were closer together and he’d come over then.

Sarah gasped and whimpered into his shoulder as the next contraction hit, clinging white-knuckled to his shirt.  Good God, how much worse was this going to get?

 

Sarah was crying now, each contraction punctuated with a keening moan that pierced Bill’s heart.  She’d given up trying to stand two hours ago and took to the bedroom.  She kept changing positions, trying to find the best way to ease the pain.  At the moment, she was lying on her side on their bed with her head in his lap, exhausted.  There wasn’t much time between contractions anymore; Sarah seemed to relax only for the next one to begin.

She clung to one of his hands and he brushed hair back from her face with his other, pausing only to press on the small on her back when pain began.  It wasn’t much, but the pressure on her back seemed to help at least the tiniest bit.

“Babe,” she gasped during a lull and oh, the way her voice wavered made his heart clench.  “It’s too much.  I need it to stop, I can’t…”

He wiped her tears gently, trying to hold back his own.  “Yes, you can.  You’ve done so well.  I know it hurts, sweetheart, but you’re getting closer.  You’re going to do this and we’re going to meet our baby today.”  Oh God, he hoped he was saying the things she needed to hear.

Sarah squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.  She clenched his hand, signaling the start of another contraction and Bill had to bite his lip to stop from whimpering along with her.

A soft knock came at the bedroom door and Kenchy slipped in.  He’d arrived over an hour ago and had mostly stayed in the den doing God knows what, except for occasionally examining Sarah.  Bill wasn’t sure if he was being polite and leaving them alone or simply uncomfortable hanging around, but Bill was grateful for the privacy. 

Kenchy sat at the food of the bed and waited for the contraction to subside before he placed a hand lightly on Sarah’s ankle.  “I need to check you again, madam.  Can you roll over for me?”

As argumentative as the man normally was, Bill was impressed with his bedside manner.  He’d seen that with Jimmy’s back injury – Kenchy had been patient and calm, if not quite this gentle – and despite his constant protestations, he’d proven himself competent at all the medical emergencies the town had thrown at him.  It was those qualities that led Sarah to request his help, but even keeping in mind they’d invited him, Bill still tensed whenever the man touched or examined Sarah.  He may have proven himself capable and trustworthy, but in Bill’s mind he was still essentially a stranger.

Kenchy, thankfully, was quick and efficient as soon as Sarah complied with his request.  His brow furrowed slightly and he looked up at her.  “I suspect things are about to start moving fairly quickly.”  He then caught Bill’s eye.  “If you are planning on having that water birth you mentioned earlier, now would be the time to draw the bath, Deputy.”

Bill’s eyes widened and he felt his pulse pick up.  They were that close?  Jesus.

He very carefully slid off the bed, maneuvering a pillow under Sarah’s head.  He tried to head to the bathroom, but Sarah wouldn’t let go of his hand.

“Don’t leave me.  I need you here.  Bill, you can’t…”

 _Oh God_.  Bill crouched down to look her in the eye, free hand cupping her neck.  “Sarah, I’m not going far; I’m just going to get the tub ready.  Is that what you still want?”

She nodded, but another contraction washed over her and all Bill could do was let her squeeze his hand and watch as she cried through the pain.  Just like every contraction before, he found himself wishing and praying that there was some way he could do this for her.  But just like every time before, he was essentially helpless.

Once Sarah was back to breathing normally, Bill spoke again, hoping he sounded reassuring.  “I’ve got to go get the tub ready.  I’m not leaving you, I promise.  I love you; I wouldn’t do that.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Crying, she finally let his hand slip from her grasp and he kissed her temple, tearing himself away to the bathroom with a sympathetic nod from Kenchy.

 

As the tub started to fill, Bill forced himself to drink a little water and breathe.  He leaned over the sink and tried to ignore his reflection.  Sarah looked exhausted and sweaty and miserable, but she had a reason.  Bill… well, he’d thrown a t-shirt on over the boxers he slept in early on in the night, but he hadn’t left Sarah’s side in the last six hours.  He looked about like he felt:  weary, unkempt, and terrified.

Shit, was he really ready for this?  Was he ready to be a father?  In general, yes.  He wanted children with Sarah and was as prepared as he could be in their circumstances.  But right now, _today_?

Bill gripped the sides of the counter and tried to fight the panic he felt setting in.  He’d done so well all morning; why was this hitting now?  He couldn’t afford to be anything but calm.  He couldn’t be in here with a racing pulse and shortened breath and clenched muscles.  He needed to be calm again.

Why wasn’t it working?

And then his heart stuttered – he could hear Sarah out in the bedroom as another contraction hit.  Was she muffling her cries into the pillow?

Bill _knew_ he was too close to panic himself to be out there with her.  He _knew_ he was supposed to stay in here while the tub filled – only halfway now – He _knew_ Kenchy was out there with her, he _knew_ she wasn’t alone and that all he could do was stand by and watch.

He _didn’t_ know if she was louder because the pain was worse this time, because she was letting go more without him there, or because he’d actually provided some measure of comfort.

Every bone in his body ached to run back into the bedroom, no matter the reason, and hold her.  But no.  Not yet.  As soon as this damn tub finished filling, though.

 

Bill carried Sarah into the bathroom: her legs were trembling too badly and she said it felt like the baby was too low for her to walk.  They moved to the tub just in time – a few minutes after she got settled, the contractions intensified.

“This hurts so bad!” she bit out between contractions, which seemed to only halfway ease before the next one started. 

Oh God, he could _see_ each contraction contorting her belly now.  How the hell was she still doing this?  It was an ordeal for him just to watch; how was she surviving?

For half an hour, he knelt by the side of the tub, arms around her shoulders, trying not to let his face betray his anxiety each time the contractions worsened and she sobbed.  From the frowns Kenchy gave him, he was only halfway successful but Sarah didn’t seem to notice him except to squeeze his forearm so tightly he thought she might draw blood.

And then during one contraction, Sarah panted “Out.  It’s coming out!” followed by a cry verging on a scream. 

Kenchy said something about crowning and there was blood in the water now and _Jesus_ , no, Bill couldn’t do this.  He had to do _something_.  He had to help her _somehow_.

Bill was in the water before it even registered that he’d moved: sliding into the tub, clothes and all, hugging Sarah from behind.  “I’ve got you.  I love you.  I’ve got you.  I love you,” he whispered into her ear, over and over like a mantra.  She pressed back against him, gripping his arms, and bore down.

He didn’t even know what he expected to see from this angle, especially with Kenchy actively assisting now, but four pushes later _holy shit_ he saw a head.  There was an _actual head_ down there, small wisps of hair floating in the water and Bill faltered in his repetitive encouragements.  He froze, gaping and unable to tear his eyes away as Sarah pushed again and then there were shoulders and arms and oh God, now the baby was out and Sarah collapsed back against him and Kenchy pulled the baby out of the water and placed it on Sarah’s chest and she was holding it and–

Good God, they had a baby.

“Boy,” Sarah said, sounding halfway to tears as she hugged the baby tightly.  “Bill, it’s a boy.”

He reached around Sarah cautiously and held the newborn’s arm.  He was _so_ tiny and _so_ fragile-looking and yet the cry he let out was hearty and hale.

Bill was someone’s _father_ now.  This was his _son._

Oh God, this was too much.  He stared, hardly able to breathe, until Kenchy took the baby back for a quick examination.

The spell broken, Bill wiped away the tears that were forming and kissed Sarah’s shoulder.  “You did it, sweetheart.  He’s here.”

“Oh my God.”  Sarah breathed heavily, still resting against Bill’s chest, still sounding tearful herself.  “We had a boy, babe.  We had a baby.”

Kenchy handed the baby back to Sarah, lightly wrapped in a small towel.  Bill knew other things were happening – cord cutting and afterbirth and all – but he couldn’t look away from the sight of his child in his wife’s arms.

Yeah, this was still too much.  He could barely bring himself to touch the baby – his _son._

Once everything was done, Kenchy took the baby back for a second, more thorough, sort of exam.  It hit Bill that he and Sarah were both still in the tub.  He carefully slipped out of the tub and helped Sarah stand, wrapping her in a towel.  She looked down at the discolored water.  “We should probably rinse off,” she whispered, still a little unsteady on her feet.

Bill realized he was right and reached down to drain the standing water.  He used the shower head to gently rinse off Sarah, wincing along with her when he reached sore places.  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

Sarah leaned against him shakily.  “It’s okay.”

Bill wrapped her in his long robe and helped her back out to the bed, ignoring the fact he was soaking.  As soon as Sarah was settled, he quickly changed into a new set of boxers and tee.

And then Kenchy emerged with the baby and handed it to _him._

Oh God, what should he do?  He’d held Bonnie, Woody, and Sally when they were babies, but this was different somehow.  He’d never held a baby so _small_.

Bill sunk into the bed next to Sarah, now lying back propped up against the pillows.  She reached over and placed a hand on the baby’s head, as if she were reassuring herself he really existed.

He got that.  He wasn’t entirely sure himself.

“You still like the name we picked for a boy?” she asked softly, trying to get the newborn’s hair to lay flat.

Bill looked at the baby, at this tiny thing that looked nothing like the babies on TV yet was still absolutely perfect.  “Nathaniel,” he whispered, trying the name out.  Somehow, it worked.  “Yeah, I like it.”

“Nathaniel Warren Koehler.”  Sarah looked over at Bill and smiled.  “Mouthful of a name for such a little guy.  Big shoes to fill with that middle name.”

“Yeah, but he will.”  Bill brought the baby – _Nathaniel_ – up and kissed his forehead.  “Nathan, for short.”

“That works.”  Sarah grinned soppily down at Nathaniel.  “Hi there, Nathan.  Welcome to the family; hope we don’t screw you up too badly.”

 

Sarah was exhausted and sore all over, but she didn’t want to sleep or miss one moment of Nathan’s first hours.

She stared at the baby in tearful awe, her emotions beyond her control.  Nathan gripped her finger and it just about made her cry with joy.  She loved hearing his name now, even if it was just in her head.  Nathan.  Her son.

Bill curled up next to her, holding the little boy between them.  Seemed like he couldn’t let go either.

They didn’t move for a couple hours, saying nearly nothing and staring at their new, sleepy, baby.  Finally, Bill broke the silence.

“We should tell my parents.”

“That means they’ll come over,” Sarah pointed out, hoping no one was listening in still.  “We’d have to hope we don’t get caught with five people in here.  Assuming they count Nathan.”

“Knowing them, they will.  But let’s risk it, okay?”

Sarah nodded.  “While you’re out there, call Jimmy and Margaret.  And Stanley!  And call Joanna for me, please.”  She paused.  “And maybe an ice pack, too.”

Bill looked pained as he handed over the baby, as if he didn’t want to let go.  He lingered at the door.  “I wish we had a phone in here so I didn’t have to leave,” he said.

“We’ll be right here when you get back,” Sarah promised.

 

Bill was on the phone until his parents showed up, letting everyone know that the baby was here.  He was slightly embarrassed to answer the door in his boxers, but his parents weren’t paying any attention to him.

Bill had to jump in front of his mother to stop her from rushing down the hall to the bedroom.  “Hold on, let me go check that Sarah’s okay first,” he insisted, to their disappointment.  “You can’t stay long – we don’t want to get caught – but you can visit a little bit every day.  Just maybe at different times.”

Sarah was wiped out asleep when Bill went back into the bedroom.  Nathan was in her arms, squirming as much as he could while being swaddled, wide awake.  Bill thought about waking Sarah but decided she’d more than earned some sleep.  He very carefully picked up Nathan, causing Sarah to mumble something in her sleep.

“This is Nathaniel Warren,” Bill said, introducing the baby to his parents in the hallway.  “Sarah’s asleep, so let’s go visit in the living room.”

Pam and Hank didn’t seem to mind missing Sarah; they were only interested in the baby.  Pam demanded to hold him as soon as she sat down.  Bill had expected nothing less from his grandbaby-crazy mother.

There was a knock at the door.  Bill looked at his parents, alarmed, and Pam held the baby tighter.

He answered the door carefully.  An ASA soldier stood there, accompanied by one of the doctors J&R brought in.

“We understand from your phone calls that your wife just had a baby,” the doctor said.  “I’m here to make sure they’re healthy and get the baby registered with an ID.”

Barcoding the baby, just as Sarah had feared.  How could he avoid it now?  “We had a doctor here during the birth.  They’re both fine.”

The doctor shook his head.  “Doctor Dhuwhalia hasn’t been cleared by J&R to practice obstetrics.  I’ll need to do a second check.”

“And I understand you have visitors that brings this house’s total of adults to four.  We’ll allow a short visit for the circumstances, but your visitors will have to leave when we do.”

“It’s just my parents.  This is their first grandbaby.  Can’t they enjoy him for a little while?” Bill asked.

“You know the rules, Deputy Koehler,” the soldier said shortly.

Bill stood aside reluctantly, letting them in.  “The baby’s with my parents.  My wife’s asleep.  Wait here while I wake her up.”

Bill very gently shook Sarah’s shoulder, picking up her hand and squeezing it.  “Babe, you need to wake up.  We have visitors.”

“Y’r parents,” Sarah mumbled.  “Let me sleep.”

“No, babe, I can’t let you do that.  We have ASA visitors.”

That woke Sarah up.  She sat up, wincing.  “What are they here for?”

“They’re here to check on you and the baby.  Apparently Dr. Dhuwhalia didn’t count.  And to give the baby an ID.”

Sarah swore under her breath and let Bill help her up.  He hated that she was still in pain and being forced to move.  What kind of care did the J&R doctor think he was providing?

“That will be fine.” 

Bill turned and saw the doctor standing in the doorway, his mom and the baby behind him.  So much for waiting on him.

“Mrs. Koehler, I’m just going to check that you’re recovering properly and the birth was handled correctly.  I actually need you back on the bed.  Lying on your back, please.”

Bill helped Sarah lie back down, glowering at the doctor now waiting at the bottom of the bed.  How dare he ask so much of Sarah?

Pam stepped into the room with the baby, standing with Bill between her and the doctor.  “The other man said we’ll have to leave after this.”

“They’re going to make you, I’m afraid,” Bill whispered.  “I can’t stop them, Mom.”

The doctor peeled down the pads Sarah was wearing, making her whimper, and Bill almost lunged at him.  Only the knowledge of what the consequences would be stopped him.  He wanted to be here to see his son grow up.

The doctor performed an internal exam and palpitated Sarah’s stomach, both of which seemed quite painful to her, but Sarah didn’t cry out.  Bill was proud of her for not letting this doctor get any satisfaction from hurting her.  The doctor seemed almost disappointed she was okay.

He cleaned his hands with an alcohol wipe, leaving Sarah to dress herself again.  The doctor reached for the baby, tsking as he did so.  “You should have come into the clinic and we could have run an APGAR test for the baby.  You’re lucky we heard your husband’s phone calls so we could come do a proper examination.”

The doctor – Bill wished he got his name so he could complain to Alvarez later – took Nathan from his grandmother’s arms while she protested softly.

He pulled out a hypodermic needle, pre-filled with a small amount of medicine.

“Wait!  What’s that?” Sarah asked.

“It’s a Hep-B shot.  Completely routine.”

Bill thought he remembered that from one of the baby books.  Maybe the doctor wasn’t making that up.

“Have you breastfed yet?” the doctor asked, while he checked all the baby’s joints and his grip reaction.  Nathan cried the whole time.  Good on you, kid, Bill thought.

“Not yet,” Sarah replied.

“You should soon.  Preferably right after we leave.”  He handed the baby to Bill.  “Congratulations, you two.  You have a healthy baby boy.”

“We knew that,” Bill said, trying to wrap the towel back around the squirming, wailing baby.

His mom saw he was out of his competency zone and took the baby, laying him on the bed and swaddling him that way.  “You’ll get used to it,” she said.

“All right.  It’s time for visitors to leave.  We’re all getting out of your hair, Deputy Koehler.”

Pam and Hank both kissed the baby before they were herded out of the room and out of the house. 

Bill handed Sarah the baby and climbed back in bed with her.  “I’m so sorry they did that to you.  I should have stopped him.”

Sarah brought Nathan up for a kiss.  “It’s okay, hon.  You couldn’t have stopped him.  Not without being hauled away.”

“I know, but he had no right to do that to you.”

“He’s J&R.  The government’s given him the right,” Sarah said.  “And he probably was trying to help.  We just hadn’t asked for it and didn’t want it.  But we don’t get to say no anymore.”

She grabbed a pillow and laid it in her lap, putting Nathan on top of it while she slid the top of the robe off.  “Let’s try breastfeeding, like he said.”

Bill slid closer to her, watching as Nathan fussed about latching on.  It took a while, but he did, finally.

Once again, Bill was amazed at the whole process.  He couldn’t believe Sarah was awake enough to do this after ten-plus hours of labor and a twenty minute nap.  He was wearing down and he’d just _watched_ the birth.

Ten minutes later, Nathan slipped off to sleep mid-suckle.  Sarah looked at Bill, eyes drooping.  “I think he’s got the right idea.”

Bill took Nathan and laid him in the cradle on Sarah’s side of the bed, close enough to reach out and touch.  He helped Sarah under the covers and then crawled in himself.  He kissed Sarah’s neck. 

“You did amazing today, darlin’,” he said softly.

“Only ‘cause you were here,” Sarah replied.  “Needed you.”

“Nothing could have kept me from being here,” Bill said.  He snuggled in behind Sarah, holding her lightly.

Within minutes, all three were fast asleep.

~~~

 

He’d been changing diapers for a week now.  Bill felt like a pro, even when Nathan peed on him mid-changing.

He was a cop.  He could handle a little pee.  He’d cleaned up worse than that out of his patrol car.

Bill just worried about _next_ week, when they would run out of disposable diapers and have to switch to cloth ones.  He and Sarah both had practiced folding them, but that was going to be nothing compared to trying to pin them on a moving baby – particularly when the pro still sometimes needed help.

“Sarah, can you hold his legs so I can get this done?”

“He’s got rash, of course he doesn’t want a diaper on,” Sarah said, walking up behind Bill.  She reached around him and held down Nathan’s legs.  The baby cried and tried to jerk out of her hands, but Bill deftly taped down the diaper. 

“Hah!  I got it!”

“With help,” Sarah said, kissing Bill’s cheek as she walked around him.  She picked up Nathan and started bouncing him.  When that didn’t stop the crying, she started dancing around the nursery, spinning slowly and humming.

Bill leaned against the makeshift changing table – really a dresser with some blankets on top – and watched them.  He still couldn’t believe this was his life now: he was a dad.  With a wife and a kid and a dog.  He even had the picket fence around the backyard, though it was brown and not white.

If only Nathan didn’t need something so frequently during the night, keeping them both up, life might be pretty perfect, no matter what the ASA was doing to Jericho.

Soon, Nathan’s cries softened to whimpers, which disappeared into blessed silence.  Nathan looked like he might drift off into another nap, but his face screwed up into a familiar scowl.

“Oh great,” Sarah said, stopping.  “He needs _another_ new diaper.”

“It’s your turn to change him,” Bill said, stepping back from the changing table.

Sarah grinned at him.  “You’re so generous with that.”

Bill snuck up behind Sarah while she changed Nathan’s diaper again.  He wrapped his arms around her middle and rested his head on her shoulder, kissing her neck.  She had a ways to go before she got back to her pre-pregnancy shape, but he kind of loved the weight on her.  Really, he loved what it meant – that she’d had their baby.  He knew she wouldn’t want to go any further than this, but he couldn’t help wanting to shower her in kisses and caresses.

Sarah squirmed.  “Bill, stop, I’m trying to change a diaper here.”

“No,” he said, kissing her shoulder.  “You’re just going to have to work around me.”

Sarah turned her head to kiss Bill, but at that moment, Nathan let loose a stream of pee all over Sarah’s hands and shirt.

So much for a romantic moment.  Bill bent down and grabbed a new wipe – something else they were going to run out of soon.  “Here,” he said, “get yourself clean and I’ll finish up with him.”

Sarah left and Bill wrestled with the little boy himself, getting the diaper on in just a couple of minutes.  He snapped his onesie closed and lectured Nathan.  “I understand you can’t help yourself, but let’s try to limit it to one diaper an hour, at least.  You’ve run through six today already.  Diaper conservation, kiddo.”

Bill stopped and looked at Nathan.  “Ah, who am I kidding?” Bill muttered, picking up the baby and carrying him to the cradle in the bedroom.  “You’re gonna use another six diapers before you let us sleep, aren’t you?”

 Nathan just looked up at him with big blue eyes.

 


	3. September 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby fluff, the anniversary of the bombs, and trouble.

**September 2016**

It was four in the morning and Bill was wrestling with a five week old – and losing.

“C’mon kiddo, let me pin this on you.  Work with your dad for once,” Bill muttered, trying to be quiet and let Sarah sleep.

Of course, that would be a more reasonable goal if Nathan would stop wailing every time Bill accidently stuck him with the safety pin.

It’s not like he _meant_ to hurt Nathan, but between the squirming and trying to hold the cloth diaper together, that first pin was nearly impossible.

Sarah peeked in the door.  “Need help?” she asked sleepily.  Without waiting for an answer, she moved in by Bill.  “You hold him down and I’ll pin.” 

Within seconds, the first diaper pin was in, followed quickly by the second and a third one for good measure.

Sarah waved sleepily at Bill.  “You get to calm him down.  I’m going back to sleep.”

Bill was amazed at how quickly it went with Sarah’s help.  Somehow, she was the baby charmer in the relationship and Bill was left trying to catch up.  Sarah said it was because she’d babysat as a teen and Bill hadn’t – she had prior experience.

Bill looked down at the whimpering baby.  “You may behave better for mama, but _I_ can get you to fall asleep.”

Bill carried Nathan into the living room and settled into his recliner.  He set the boy face down on his chest and leaned back, so they were lying almost horizontal.  Bill reached over for the couch throw and spread it over the two of them.

Nathan reached out and grabbed at Bill’s chin, rough now with morning stubble.  He cooed.

Bill laughed quietly, bouncing Nathan with each chuckle.  “You’ll have your own beard before too long.  Don’t try to grab mine.”

Bill listened for a minute for any movement in the rest of the house, but there was none.  Good.  He looked down at Nathan and said, “Not a word of this to Mama, okay?  She doesn’t need to hear Daddy sing.”

He thought about how he used to sing to Bonnie – Christmas carols were all he had memorized back then.  Come to think of it, that was all he had memorized now.

Well, nothing for it.  Quietly he sang, “Silent night, holy night; all is calm, all is bright…”

Nathan watched him for a few songs, but Bill could tell he was fighting to stay awake.  Bill switched back to Silent Night and the baby’s eyes fluttered shut.

Ah, finally, he was out.  But now Bill was stuck where he was.

Oh well.  It was warm and soft and he had his son with him.  What better way to sleep the last hour or so before he had to get up?

~~~

 

Sarah lay in the floor, dancing a small stuffed dog in front of Nathan, trying to get him to reach for it.  “C’mon, little mister, I know you got it in you.  All this tummy time should be doing you _some_ good.”

The six week old cooed and reached out with one hand.  Sarah moved the toy forward and let him grasp it.  Nathan hit it against the floor a few times and dropped the stuffed dog.  He rubbed an eye with his fist.

“All right, enough of that, huh?”  Sarah sat up.  “Want to do naptime together?  Mama could use a nap.”  She picked the sleepy baby up and moved to Bill’s recliner.  Sarah rocked back and forth, Nathan in her lap, until the baby drifted off to sleep.

Once Nathan was out, Sarah slowly reclined the chair back and tried to sleep herself.  She’d started to drift off when the front door opened and Bill came in, leading Stanley. 

“He’s just now down for a nap,” Sarah hissed when they walked into the living room.  “If either of you wakes him up, I swear to God I will end you.  I need this break.”

Stanley’s eyes widened, but Bill just chuckled.  He bent over, softly ruffled Nathan’s hair, and kissed Sarah on the forehead.

“Did you listen to the radio today?” Bill asked quietly, sitting next to Stanley on the couch.

“No, I’ve been up with Nathan since this morning.  He was awake for about six hours.”

“You missed some big news,” Bill said.

“Yeah, the UN’s pulling out from the Mississippi next month.  They’re getting coalition forces together to invade here.”  Stanley said, trying hard to whisper but failing in his enthusiasm.

Nathan stretched in his sleep and Sarah put a finger to her mouth, glaring at Stanley.

“So it’s not going to only be the eastern states and Texas?” Sarah whispered.  This was definitely a new development.  A civil war to reclaim the west was one thing.  Foreign forces on American soil was another thing entirely.  On the other hand, this just might be the edge Columbus needed to beat Cheyenne.

Jesus, Sarah looked forward to being a United States citizen again instead of an Allied States one.

Bill shook his head and repeated Sarah’s thoughts.  “This gives the eastern states a big advantage over the ASA.  Surely this’ll be over quickly.”

Sarah wasn’t so sure about that, but she wasn’t going to burst Bill’s bubble.  “Did Alvarez say anything about it while you were at work?”

“No.  He was pissy about something all day but no one wanted to ask.  I guess this was it.”

“I hope he doesn’t respond by cracking down harder.”

Stanley shook his head.  “It can’t get much worse.  I’ve already had to pre-sell my fall crop to J&R, so they can resell it in the stores.  I’m going to have to buy back what I need to feed the animals.”

“Didn’t Mimi have you a contract with J&R?  I thought you were free and clear of the government?” Sarah asked.

“This is outside the contract.  I own my farm, but J&R is now the only way I can sell the crop.  It’s either sell to them or let it all rot.  I can’t even open up the market stand and sell pies!”  Stanley looked down at his feet.  “Not that Bonnie’s here to make them with me.”

Everyone fell silent for a moment.  Bill clapped Stanley on the back.  “Why don’t you tell Sarah what you told me at the station?”

Sarah looked at Stanley expectantly.

He raised his head and slowly a grin burst across his face.  “Oh, yeah,” he said.  “Mimi’s pregnant.”

Sarah covered her mouth in surprise.  “Really?”

“No kidding.”  Stanley nodded.  “We found out a couple days ago.  It’s so quick, but… it’s good.”

“Our kids are gonna grow up together,” Bill said happily.  “They’ll be best friends, just like we are.”

Sarah grinned at Bill’s enthusiasm.  There was no telling what Nathan and the Richmonds’ baby would think of each other, but it was nice to see both men so happy for once.

~~~

 

Cries pierced the night stillness.

Bill rolled over reluctantly, looking at the clock.  2:53. “Damn, it’s my turn,” he mumbled.

Sarah grinned at him sleepily.  “I’ve already been up once, anyway.  Go take care of your kid.”  She pulled the covers up over her shoulders and settled back in.

Bill grumbled, but got up, stumbling off to the nursery, where they’d moved Nathan to a borrowed crib a week ago. 

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, picking up the crying boy.  “What’s wrong, huh?”  Bill checked his diaper, but it was clean.

Nathan continued crying, face screwed up like he was in agony.  Bill bounced him and sat down in the rocking chair.  Maybe he’d just woken up and not wanted to be alone; he _did_ like to fall asleep in someone’s arms.

The rocking calmed Nathan down some – his cries turned into whimpers – but he seemed no closer to falling back asleep.  Bill could only think of one more option.

He carried the fussing boy into their bedroom and turned on a lamp.  Sarah rolled over to face him.  “Hungry?” she asked drowsily.

“Yeah.  He’s dry and rocking didn’t work.”

Sarah sat up and propped pillows behind herself, reaching out for Nathan once she was situated.  “Hey, little guy,” she murmured to the baby.  “You’re lucky I love you enough to wake up in the middle of the night for this.”

Bill sat on the edge of the bed, watching his wife nurse their son.  Nathan was almost two months old, but Bill still hadn’t completely wrapped his head around the boy’s existence.  Some nights he dreamed he’d wake up alone – no wife, no child.  What a nightmare, now that he’d had both.

Jesus, he loved them.

Sarah broke his silent reverie.  “You still good to pick him up after work today?”

“At the Taylors’, right?”

“Yeah, Margaret’s going to watch him a couple days this week.  We discussed this, remember?  They want me back at work.”  Sarah made a face.  “I’m not looking forward to it.”

“I wish you didn’t have to work.” 

“Not your fault,” Sarah pointed out calmly.  This had turned into an old argument the past couple of weeks.

Bill still felt like it _was_ his fault.  If only being a deputy paid more, Sarah wouldn’t need to.  He didn’t think he was ever going to get back pay for the time before the ASA and now his pay was almost negligible compared to the inflation of Allied States currency.

Sarah must have seen the look on his face.  “Bill, it’s really not your fault.  We knew I’d have to go back to work eventually.  And right now, Margaret’s offered to watch him for free, so we should take her up on it.  Nathan has to get used to other people, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

“No buts.  It’s two days a week for now.  We can manage that.”  Sarah looked down at Nathan, still feeding.  “You notice his eyes lately?  I think the blue is going away and he’s going to look like you.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Bill said.  “I was hoping he’d keep yours.  Nice change of topic, by the way.”

Sarah smiled.  “I thought so.  Anyhow, Nathan already looks like your baby pictures.  You may have a clone here.”

“Oh no,” Bill joked.  “Poor kid.”

~~~

 

It had been a year since the bombs and surprisingly, the ASA announced a parade.  A short one, to memorialize those lost in the bombs.

“This is a test,” Alvarez told the gathered soldiers and deputies the morning of.  “The Remembrance Parade should go off without a hitch, without a peep from any dissenting voices.  I want strict crowd control.  All deputies should be lining the parade route.  Got it?”

Everyone nodded. 

Alvarez pointed at Jimmy and Bill.  “You two, come talk to me.”

The followed him into his office.  “Yes, sir?” Jimmy asked.

“I understand that you two are the only members of the sheriff’s department that survived the day of the bombs, correct?”

Bill nodded, thinking sadly about their coworkers and the Sheriff.

“I’d like you two to walk in the parade instead of maintaining crowd control,” Alvarez said.  “We’ll put you behind the military cadre and before the tanks.”

The mention of tanks brightened Bill’s mood a bit.  As horrible as the New Bern War had been, getting to fire the tank _had_ been an exciting thing.

But still…  “Yes, sir,” Bill said, grabbing Jimmy’s arm and leading him out of the office.  “Do you see what he’s doing?” he hissed once they were outside.

“What?” asked Jimmy.

“He wants it to look like we support the government by being in the parade.”

“You think he expects trouble?” Jimmy asked.

“You don’t?”  Bill quirked an eyebrow at his friend.  The town was still wound up from Alvarez’s restrictions – particularly the continued moratorium on group gatherings.  No one liked having their conversations in Bailey’s monitored.  Sarah said they even lurked around the library and got a copy of the checkout list every night.  How was it _not_ likely someone would protest at the parade?

Jimmy nodded when he pointed that out.  “Is there anything we can do?

“I don’t know that we _can_ do anything.  We’re Alvarez’s playthings for as long as he wants.  He still doubts our loyalty.”

“He’s right there,” Jimmy pointed out.  “We _aren’t_ loyal.  But we don’t have a choice, do we?”

Bill shook his head, hoping Sarah would decide to stay home today.

 

Sarah put the sling over her shoulder and carefully placed a wiggling Nathan in it.  He was growing so fast; soon they would have to find a secondhand stroller somewhere for him.

For now, though, the sling worked and kept him close to her – a bonus since this was the first time she was taking him into a crowd.

There was already a good sized gathering in town square, waiting for the parade.  Sarah looked for Bill among the deputies pushing the crowd back onto the sidewalks, but he was nowhere to be seen.  She’d just have to find him after the parade.

In the meantime, Nathan was tangling himself up in the sling, so Sarah picked him up and held him so he could see the crowd.  She bounced him and made her way to the back of the crowd.  She wasn’t particularly interested in the parade, but she did want Nathan to get some fresh air today.  They didn’t have too many chances to get out around people any more.  Really, he only ever saw his grandparents and the Taylors.  Once the Richmond’s baby was born, she wanted to set up playdates, but that was months away.

Nathan started to fuss, so she slipped him back in the sling and swung it back and forth, gently rocking him to sleep.

 

The parade was going well, Bill thought.  There wasn’t a lot of cheering – it was a memorial, not a celebration – but he didn’t notice his deputies having to do a lot of work.

Until they reached town square, that is.

A rock flew out of the crowd and into the Army bloc marching ahead of Bill and Jimmy.  “Leave us alone!” came a muffled cry.

The parade came to a crashing halt.  Jimmy and Bill jumped out of the way of the tank behind them, looking in the crowd for the culprit.  To his horror, Bill saw Sarah and Nathan in the back of the crowd.

The entire army bloc turned to face the crowd.  Alvarez stepped out.  “Who threw that?” he demanded.  “I want him out here, now.”

Nobody in the crowd moved.

Bill watched in horror as Alvarez held up a hand and the front row of soldiers took aim at the crowd.  He wouldn’t really shoot into a crowd, would he?

“You have five seconds and then we fire!”

Almost as if it had been planned, the crowd surged towards the soldiers, grabbing at their weapons, trying to aim them to the sky.  The deputies caught in the middle tried in vain to push the mob back, but to no avail.

Alvarez didn’t move, except to count down the seconds on his upheld fingers.  When he reached zero, he yelled “Fire at will!” at the same time Bill yelled “No!”

 

Sarah ducked automatically at the first shot, shielding Nathan with her body.  Some instinct told her not to run, not to draw attention, but it was so hard to stay still.  She huddled to the ground, bowed over Nathan, trying to cover his ears as more gunfire and screams rang out.  A quick glance back told her the mob was being joined by the rest of the crowds lining the parade route.

She watched as the gunfire subsided briefly as the soldiers met the civilians at hand-to-hand range.  It was no contest – the Army had training and Jericho didn’t, for the most part.  The mob was pushed back and shots rang out again.

Her left shoulder exploded in pain and Sarah dropped to the ground, doing her best to shield Nathan from hitting the ground too.  She was only partially successful and he burst out crying.  Blood dripped on the ground and the sling she was carrying him in.

She had to move, she thought, pushing the idea through the cloud of pain in her mind.  If bullets were making it through the mob, she could get shot again.  Nathan could get shot. 

Without looking behind her, she wobbled to her feet, staying low, and ducked into the alley behind the pharmacy.  Maybe no one saw her.

Sarah leaned against the wall and immediately checked Nathan with her good arm.  There was blood on his onesie, but it must be hers.  He didn’t seem to be hurt, just uncomfortable from her fall and all the noise.

Thank God.

Shaking in relief, she looked at her shoulder.  The exit wound in the front wasn’t huge, but it was still big.  It sat high on her shoulder, in a fleshy part of her arm.  It was still bleeding, but she was trapped here until the Army stopped firing.  Sarah leaned back, pressing her shoulder against the brick wall – she had no other way to staunch the blood.

“Shh, honey.  It’s okay.  You’re safe,” she said soothingly, trying to get Nathan to quit crying.  She held him close with her good arm.  “Shh, little one.  I’ve got you.  We’re going to be okay.”

 

“Cease fire!” Alvarez shouted.  The soldiers stepped back, a pile of dead and wounded Jericho citizens lying at their feet.

Massacre, Bill thought.  This was a massacre.

He couldn’t see Sarah.  He started forward into the crowd, fearing what he’d find, but Alvarez reached out and stopped him.  “Where are you going, deputy?”

“To see if I can help those people,” Bill said.

“No, you’re not.  Their fellow rebels can help them.”

Rebels?  They were reacting to being threatened after a single rock was thrown – a rock that missed hitting anyone.

Not that he condoned the rock, but, well, the response was way out of proportion.  That seemed to be a hallmark of the ASA.

Alvarez ordered his men to round up everyone still alive for questioning – even if they needed medical help.  “We will find the person who threw the rock by the end of the day or all of Jericho will suffer for it.  I said there was to be no resistance to this parade!”  He stormed back into Town Hall, leaving Jimmy and Bill looking at the carnage.

“Jesus,” Bill said.  “Sarah was out there.  I have to find her, Jimmy.”

Jimmy looked worried.  “I’ll help you.”

 

Jimmy was the one who found her in the alleyway.  He knelt by her and checked Nathan first – Jimmy was definitely a dad, you could tell.  “You okay?” he asked her.  “Other than the shoulder?”

“I think so,” Sarah said, still shaky and in a lot of pain.  “Is it over?”

“Not yet.  Alvarez is taking everyone in for questioning by the Army guys.  He wants to find the guy who threw the rock.”

“I didn’t see it thrown.  I just heard it hit the ground.”

Jimmy helped her stand, taking Nathan from the sling to make it easier.  “I think you’re going to have to tell them that.”  He looked at the opening to the alleyway, where an ASA soldier stood.

“Why was she hiding here?” the soldier asked.

Sarah looked at him incredulously.  “I have a baby with me.  I was trying to protect him.”  She reached out to Nathan in Jimmy’s arms for emphasis.

“You’ll need to come with me.  The baby can stay with Deputy Taylor.”

Sarah glanced at Jimmy, who nodded sadly, shrugging.  Nothing he could do about the situation except get Nathan to Bill.  She pulled off the sling, working it over her hurt shoulder, and handed it to Jimmy.

She let the soldier help her out of the alley and into Town Hall.  Bill was shoulder deep in bodies, pulling them out of the pile and laying them out in the street in a line.

 

“Bill,” Jimmy said, breaking his concentration.

“Nathan!” Bill said when he looked up.  Oh thank goodness his son was okay.  “Sarah?  I got asked to help here.”

“They’re taking her in for questioning.  She got shot, Bill.  In the shoulder.  Nathan’s okay, though.  You want him?”

Bill looked at his hands, covered in other people’s blood.  “Let me finish this first.  I _need_ to finish this and I don’t want him around all this… this mess.”

Jimmy nodded knowingly.  “I’ll take him inside, see if I can keep him close to Sarah.”

Bill sighed.  “Thank you, Jimmy.” 

He bent back down and continued pulling out bodies.

 

Nineteen Jericho citizens dead, thirty-five wounded – including Sarah.  Bill looked at the carnage in the street – the blood, the bodies laid out, the families crying out in grief.  They were supposed to be past this.  They were supposed to be safe.

He wondered if someone could get this news to the eastern states: that Cheyenne was murdering its own citizens.  They’d been doing it for a while, he knew – sometimes someone would disappear and never come back – but never _en masse_.  Someone ought to know, he thought.

Bill felt sick.  He couldn’t look at the bodies anymore, not without remembering the New Bern War far too clearly.  He turned and went inside Town Hall, stopping at the public bathroom to wash off the blood that came up to his elbows.  Looking in the mirror, he saw his uniform was ruined and bloody, too.  Another uniform gone – he’d be down to two now.  This year had been rough on his clothes.  On everybody and everything, really.

The sheriff’s department was crowded with people waiting to be questioned, with people demanding answers, and with deputies waiting for instructions.  Bill supposed he should take charge of his men; Jimmy wasn’t anywhere in sight.

“Deputies!  I want you to triage the wounded.  Keep everyone in order – and I mean _everyone_.  We will get this figured out and get answers to you folk.”  Not answers anyone would like – the ASA did as it pleased with no repercussions.  Damn the stone-thrower for starting this.  And damn Alvarez for overreacting the way he did.  No one deserved death for what’d happened.

Sarah wasn’t in the main room, so he walked down the hall with the interrogation and holding rooms.  He found Sarah in a holding cell, being questioned by an ASA sergeant.  Jimmy stood in there with her, bouncing a tired-looking Nathan.

Bill stepped in, ignoring the sergeant’s glares, and took the boy from Jimmy, who slipped out of the room.  Nathan wound his fingers in Bill’s hair, trying to pull it close so he could suck on it.

“What are you doing here, deputy?” the sergeant asked.

“This is my wife and this is my son,” Bill said defiantly.  “I’m staying with them until I can take them both to the clinic to be checked out.  As you can see, my wife needs to go there soon.”

“Your presence is not going to speed up this interrogation.”

Bill stepped up behind Sarah and pressed and hand on the back of her shoulder where she was bleeding still, hoping to help staunch it.  “You really think a woman holding a baby threw a rock?”

“It’s a possibility.  She might be using the baby as a shield.”

“As a… a what?” Sarah blurted out.  “I wouldn’t have risked my child’s life by coming if I’d known what was going to happen.  There’s no way I would willing put my son in danger.”

“Jericho has a history of insurrection.  You’ve been questioned before, Mrs. Koehler.”

“Questioned, yes, but I’ve never _done_ anything.  I’ve never known anything, either,” Sarah protested.

“Your husband has,” the sergeant said coolly.

Bill caught the sergeant’s eye, staring him down.  He willed himself not to blink.

Bill won.  The sergeant looked down at his paperwork and shuffled them all into a pile.  “I suppose we can cut this short.  We’ll look for you at the clinic if we need more from you, Mrs. Koehler.”

Bill helped Sarah stand.  “We’re getting you down there, _now_.”

 

The clinic was packed already, but Bill managed to get Sarah moved up the triage list and into a room.  Sarah leaned back in the bed, relaxing for the first time since that damned rock was thrown.

The doctor who came in was the same doctor who’d visited them after Nathan was born – Dr. Kirkland, she now read on his white coat.  He reminded them of his visit while he scanned Sarah’s ASA ID card into the system.  “Do you remember?” he asked.

Sarah nodded.  “Hard to forget,” she said faintly.  “How bad is it?”

“I won’t be able to tell for sure until I do an ultrasound.  We’ll need to see if there are bullet or bone fragments.”  He peeled back Sarah’s shirt to look at the wounds.  “You got shot pretty close to the skin, so you may luck out and have neither.”

Sarah was getting lightheaded by the time Kirkland came back with the ultrasound.  “I don’t feel so good,” she mumbled before passing out.

 

Bill clutched Nathan tight and ran to Sarah’s bedside.  “What happened?  Is she okay?”

“She’s lost a lot of blood.  She needs a transfusion,” Kirkland said.  “What’s her blood type?”

“Uh,” Bill had to think for a second.  “A positive.”

“You sure?”

Bill nodded.  Kirkland left the room.

He looked around for somewhere he could lay Nathan down – the baby was starting to yawn after all the action that had happened.  There was a recliner in the room, behind Dr. Kirkland.  Bill pushed it against the wall and leaned it back, making a longer, flatter surface to lay Nathan down on.  Nathan almost immediately closed his eyes.  He’d be safe there for now.

Kirkland came back in pushing the ultrasound, followed by a nurse with blood packs.

“We’re going to give your wife blood while I’m doing the ultrasound.  Not much, just enough to keep her blood pressure above a dangerous range.  Then, after we get her sewn up, we’ll give her more blood and get her back to normal.”

Bill sat on the arm of the recliner, wide eyed and nodding.  He had to trust this doctor knew what he was doing.  After his visit when Nathan was born, that was hard – but he still needed to trust him today.

Kirkland stuck the ultrasound wand in the opening of Sarah’s wound and looked at the monitor.  “There’s a bone chip, but it doesn’t look like the bullet broke the bone or hit anything vital.  We’ll remove the chip, reattach some veins, and sew her up.  She may not have full use of her arm anymore, but it could have been much worse.”

Bill breathed a sigh of relief.  He’d been so afraid the shot was worse – that it had shattered her shoulder joint or nicked an artery…  This, he could deal with.

“If you want to wait outside, we’ll do the surgery in here.  It’s not ideal, but all our surgical suites are full.”  Kirkland said.

Bill took the hint and picked Nathan back up carefully.  He squeezed Sarah’s hand and left.

 

Bill cradled Nathan in one arm, the baby’s head resting on his shoulder.  It was amazing to him that Nathan could sleep through the noise in the clinic’s waiting area, but he supposed Nathan had gone through a huge adrenaline rush, too, with the sound of gunfire.

Bill squeezed his son a little tighter, adjusting the sling around him like a blanket.  He wondered if they’d have to worry about Nathan having hearing loss after today.  When he was awake, he still responded to Bill’s voice, but that didn’t mean he didn’t suffer _some_ loss.

He hated that they lived in a world where he had to worry about mobs and bullets deafening his son and hitting his wife.  He hated knowing that there would be another crackdown on Jericho after today – and that Alvarez would probably expect him to participate.  He didn’t have much choice, though.

Bill prayed that the eastern states would cross the Mississippi as soon as the UN left next month and save them from Cheyenne.

 

Two hours later, Kirkland came out of the exam room, rubbing his bare hands with disinfectant.  “She’s going to be fine.  We had to give her three pints of blood, but her blood pressure is back to normal.  She’ll have to immobilize that arm for a month to let the bone heal and like I said, she may not get her full range of motion back, but she’ll still be able to use that arm eventually.”

Bill leaned back in the chair, relieved.  When Kirkland motioned for him to follow, he stood, waking Nathan in the process.  The boy whimpered, a sign he was about to start crying, so Bill hurried into the room.  Kirkland shut the door just in time.

Bill bounced Nathan, trying to soothe him, but he suspected the boy was hungry – and there was only one way to fix that in a world where they couldn’t yet get formula or a pump.  “When will she wake up?” he asked, over the crying.

“’M awake,” mumbled Sarah. 

Bill turned to her, surprised.  “I thought you’d still be out of it.”

“I am,” she said, not quite focusing on him.

“We gave her a local anesthesia rather than a general.  She should be okay to nurse as soon as she’s fully awake.”

Bill gave Kirkland a grateful look for reading his mind.  Maybe the doctor wasn’t so bad after all.

 

Sarah felt woozy, but her shoulder no longer hurt.  She looked over to see it bandaged and her arm in a sling.

Nathan was sobbing his hungry cry.  Bill held him, looking guilty.  “I can’t feed him,” he said.

“I know.  Help me with this,” she asked, trying to take her good arm out of the hospital gown they’d put over her.  She guessed her shirt was ruined by now.

Between both Bill and Sarah working one-handed, they got the gown off her arm and a breast exposed.  “Give him here,” she said, working her pillow out from behind her.  Bill set Nathan on the pillow and Sarah pulled him to her.  He started nursing greedily.

Sarah sighed.  “Now that he’s taken care of, how bad is it?” she asked Bill, since the doctor had left the room.

“You might lose some motion in that arm and you’ve got the sling for a month, but that’s it.  The bullet chipped some bone, but didn’t break it.  You’ve got stitches in the front and back, too.”

“I thought you were the one who usually got shot around here,” Sarah joked weakly.

Bill smiled back at her.  “Guess it’s my turn to take care of you.”


	4. October - March 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, with a bit of plot. But mostly fluff.

**October – March 2017**

**October**

Thank goodness Bill had a day off after the parade.  Just getting Sarah to settle in and not push herself took over half his waking time.

There were some things he couldn’t do for Nathan, like feeding, but he could handle everything else, he swore.

The problem was Sarah.  She didn’t want to stay lying down or in the recliner.  She wanted to be taking care of Nathan as she normally did.  Unfortunately, she physically couldn’t.

Finally Bill figured out that he could keep her still by laying Nathan down on top of her for naptimes.  Between that and feeding and some monitored playtime, Sarah felt included in taking care of their son.

 

Nathan was down for one such nap when Bill went and got the radio out of the attic.

“Want to check in?” he asked.

Sarah nodded, sleepy herself.  “I don’t get to listen in a lot anymore.  Someone keeps me pretty busy.”

“Well, we’ll listen today.  Tomorrow maybe I’ll pick up some more news at work.”  Bill dialed in to the closest news station, hoping for news of an invasion.

He was disappointed.  There was talk of the UN leaving the Mississippi and of both sides amassing troops on the banks, but no active fighting.

Bill sighed.  “If they were smart, they’d come up through Texas while everyone’s looking at the river.”

“They might be doing that.  Can you pick up that Oklahoma station, babe?  They may have news on what’s going on down there.”

Bill turned the dials carefully – the Oklahoma station had a weak signal and was easy to miss.  When he found it, he turned up the volume.

More of the same, to his disappointment.  Troops standing and waiting at the borders, but no reported activity. 

Bill swore.  “Jesus, when are they going to attack?  We need them here yesterday!”

Sarah shushed him before he woke Nathan.  “It’s just the first day.  I’m sure they’ll do something soon.”

~~~

 

“Did you learn anything today?”  Sarah asked, sitting still so Bill could change her wound dressings.

“According to Alvarez, they _are_ planning for an assault across the Texas lines,” Bill said.  “Who knows what Columbus is planning?”

Sarah glanced out of the bathroom to Bill’s bedside lamp, where they knew a bug was.  She desperately wanted to talk more about what Columbus might do, but she couldn’t risk it in their bedroom – or the master bath.

She flinched as Bill pulled off the gauze from the back of her shoulder.

He stopped suddenly.  “Did I hurt you?”

Sarah shook her head, gritting her teeth.  “You gotta take it off.  Just do it like a Band-Aid.”

Bill didn’t quite listen to her.  He very slowly pulled the last of the gauze off her back, explaining, “You’ve got a scab built up, darlin’.  I don’t want to rip it off too.”

Sarah couldn’t fault his logic, but wished this part would be over quickly.

Once the gauze was off both wounds, Bill gently washed the skin around them, brushing the antibiotic wash over the scabs, too.  He covered both with squares of gauze, taped loosely over the wounds this time.

Bill set down the roll of medical tape and ran a hand down Sarah’s arm.

Sarah shivered – and not just because she was half undressed in the chilly bathroom.  She grabbed Bill’s hand as she turned around on the side of the bathtub.  “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

Bill grinned at her.  “I owe you a few gunshots and broken bones,” he said.  “Besides, we’re not done.”

He squeezed her hand and pulled her arm towards him, making her wince again.  “Let me know if you feel a scab break,” he said, just like every time they did these exercises.  Bill stood above her and raised her arm straight up, as far as she could bear for it to go.

Bill started to lower her arm to the side, but Sarah stood up in front of him instead.  She wrapped her good arm around his waist and reached up to kiss him.

He stopped what he was doing and kissed her back.  Bill ran his hand up the underside of her hurt arm and down her side, causing her to squirm a little where it tickled.

Sarah kissed Bill’s chin and pushed him back towards the door.  “Take me to bed,” she requested.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he said.

Bill sat on the side of their bed and carefully pulled her on top of him – he was always vigilant about her shoulder.  He broke their kiss and asked, “Are you sure?”

They hadn’t done anything like this since Nathan was born.  Sarah had still been recovering or they’d been too tired from taking care of an infant.  It’d been too long.  “Oh yes,” Sarah said, reaching down to pull off his shirt.  “I’m damn sure.  Just… take it slow.”

Bill took it almost too slow, torturing Sarah with extended foreplay.  He stood her up and unbuttoned her pants, kissing her stomach – and lower – as he finished undressing her.  “You’re coming at least once before I get undressed,” he promised.  “You’ve earned at least that much with Nathan.”

“Don’t mention him – he’ll wake up,” Sarah cautioned quickly before throwing her head back in enjoyment again.

“Yes, ma’am,” Bill said, slowly laying Sarah down on the bed.

He was as good as his word.

~~~

 

Inflation was high and continuing to rise.  The Allied State Dollar was worth a third of what the old US Dollar had been, pre-bombs, and Sarah suspected it would continue to rise as they printed more money to pay for the war.  Salaries, especially for deputies and librarians, had not risen.

Still, despite that, Bill had managed to save up enough for them to go out to eat for their anniversary.  “Because we bungled the last one,” Bill said.

So they’d bundled Nathan up, dropped him off with doting grandparents, and headed to one of the few restaurants in town that was still open.  It was a barbeque place, open again now that meat wasn’t rare and rationed.  Sarah was so excited to be eating out that it seemed gourmet.

Bill escorted Sarah in on his arm as if the place _was_ gourmet – he was obviously trying to be romantic for this date.  Sarah gave his arm a squeeze and smiled to let him know the effort was appreciated.

They were sat in a booth on hard plastic benches that reminded Sarah of a Waffle House.

God, how long had it been since she’d had Waffle House?  Seven years or so now, she thought.

Bill looked around.  “I think this is where they sat us the first time we tried to have a date.”

Sarah realized he was right and laughed.  “We’ll have to watch out for Stanley.”

Bill shook his head.  “I still can’t believe he did that.  You know I went and reamed him out for it afterwards.”

“You told me.”  Sarah grinned.  “That must have been something to hear.”

“I _was_ pretty heated.”

“You’re always pretty hot,” Sarah joked.

Bill looked down at his menu, cheeks flushing.  “So are you,” he said quietly.

It was Sarah’s turn to blush.  She definitely didn’t feel hot, post-pregnancy, but if Bill said it… well, there must be something she was missing in the mirror.

They placed their orders and sat in silence for a minute, listening to the music from the jukebox.  After a minute, the music clicked over to an upbeat country song.

“Let’s dance,” Bill said impulsively, reaching out to grab Sarah’s hand.

“Where?” she asked, boggled.  “There’s not a dance floor here.”

“There’s enough room between those tables there,” Bill pointed out.

“You know I have to be drunk to dance.”

“I know you’re going to dance with me tonight, one way or another.”

Sarah knew Bill was going to be relentless.  It might be easier to just go along with him, but she was already feeling embarrassed.

Bill dragged her to her feet, carefully taking her left hand.  “Promise I’ll go easy on you.”

“You want an excuse to press up against me,” Sarah joked.

She could tell Bill knew that she was deflecting.  He frowned at her briefly.  “I want an excuse to _dance_ with you.  I haven’t been able to take you out for over a year, it’s our fourth anniversary, and this is our first night out together after becoming parents.  I want to make the most of it.”

Sarah felt bad she’d joked at him, but there was no point in getting melancholy about it.  “I’m sorry,” she said.  “Let’s dance.”

As usual, Sarah let Bill lead – a slower swing dance so they didn’t jerk her arm around.  He spun her around, giving her a quick kiss on the neck before spinning her back out.  Sarah couldn’t help but smile then.  So what if everyone in the restaurant was watching them?  She’d be embarrassed later – for Bill’s sake, she was going to enjoy this.

The next song came on, a ballad, and Bill pulled Sarah in for a more traditional slow dance.  “How’s your shoulder?” he asked.

“Doing fine.”

“Good.”  Bill dipped her, careful to hold her lower than usual.  When he pulled her back up, he gave her hand a kiss.  “I love you, you know.”

Sarah grinned soppily.  “I love you too, babe.  Even when you make me dance.”

“ _Especially_ when I make you dance,” he corrected, grinning like a fool.

Sarah just shook her head.  “Keep dreaming, Koehler.”

~~~

 

Halloween was far from normal again this year, Bill noted.  There was no fair downtown, no kids running in packs from house to house.

There were a few kids out, but ASA rules said each kid had to travel with a parent and could not trick-or-treat with other families.  Bill supposed that was so the adults didn’t “conspire” while the kids played.

Alvarez saw conspiracy everywhere these days.  Things were heating up along the border:  potshots taken across the Mississippi, US Navy seen along the California coastline, scouting parties sneaking across the Texas border…

Alvarez was sure the citizens of Jericho were helping the Columbus government somehow.  He didn’t trust anyone, not even Bill and Jimmy, and he worked with them daily. 

Bill was privately amused that Alvarez was right, even if he was also totally wrong.

Bill’s crazy cousin Oliver got his HAM radio back and managed to talk with people in the Eastern States.  Through him, Bill passed on the meager information he gleaned from Alvarez and his people.  Possibly more people in town were passing on information, but most just listened to illegal radios to keep up with what happened at the borders.  Jericho wanted to be ready to help the US when they arrived in Kansas.

However, Alvarez saw active plots everywhere – plots that simply didn’t exist.  Jericho had quieted after the Bomb Day massacre – out of a sense of self-preservation, if anything.  People wanted to rebel, but no one wanted to be the cause of the wide retaliation Alvarez promised.

Bill was thankful for that.  He didn’t want to see another pile of bodies.  He didn’t want to see what Alvarez’s next crackdown would be.

“What’re you guys handing out?” Jimmy asked, breaking Bill’s reverie as they walked on patrol together.

“Something she called cracker candy.  Saltines and toffee and chocolate,” Bill said.  “It’s pretty good.  I’ll bring you some if there’s any left over.  You?”

“Fudge,” Jimmy said. 

Bill salivated.  Margaret made the best fudge in town.  Oh, to be a kid again.  “You taking the kids out when we get home?”

Jimmy nodded.  “I wanted to, since we worked through last Halloween.”

Cringing at the memory, Bill nodded.  “Yeah, glad we’re not repeating that again.”

“What about you?  You guys dressing Nathan up and using him as an excuse for free candy?”

Bill laughed.  “We should have thought of that, but no.  We figured we’d keep him in this year.  Maybe next year.”

“Definitely next year.  You’re missing prime candy years.  Pretty soon, Nathan’ll want his Halloween haul for himself.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

**November**

“If I haven’t said it enough lately, you’re a saint,” Sarah told Margaret as she handed Nathan to her friend.

Margaret grinned.  “Patron saint of babysitting and spit-ups.”

Sarah laughed.  “No, really.  When you figure out what I can do for you, you let me know.  I owe you big time.”

Margaret bounced Nathan up and down.  “You just finish healing from that bullet.  How’s your shoulder?”

“Stiff, mostly,” Sarah admitted.  “The skin has healed, but the bone hasn’t finished growing back yet.  I can’t lift my arm any higher than about a sixty degree angle,” she said, demonstrating.

“Yeesh.”  Margaret shook her head.  “You and Bill both need to stop getting hurt.  I swear last year, he spent the whole winter perpetually bruised.”

“Or with a busted eyebrow or grazed by a bullet,” Sarah continued.  “I was so sure he wouldn’t make it through the winter in one piece.”

“Well, let’s just hope things stay calm again,” Margaret said, lowering her voice.  “At least until Columbus gets here.”

“Still no troop movements as of yesterday.”

Margaret huffed, looking down at Nathan.  The three-month old gurgled.  “That’s right,” she said.  “They’d better hurry up.  Or your Aunt Margaret is going to get impatient.”

“Maybe you need to,” Sarah laughed.  “You’ll have them on the march in no time.  They’ll make you a general.”

“General Taylor.  Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”  Margaret grinned down at Nathan again.

Sarah stood there, sad she had to leave Nathan for the day.  They’d been doing this twice a week for over a month now and she still felt guilty leaving him with Margaret.  Guilty for leaving him and guilty because Margaret was doing this for free.

Margaret read her mind.  “Don’t you worry about anything.  Go work and I’ve got the baby.  Really.”

“If you’re sure…”

Margaret reached out with one arm and turned Sarah around.  “Go, woman.  Get to work before they fire you.”

 

**December**

Pam carefully handed Nathan to Hank, who took him with shaking arms and let the boy sit on his lap, watching the room.

Sarah kept an eye on them.  She didn’t think Hank would drop Nathan, but he was getting weaker every time they visited. 

The cold weather wasn’t helping, but even accounting for that, Hank’s health was declining rapidly.  They were going to have to talk about that soon, but Bill didn’t want to acknowledge that it was happening.

Bill sat down next to his dad and son, dancing a stuffed reindeer for Nathan to watch.  Nathan smiled and reached for the jingle bells on the toy’s collar.

Sarah sighed quietly, wishing Bill would see how bad his dad really was.

She followed Pam back into the kitchen.  “I can get all this, you know,” she offered, gesturing at the dirty dishes from Christmas lunch.  “You can go back in there and enjoy the guys.”

“No, it’s my kitchen.  I’ll clean up.  You go rest,” Pam insisted.

Sarah smiled at her.  “We’re at a stand-off.  Why don’t I help you and then we’ll both get back in the living room quicker.”

Pam nodded and pointed Sarah to the dining room, where plates still sat on the table.

Sarah got an armful of dishes and brought them back to the kitchen.  “Tell me the truth, Pam.  How are you two doing this winter?”

Pam was quiet for a moment.  “We’re not getting any younger,” she said.

Sarah touched Pam’s arm for a second, getting her attention.  “ _Really_ , how are you doing?  How is Hank doing?  Is there anything we can do to help?”

Pam scrubbed a pot vigorously, seeming to ignore Sarah’s question.  Finally, she set the pot down in the sink and said, “It’s not good.  The doctors at the clinic say he’s got chronic pneumonia now.  He can’t get the air to do much walking anymore, so he spends most of his time in that chair.  I don’t know what I can do for him.”

Sarah gave Pam’s arm a squeeze.  “We’ll keep him comfortable.  And keep bringing Nathan over if that doesn’t wear him out too much.”

“No, that would be good,” Pam said, gratefully.  “He loves having you guys over here.”

“Well, one of us at a time,” Sarah said.  Bill had managed to get permission for the five of them to get together on Christmas Day, but otherwise the restrictions still stood: no more than three adults together at a time.  She sighed.  Someday, maybe, the US would rescue them and things would get back to normal.

 

“Bill, we need to talk about your dad,” Sarah said as they walked home that night.

Bill slowed his steps and hugged Nathan, wrapping the blanket tighter around him.  “What do you mean?” he asked, even though he knew.

Sarah called him out on that.  “Bill, you know.  He’s getting worse every time we go see him.  There’s a chance he might not make it through the winter.”

Bill shook his head.  “He’s stronger than you know,” he protested.  “Just wait until the weather warms up again.”

“Bill…”  Sarah bit her lip.  “Babe.  I think he’s worse than you’ve noticed.”

“What do you want me to do about it?” he asked.

Sarah sighed.  “I just want you to be prepared for the worst.  I hope he makes it through a lot more winters, but he’s looking pretty bad right now.  Your mom says the pneumonia is chronic and he can’t breathe well enough to walk far.  He’s pretty much trapped in the house right now.”

Bill didn’t want to think about this.  His dad was always supposed to be there.  He was supposed to live to see Nathan grow up.  What would he do without his dad?

“Your mom said we should just keep visiting.  I think you should take Nathan over there more.  Spend more time with him.”

“Yeah,” Bill said.  “I guess we can do that.”  He hugged Nathan tight, just for reassurance.

Sarah slipped her hand under his arm and walked closely with him.  “Whatever happens, you know it’ll be okay.  We’ll take care of your dad if he needs us and your mom if she needs us, too.  You take care of family.”

Bill smiled.  “Of course we do.”  They’d taken care of each other through so much, it was probably time to take care of his parents.

 

**January**

On January first, Bill got the news he’d been waiting on for months: the US had crossed the Blue Line into Missouri.  Iowa and Arkansas, too, but Missouri was the important one – it was a straight shot west to Kansas.  To Jericho.

He and Jimmy cheered in their patrol car when they heard the news.  They were both so excited it was hard for them to act calm when they went back to the station.  It was important that they did, though – letting on that they’d messed with their radios could be a death sentence.

What an overreaction, Bill thought, but he wasn’t about to press Alvarez.

The Major was in a foul mood when they got back to the station.  “Koehler!  Taylor!” he barked, calling them into his office.

“Sir?” Jimmy asked, once the door was closed.

“You should know that we have been invaded.  The Columbus government had the audacity to cross the Mississippi overnight.”

Bill did his best to look surprised.  “What does that mean for us, sir?”

“It means we crack down harder here.  There will be austerity measures so the government can focus on throwing out these invaders.  And you two will be leading these measures.”

Bill gulped.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean we’re going to have to institute rationing.  We’re going to have to work harder to find the illegal radios in town – yes, I know they’re still out there, despite my men’s best efforts.  I mean we have zero tolerance for rebellious talk.”

Bill felt a chill run down his spine.  Rationing Jericho could deal with; they wouldn’t be happy, but they’d done it before.  But cracking down on the citizens’ speech and trying to find all the radios – including the one Bill was hiding…  That wasn’t going to go over well.

Why did Alvarez always give these jobs to the sheriff’s department?

He was testing their loyalty, Bill figured.  It was rough because he figured there were only two or three deputies who were actually loyal.  The rest, like Bill, were going through the motions.

Working for the ASA was never fun.  Waiting for the USA to save them _was_ going to be, though.

 

“Sarah!” Bill hissed as he entered the house – he didn’t want to call out in case Nathan was napping.

“We’re in here!” Sarah called from the living room.

Bill walked in to find Sarah in the floor with Nathan. 

She held up a hand to stall him.  “He’s trying to sit up by himself,” Sarah said.  “Don’t distract him.”

Bill stopped in the doorway and watched Nathan push himself up from lying on his stomach.  One of his legs caught on a toy and toppled him over.

Sarah moved the toy out of the way.  “C’mon, kiddo, try it again for Mama.”  She tried to imitate his movements to get him to sit up again.

Nathan pushed himself up again and pulled his legs around to the front without trouble this time.  He kept leaning on his hands until his arms gave out and he flopped back to the carpet.

Sarah smiled at him and applauded lightly.  “Yay, Nathan!  Good for you!”

Nathan smiled back and laughed.

Bill grinned.  “That’s new, too.”

“Yeah, I was hoping he’d do that for you,” Sarah said, still smiling.  She looked up at Bill.  “You’re beaming.  What happened?”

Bill lowered his voice, thinking of the listening device hidden in their bedroom.  “The US crossed the river.  The war’s officially started.”

Sarah gasped.  “Really?  It’s happening?”

It was odd to be happy about a war starting, but Bill was desperate to get out from under the aegis of Cheyenne.  “It’s happening.  Alvarez is going to crack down on the town some more, to make sure we stay loyal, and he’s instituting rationing again.  I think we’ll survive it all as long as no one throws any more rocks.”

“Oh, Bill,” Sarah said.  “We might get to be citizens of the US again.  Nathan might not have to grow up under all these loyalty measures.  He might get to have a normal childhood.”

Bill stepped into the room then, leaning over to pick up Nathan and kiss him.  “You’re gonna get to be a normal kid,” he promised Nathan.  “I’m gonna make sure of that.  ASA or no ASA.”

 

**February**

**March**

Cheyenne and Columbus battled for every inch of ground west of the Mississippi, moving almost as slowly as trench warfare.  By the beginning of March, the battle lines were halfway across Missouri, closing in on Columbia.  Up north, the US had retaken most of the Dakotas, but were moving slower in Arkansas and along the Texas border.

Bill and Sarah listened to the radio every day, cheering US victories and praying they’d make it to western Kansas before too long.

Sarah was beginning to worry, though.  What _would_ happen when the war came to Jericho?  It was the anniversary of the New Bern War, so battles were on her mind.

Major Alvarez had banned any sort of remembrances for the battle – because of the Bomb Day fiasco or because of the ongoing war, she wasn’t sure.  But it wasn’t stopping people celebrating in their own little ways.

For Bill and Sarah, they were half-hearted celebrations.  Yes, they had survived the onslaught by New Bern, but the day also brought the ASA to them.  And with the ASA, Jennings & Rall and Ravenwood.

Bill spent the day rubbing the scar on his wrist.  Sarah softly told the story of the day to Nathan, who understood none of it, laughing and smiling until he fell asleep.

People asked in muted voices what happened to Jake Green.  Would he ever come back?  He and Robert Hawkins had been hailed as heroes by Columbus last summer, but no one had heard anything about them since.

Alvarez instituted a curfew: all citizens inside by dark.  He even included the sheriff’s deputies in this – all nighttime police work was done by his soldiers.

Little by little, the war began to feel more real, even as life continued fairly normally. 

~~~

 

The first thing Sarah registered was that the bed was cold: Bill was gone and had been for a while.

The second thing was that it was nearly three a.m. and far too early for Bill to be getting ready for work. 

She tugged an afghan around her shoulders, wandering out into the hall to see where Bill had gotten to.  Aha, the lamp was on in the nursery.  She leaned in the doorway, expecting to find him holding Nathan or changing a diaper or any of their other myriad midnight tasks.

Bill wasn’t doing any of those things.  He’d pulled the chair alongside the crib and was staring into it so intently that he didn’t even register Sarah’s presence.  She peeked in a bit further and saw a few discarded papers littering the floor around him.

“Whatcha doing?” she whispered.

Bill startled and looked at her guiltily.  “Nothing,” he said, a little too quickly.

Sarah shot him a disbelieving look and circled around next to him.  Nathan was fast asleep in the crib, eyes fluttering in a dream and one thumb in his mouth.  Bill, though…

Bill held a sketchbook in his lap.  Where he’d gotten it, she didn’t know, but Sarah saw the beginning outlines of a familiar shape.

“Babe, are you drawing Nathan?”  Sarah was shocked: as far as she knew, Bill had never been an artist.

He looked up at her sheepishly and gestured at the trash around him.  “Not very well.  It was supposed to be a surprise.”

Sarah knelt by his chair and picked up one of the discarded papers.  This one looked like Bill had abandoned it when he couldn’t get the mouth right; it was still light-years better than anything _she_ could have managed.  “A surprise?”

“Well, we can’t take pictures.”  Bill shrugged and handed her the sketchbook to flip through.  “I’ve been trying to draw him every couple of weeks.  I was gonna put them all in a scrapbook or something for Mother’s Day.”

Sarah looked up at him, stunned.  “Oh my God, Bill.”  She thumbed back through the last few pages, marveling at the sketches.  She could see improvement with each subsequent one, though they were all recognizably Nathan.  “This is…  These’re amazing.  _You’re_ amazing.  I can’t believe you’ve been doing this.” 

“Nah.  I did it for myself, too.  Didn’t want to forget all this.”  He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, pulling her close.  “Go back to bed, but don’t wait for me.  I’m gonna try to finish this before he wakes up again.”

“Can I stay in here, instead?” Sarah asked tentatively. 

He looked hesitant but nodded.  Sarah curled up against his chair, one hand on his leg.  She sat quietly, spending as much time watching Nathan sleep as she did Bill draw, wondering how she got this lucky.


	5. April - September 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fluff before the plot. A baby-heavy chapter.

**April – September 2017**

**April**

They might be at war, but the ASA still wanted its taxes.  Without internet, Sarah couldn’t e-file theirs, so she walked it down to the J&R offices herself – the preferred method of filing this year.

A friendly young girl was checking over the return when Mimi walked by.

Oof.  Sarah remembered being that pregnant.  Mimi was getting close, wasn’t she?

“Hey, Mimi,” she said, waving her down.

Mimi smiled and walked over.  The girl helping Sarah backed away slowly as if she was scared of Mimi – which she might be.  Mimi was terrifying sometimes.

Right now, though, she just looked tired.

“You doing okay?” Sarah asked, gesturing at her own stomach.

“Hurry this month up, if you can,” Mimi said, only half-jokingly.  “I’m due in three weeks.”

Sarah grimaced in sympathy.  Those last few weeks hadn’t been fun for her, either.  “I’ve been meaning to ask you guys if you want our cradle.  We’re still using the rest of the baby furniture or I’d offer it, but Nathan’s in the crib now, so the cradle is just sitting around.”

Mimi’s smile seemed to get a little brighter.  “That would be great.  I’ll send Stanley to pick it up tonight.”

“We’ll be waiting for him,” Sarah promised.

 

Stanley arrived just before sundown.

“What are you doing out so late?” Bill hissed, letting Stanley in.  “You could get caught out after dark.”

Stanley waved off Bill’s concern.  “They’re more relaxed outside of city limits.  I just have to get out of town by dark.”

Bill glared at his best friend.  “You shouldn’t push them like this.”

“I know what I’m doing, okay?” Stanley protested.

Bill sighed loudly, ready to fuss at Stanley, but Sarah interrupted from the living room.

“Why don’t you just spend the night here, Stanley?  You can call Mimi and tell her where you are and then you won’t push the curfew.”

Stanley shook his head.  “I don’t want to leave Mimi alone right now.”

Bill thought back to when Sarah was that pregnant.  He understood Stanley, but he also worried about him.

“She can always call us if anything happens,” Bill said.  He lowered his voice.  “And we’re always monitored, so if she needs to get to the clinic, they’ll get an ambulance to her.”

Stanley boggled.  “You guys are still being listened to?  I thought they stopped that a while ago.”

It was Bill’s turn to be surprised.  “Of course we are.  Alvarez doesn’t trust me _or_ Jimmy.  You mean you’re not being monitored?”

“I don’t think so,” Stanley said.  “A guy came and removed some bugs from my house.  _Bugs_!  Did you know they did that?”

Bill and Sarah nodded, looking at each other.  No one had removed theirs.  Did that mean they were under special scrutiny?  Was it because of Bill’s job or because of something they’d said? 

Now Bill had a whole new host of worries.  “Okay, man, you really have to stay.  We’ve stood around talking too long – it’s getting dark.”

Stanley looked back out the door at the encroaching twilight.  “Nah, grab that cradle and I’ll get out of here.”

“Stanley!” Sarah pled.  “Just spend the night, will you?  You can have the guest bed.”

“And we promise not to make you change diapers as practice.”

Stanley gave Bill a look.  “I changed plenty of Bonnie’s diapers.  I’m good.”

There was a moment of silence after the mention of Bonnie’s name.  Bill felt an ache in his heart.

“Damn it, you’ve kept me here too long,” Stanley griped after the moment passed.  “Guess I am staying.  Can I use your phone?”

~~~

 

Once everyone was deep asleep, Nathan woke and started crying.  Sarah rolled over and looked at the clock: one in the morning – still her turn to check on him.

She slid out of bed, trying not to wake Bill.  He murmured in his sleep, rolled onto his back, and started snoring.

She slipped across the hall to the nursery and found Stanley already in there, holding Nathan.  Stanley looked bewildered, as if he didn’t know what to do.

“I…” Stanley stammered, “I’m sorry.  I thought I’d try to calm him for you.  Get some practice in with a baby.”

Sarah smiled sleepily.  “Let me check him,” she said, reaching for the baby.  “And I’ll let you know if you can help.”

She checked his diaper – fine, which meant he’d probably be up again during the night.  “Usually if his diaper’s fine, he just wants attention.  He woke up and didn’t want to be alone.  You want to rock him and see if it helps?”  Sarah wasn’t sure it’d work with someone other than her or Bill, but it was worth a try.

“Here, sit in the rocking chair,” Sarah instructed.  Once Stanley was settled, she handed him the squalling baby.  “Keep the blanket wrapped around him in case he’s cold and rock him back and forth.  Keeping a steady rhythm helps.  So does humming or singing softly, if you want.”  She stood by the chair, where Nathan could see her, but he was too busy crying.

Stanley gave it a good try, he really did.  Nathan just wasn’t having him.  Stanley looked up, stressed.  “What am I not doing?”

“You did everything right, but you’re not Mom or Dad,” Sarah pointed out, taking Nathan from him.  “It’s okay, Stanley.  Go back to bed.”  She bounced Nathan in her arms and he quieted a little.

Sarah settled into the rocking chair where Stanley had been.  “Let’s try this again, little guy.  I am _so_ looking forward to you sleeping through the night.  Let’s start by going back to sleep tonight, okay?”

Nathan’s choked sobs quieted to a soft whimper as she rocked him.  The repetitive motion made her sleepy as well.

“You’re supposed to be getting _him_ to sleep,” came a soft voice.

Sarah looked up to see Bill leaning against the doorway.  “It’s not your turn yet,” she said.  “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“Heard you and Stanley talking, so I was awake,” Bill explained.  He came and crouched down by the rocking chair and let Nathan grab his finger.  The boy started gnawing on it and Bill winced.  “Ow, kid.  Not while you’re teething.”

Sarah lit up.  “Maybe that’s what he needs: something to chew on.  Will you go get one of the frozen washcloths?”

Bill pulled his finger out of Nathan’s grasp, shaking his hand once it was free.  “Got it.”

Nathan took to the washcloth right away, chewing on the rolled up corner.

“You figured it out,” Sarah told Bill.  “What would I do without you?”

“Get no sleep,” Bill said.  He leaned over, ruffled Nathan’s hair, and gave Sarah a kiss.  “I’m going back to bed.  Try not to be up too late.”

Nathan gurgled happily.

~~~

 

“Mimi’s in labor,” Stanley said, sounding stressed.

Bill had been waiting for this call – it was close to Mimi’s due date.  “You okay, man?  Need us to do anything?”

“No, just letting you know.  I’ll call you from the clinic when the baby’s here.”

Bill nodded, even though Stanley couldn’t see him.  “Good luck.  You’re going to need it between now and then.”

Stanley hung up without a goodbye.  He really _was_ stressed.  Bill couldn’t blame him.

“Mimi?” Sarah asked, looking up from the couch.  She was reading to Nathan, but these days that mostly consisted of keeping him from chewing on the books.

“Yup.”

“You going to go to work this morning or are you going to stay here and wait until you hear from Stanley?” Sarah asked.

“They’re expecting me in.  You can call me if the baby gets here before I get off work,” Bill said.

Sarah mock saluted.  “Got it.  Good luck dealing with Alvarez.”

 

Alvarez was in a tiff when Bill got to work.  “Where’ve you been?” he asked brusquely.

Bill looked at his watch.  “This is when I get here,” he pointed out.

Alvarez huffed.  “Your guys have a backlog of reports.  I want them all taken care of today.”

Bill nodded, but he was worried.  What had happened to light a fire under the Major’s ass this morning?

“What’s going on?” he whispered to Jimmy after they sent all the deputies off.

“The US took Columbia overnight,” Jimmy whispered back.  “Didn’t you listen to the radio last night?”

Bill gave Jimmy a look.  “We have a teething baby.  We’re sleeping every chance we get.”

Jimmy laughed.  Unfortunately that caught Alvarez’s attention. 

“What are you two doing?  I want you out doing reports, too!”

Jimmy and Bill looked at each other.  “Uh, sir, someone needs to be here to _take_ reports,” Jimmy said.

“Fine!” Alvarez barked.  “Koehler, you stay; Taylor, you go.  Get to it!”

Jimmy shrugged and grabbed a few reports from the pile.  “Guess I’m off,” he told Bill.  “Good luck here.”

Right after Jimmy left, Bill realized he forgot to tell him about Stanley and Mimi.  Oops.

 

Bill got home just as Sarah hung up the phone.

“Good timing,” she said.  “The Richmonds have a girl.  We’re invited down to the clinic to meet her.”

“Well, let’s go!” Bill replied.

“Nathan’s asleep,” Sarah pointed out.  “Let’s wait until he’s up.”

“I’m going to check on him.”

“Don’t you dare wake him up on purpose,” Sarah warned.  “If you do, you’re dealing with the crying.”

Bill didn’t have to wake Nathan up – the boy was blinking awake as Bill walked in anyway.  He let out a lusty cry and Bill stuck his head out of the room to look back at Sarah.  “I didn’t do it, I swear.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  “Fine.  You check his diaper and I’ll get the bag ready.”

 

It took them half an hour to get to the clinic, even driving there instead of walking. 

Sarah stepped out of the car carefully, letting down the sling with Nathan in it – they didn’t have a car seat, so the best they could do was to hold him.  It drove Bill crazy, but they didn’t have many other options.

Bill led the way into the clinic, swiping all three of their ID cards at the door.  He couldn’t come here without remembering the night Bonnie died.  Maybe today would give him some good memories of the place.

They were pointed towards a room down the hall.  Bill knocked on the door and peeked in.  Stanley, Mimi, and the baby made a perfect picture for just a moment: Mimi holding the swaddled baby, lying in the hospital bed, and Stanley leaning over them, a look of awe on his face.

The pose didn’t hold and both adults looked up.  Stanley beamed.  “Come look!” he beckoned.

Bill and Sarah slipped into the room, closing the door behind them.  They stood on the free side of the bed and Mimi presented them with the baby.

She was tiny and squashed and pale, much like Nathan had been.  Bill thought that Nathan had been better-looking as a baby, but he’d never say that.  “Congratulations!” he said.

“She’s beautiful,” Sarah added.  She reached down in the sling and held up Nathan, so he could see.  He reached out towards the baby with a gummy hand.  Sarah held him back.  “What’s her name?” she asked.

“Caroline Andrea,” Mimi answered, sounding exhausted.

“Caroline for your mom?” Bill asked.  Mrs. Richmond had been a Carol.

Stanley nodded.  “And Andrea for Mimi’s.”

“I love it,” Sarah said.  “Are you staying here overnight?  Is there anything we can get for you?”

Stanley and Mimi looked at each other.  “I think we’re good,” Stanley said.

Mimi’s eyelids were drooping, so Bill nudged Sarah.  “We should probably go.”

“You’re fine,” Stanley protested, but Mimi blinked a few times, as if she was trying to stay awake.

“No, you need rest, all of you.  Believe me, you’ll be glad for it,” Sarah said.  She gave Mimi’s hand a squeeze.  “You let me know if you need anything.”

Mimi nodded gratefully and closed her eyes. 

Stanley took the baby and followed them to the door.  “You should stay longer,” he said.

Bill shook his head.  “No, Sarah’s right.  Get some sleep.  You’re about to be waking up every two hours to feed her.”

“Take sleep where you can get it,” Sarah advised.  She rubbed the pink knit hat on Caroline and the newborn yawned.  “Bye, sweetheart.  Bye, Stanley.”

Bill started to shake hands with Stanley, but was pulled into a hug instead – being careful not to squish Caroline.  “Congrats, man.”

“Thanks!”  Stanley grinned ear to ear as he looked at his daughter.  “We’ll have to get them to play together.”

Sarah laughed and put Nathan back in the sling.  “Give it a few months and we’ll set something up.”

“Gotcha.”  Stanley waved goodbye.

On the way out of the clinic, Sarah grinned at Bill.  “You’re already trying to figure out how to set them up, aren’t you?”

Bill looked at her innocently.  He’d been doing just that, but he wasn’t going to admit it.  “Of course not,” he lied.

Sarah rolled her eyes.  “You are such a terrible liar.  I don’t know how you make it at work.”

“Hey, I’m better than you think,” Bill protested.  “I just don’t lie to you.”

“Nice save,” Sarah said, grinning again.  “Let’s keep it that way.”

 

**May**

 

**June**

Sarah watched Bill play with Nathan in the living room.  Right now, he was holding Nathan up by his hands and letting him kick his legs.  He had only been crawling for a couple of weeks; was it time for walking already?

“Bill,” she said softly, hating that she had to interrupt the two.  “That was your mom on the phone.”

“Oh?  What time does she want me to bring Nathan by?” Bill asked, looking up from Nathan’s play.

Sarah took a moment to answer.  “She doesn’t.  Bill, your dad fell this morning and now they’re at the clinic.  He broke a hip.”

Bill looked startled.  Sarah knew he still thought of his parents as invincible, even though he said otherwise.  “Is he okay?”

“They’re going to do a partial hip replacement, your mom said.  He’s going into surgery within the hour.”  Sarah was surprised they had the material to do a hip replacement, but you never could predict what J&R could get their hands on.  Maybe this was something that came through the Red Cross?

Bill picked up Nathan and stood.  “We need to get down there now,” he said.

“Do you want me to stay here with Nathan?  We can come down later, when he’s out of surgery,” Sarah asked.  “We don’t need to overwhelm your mom.”

Bill glanced at Nathan, who was grabbing at his hair.  “I’d kinda wanted to spend all day with him.  Father’s Day and all.”

“Bill, he doesn’t need to hang out in the clinic for hours.  He’ll get restless and just think of the germs he could pick up,” Sarah pointed out.

Bill pouted, but said, “You’re right.”  He handed Nathan to her and went to get dressed.

Sarah followed him to the bedroom.  “I told your mother Nathan and I would be down there later, but tell her again for me, please.”

Bill stood up.  “She’s not getting forgetful, is she?  I hadn’t noticed,” he said, worried.

“No,” Sarah said.  “I’m just thinking she’s a little overwhelmed right now and maybe she missed what I said on the phone.  I don’t want her to think we’re ignoring her.  I just don’t want Nathan there that long.  And you’re the one she really needs right now anyway.”

Bill finished getting ready and kissed both of them on his way out. 

“Happy Father’s Day,” Sarah said weakly.

Bill laughed sadly.

 

The third hour of waiting passed and Bill had to admit Sarah was right.  Nathan would have been going crazy by now – he wanted to crawl and check everything out and there was no way Bill would have let him crawl on the clinic floor.  Who knows what he’d stick in his mouth?

Bill reached out and squeezed his mom’s hand.  She gave him a worried smile.  “Someone should be out soon,” he said, trying to be reassuring.

She nodded, but didn’t seem convinced.

Thirty minutes later, the surgeon came out from the back rooms of the clinic.  They’d been converted to sterile rooms for surgeries since the Fillmore County hospital in Rogue River was still closed down.

The surgeon looked fresh, like he’d cleaned up before coming to see them.  Bill had expected a little bit of blood on his scrubs, but they were spotless.

“Hank’s family?” he asked them.  They nodded and he said, “Hank’s through surgery.  Everything went fine.  He’s in recovery now.  We’ll get him in a room up here in about an hour.”

Pam thanked the doctor profusely.  Bill felt exhausted at the idea of another hour in these waiting room chairs.

“See, good news,” he told his mom.  “I’m going to go call Sarah and let her know.”

 

“He’s down for a nap now.  How about we show up in an hour when your dad gets out of recovery?” Sarah asked.

“Sounds good,” Bill said.

“He may be pretty loopy,” Sarah warned.  “You were after your wrist surgery.  They put you all the way under for that, too.”

“That’s okay.  Just as long as he’s out and okay,” Bill said.

Sarah grinned.  “Good attitude, babe.  Okay, I’ll see you in an hour.  Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Sarah hung up the phone and went back to rushing around, doing all the chores she could while Nathan slept.

 

By the time Sarah and Nathan arrived at the clinic, Hank was in a room.  Pam was fretting over him and Bill was fretting over her.  Hank himself was asleep.

“Has he woken up?” Sarah asked, wrestling with Nathan, who was full of energy after his nap.

“He did, but all he said was that he was tired and he went back to sleep,” Bill explained.  He took the wriggling Nathan from Sarah.  She was glad; it was his turn to get kicked at for a while.

“Pam, are you all right?  Can I get you something?” Sarah asked.

“They want to keep him for a few days,” Pam answered, ignoring Sarah’s question.

Sarah placed a hand on Pam’s shoulder, thinking back to hospital stays with sick grandparents.  “You want Bill or me to stay here so you can sleep at home?  You should be here when he’s awake and get rest when you can.”

Pam didn’t answer for a while.  “Okay,” she said finally.

“I’ll stay here tonight,” Bill said.

“If you’ll watch Nathan, I’ll take your mom home and then get some overnight things for you,” Sarah offered.  “But we better hurry before curfew kicks in and we’re all stuck here.”

Bill nodded and took the diaper bag from Sarah, setting it on the floor by the room’s single recliner.

 

On their way out, Sarah asked Pam, “Do you want to stay with me tonight?  Or would you rather be at home?”

“Home,” Pam said.  “I’ll do better at home.”

“If you change your mind, call me,” Sarah said.  “If I can, I’ll come get you.”

“I can still drive,” bit out Pam.

Sarah recoiled a little.  She hadn’t realized she was irritating her mother-in-law.  Though, if there were any day she was allowed to be short, it was today.  And to be fair, it was _her_ car they were taking tonight.

Pam dropped Sarah off without coming in.  The house felt too empty when Sarah walked in – no Bill and no Nathan threw her instincts for a loop.  She almost went in the nursery to check if Nathan needed anything.

She quickly threw together an overnight bag for Bill.  Thankfully he was off the next day, so she didn’t have to worry about his uniform.  Shouldering the duffel bag, she started walking back to the clinic.

 

Bill was holding Nathan’s hands and letting him practice jumping when his Dad woke up.

Hank looked around the room, dazed.  “Water,” he croaked.

Bill hopped up and swung a giggling Nathan around his waist.  “I’ve got ice chips,” he offered.  When his dad nodded, he carefully fed Hank some ice chips one-handed. 

Sarah showed up just in time to take over the last of the ice chips and let Bill deal with Nathan.  “How’re you feeling, Hank?”

“Tired,” Hank said, but he tried to smile.

“Sleeping’s good,” Sarah said.

“They’re going to keep you here overnight, Dad.  Maybe a couple nights.  Mom went home already and I’m staying with you,” Bill explained.

“Oh, no, don’t do that,” Hank protested weakly.  “I’ll be fine.”

Sarah frowned at him.  “Bill’s going to stay with you anyway.”

“Oh, all right.”  Hank gave in easily.  Bill wasn’t sure whether he didn’t want to argue or if he was just too medicated to argue.  Either way, he was easily pliant right now.

Bill brought Nathan up to the bedside.  “We were going to visit you today.  Spend Father’s Day afternoon with you.  First Father’s day as a grandfather,” Bill pointed out.  “We’ll have to visit here, now.”

Hank reached up to grab Nathan’s wiggling foot.  He shook it – or maybe Nathan shook him, Bill couldn’t tell – and smiled.  Bill was struck by how fragile-looking his father seemed right now.  But everyone seemed fragile in a hospital bed, didn’t they?  He’d do better once he was home, right?

“I’d better get going if I’m going to beat curfew,” Sarah said quietly.  She took Nathan and shouldered the diaper bag.  “Take care, Hank.  Get some rest and feel better tomorrow.  We’ll be back to see you after I get off work.  Happy Father’s Day, you two.”

Hank waved at the two of them.  “Good night, little boy.  See you tomorrow.”

Sarah grinned as she left.  Nathan definitely didn’t have to worry about being loved by grandparents.

 

Bill looked in his overnight bag and found a sandwich Sarah had packed.  He hadn’t even thought of supper.  He settled into the recliner with it.

“You should be home with your boy,” Hank said.  “Not here with me.  It’s your first Father’s Day.”

Bill felt a pang – he _wanted_ to be home with Nathan, but this was more important.  “I got half a day with him.  Now I’m getting time with _my_ father,” Bill pointed out.

“I’m not good company.  I’m going to sleep again soon.”

“And nurses are going to be in and out all night,” Bill agreed.  “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here.”

“You’re a good son,” Hank said.  “And you’re turning into an even better father.”

Bill gulped his bit of sandwich, feeling his face go flush.  How had his dad known that was exactly the affirmation he’d wanted to get someday?

“I had a good role model,” Bill said.  “And Nathan’s going to have a good grandfather.  You’ll be able to get around like a pro with this new hip.”

Hank huffed, unconvinced.

 

**July**

**August**

“Da-da!” Nathan squealed, wriggling out of Sarah’s arms.

Bill grinned at the sight of his family playing in the living room floor and bent down so Nathan could toddle over to him.  He stood, swinging the boy upside down for a second.  “Hey, kiddo!  You been good today?”

Nathan giggled in response and grabbed at his badge.  Bill carried him back to the living room, sitting down next to Sarah.

She leaned over and kissed him quickly.  “Been a good day for me, at least.  He took two naps and managed not to repaint the kitchen while he ate.  You missed your parents visiting, but it’s just us now.”

“I remember when that meant something different,” Bill joked, waggling his eyebrows at her over Nathan’s head.

“Yeah, well, that’s what got us here, wasn’t it?” Sarah said, grinning.

Nathan squirmed in his arms and Bill let him go crawling across the floor.  Leaning back against the sofa, he sighed and looked over at his wife.  “Well, the timing’s good, anyway.  I needed to talk to you.”

“Uh-oh,” she said, scooting a little closer.  “That sounds ominous.”

He shrugged, watching Nathan play.  “Gray talked to Jimmy and I today.  The Army’s been ordered to guard against the US forces that have made it past Topeka, which means they aren’t micro-managing us anymore.  Alvarez gave him permission to have elections for the Sheriff’s position again.  Gray’s going to set up an election in November.  He suggested Jimmy or I run.”

“Huh.”  Sarah leaned back next to him and laid a hand on his leg.  “That makes sense.  You two _are_ the only ones from before and you did train everyone else.  You interested?”

Bill shook his head and leaned forward, pulling a squealing Nathan back to him and tickling the boy.

“You’re avoiding answering me, babe,” Sarah pointed out after a minute.

“I don’t know,” he sighed.  “I can’t imagine working for anyone other than Jimmy or Jake now, but Jake’s gone and Jimmy says he doesn’t want to run.  But neither do I.  I never wanted to be sheriff.”

She nodded slowly.  “I know you don’t, but you’d be good at it, I think.”

“So you think I should run?” he asked, looking anxious.

“Only if it’s what you want, Bill,” Sarah insisted.  “I think you’d be a good sheriff, but you’re a good deputy, too.”

He snorted and dodged a small hand grabbing for his nose.  “Sometimes.”

Sarah laughed.  “You are fine.  I’ve worked at the station with you, remember?  Look, hon, do you want to run?  Would you be happy?  When do you have to make a decision?”

“Not right away.  Gray wants us – or whoever runs – to announce by the end of September.”

“Good, then.  You’ve got two months to think about it.”  Sarah reached out and straightened some of Nathan’s clothes while he climbed on Bill.  “Besides, you’ve got more important things to think about right now: as of today, you’re a dad to a one year old.”

“Good God, how is that possible?”  He held the boy up and examined him.  “What happened to you?  You’re not supposed to be this big.”

She smiled as Nathan babbled in response.  “D’you think you can watch him for a little bit?  I need to get some stuff done.”

“’Course I can.”  Bill set the boy back down.  “How’s outside sound, kid?  Daddy wants some alone time with Mama tonight so you’ve got to burn off some energy and sleep.”

Sarah laughed and wandered off to the laundry room.  “Daddy has to figure out how to keep Mama awake long enough for that to happen, too!” she called back.

“Sounds like a personal challenge, doesn’t it, Nathan?” whispered Bill.  “Mama doesn’t think Daddy’s determined enough.”

 

Bill set Nathan down and rolled a ball out into the backyard, watching him try to chase it down.  He was getting better at toddling every day.  Sadie running after him didn’t help, though, and he fell multiple times.  Bill pointedly didn’t react, so Nathan kept getting back up on his own without crying. 

Good kid.

Nathan finally grabbed the ball after it came to a stop and carried it precariously back to Bill.  He rolled it again slowly.  Nathan and Sadie began their chase again.

Was it bad he was playing fetch with his son?

Eh, Nathan enjoyed it.  Sadie enjoyed it.  Who else cared?

Bill entertained Nathan that way until the boy was exhausted and sat down to pluck grass.  Bill moved closer so he could stop Nathan from eating any.

Did he want to give up any of the time he spent with Nathan?  With Sarah?  That’s what it would mean to run for sheriff.

No, that was too much to ask.  He loved his time at home.  Jericho would just have to go without a sheriff for a while longer.

~~~

 

A sobbing shriek pierced the calm.

Sarah curled up against Bill and groaned.  “The crying belongs to us,” she muttered.

“I know,” Bill said, pushing his head back into the pillow.  “Isn’t he supposed to stay asleep just a bit longer?”

“I told you his afternoon naps are getting shorter.  We’re lucky we had time for all your ‘entertainment’ before he woke up,” she said, pushing him a little.  “You go get him.”

He looked mock offended.  “So I’m the one who has to get dressed?”

“Hey, you can get away with just pants.  Now go get the monster before someone lodges a noise complaint.”

Bill came back a few minutes later, walking slowly behind Nathan, who was moving a bit faster these days.  The boy toddled over to Sarah, now wrapped in a robe, who swooped him up and kissed his cheeks.  “Hey, sweet boy!  Are you through with your nap?”

“Y’s!” he crowed, showing off his slowly expanding vocabulary.

Ruffling his feathery blond hair, Sarah set him down to play on the bed between her and Bill.  “I never know how to judge if he’s learning stuff at the right pace or not.  I was such a weird kid that the stuff Mom told me doesn’t help.”

“Yeah, well, we can’t all be doing flips before we’re a year old,” Bill grinned.  “Besides, Mom says he’s still ahead of where I was.”

“And you turned out pretty okay, I suppose,” she laughed.  “Okay, so before we got, uh, distracted, you were telling me about work.”

He sighed, holding his son’s hands as he tried to bounce on the bed.  “Jimmy says he and Margaret talked over the last couple weeks and he’s definitely not running.  He’s fine with working under someone else and to be honest, I think he’s glad to be patrolling again.

She nodded.  “That’s what I figured he’d do.  So what’s everyone else saying?  Anyone else interested in the job?”

“There’s a few rumblings from the guys who joined up right away, but no one’s officially declared.”

“And you?” Sarah pressed.  “Have you thought about it more?”

Bill let Nathan flop on the bed, giggling wildly.  “I really don’t know, Sarah.  I could do it and frankly, I’m not sure how those newer guys would do.  They’ve done well since we hired them, but…  They weren’t deputies before.  They don’t know the ins and outs of normal law enforcement conditions; all they’ve known are crises and military oversight.”

“But…?” she prompted.

“But I really don’t want to campaign.  I worry it’d take me away from home more, at least during elections.  The pay is significantly better, but I’d still have roughly the same hours; I’d just be in the office more.  It’s a lot more PR than actual police work.”

“You’ve been doing a lot of that already, hon.  Unpaid, too.  You could handle all that and you know what you’re supposed to be doing.”  She shrugged.  “Besides, Sheriff Dawes always seemed to have time for his family.”

Bill lay back down, grimacing as Nathan landed on his stomach.  “Yeah, but…  Campaigning.  What do I know about it?”

“You know Jericho.  You know Eric, who helped with his dad’s campaigns.  You’d have Gray’s support,” she pointed out.  “And you aren’t gonna find a more enthusiastic campaigner than Stanley.  Mimi would probably be a big help, too.”

He frowned.  “I’m still not sure.”

Sarah leaned over and kissed his forehead.  “You keep thinking about it; there’s still a bit more than a month.  I’m gonna still love you like crazy no matter what you decide to do, and so’s this little guy.”

Bill’s smile returned and he grinned at them both.  “Yeah, that’s a good thing to remember.”

She looked out the window.  “Look like it’s gonna stay a pretty day for a bit.  Want to take him outside?”

“Oh yeah, I do.”  Bill stood and scooped up his son.  “Gotta keep up the catch practice.  I’m determined he’s not going to be as useless at sports as I was.”

“He’s got my genes, too,” Sarah laughed.  “He might be destined for hopelessness.”

“I’m believing in nurture over nature on this one!” Bill proclaimed cheerfully as they left the room.

~~~

 

Sarah grabbed the phone, tucking it into her shoulder as she juggled Nathan and his snack with her hands.  “Hello?”

“Got a birthday surprise for you.  Come down to the station and bring Nathan.  Hurry.”

She grinned.  “Well, fine, honey.  Since you asked so nicely and all.”

Bill laughed and she could picture him shaking his head at her.  “I’m serious.  As quickly as you can both manage to get down here.”

“He just finished eating, so let me hose him off and we’ll be on our way,” she promised.  Oh God, what did Bill have planned?  Don’t let it be a surprise party of some sort, she begged silently.

“Come on, kiddo,” she said, wiping mushed cereal off Nathan’s hands.  “Let’s go see what your daddy wants.  Maybe Mama won’t want to kill him after.”

 

He hadn’t thrown a surprise party, Sarah was relieved to see; if he had, no one bothered hiding or decorating.  As per usual, when she walked into City Hall, people stopped to say hi to Nathan, who spoke happily to them – with a few more recognizable words every visit – and tried to grab their badges.

“Sorry, he’s a magpie,” Sarah apologized each time, trying to hold her son back.

Bill was waiting for her outside the sheriff’s department, out of the way of soldiers carrying computers and gear upstairs.  “They’re taking over the meeting room,” he explained, greeting her and Nathan both with a kiss.  He was smiling and obviously proud of himself.  “Come on, follow me.”

Sarah shot him a wary look, but followed Bill down the street to the Red Cross office, next door to J&R. 

Bill waved at one of the volunteers, who pointed the group into the director’s office. 

Sarah greeted Director Walters as she slid into the room. 

Bill quickly shut the door behind them and gestured at the director’s desk.  “Go ahead and sit,” he instructed, taking Nathan from her.  “So I did some asking and found a few things out.”

Confused, Sarah sat where she was told.  “Found out what?”

“For one, that I’m in touch with some of the eastern Red Crosses,” Director Walters said.  “Including Chattanooga.”

Sarah gasped.  “You can talk to Chattanooga?”

“He can.  And San Antonio, too.”  Bill nodded.  “And I also asked very nicely and Walters was able to get in touch with both places.  And those Red Crosses were able to get in touch with your dad and my sister.”

Bill grinned at the shock on her face and glanced at the clock.  “In fact, you’ll be able to talk to your dad too, in about ten minutes.  The directors were generous enough to let us use their computer system for a half hour or so.”

She grabbed the arms of the chair for support.  “Bill… you really?  My dad?” she stuttered.

He shrugged, smiling softly.  “Well, you haven’t heard back from any of your letters, so I thought it was worth trying.  Happy birthday.”

“If I start crying, I’m blaming you,” she said, already feeling like she might tear up.  “Thank you.”

 

She’d been right; she did cry.  But she wasn’t the only one, even if the guys wouldn’t ever admit it.

Walters set up the call and then left.  She got to see the other director for a second before she turned the computer and there was her father – still too damn skinny and looking worse for wear after the past two years, but her father, nonetheless.

She’d known from the Red Cross network that he was alive, that her mother wasn’t; that made a horrible sort of sense.  A diabetic person prone to illness wouldn’t have fared well that winter after the bombs, even in a place that was probably better off than Jericho.

He’d gotten a couple letters, so Nathan wasn’t a complete surprise to him, but it was still exciting to introduce the two.  Nathan kept trying to grab at the computer screen, unfamiliar with the technology.

There were tears and brief catching up and reassurances that he would try to come to Jericho when the roads cleared and then their half hour was up far too quickly.

Sarah held Bill’s hand as he drove them home.  “I can’t believe you did that.  That was– no, _you_ are amazing.  What’d I do to deserve you?” she asked, still sniffling.

“When I figure that out, I’ll let you know,” Bill joked, squeezing her hand.  “It was a onetime thing for now, but I figured once was better than nothing.  And what better time than today?”

She just shook her head, still a bit stunned and speechless, and wiped at her cheeks, sure they were still puffy and red.

 

**September**

“Perry told Gray that he’s running,” Bill announced, dropping his hat on the bed.  “First official candidate for sheriff.”

“Huh,” Sarah said, sitting up and stretching after her nap.  “I suppose that’s not too surprising.  He’s always been a bit overeager.”

He snorted.  “He applied to the department before the bombs, but Dawes didn’t want to hire him.  Jimmy’s had to rein him in a couple times.”

“So you wouldn’t vote for him?”

“If he’s the only candidate, I won’t have a choice,” Bill pointed out.

She shot him a look.  “But will he be the only one?”

He paused in the middle of changing and frowned.  “I still don’t want to run.”

“You really want to work for Tim Perry?”

Bill sighed and sat down on the bed.  “No.  I really don’t, but I also don’t want to go through all that.  You know that; we’ve been over this.”

“But there also hasn’t been an official candidate before!” Sarah protested.  “Now you know the alternative.  Bill, you would be so much better than him at this job!  And if I were in your position, you’d fuss at me for doing nothing.  For sitting back and waiting for someone else to fix the problem.”

“You thinking about running now?” he asked, grinning.

She gave his shoulder a shove.  “I’d be terrible and you know it.  You’re also deflecting, you jerk.  You need to seriously think about this.”

“I will,” Bill sighed. 

“I’ve got something else for you to think about,” Sarah said, rummaging in her bedside drawer.  “Uh, so.  You still want more kids?”

Bill looked at her cautiously.  “Yeah, I thought we agreed on that.  Why?”

Sarah bit her lip and pulled a box out of the drawer.  “I think I’m pregnant again.”

He stood slowly, looking at her carefully – well, looking at her stomach as if there’d be some magical sign.  “You are?”

“I _think_ ,” Sarah reiterated.  “Missed my period and I’ve had a few queasy days.  I got a test, but I haven’t taken it.”

“You going to?”  Bill quirked an eyebrow.  “Or do I have to wait for my birthday next week to find out?”

Sarah grinned.  “Nah, not gonna save the announcement.”  She sighed.  “I know it doesn’t change whether I’m pregnant or not, but I wanted you to know before I took the test.”

“I’m glad you did.”  Bill stepped over and pulled her into a brief kiss.  “You want to find out now?”

“Yeah.  I’ll be right back.”  She slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

 

Sarah came out a minute later, clutching the test in her fist, hiding the result screen.  Bill was sitting on the food of the bed, watching her expectantly.

“Take a few minutes, you remember,” she remarked as she sat down beside him.

“Well, it’s been a few years since I got to be here for this.”  He gave her a half grin.

“Fair enough.”  Sarah gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.  “You think we’re ready for another one?  Nathan won’t be two yet.”

“Well, we haven’t accidentally killed or maimed him.  That’s a pretty good track record,” Bill pointed out.

She laughed.  “Setting the parenting bar high, I see.”

“I believe in keeping realistic goals.”  Bill shrugged.  “Are you going to be okay being pregnant while Nathan’s still this little?”

Sarah glanced at the clock.  One more minute.  “I think you’ll be changing a few more diapers because I’m going to be exhausted.  I’m also counting on the war staying away from us.  You’re already a Big Damn Hero, so no more thrilling heroics.”

“Hey, if I get the chance to fire a tank again, I’m taking it.”

“Of course you are.”  Sarah rolled her eyes.  Bill grinned and held out his arms as if to say he had no choice.

The clock ticked over.  Sarah squeezed her fist tighter and looked over at Bill.  “You ready?”

He nodded and she slowly opened her hand.

Bill broke out into a smile.  “Looks like we’re gonna need to get that cradle back from Stanley.”

 

Bill followed Sarah to the clinic for her first exam.  This sort of exam was totally new to Bill – and Sarah too, he had to admit, since the clinic wasn’t fully running last time – and some of it seemed to be pretty uncomfortable for her.  He winced for her sake.

But there it was, on the internal ultrasound screen: a tiny little spot that was their baby.  Confirmation of what the pregnancy test told them.

Good God, they were going to have a second kid.  Be a family of four.  Now, not at some nebulous time in the future they talked about.

This changed things.  He felt guilty that it made such a difference, as if Sarah and Nathan weren’t important enough on their own, but…  But it _did_ change things.  All of a sudden, that higher salary sounded a lot more attractive, especially considering that now Sarah wouldn’t even think about going back to work for a couple extra years.  And being behind a desk rather than in a car…  He’d miss it – he’d always loved being a patrol officer – but it might be just that little bit safer.  A little more surety that he’d come home and not leave Sarah alone with two kids to raise.

He’d been inching closer to this decision ever since Perry made his announcement.  As much as Bill hated to admit it, working for the man – for someone he’d hired and trained and still thought was something of a jerk – would rankle him.

He was going to do it, then.  He was going to run for sheriff.

He told Sarah as they drove home.  She listened to his reasoning and didn’t even look the slightest bit disapproving when he got to that last thought about Perry.

She took his hand and laced their fingers together.  “You’ll win; it’s hardly a contest.  And you’ll be fantastic.”

He nodded tersely, wishing he had her certainty.  How many people in Jericho had he pissed off over the years?  How many people would refuse to vote for him because he’d worked with the Alvarez and the ASA?  Or because of some small incident years ago – maybe he’d written their kid a ticket?  As much as he adored it, Jericho was still a small community and small places could be fickle.

“Jesus.  I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Sarah laid a soft hand on his leg.  “I’m glad you are.  It’ll be good for Jericho.  For you, too.  For all of us.”


	6. October - November 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an election - and the aftermath.

**October – November 2017**

**October**

Nathan toddled around the playpen Stanley built and handed toys to Caroline, who was propping herself up on her stomach.  “Play,” he said, but Caroline kept dropping the toys or knocking them away.  Nathan, ever dutiful, would pick them up and hand them back to her.

Sarah leaned back from the sign she was painting and watched them.  Mimi took a break also.

“I can’t believe you’re having another one so soon,” Mimi said.

Sarah touched her stomach, already rounding a little – quicker than last time.  “Me, either.  But we are.”

Mimi shook her head.  “I’m pretty sure we’re not having any more if I can help it.  Once was bad enough.”

Sarah grinned.  “Aw, it’s not all bad.  Although Caroline isn’t crawling yet.  Just wait until she can get around on her own.  If she takes after Stanley, you’re in trouble.”

Mimi groaned.  “Right now, I just want to sleep through the night.  Tell me that happens.”

Sarah shrugged.  “It took Nathan until he was about eight months old to stay asleep most nights.  He still occasionally wakes up.”

Mimi leaned back against the couch.  “I hope Caroline is quicker.”

“She might be,” Sarah admitted.  “Nathan was a little slow on that, according to the books and Bill’s mom.”

Stanley stomped inside the farmhouse.  “You guys got more signs ready?”

Mimi pointed at the ones lying on the table and chairs, drying.  “We’re working on them.”

“Sounded like you were talking,” Stanley grinned.

“We can do both,” Sarah said.  “We’re talented like that.”

“How’s it going outside?” Mimi asked.

Stanley shrugged.  “We’re getting the signs nailed to the posts.  Then we just have to deliver them.”

“How many have you made?” Sarah asked.

“About thirty.”

Sarah groaned.  “Okay, so we’ve got to make at least forty more so you can do twenty double-sided signs.”

“Hopefully more than that,” Stanley said.

“Yes, of course, but I meant today.  Fifty signs today is a good goal.  We can always make more next weekend.”

“Sure,” Stanley said, gathering up the drier signs and taking them outside.

Sarah looked at the sign she was working on.  The background was the dark green of the deputies’ uniforms and the wording – KOEHLER FOR SHERIFF – was in a golden yellow, the same as the stripe on their uniform pants.  It was also close to the local high school colors.  The colors had been her idea, but the layout of the words was Mimi’s.  Mimi was tracing out the letters and Sarah was coloring everything in with poster paints.

Her arm was aching.  If only they had stencils and spray paint, but spray paint wasn’t something J&R stocked – they were too worried about vandalism.

Oh well.  Only forty more signs to go.

~~~

 

Bill second-guessed everything he did these days.  Mayor Anderson hadn’t set up a debate between him and Tim Perry, but he was aware everything he did was being watched.  He was campaigning every second he wasn’t at home.

Damn, it was stressful.  Why had he agreed to do this again?

He remembered every time he went to work and saw Perry, though.  The man was acting like he’d already won and was bossing around his fellow deputies.  Most of the time Jimmy handled it, but sometimes Bill had to step in and knock Perry down a notch.  He couldn’t lie – that was satisfying.

Bill couldn’t help but worry, though.  What if Perry was more popular than Bill realized?  He’d seen a few “Perry for Sheriff” signs around town and they worried him.  Was Bill seen as too much of an ASA collaborator?

It probably hurt him that Alvarez had endorsed him.  But Perry followed the same instructions Bill did, so maybe he was seen as a collaborator, too.

At least Bill only had one other candidate to worry about.  He didn’t think he could handle more.

~~~

 

“You need to be seen,” Margaret told Bill.  “You guys should do walking patrols.  Talk to people.  _You_ talk to people, I mean.  Don’t let Jimmy do all of it.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bill said.  Was she going to come over and straighten his tie next?  He was just trying to pick up his kid from Taylor daycare.

“And go out with Sarah and Nathan.  Go pick her up at the library and walk her home.  Take everyone out to eat.  Go to the park, even though it’s on the wrong side of town.  Jericho likes family men.”

“I’m from here, too, Margaret.  I know that,” he pointed out.

“But are you doing anything about it?” she asked.  “Start today.  You’ve got time to go home and change – into something other than flannels – and head back out to pick her up.  I’ll even keep Nathan a little while longer if you want to swing back by and pick him up.”

Bill recognized marching orders when he heard them.  “Yes, Margaret,” he said, trying not to sound sarcastic.  “I’ll come back to get Nathan.”

 

Bill really wanted to be wearing a warm flannel, but he took Margaret’s advice and put on a button-down shirt with his nicer jeans – something he’d wear on a date with Sarah.  He wavered on buttoning the top couple of buttons, but decided to leave them undone.

Margaret looked him up and down when he showed back up to pick up Nathan.  “You look good, Koehler.  You should dress like this more often.”

Bill grimaced.  “Thanks.”

“No, I mean it,” Margaret said, letting Nathan walk out the door on his own. 

Bill picked him up and swung him, just like usual. 

“Daddy!” Nathan laughed.

“Heya, kidlet,” Bill said, pulling Nathan into a hug.  He took the diaper bag Margaret held out and waved to her.  “We’re going to go see Mama at work, okay?”

“Walk,” Nathan demanded.

Bill set the boy down once they reached the sidewalk and held his hand.  He was walking better every day now, especially if someone held his hands.  Walking on the sidewalks was probably good exercise for him.  Bill expected him to tire out quickly, though. 

Nathan lasted longer than Bill thought.  They made it two short blocks – all the way to Main Street.  Now Bill just had to carry him the half mile to the library.

And be seen.  That was important, at least to Margaret – and Margaret was usually right.

 

“Whoa,” Sarah said when they showed up at the library.  “We already had our anniversary, right?  What am I missing?”

Bill kissed her on the cheek.  “Margaret’s idea.  She thinks I need to be seen around town with you two more, so that I’m seen as a family man.”

“As if you aren’t one already,” Sarah said.

Bill shrugged.  “Margaret’s probably right.  Exaggerating it will probably help.  So that means we’re here to walk you home.”

“And how much walking is Nathan doing?” Sarah asked wryly.

Bill grinned.  “Probably not that much.  He already walked two blocks.”

As if on cue, Nathan yawned and leaned his head on Bill’s shoulder.

Sarah laughed.  “Let me get my purse and I’ll be ready to clock out.  Want me to carry him?  Or the bag?”

Bill gladly handed over the bag.  Nathan was getting heavier every day and he hated to force Sarah to carry that weight.  They’d both had arm and shoulder injuries, but Sarah’s were more recent – Bill didn’t want her to exacerbate anything.  Carrying a sleeping child might help with that public image, anyhow.

 

Bill and Sarah walked home hand-in-hand, Bill balancing a wiped-out Nathan in his other arm. 

Margaret must have been onto something: a few people honked at them as they drove by on Main Street.  He assumed they were friendly, “I’m going to vote for you” honks.  Sarah waved at each of the honkers since Bill’s hands were full.

His arms were worn out by the time they got home.  Switching Nathan from arm to arm had only done so much.  Bill gratefully laid the sleeping toddler in his crib and shook out his arms.

Sarah leaned in the doorway to the nursery and leered at him.  “Whatever Margaret told you, I like it.”

Bill ran his hands down his front, flattening his shirt.  “Good.  Maybe we’re not going to walk home like that every day, though.”

Sarah stepped up to him and unbuttoned the next button, opening his shirt a little more.  “You look too good to stay in tonight.  Let me change and we’ll see if your mom can babysit.  Let’s go out.”

Bill was self-conscious about that extra button, but Sarah wasn’t letting him fasten it again.  She swatted his hands away every time he reached up

“I’m serious, Bill.  We spent our anniversary at home; let’s go out tonight.  And then come home so I can take this off you.”

Bill raised his eyebrows.  If _this_ is what Margaret’s advice was getting him, maybe she was right about it all.

 

**November**

Tomorrow was the election and Bill spent the evening out.

He had dinner with his parents and a beer with his dad.  Then he went to Jimmy’s and had another beer.  Or three or four.  Maybe more.

Margaret called Sarah before it got too dark and curfew kicked in.  “Think you need to come pick up your husband.  He’s a little too drunk to walk home right now.”

Sarah was immediately concerned.  Bill almost never drank to get drunk anymore, not after the bombs and certainly not after Nathan.  He must really be stressing the election.

However, when Sarah and Nathan got to the Taylors’, Bill didn’t have a care in the world.

“Babe!” he crowed.  “And baby!” Bill laughed like he’d made a joke.  Jimmy laughed, too, just as drunk as Bill.

Sarah rolled her eyes at Margaret, who was trying to wrestle her own husband off the couch and into the bedroom.  “Thanks for the call,” she said.  Sarah used her free hand to grab Bill’s chin.  “Okay, hon, it’s time to go home.”

Bill grinned sloppily at her.  “Okay,” he said.

Oh, good.  He was going to be the agreeable drunk tonight, not the paranoid one.

Sarah took his hand and led him to the car.  She forced him into the backseat and then handed Nathan to him.  “Hold on to him tight,” Sarah said.  “Don’t let him loose while I’m driving.”

“Yes’m,” Bill slurred.  He hugged Nathan to him, tight enough to make the boy squirm.  Sarah figured Bill wouldn’t squeeze tight enough to actually hurt him, though.

She drove them home slowly, keeping an eye on Bill in the rear view mirror.  He never stopped hugging Nathan.

Well, guess that worked as well as a car seat, since they didn’t have one.

Sarah helped Bill stumble into the house.  She sat him down on the bed and put Nathan in his crib.  The boy was bound to cry and fuss, but she’d come rock him to sleep once she got Bill in bed.

Bill was still waiting on her, grinning, in the bedroom.

Sarah stopped close to him and put her hands on her hips.  “Just what did you think you were doing?  Do you _want_ to be hungover on Election Day?” she asked.  “What if you win and have to speak in front of people?”

Bill reached out and grabbed her hands, pulling her to him.  “Don’ wanna worry ‘bout that.  Wanna hug _you_.”

Sarah couldn’t help but smile at that.  Sometimes Bill was the sweetest drunk.  Of course, usually she was drunk with him.  “Bill, I’m serious.  You need to drink some water and go to bed.  You’ll regret this in the morning.”

Bill leaned his head against her stomach.  “Wanna listen to the baby.”

Sarah laughed and pushed him away.  “All you’ll hear is my stomach, babe.”  She knelt down in front of Bill.  “Come on, let me help you get pajamas on.  I need to take care of Nathan, too.”

Bill pulled her to him and kissed her.  He tasted of hops, which Sarah usually hated, but she didn’t pull back.  Bill leaned back first, beaming.  “Tha’s what I wanna do.  Kiss you.”

“Okay, babe, but let’s get you ready for bed first.”  Sarah stood, losing his grasp, and got a pajama set from the dresser.

She carefully unbuttoned his work shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.  Bill shook it off and came in for another kiss.

Well, if that was how it was going to go tonight…

She peeled off his t-shirt and gave him another kiss, this one on the jawline.  She pulled on the pajama shirt and kissed the bit of chest peeking out from beneath it.

Bill groaned.  He fumbled at her chest, trying to take _her_ shirt off.  Sarah helped him slide it over her head.

Bill buried his face in her stomach again, kissing her and trying to listen.  Sarah rolled her eyes and pulled at his arms to make him stand up.

She undid his work pants and slid them to the floor.  When she looked up, she could tell Bill was half-hard – surprising he could get it up at all, with how drunk he was, she thought.

Sarah sighed, knowing he probably wouldn’t last long enough for her to deal with Nathan, who was audibly fussing about being left alone.  She gave Bill a quick kiss through his boxers and made him step out of his pants.  Bill moaned and tried to pull her up.

“No, hon, I’m putting the pajamas on you.”

“Take ‘em off,” Bill said.  “Please.”

Sarah stood up and looked him in the eyes.  “I’ll take them off again after I put Nathan to bed, okay.  Kids don’t wait on us to play.  They come first.”

Bill pouted, but stepped into the pajama pants.  Sarah pulled them up to his waist.  Bill grabbed her and kissed her again, but Sarah stepped back.  She pushed him back down on the bed.  “You, wait here,” she instructed.

 

It took a miraculously short half-hour to put Nathan to bed: it usually took forty-five minutes or more of rocking to get him to fall asleep the first time.

Sarah turned off the light and pulled the nursery door until it was barely ajar.  They’d been quicker than normal; would Bill still be lucid?

He wasn’t.

Bill was sprawled out across the bed, wiped out asleep.  Sarah sighed in frustration.  She was going to have to wake him up and move him or sleep in the guest room tonight.

Sarah shook Bill’s shoulders, gently at first and then with more force until he woke up. 

“Whassat?” he mumbled.

“You gotta let me in the bed, too,” Sarah said.  She pushed and pulled at Bill until she had enough room to crawl under the covers on her side of the bed. 

Bill fell back asleep almost immediately.  Sarah felt frustrated again, but she rubbed Bill’s back for a minute anyway.  Once she was sure he was asleep, she clicked on her bedside lamp and grabbed her book.  _Something_ was going to have to entertain her until it was regular bedtime.

~~~

 

Bill woke up feeling like he forgot something.  He definitely wasn’t forgetting this headache, however.  Oh man, how much did he drink last night?

He rolled on his side and saw Sarah asleep under the covers – he was still on top of them.

Images of her undressing him last night filled his head.  “Oh,” he muttered.  “That’s what I was going to do.”

He glanced at the alarm clock: seven a.m.  Very late for Bill, but he’d taken the day off work at Gray’s insistence.  Gray obviously expected him to win this election.

Bill should have been down there as soon as they opened, but it was too late for that.  He’d have to do the presidential thing and publicly go vote with his family.

First though, there was the matter of last night’s unfinished business.  Bill was stirring just thinking about it.

Bill got out of bed and then back in, under the covers this time.  He rolled on top of Sarah and kissed her forehead and cheeks until she woke up.

“Wha–?” she mumbled sleepily.  Her eyes got wider when she saw Bill above her. 

He pressed his body against hers and kissed her mouth, ignoring her morning breath and hoping she ignored his. 

Sarah returned the kiss and snaked her arms around him.  “Good morning,” she said, grinning.

“Good morning, darlin’,” Bill replied, kissing her already-bare chest.  Her breasts were swollen again from pregnancy and he hated to leave them alone. 

Sarah arched her back as he kissed and teased her.  “You shouldn’t have fallen asleep last night,” she said breathlessly.  “We could have done this then _and_ now.

“I’ll know better next time.”

“Next time?  You may not have a next time, sheriff.  You’ll have to behave.”

Bill flushed when she called him sheriff.  “We don’t know yet,” he said, stopping.

“I do,” Sarah said assuredly.  “Let me pep you back up.”  She disappeared under the covers.

Bill felt her tug at his pants and he lifted his hips to help her.  When he let himself back down, he sat higher in the bed than he’d been.  He felt kisses all over the newly exposed skin and threw his head back in enjoyment.

He was definitely getting a good start to his day.

 

Bill and Sarah walked into Town Hall to vote some time after their late start.  Nathan walked between them, holding both their hands.  Bill scanned his ASA ID and went into the voting booth first.

It was awkward, but he voted for himself.  He still wished Jimmy was running or that Jake was back, but he was stuck now.  If he won this election, he’d be sheriff…

Bill dropped his ballot in the box with little fanfare.  Jimmy, who was monitoring the polls, gave him a quick thumbs up.  Bill took Nathan from Sarah so she could take her turn voting.

“How’s it going, Jimmy?” Bill asked while he waited.

“Slow turnout,” Jimmy said, “but I’ve seen a lot of the people who said they’d vote for you.”

Bill forced a smile, still feeling those butterflies in his stomach.

 

Because of curfew, no Jericho citizens were allowed out after the polls closed.  Even the poll monitors were sent home – the Army handled the vote counts.

Bill was antsy all evening.  He forced himself to rock Nathan to sleep, but it was all he could do to stay still.  Unfortunately, the little boy could feel his anxious energy and stayed awake longer than usual.

The phone rang at seven thirty, not long after Nathan went to sleep, and Bill hopped up to answer it.

Sarah beat him to it and shook her head.  “Your mom,” she mouthed.  “No, Pam, we haven’t heard yet.  We’ll call if we do hear anything before the morning.”

Bill drooped.  He was so wound up and ready to get this over with.  “Perry won, I know it.  That’s why we haven’t heard anything.”

Sarah pointed him back to the couch.  “It’s only been thirty minutes since the polls closed.  It’ll take them longer than that to count the votes.  Remember, they’ve got to tally the votes from Town Hall and from the high school.”

Bill slumped on the couch.  “How do people do this regularly?  If I win, I have to keep doing this every four years.  It might drive me crazy.”

Sarah snuggled in next to him.  “It won’t.  It’ll be stressful, but you’ll handle it.  Use those coping skills we both learned before the bombs.”

Bill gave a half-hearted grin.  “I never talked to my therapist about _this_.”

“Well, if we find a new one, you’ll have something to talk about!” Sarah said almost too cheerfully.

Bill eyed her carefully.  Sarah didn’t usually sound so chipper unless she was trying to hide something.  She was off her meds for the pregnancy; did he need to worry about her, too?

 

They sat together for another hour: Sarah reading a book and Bill staring off into space, fretting.

The phone rang and both of them jumped.

Sarah looked at Bill.  Bill looked at Sarah.  She gestured for him to go to the phone.

Bill walked across the room and picked up the phone.

Sarah watched him carefully, desperate for any clue, but Bill’s face never changed as he listened.  Her heart started to fall – he must have lost, if he was schooling his emotions like that.

Bill said “Okay,” a few time; “Yes,” a few more; and then hung up the phone.  He stared at it for a minute.

Sarah bit her lip until she couldn’t stand it.  “Well?” she asked.  “What did they say?”

Bill looked at her, shock evident on his face.  “I’m the new sheriff,” Bill said slowly.  “By a twenty percent margin.”

Sarah squealed and leapt up, hugging Bill tightly.  He hugged back, but was too astonished to do any more.

Cries came from down the hall; Sarah had woken him up with her celebratory squeal.  “I’ll get him,” Sarah said.

Bill shook his head, coming back to reality.  “No, I’ve got it.”

Sarah followed him in the nursery anyway.  She sat on the floor at the foot of the rocking chair.  “You won,” she said, still excited.

“Yeah,” Bill said.  “It might mean longer hours.” 

“But it means better pay and a safer position,” Sarah replied.  “We talked about this, Bill.”

“Doesn’t mean I stopped worrying about it.”

“Bill, now you’re just worrying to worry.”  Sarah frowned.  “The election’s over.  Now you get to continue what you’ve been doing and get paid properly for it.  You’ve earned this.”

“I wonder how it’ll go with Tim Perry tomorrow,” Bill said distantly, as if he didn’t even hear Sarah.

“If he’s any sort of gentleman, he’ll shake your hand and be done with it until next election.”

Nathan fussed at Bill, who’d quit rocking while he was thinking.  That seemed to shake him back to awareness.  Bill looked down at Nathan.  “Good God, I won the election.”

Sarah laughed.  “Yeah, you did, Sheriff Koehler.”

Bill flushed at the title. 

Sarah grinned wider.  “C’mon, get that baby to sleep.  You’ve got a big day tomorrow.  Get your new badge and everything.”

Bill blushed even more, looking terrified.

Sarah climbed to her feet and kissed Bill’s forehead.  “You’re going to be great at this.  Don’t worry so much about it.  Listen to me and not your fears, okay?”

Bill nodded.  “Yes’m.”

~~~

 

Bill arrived early at work, beating even Jimmy.  He sat in his old desk and stared around the room.  He was now officially in charge of everyone in here.

Not that he hadn’t been in charge before.  But it wasn’t _official_.

He even got the sheriff’s office back; Alvarez had finished the move upstairs last month, leaving the office stripped and empty of everything but a desk and chairs.

 _His_ desk, now.  Once he had a key to the room, at least.

Jimmy wandered in, sipping a mug of coffee.  He lit up when he saw Bill.  “Hey, boss,” he said happily.

Bill shook his head.  “Don’t you do that, Jimmy.  You know you’re still my partner.”

“Sheriffs don’t have partners,” Jimmy pointed out.

“Then I’ll make you undersheriff.  You’ll be stuck working with me then.  Maybe you’ll even get a raise.”

Jimmy plopped down at the desk next to Bill.  “Why couldn’t Alvarez have just made _you_ undersheriff?  Skipped all this election nonsense.”

Bill shrugged.  “Guess we have to start getting back to normal somehow.”  He’d’ve gladly taken the undersheriff position, though.

Jimmy laughed.  “Columbus is moving closer and closer.  I don’t think we’re going to be normal for long.”

Other deputies started trickling in.  Most of them gave Bill a nod or a thumbs up as they settled into their desks for the morning shift.  Some ignored him, but they were the minority.

At least he had the support of most of his deputies.  That had to count for something.

Last and verging on late was Tim Perry, who looked like he hadn’t slept the night before.  He didn’t look at Bill right away, so Bill got up and into his face.

Bill offered his hand.  “Good race, Perry,” he said, hoping to make peace. 

Perry looked like he might ignore Bill’s proffered hand, but he took it after a second.  “Good race, sheriff,” he said, sounding only slightly grumpy.

Jimmy beamed at Bill.  “Nicely done,” he said while Perry went back to the lockers to hang up his coat.

Bill shrugged.  “Last thing we need is for this department to be split.  It’s easier to try to make peace with him than to deal with him being upset.”

“Still.  Good move.”  Jimmy clapped Bill on the arm.  “Now we just gotta make you official.  Where’s Gray?  Or do you see Alvarez?”

“Gray, I think.”  Bill wasn’t sure, but checking with the Mayor first couldn’t hurt, especially since that’s who he supposedly worked for.

 

Gray didn’t make it in until eight o’clock, by which time Bill had sent most of his deputies out on patrol or to follow up on reports.

“Congratulations, Sheriff Koehler,” Gray said, leaning against the department’s counter.  “I’ve got stuff for you in my office.”

Bill followed Gray out and across the lobby to the mayor’s office.  He hadn’t been in here since Alvarez took over the sheriff’s department.  Bill noticed the ration board still in a corner, still filled out from two winters ago.

Gray noticed him looking.  “I don’t want to forget,” he explained.  “We could be back there any time if the ASA abandons us or if the war comes to us.”

Bill nodded.  He’d had nightmares of just that:  Jericho caught without food again, struggling to feed everyone.  Who would come to their rescue this time?

Gray dug in a desk drawer and pulled out the sheriff’s badge and a key.  Bill swapped out his deputy’s star for the sheriff’s, feeling almost like a kid playing cops and robbers.  He wasn’t really cut out for this, was he?

Gray seemed to think he was.  “I’m glad you won, Bill.  To tell the truth, I don’t know how long Alvarez will be in town with us, so we’ll need the deputies in full force again.  I can’t think of anyone better to run the department.”

Sheriff Dawes, Bill thought.  Jake Green.  But he nodded.  “Thank you, sir.”

Gray clapped him on the shoulder.  “We’ll work well together, I know.”

“Yes, we will,” Bill said, thinking back to the day Gray was elected.  Gray was a lot more reasonable now, but would he ever ask Bill to do a thing like that again?  To kill a man in cold blood?

Bill pushed back those thoughts.  He was sheriff now.  It was his job to see that the law was followed now.  He had the authority to stand up to the mayor; this badge said so.

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go move into my office, sir,” Bill said.

Gray shook his head.  “Can’t, I’m afraid.  Alvarez wants to see you first.”

Bill sighed.  Alvarez was going to crack down on him, he was sure of it.

 

Alvarez greeted Bill with a handshake.  “Glad you’re on the job, sheriff.  I see you already got one of your badges.  There are extras for your other uniforms in one of your desk drawers.”

Bill nodded.  “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes.”  Alvarez motioned for Bill to take a seat at one of the desks that now filled the old meeting room.  “We need to go over some new rules now that Jericho has a sheriff again.”

“New rules?” Bill asked.  What else could he ask of them?

“Now that the invading eastern states have made it to Kansas, we’re being deployed further east of Jericho.  You know that.”

Bill nodded.  That’s what triggered the sheriff’s election in the first place.

“I need all my men rested to deal with outriders and scouting parties that may make it to us.  I’m handing the policing duties back to your deputies.”

“Sir.  What does that mean for us?”

“It means that you’ll need a night shift again – your deputies and your deputies alone will be allowed out past curfew.  I expect you to continue enforcing all the rules the ASA has placed on Jericho without being lax.  I expect you to continue checking sidearms in and out for each shift and to note each firing incident.  I expect deputies to attend school classes and church services and to monitor public gathering places.  I expect you to follow up on reports of contraband or sedition.  Jennings & Rall will still be town managers, so you will heed their orders.”

Bill gulped.  He’d been afraid they were just going to replace the Army and he was right.  This was not going to go over well with his deputies. 

“Is that going to be a problem, sheriff?”  Alvarez quirked an eyebrow at him.

“No, sir,” Bill sighed.  “Just thinking how best to allocate the deputies I have.”  Thank goodness the department was the largest it’d ever been.  There was no way six deputies could have handled all Alvarez wanted.

“Good.  Now get to work.”  And with that, Bill was dismissed.

 

The first thing Bill did when he opened his new office was to check for listening bugs.  He found one in the phone and one behind the clock on the wall.

They were almost too easy.  He worried there were more that he missed.

He’d just have to watch what he said in here anyway.  No relaxing at work.

He unpacked his small box of belongings: mostly pens and pads of paper.  He did have an old picture of Sarah, left over from engagement photos, and one of his attempts at drawing Nathan while he was a baby.  Bill carefully set the photo up in the corner of his desk and leaned the drawing against it.

Maybe someday soon, they could get family pictures taken.  It’d be nice to have a camera again for the new baby.

Bill plopped in the chair – much nicer than the one he was used to – and leaned back, looking out the window at his department. 

Was he ever going to get used to saying that?

Jimmy saw him looking and waved.  Bill gave a soft laugh – that was exactly like Jimmy – and waved him in the office.  Who better to help him break the news to the deputies at the next shift change?  Jimmy was such a calming influence, he was bound to help.

“What’s up, boss?” Jimmy said, grinning.

Bill shook his head.  “I said stop that.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

“Did you give Jake this much crap?” Bill asked.

“Exactly as much as you gave him,” Jimmy pointed out.

“Oh, so this is karmic payback?”

“Something like that.”  Jimmy took one of the seats in front of the desk.  “What’s going on?”

“Alvarez is pulling most of the Army out of town, which means we have to take over their jobs.  Night shifts again, enforcing all the ASA rules.”

“All of them?” Jimmy asked, wide-eyed.

Bill nodded, frowning.  “All of them.  Basically everywhere a soldier has been, there needs to be a deputy now.”

“When does this start?”

Bill shrugged.  “Tonight, I think.  Graveyard shift.  We need to get volunteers to take up that job.”

“No one’s gonna want to do that,” Jimmy pointed out.

Bill sighed sadly.  “Then we’ll pick single guys without families and assign it to them.  We’ve got to fill these spots or Alvarez will take over the department again.”  He rubbed his face in his hands.  “I don’t want to do this, but we have to.”

“I know,” Jimmy said.  “You want me to talk to the guys at shift change?”

“No, I better do it,” Bill said.  “If I can’t talk to them about this, they won’t listen to me about anything.”

Jimmy nodded.  “You’re right, but I didn’t want to push you.”

Bill gave Jimmy a weak smile.  “You’re a good man, Jimmy.  Thank you.”

“Anything for the boss man,” Jimmy joked.

Bill groaned.

 

Bill leaned against the window of his office as second shift deputies showed up and the first shift came back in to work on paperwork.

Once he judged that most everyone was there, he cleared his throat.  “So you all know I won the election yesterday–” he paused when a few of the deputies clapped.  “Thank you.  But I’ve already gotten our marching orders from Major Alvarez.  Our job is about to get harder now that the election is over.”

“Whaddaya mean?” asked one of the deputies, leaning back in his desk chair.

“I mean the Army’s moving to the east – though they’re still based here – and Alvarez expects us to fill in everywhere a soldier was.”

“ _Everywhere_?”

"Hell, no."

“Even the schools?”

“Do we have to work nights, too?”

“I’m not comfortable with that, sir.”

Bill held up a hand to quiet the room and was surprised when it actually worked.  Maybe there was some power in this badge after all.

“Look,” he said.  “None of us want to do everything the Army was, but if we don’t, Alvarez will crack down harder on us.  I’ll take volunteers to start.  If I don’t get enough, you’ll get voluntold.  Who can work night shifts?  They start tonight.”

A few men held up their hands grudgingly.

“Great.  Thanks, guys.”  Bill was thrilled that one was so easy.  The next ones wouldn’t be.

As the meeting progressed, Bill filled all the necessary spots for the next few days.  He promised he and Jimmy would work out a fair schedule so that the same guys didn’t always get the same duty.  “I want you out on the streets as much as possible,” he told them.  “Not standing and watching for the government.  Our job should be out there, helping people, keeping the peace; not as observers.  We have to play ball with the ASA, though, so if you’re not comfortable with doing what they ask, you’re free to quit.  No hard feelings.”

Jimmy nodded at him from the back of the room.  Bill decided that was a good time to wrap it up.  He dismissed everyone, glad that the meeting seemed to go well.  He hoped he wasn’t going to be faced with mass resignations, though.

In the end, only two men quit.  Bill shook their hands and promised them jobs if the situation ever changed.  He hoped things would be different under the Columbus government – it was beginning to look like they could win this war.  Of course, they were backed by a UN coalition, but the important thing was that they were pushing the ASA back to the Rockies.

 

Bill didn’t make it home until after dark.  Sarah seemed surprised when he showed up.

“What about the curfew, babe?”

Bill tiredly wrapped Sarah in a hug.  “Deputies are exempt from the curfew now.  We’re back to running night shifts.”

Sarah held him close.  “Does that mean you’ll be working nights?”

“No,” Bill shook his head.  “Sheriff gets to work daytime only.”

“That’s good.  But surely you won’t work as long as you did today?  That was nearly thirteen hours!”

Bill shrugged, pulling back from the hug.  “I don’t know.  It depends on what I’m needed for.  I don’t want to be seen as a slacker first thing.”

“Aim to be home by dinner time for right now.  If you keep going in early, that’ll give you a ten hour shift,” Sarah suggested.  “Not that I want you working that long forever.”

“Sheriff Dawes did work eight to five,” Bill said thoughtfully.  “But these guys are used to Jimmy and I being there when they need us.”

“So how did it go with the guys?” Sarah asked cautiously.  “Everyone okay with you?”

“I had two guys quit today, but not over me.  At least I don’t think so.  Alvarez has us taking over the Army’s roles and they weren’t comfortable with that.”  Bill frowned.  “Tell the truth, _I’m_ not comfortable with it, but I can’t quit now.”

“No, you can’t,” Sarah said sadly.  “But you’ll do what you can.”

Bill nodded.  “What little I can.”

Sarah turned him to face the hallway.  “Right now, go check in on your son – he’s asleep already – and change.  I’ll reheat dinner.”

Bill gratefully stumbled down the hall.  He peered in the nursery.  Nathan was wiped out on his back, two fingers held loosely in his mouth.  Bill quietly crept in and laid a hand on Nathan’s head.  “Good night, kidlet,” he whispered.

Sarah had dinner reheated and waiting for him when Bill finished changing into pajamas.

“So these long days,” she began, “can you delegate out some of the leadership work?  Let Jimmy run the morning shift, for example?  You’ve got enough deputies to have a hierarchy other than deputy/sheriff.”

Bill munched on the chicken and rice Sarah had made.  “I already told Jimmy I’m making him undersheriff so he stays my partner.  I guess I could let him get the morning shift started, especially if I’m in by seven or eight.”

Sarah grinned.  “There you go.  Delegation!  What about second shift?  I don’t want you staying until they finish anymore.”

Bill gave Sarah a look.  “I may not have a choice, you know.  If something happens…”

“I know, I know,” Sarah said.  “But for normal.  The sheriff may be on-call all the time, but you don’t have to physically be there all the time.”

“Who do I put over second shift closing?  And what about third shift?”

Sarah thought for a moment.  “Whoever’s over second shift can also oversee the beginning of third.  Jimmy can handle closing out third shift.  You said that shift’s usually boring anyhow.”

“So I just need one more person.  But no one’s as experienced as Jimmy,” Bill pointed out.

“You know, if you wanted to offer an olive branch, you could ask Tim Perry,” Sarah suggested warily.

Bill rolled that over in his mind for a minute.  “That could work,” he said finally.  “Give Perry some authority so he isn’t as upset about losing.”

Sarah reached across the table and squeezed Bill’s arm.  “See?  You’re gonna be great at this.  I told you you would be.”

“With your help,” Bill said, taking Sarah’s hand.  “I’m going to need your advice a lot, I fear.”

“Good thing you know where to find me,” Sarah grinned.  “Next thing we have to figure out is how to go lax on Jericho without Alvarez knowing about it.”

“You figure that one out, let me know immediately,” Bill said.  “I don’t want my deputies to be the target of unrest in the town.  People may be bolder against us than they were against the Army.”

“We’ll get it figured out.  We can always use the radio gossip pathways to spread that you’re under pressure from Alvarez,” Sarah suggested.

“That might work.”  Bill squeezed Sarah’s hand.  “This is why I keep you around, babe.  You’re a hell of a lot smarter than me.”

Sarah blushed.  “Hardly.  I’m just looking at it from an outside view.  You’re the one with the hard job.”

“And I’ve got to run for it again in four years,” Bill groaned.

“You’ll win it again,” Sarah reassured.  “I know you will.  Jericho will vote for you again.”

“I hope you’re right.”

 


	7. December, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War comes to Jericho, again.

**December 11 th – 13th 2017**

Town by town, the US/UN Coalition pushed their way across Kansas.  Up north, they were in Montana; down south, they were still stuck in Oklahoma and New Mexico.

It was the Kansas information that interested Jericho.  Despite Major Alvarez’s best efforts, radios remained scattered through town and people listened eagerly to the war reports.

Bill listened, but wondered if the town realized that the war was heading straight for them.

He did what he could to prepare his deputies.  He worked with Mayor Anderson to ensure that the town’s shelters – Town Hall, the clinic, and the Anderson/Stevens salt mine – were prepped and ready for people.  He encouraged people to stockpile food and supplies.  He surreptitiously moved ammunition to the people who’d managed to hide their guns from the ASA.

Last time, Jericho had been caught off-guard by war.  This time, Bill was determined they’d be prepared.

~~~

 

“Sheriff!” Alvarez called, striding purposefully into the sheriff’s department.

Bill was helping a new deputy with paperwork.  “Yes?” he asked, looking up at the major.

“In your office, now!”

Bill patted the new deputy on the back.  “You got this,” he encouraged.  “Ask Jimmy for help if you still don’t get it.”

“Now, sheriff,” warned Alvarez.

Bill followed him into the office, shutting the door behind him.  “What can I help you with today, major?”

“You and some of your men were Rangers, correct?”

Alvarez already knew the answer to that, so Bill nodded.  “There’s a few of us in the department.”

“Good.  I need all of you upstairs immediately.”

Bill frowned.  “What’s this about?”

Alvarez stopped by the door.  “We’re planning the defense of Jericho.  Who better to do that than the men who defended her before?”

 

“Jimmy, Matt, Greg,” Bill called once Alvarez left.  “Come here for a sec.”

“What’s up, boss?” Jimmy asked.

Bill gave him a look.  The “boss” joke wasn’t any funnier now than it was right after the election, but Jimmy seemed to love it.

“Apparently the US is getting close enough that Alvarez is planning a defense of the town.  He wants us Rangers to help him plan it.  I guess he figures we know the town best of anyone.”

Greg frowned.  “But we don’t _want_ them to defend the town.  We _want_ the US to conquer us.”

Bill shushed him in case someone was listening in.  The walls had ears in this building.  “You’re right, but we have to work with the ASA.  We have no choice.”

“We can keep our mouths shut about some of the patrol trails, can’t we?” asked Matt.

“Only if we’re all on the same page,” Jimmy said.  “They’ll probably have us work separately.”

Bill nodded.  “Jimmy’s right.  Unless we come up with some now, we’re better off being honest.”

“I think we should hide some from them.  Maybe some of us can go lead the US into town,” Matt said hopefully.

That was a good idea.  Risky, but good.  “Okay, so figure out what we want to hide.  You’ve got two minutes to figure this out.”

The men made their choices in one minute.  Bill was proud of the way they reverted back to their Ranger training after so long.  

Now to face Alvarez.

 

Sarah heard the whispers at work.  They could talk more openly, with a deputy monitoring the building instead of a soldier, but Bill had warned her that some of his men were working with Alvarez.

“They’re just a few days out!” Joanna hissed.  “They took Rogue River.  New Bern’s next and then us.”

“Are you sure?” Sarah asked quietly.  “I haven’t listened to the radio in a few days.”

Joanna nodded.  “Brett got the radio out this morning.”

“You guys have got a basement, right?  And food stocked up?” Sarah asked.  “Bill thinks this will be a bad one.”

“We’re being rescued?  How bad can it be?”

Sarah shook her head.  “Just stock up and make sure you’ve got shelter.”

 

“They’re using the roads,” Alvarez said, looking at the map.  “That means they’ll have to come down Route 7.  We should make a stand with artillery here, before the road splits.”

Bill knew without looking that he meant the Richmond Farm.  “Sir, that location has already seen war.  It might not be the best spot.”

“Nonsense,” Alvarez said.  “I’ll send some men to move the family out of the home and prepare defensive positions.”

Bill bit his lip.  There wasn’t anything he could do to stop the major.  “Send them to my house, please.  The Richmonds are friends of my family and they have a baby.”

“Just like you, huh?” Alvarez asked.  “Okay, I’ll allow them to stay with you, but only for the duration of the battle.”

“Thank you,” Bill said.  Maybe Stanley could be talked out of the farmhouse, maybe not, but he’d probably send Mimi and Caroline into town.  Bill felt better knowing they had a place to stay.

“What happens if they break through here?” Bill asked, pointing at Stanley’s farm.

“We fall back to the town limits.  I know you’ve been fixing up the shelters, so we’ll send everyone on the east and south edges of town to one of them and my men will set up in their houses.  They won’t want to destroy property, so we’ll use that against them.”

Bill felt sick.  Alvarez was asking for those houses to be destroyed, for those people to be homeless.  And the roads he was pointing at were only a few streets over from his own.  Would his house be a target for artillery?

“I need your men to show mine the trails you used to patrol the town,” Alvarez said.

Just as he thought.  “I’ll gather the Rangers.  It’ll be better if Jimmy and I do it rather than you – the Rangers trust us more.”

Alvarez looked like he was about to argue, but his expression relaxed.  “All right.  I want everyone here in an hour.  Get on it.”

Damn, he really _was_ desperate to hold the town.

~~~

 

The US took New Bern in a day.  There wasn’t much resistance: the ASA was making their stand in Jericho instead.  From what Bill heard, they were welcomed with open arms.  Even the Jennings & Rall employees who hadn’t fled surrendered without a fight.

If only it could be that easy in Jericho.  Unfortunately, Bill was sure it wouldn’t.

Town Hall was chaotic, Bill noted.  Upstairs, the Army leadership was planning out defensive measures.  Downstairs, people were asking the deputies about shelter – and what to do if they’d been kicked out of their houses.  They mobbed Mayor Anderson’s office with complaints – and Bill couldn’t blame them.  He’d be complaining if he were kicked out of his house, too.

Speaking of complaining, Stanley came straight to Bill.  “What are you doing, man?  You’re letting them use _my farm_ again?”

“I didn’t have any input,” Bill explained.  “I tried to get them to set up elsewhere, I really did.”

“What’s this about us having to move in with you?” Stanley said, still accusatory.

Bill shrugged.  “I thought it was better that you had a place to go.  And we’re set up for baby care, at least.”

“I’m not leaving my farm!” Stanley insisted.

“But you’ll send Mimi and Caroline our way, right?” Bill asked.

Stanley huffed.  “Yes,” he said irritably.  “I just dropped them off with Sarah.”

“You should stay, too.  This is going to be more serious than New Bern,” Bill warned.

“I’m _not_ leaving my farm.”

Bill looked at Stanley sadly.  “Be careful, then.”  He was terrified this would be the last time he saw his friend.

 

Mimi stood in the middle of the nursery, bouncing Caroline in her arms.  “I don’t know what to do,” she said, sounding stressed.

“Let me take Caroline and you sit down,” Sarah suggested.  “She and Nathan can play – or she can watch Nathan playing – and I’ll get you some water.”

Mimi almost didn’t hand over Caroline, but she let go after a tense moment. 

Sarah laid Caroline tummy down near where Nathan was playing.  Caroline sat herself up and reached for Nathan’s toys.  He pulled them all closer to him, except for one – a stuffed dog that was his least favorite.  Sarah rolled her eyes.  They were going to have to work on sharing.

Mimi sat down in the rocking chair and took the water Sarah offered.  “Are they really going to fight there again?” she asked plaintively.

Sarah shook her head.  “I don’t know.  Bill says so, and I suppose he’d know better than anyone.  He just wants us all downstairs tomorrow until he comes home.”  _If_ he comes home.  Sarah knew Alvarez wanted Bill with him at the command center, but Bill had other plans, more dangerous plans.  She just didn’t know what they were.

She sighed.  Here they were again, having to hunker down in basements and shelters, just like after the bombs.  War was coming again, just like New Bern.  And just like that night before the war, she didn’t know if she’d be left pregnant and widowed.

Sarah shook her head.  She couldn’t focus on that.  It was hard not to; she could tell she was starting a bipolar downswing and her brain wanted to focus on the bad.

Mimi handed back her glass of water and nudged the dog toy toward Caroline with a foot.  The little girl finally grasped it and tried to chew it. 

Nathan saw this and started crying.  “Mine!” he shrieked.

“Excuse us,” Sarah said to Mimi and picked up Nathan.  She took him to her bedroom, sat him on the bed and got down in the floor, eye to eye with Nathan.  “No,” she said firmly.  “You need to _share_.  It’s okay for Caroline to play with your toys.”

He looked at her with wide eyes the same color as Bill’s.  “Mine,” he whimpered.

“ _Share_ ,” Sarah reiterated.  “Caroline will give them back when she’s finished.”

Nathan continued sniffling as Sarah carried him back to the nursery.  He started crying when he saw Caroline playing with his favorite blocks.  “Share,” Sarah reminded him.

“Share,” he sniffled, obviously unhappy.  He didn’t try to grab the blocks back from Caroline, although he did grab his wood-carved police car protectively.

“Sorry about that,” Sarah said. 

Mimi leaned back in the rocking chair, looking a little more at ease.  “It’s okay.  That was bound to happen.”

“They’ll learn to get along before too long,” Sarah said.  If they all survived tomorrow, that is.

 

Bill came home late, tired and nearly asleep on his feet.  He’d been unable to convince Stanley to stay, but he’d done everything else he could to prepare for the onslaught tomorrow.

Hopefully it _would_ be tomorrow and not tonight.  He didn’t think he was up for a night battle.

Sarah met him at the front door with a shush.  “Everyone’s already asleep, even Mimi.  The kids are both asleep in the crib.”

“Both of them?” Bill asked, raising an eyebrow.  “I thought we’d have to get out the cradle for Caroline.”

“She’s a little too big for that now,” Sarah pointed out.  “They’re both asleep, so I’ll take it.”

Bill nodded, hanging up his jacket in the hallway.  Two years ago, he’d’ve slept in that jacket, he remembered, and hoped they wouldn’t lose power in the coming battle.

Sarah’s tone changed to something more serious.  “What _is_ your plan for tomorrow?  Will you tell me?”

Bill shook his head.  “The fewer people know about it, the better.  That includes you.”

Sarah pulled him into a hug.  “Don’t do like last time.  I want to know you’re coming home.”

“I plan on coming home again, I promise.”  Bill patted her back and squeezed her tight.  “This is different, remember?  We _want_ the other guys to win.  I’m just going to try to help them.”

“Promise me you’re coming home,” Sarah repeated, looking him in the eyes.

“I promise.”  He bent down and kissed her, closing his eyes and letting the warm, comforting smell of _Sarah_ envelop him.  “I want you to do one more thing for me,” he said.

Sarah kept her arms wrapped around him.  “What’s that?”

Stay alive.  Be safe.  “I want you to go to the clinic shelter.  I think Alvarez is going to try and draw the US’s fire to our homes.”

“Town Hall is closer,” Sarah said, but then she figured it out on her own.  “It’s also more of a target, isn’t it?”

Bill nodded, kissing her again.  “I need to know you and Nathan are in the safest place possible.”

She ran a hand through his hair.  “We will be, thanks to you.”

~~~

 

Bill’s alarm went off at four as usual.  He quickly hit the button to turn it off, but it’d already woken Sarah.

“Go back to sleep.  You’ll hear the ASA’s artillery before the fighting gets here.  You can go to the clinic then.”

“There’s going to be a battle today and you want me to sleep in?” Sarah asked incredulously.  “No, I’m seeing you off.”

Bill didn’t see a reason to argue, besides not wanting Sarah to fret.  It was too late for that, apparently.  “Okay,” he said quietly, taking off his pajama shirt.

He sat up and Sarah maneuvered to sit behind him, wrapping her arms around his chest.  She kissed his shoulder, moving up his neck. 

Bill shuddered.  He had planned on slipping out quietly, but…  He turned and caught Sarah’s mouth with his.

“Stay just a little bit,” she whispered.  “Don’t leave me just yet.”

Bill wondered if this was a mistake, but… well, intimacy was never a mistake with Sarah, was it?  He’d never regretted it before, why would he start today?

Bill turned where he sat and pulled Sarah onto his lap.  He slowly unbuttoned her flannel pajama shirt and kissed her collarbone.  He pushed the shirt off her shoulders and leaned back to just look at her: she’d put on baby weight again, her breasts were full, and he loved every inch of her.

He’d definitely have to keep his promise to come home to her.

 

An hour later, Bill showed up at Town Hall to meet the twenty other Rangers before Alvarez got to them.

Of course, Jimmy had beaten everyone there and was already filling the Rangers in on the plan.

Bill thought their plan was crazy, with a side of ingenious.  Could they pull it off?

Maybe.  It might just get them all killed.

He leaned back against the counter and let Jimmy and Eric handle the meeting.  He was a Ranger again, not a sheriff.  He didn’t have to be in charge.  It was a nice break.

Bill’s break lasted until Alvarez showed up at dawn.  “Sheriff, are your men ready?” the Major asked.

Bill nodded.  Alvarez wanted the Rangers to guard the downtown headquarters, leaving all the soldiers for the front lines – which played right into Bill’s plan.  “Yes, sir.  I was about to hand out rifles and ammo to everyone.”

“Good.  Come upstairs when everything’s ready.”

Bill nodded at Eric, who immediately went to find and protect Gray Anderson.  They were going to need a mayor to negotiate with the US and UN forces.

Jimmy went to the gun room – they had more confiscated guns than would fit in a locker – and started arming everyone who was there.

Bill took one of the department’s rifles – old but trusty – and slung it over his shoulder.

Damn, it felt good to be a Ranger again.

 

Close to seven o’clock, the ground started shaking as ASA artillery boomed from the small rise overlooking Stanley’s house.

“It’s time, gentlemen,” Alvarez said grimly, clasping his hands behind his back.

“Sir, I’m going to go make sure people are getting to the shelters,” Bill said.

Alvarez nodded.  “We don’t need civilian casualties.  Get them somewhere safe.”

Bill nodded and left the control room and its constant chatter of radios and satellite signals and entered the hubbub downstairs as people filed into the underground shelter. 

“Jimmy, we okay here?” he asked, yelling to be heard over the crowd.

Jimmy nodded and gave Bill a thumbs up.

Bill left the building, hopped in his SUV, and went to check on the clinic shelter. 

Matt was running things at the clinic.  “Got everything under control, sir.  Your wife’s already down there.”

And if Sarah was there, so were Nathan and Mimi and Caroline.  Bill breathed a sigh of relief and nodded at Matt.  “Keep it up until everyone’s in there,” he instructed, and left again.

This time Bill drove all the way north to the salt mine.  There, Gray Anderson and Eric were running things – Gray would never give up control of that mine.

“Going good here!” Eric called before Bill could get out of the car.

Bill drove back to town and dropped his car off at his house.  Now that things were under control, it was time to put the Rangers in action.

 

Bill walked through the neighborhoods to the western edge of town.  The ASA were arrayed along the eastern side of town, going as far north as the salt mine – but they weren’t covering their flank, leaving Bill and the Rangers plenty of room to sneak out of town.

The houses were quiet.  People, even behind the lines here, were hidden underground or in a public shelter, and the ASA only planned to use this as a fallback position.  The only people Bill saw were Rangers.

“Scouting party is ready, sir,” said Greg.  Snow swirled through the air, accumulating in small drifts on the ground.

Bill shot him a look.  “I’m just Bill today, Greg.  Not the sheriff.  Not until the US gets here and wants to talk to me.”

“You really think we can get out there without the ASA seeing?” one of the Rangers asked.

“I think we can get out there before they stop us,” Bill said, more confidently than he felt.  If the ASA used ATVs, they could catch up to men on foot easily.

 

Caroline was asleep in Mimi’s arms.  Sarah was jealous – she must be an angel child.

Nathan, on the other hand, was demanding “Play, Mama!”

Sarah held him tight while he wiggled.  “No, Nathan.  No play here.  It’s too crowded.” 

They sat four to a bunk in the clinic shelter.  At least this one was operational now, but unfortunately it was packed to the brim.  There was no room for Sarah to let Nathan down on the ground even if she’d wanted to: either he’d sit and play in the dirt or he’d toddle off somewhere.  She didn’t feel up to chasing him around the shelter.

Even underground, they felt the booms and shaking of artillery fire on the outside of town.  Or maybe Sarah was just imagining it.

Either way, she was going to hold Nathan the whole time.  Even if he threw a tantrum, which were becoming more common every day.

God, she hoped he didn’t throw a tantrum in here.  Everyone would think she was a bad parent.  That Bill was.  She didn’t want to do anything to stain his reputation now that he was sheriff.

Where could he be today?  What was his big, secret plan?

Nathan reached up and tapped her face.  “Story?”

Sarah tried to flatten his flyaway hair.  “Okay, Nathan, we can do a story.”  She thought quickly and started reciting one of his favorite books – with a few elaborations and embellishments.  He tried to help tell the story, excitedly adding in words he knew, almost bouncing off Sarah’s lap each time he “helped.”

 

The Rangers walked carefully through the corn fields west of town, picking their way southeast in a large circle.  The satellite imagery Bill had seen put the US troops in this direction, while their artillery took on the ASA at Stanley’s farm from I-70.

So far, everything was going as planned.  They were two thirds of the way there.

The corn rippled in front of them and Greg held up his hand in a fist to stop everyone.  The Rangers crouched down and took aim.  If it was an ASA scout, they’d have to fire, which might draw attention their way.

Oh please, let it be a loose cow or something.

Two men stepped through the corn, firearms up at the ready; they’d obviously heard the Rangers approaching as well.

Bill looked, trying to determine who they belonged to.

“Bill?  Nate?  Greg?” one of them said and Bill realized who it was, despite the beard.

“Jake?!  What are you doing here?”

The corn rippled again and squadron of men appeared in the corn behind Jake and his partner.

Jake held up his hand to stop them.  “Hawkins and I are with the US Army for this battle.  Least they could let us do for making us do PR for them the last year and a half.  We were trying to sneak in behind the ASA lines and into town to see if we could find you guys.”

“Where’s Hawkins?” Bill asked.

“Back with the Lieutenant Colonel at the rear of our lines.  Helping with the computer stuff.  What are _you_ doing?”

Bill scuffed his foot in the dust.  “Trying to hook up with the US Army so we could lead them into town this way.”

Jake laughed.  “Good old Bill.  I should have known we could count on you.”  He turned to his uniformed partner.  “I’m going to take Bill back with me to headquarters.  You follow these men.  They know what they’re doing.”

The man nodded.  “Yes, sir.  Form up!”

Bill stepped to the side and watched the squadron follow the Rangers back towards town.

“Hell, Jake, how’d you get them to let you lead a troop through the middle of nowhere?” he asked.

“I don’t know if you know it, but Jericho’s a highly symbolic town to the eastern states.”

“Us?  Really?”  Bill was confused.  “What’d we do?”

“First, it’s where the tell-tale bomb was hidden.  Second, it’s where Hawkins and I came from.  Third, Beck and his men made it to the border and backed up our tales of Cheyenne’s corruption and cruelty.  So right now, everyone in the eastern states knows the name of Jericho, Kansas.”

Bill shook his head and gave a low whistle.  “Never would have thought.”

Jake clapped him on the shoulder and led him back through the corn.  “Tell me what’s been going on here.  What’s the new guy like?  Did Sarah finally have that baby?  How’s Emily?  And Stanley?  And Eric?”

“I’m sheriff now.  We’ve got a boy and another one on the way.  Everyone’s good, but missing you.  Major Alvarez has kept us under the sort of restrictions Beck enforced while he was looking for us, but worse.  No gatherings without ASA oversight, we’re restricted on where we can go and who we can see, and people just disappear if they’re found with contraband.”

Jake’s eyes narrowed at that.  “How’d you get a gun today, then?  I’m sure that’s contraband.”

“It is,” Bill acknowledged.  “But Alvarez thinks the Rangers are helping protect the town.”

“He’s going to get a big shock when my guys get there, then,” Jake said.  “Their orders are to go straight to headquarters and take that over.”

Bill hummed.  Alvarez wouldn’t be expecting that, but did he have backup plans in case the Rangers misbehaved?  He wouldn’t put it past him…

 

Jake led him into a mobile war command center.  Tents were set up by I-70 and troops and tanks waited in reserve.

“We don’t want to use the tanks if we don’t have to,” Jake said.  “They’re here in case Cheyenne misbehaves outside of town.”

“They’ve evacuated the houses on the edges of town.  If you break through at Stanley’s, they’re going to fall back to the houses as shelter,” Bill explained.

Jake looked at him.  “You need to tell all this to the Lieutenant Colonel.”

The ducked inside on of the tents and Jake called out, “DiLorenzo!”

A dark-haired man looked up.  “Jake.  What are you doing back?  Who’s this?”

“This is Jericho’s sheriff,” Jake explained, pointing at Bill.  “Ran into him leading a group of Rangers out to hook up with us and lead us into town safely.  I sent my guys on with his and brought Bill back so he could tell you the lay of the land.”

The man held out his hand.  “Lieutenant Colonel DiLorenzo, US Army.”

“Bill Koehler.”  Bill shook his hand.  “What can I help you with, sir?”

DiLorenzo nodded and walked over to a map of the area.  “We’ve got satellite imagery telling us where the ASA are, but we don’t know what they’re planning.  Do you have any insight on that?”

Bill grinned.  “I have a pretty good idea.  Alvarez trusted me with a lot leading up to this.”

 

Bill, Jake, Hawkins, and DiLorenzo crowded around a computer screen, watching a video feed from one of the US soldiers following the Rangers.

The video was shaky and audio unclear as they moved, but Bill recognized the path they were taking: up the southwest side of town towards Main Street close to the north of town.  Jericho was only five miles square, so it didn’t take them too long.

Bill watched them enter town square and find Jimmy standing in front of Town Hall.

“What’s this?” Jimmy asked.

“US Army,” answered one of the soldiers.  “Can you show us the way to the ASA command?”

Jimmy boggled for a second, then pointed to Town Hall.  “Inside and upstairs.  They’ve got two men on the door, but that’s it.”

The video went shaky again as the soldiers and Rangers moved into the building.  Rangers led the way, followed by the US soldiers – who didn’t look that different from ASA soldiers unless you looked at the flags.  The soldiers on the door didn’t even think twice about letting the group come close.

Bill could barely tell what was being done, but there was a scuffle and then the two ASA soldiers dropped.  Rangers pulled them to the sides of the doors.

When they opened the door, Alvarez was staring at them: the scuffle hadn’t been silent.  “What is this?” he asked.  “Taylor, what are you doing?”

“Uh, my duty, sir,” Jimmy said.  Bill smiled at that response.

Alvarez didn’t wait to see what was going on.  He pressed a button on his laptop.

The ground shook and the sounds of explosions reached the US Headquarters.  The men in the view of the camera were visibly shaken.  They raised their weapons as if by instinct.

“That was all the houses lining town,” Alvarez said.  “I also have bombs placed in each of the shelters.  It’s your turn to back down, Deputy.”

Bill felt sick.  Alvarez just blew his defensive line to make a show.  And he’d known Bill was restoring the shelters – the shelters Sarah and Nathan were in.  “Bastard,” he whispered.  “What can your men do now?”

Jake looked at Bill.  “People are in the shelters?”

Bill nodded.  “We got both running and are using the salt mine too.  Alvarez must have had his men put bombs in it during the nights when we weren’t working.”

“Damn him,” Jake hissed.

DiLorenzo hit a button on his headset.  “Take them all out before he can blow the shelters.”

Without warning, the US soldier with the headset fired on Alvarez, hitting him with multiple shots in the stomach.  The other soldiers followed his lead and a short firefight ensued.

Bill tried to follow along from the camera, but he almost got motion sickness trying.  The camera swung around the room, picking up flashes from semiautomatic fire.  “What’s happening?” he asked desperately.

“We’ll see when the firing stops,” Hawkins said solemnly.

Bill closed his eyes for a moment, praying that he wouldn’t hear more explosions.  That the ASA wouldn’t actually blow up the shelters.

Who was he kidding?  Alvarez would.  But would his men?

Bill didn’t trust them not to.  He held his breath, waiting for that sickening rumble.

A scratchy voice across the audio link:  “Sir?  We got them.  Four fatalities for us, two prisoners from them.”

Bill let out a sigh of relief.  “Does this mean it’s over?” he asked.

“No,” said Hawkins.  “There’s still the rest of the ASA army.  We just took out their coordination.”

DiLorenzo thumbed his headset again.  “Good job.  Hold the command center until we’re able to send backup.  Send a few Rangers back our way so they can lead the relief squadron in.”

The Lieutenant Colonel turned to Bill.  “Your men got us where we needed to go.  Thank you.”  He glanced at Jake.  “Green told us Jericho would help us fight.  Good to see he was right.”

“There are twenty-five or so Rangers scattered throughout the town.  If I can get the word to them, they’ll all fight for you.  Or Jimmy can get them.  We’ve been waiting for this day since we learned what the Cheyenne government really was,” Bill said.

DiLorenzo looked satisfied.  “That’s what I was told, too.”  He turned his headset back on.  “If there’s a Ranger named Jimmy there, he can help you round up a few more men to help in town.”

A lieutenant interrupted their conversation.  “Sir, we’re taking heavy fire from their artillery and have lost several guns.  They’ve held the ranch.  Our artillery needs to fall back and regroup.”

“Ranch?” Jake asked softly.

“Stanley’s,” Bill answered.  “Again.”

DiLorenzo’s face hardened.  “We send men into the town from the west.  Come at the artillery from behind.”

“Yes, sir.”  The lieutenant gave a quick nod and relayed the orders over his headset.

“They ought to be weaker without a central command,” DiLorenzo said.  “But there will still be considerable danger.”

The idea of fighting in the streets in Jericho chilled Bill.  It’s what he fought against in the New Bern War.  He knew this time that everyone was hiding in a basement or in a shelter – or they should be – but that didn’t mean no one would get hurt.

 

Noises from outside.

Sarah could barely make them out over Nathan’s grumpy babbling.  She shushed him, just for a moment, and realized it was gunfire.

“Do you hear that?” Mimi asked.

Sarah nodded.  “Fighting’s come to town, then.”

“Who do you think is winning?”

“I don’t know,” Sarah said honestly.  There’d been the explosions earlier that rocked the clinic and now this?  “I hope it’s the US, but I don’t know how to tell.”

Mimi hugged Caroline closely, miraculously still sleeping.  “I hope so, too.”

 

Bill followed Hawkins over to monitor the satellite feeds of the town.  He could see both armies sweeping into Jericho – the US from the south, the ASA from the north east.  They met in the middle of town, on Main Street.

It was hard to follow the fighting – everyone was behind shelter: most under trees or below the eaves of buildings.  What caught Bill’s eye was the artillery at Stanley’s farm turning towards the town.

“They’re going to fire!” he said.  “How can we stop them?”

DiLorenzo studied the feed for a moment.  “Bring up the Howitzers from our rear.  Stop their artillery, no matter what it takes.  They’re willing to sacrifice the town.”

Bill wished he had a way to communicate with Jimmy and warn him about this artillery, but he didn’t know how to.

“Sir?” came a voice over the radio.  “ASA is asking permission to fire on the town.  Should we answer?”

No, Bill thought; if they realized the US took over command center, they’d fire for sure.

DiLorenzo disagreed.  “No, tell them –” he looked at Bill, who said “Major Alvarez.”

“–Tell them Major Alvarez says to hold their fire until he says otherwise.”

Bill prayed DiLorenzo’s deception would work.

 

It worked, to Bill’s great relief.  The artillery stayed quiet while the fighting in town continued.

Bill noticed some movement on the edge of town and he realized it was the Rangers bringing in another squadron of US soldiers, through the trails they’d hidden from Alvarez.  Their path was bringing them behind the ASA lines.  “Look!”  Bill pointed them out.

DiLorenzo nodded at Bill.  He turned on his headset again.  “Sanders, be aware you are coming out behind enemy lines.  Attack from the rear, but be aware of friendly fire.”

Bill itched to be out there instead of stuck back here and he said as much to Jake.

“You’re sheriff now, Bill.  Jericho needs you to stay safe.” Jake said.  “Just like Gray.  He’s still around, isn’t he?”

“Still mayor,” Bill confirmed.  He knew what Jake meant, but he still resented sitting out of the action.  If he’d known, he’d’ve brought Sarah and Nathan with him instead of leaving them in the clinic shelter.  He hadn’t known it was rigged with explosives when he sent them there.  If anything happened to them…  He didn’t know if he could forgive himself.

 

On one screen, Bill watched the Howitzers pick at the ASA artillery, slowly regaining the upper hand.  On the other, the tides were turning in town and the US had the ASA soldiers surrounded.

This battle was almost over, Bill realized.  And he’d sat the whole thing out.  He’d been where the US forces needed him to be, but he’d still left the dangerous duties to his men.

Bill said as much to Hawkins, who grinned.

“If they’d aimed right, their artillery could have taken us out any time.  You haven’t been safe since you left your house this morning.”

As soon as the last of the ASA soldiers in town was surrounded, DiLorenzo gestured to Jake, Hawkins, and Bill.  “Let’s go accept some surrenders.”

Bill piled into a Humvee with everyone else.  It’d been a long time since he’d made the drive into down from I-70 – it’d been the territory of Jonah and his men these past few years.  Jericho didn’t look the same, even after the ASA had tried to rebuild it.  The stores near the interstate still stood empty – it wasn’t safe that far from the center of town.

They drove up to a large circle of US soldiers standing around sitting ASA soldiers.  Guns were piled up on the other side of the road – the ASA had surrendered.

DiLorenzo hopped out of the truck as soon as it stopped.  “Who’s in charge here?” he asked.

An ASA First Lieutenant stood, glaring.  “That would be me.”

“I’m Lieutenant Colonel Marcus DiLorenzo of the United States Army.  I will accept your surrender,” he said.

“You’ve already taken my weapon,” the lieutenant said, somewhat nastily.

“Then I’ll just accept your word.  And your orders to the artillery to stop firing,” DiLorenzo said.

The lieutenant stalled for a moment.  “We surrender,” he said, obviously feeling forced. 

Bill didn’t feel sorry for him.

 

There was a pounding on the door of the clinic shelter. 

Sarah and Mimi both looked up at the door.  It opened and Sarah saw a familiar silhouette. 

“Bill!” she said, louder than she meant to.

Bill stepped in the shelter.  “The US won.  We’ve been liberated,” he announced.

A cheer went up.  Sarah jumped up, hugging Nathan to her, and tried to get to Bill.  Mimi called for her, but Sarah ignored her. 

It took a bit to maneuver through the crowd, especially with a grumpy toddler in her arms, but she got close enough to see Bill again.  He was looking through the crowd, probably for her.

“Bill!” she called.

He looked at her, relieved, and held a hand out to her.  “I need to get you out of here,” he said.  “And everyone else.  Go wait for me out front.  Please?”

Sarah nodded and slipped through the door as Bill organized everyone else’s exit from the shelter.  She walked through the abandoned clinic and into the street, boggling at how normal everything looked.

She finally let Nathan down to the ground.  “Walk with Mama,” she instructed.  He pulled away from her a time or two, but held tight to her hand when others started pouring out of the clinic.

Bill was the last one out of the shelter, escorting the stunned looking J&R doctors out.  He handed them off to a couple of US soldiers waiting nearby.  Kenchy stood by, looking satisfied.

Bill found Sarah and Nathan in the crowd.  He picked up the boy and gave him a hug.  “I told you you’d be a normal, American kid someday.  This is the start of that, kiddo.”  He kissed Nathan on the cheek and then pulled Sarah close.  “We won.  The Rangers made the difference.  We’re US citizens again.”

Sarah kissed him, ignoring the fact they were in public.  “You did it, babe.  You saved us.”

Bill hugged her tighter.  “It wasn’t me.  It was the other Rangers.  I just stood back and let them do it.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Sarah said.  “But I’m glad you stayed safe.  No hospital visits this time.”

“I told you I planned on coming home,” Bill said.  “When are you going to believe me?”

 


	8. December, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War is hell, but so is what comes next.

**December 13 th – 14th 2017**

With the end of hostilities came silence.  With that silence came the bulk of Jericho’s citizenry, creeping out of their basements and houses and shelters.

Bill found his deputies among the crowds and sent them to guard the shelters – once everyone was out, no one but the Army’s bomb squad was going back in.  Bill tried to think of other places there might be booby traps left by the ASA and closed down Bailey’s and the schools.

No one else was getting hurt on his watch, if he could help it.

Lieutenant Colonel DiLorenzo introduced Bill and Mayor Anderson to Major Woods, who would be the US equivalent of Alvarez.  Right from the start, he seemed more pleasant.

“We’d like you to keep everyone where they are while we do a sweep of the town and make sure there are no holdouts anywhere.”

“What about the houses that were bombed?” asked Gray.

Major Woods nodded.  “We’ll check those too.  We want to make sure there’s no unexploded ordnance there or in the shelters.  We’ll also send the bomb squad to the ASA’s field artillery positions.  We just have to prioritize where we’re going.”

“Clinic first,” said Gray.  “Then houses.  We’ll work on figuring out homes for these people while you work.”

“All right,” said Woods.  “Clinic it is.”

Bill was still stuck on the mention of the ASA’s field artillery.  _Stanley_.  What happened out at the farm?

“I’m going to go find Eric,” Bill said, “He can help with everything.  Then I’ve got to make a phone call.”

Gray nodded at him and Bill strode off, certain he’d find Eric with Mary near her bar.

 

Bill was right; Eric was in the square, listening to Mary fuss about her bar being closed.

“But I could be doing business _right now_ ,” she argued.  “Bill, what’s going on?  Why’d you shut things down?”

“We’re worried the ASA left us some surprises in the town’s main buildings – and your bar _is_ a popular hangout,” Bill explained.  “Eric, you need to get down to the clinic.  Gray needs your help.”

“What about yours?” Eric asked.

“I’ll head back in a minute.  I’ve got to find a phone first.”

Bill looked around for a building that wasn’t closed – ah, the lawyer’s office.  William Garrity’s office was right across from Town Hall, but no one had gone in there in years since Garrity was out of town when the bombs hit.  Bill broke the lock and went inside, praying his phone line worked.

Miraculously, it did.  The ASA must have repaired all the phones on Main Street.

Bill dialed the Richmond’s number and listened to it ring.  And ring.  And ring.  Finally it was obvious no one would answer.

It could be anything, Bill told himself.  Stanley could be outside.  He could be headed into town.  Nothing had to be wrong.

Still, he felt sick.  He jogged out of the building and around Town Hall to where his work car was parked – the official Sheriff’s car.  He had to go out to check on Stanley.

Hopefully he’d run into him on the way out of town.

 

Stanley wasn’t on the road into town.

Bill’s heart dropped when he drove up the farm’s road.  The farmhouse had been hit by the US Artillery, more than once.  The entire top floor was caved in and part of the ground floor, too.

Bill stood outside the patrol car for a minute, just taking it in.  Where would Stanley be?  Inside the main part of the house or in the shelter?

Bill decided to check the storm shelter first.  Maybe Stanley had been smart enough to go down there.  He flung open the shelter doors and called for Stanley.

No answer.

Taking a deep breath, Bill crept down the stairs.  “Stanley, you down here, man?”

No sign of Stanley in the shelter.  The shelves were all on the ground, canned foods busted open, but no person.

Time to try the inside of the house.  Bill hoped it was sturdy enough to walk in.

“Stanley?” he tried again.

Still no answer.  Bill stepped inside and immediately saw blood on one of the couches.  “Stanley!” he yelled, more desperately.

A few more steps in the building and he saw legs – legs that were attached to Stanley’s body, thank God.  But…  Stanley was still and bloody.  Bill saw that his right side had been caught in some sort of blast.  His hand and lower arm looked as if they’d been through a shredder 

“Jesus, Stanley!”  Bill knelt next to him and checked his pulse.  Faint, but there.  Stanley was alive.

Bill yanked his belt off, tearing some belt loops on his jeans.  He wrapped the belt around Stanley’s upper arm and yanked it tight as a tourniquet.  It wasn’t ideal, but it would work until he could receive proper medical attention.

First, he found the Richmond’s phone and tried to call the clinic, but there was no dial tone.  He could try his car radio, but no one was in the office to get the message.  He’d have to get Stanley to the clinic himself.

Fuck.  How was he going to lift his six-foot-three friend, much less carry him to the patrol car?

Bill wedged his way under Stanley’s left shoulder and yanked him to a sitting position.  With all his strength, he stood up, pulling Stanley with him.

It took him nearly five minutes to drag Stanley’s unconscious body to the patrol car.  He pushed him into the back seat and almost collapsed from exhaustion.

But no.  Stanley was counting on him.  So were Mimi and Caroline.

Damn Stanley’s stubbornness.

 

Bill hit the lights and sirens once he turned on Main Street and people hurried to move out of his way.  He stuck his head out the window and yelled at Jimmy to get some of the Red Cross doctors to the clinic.

They’d better be through sweeping the shelter for bombs.  Stanley needed a doctor _now._

He parked his patrol car on the curb and ran into the clinic.  Bill was met with soldiers telling him to leave.

“No,” he said.  “I’m the sheriff here.  I’ve got a man in the car who needs emergency medical assistance _now_.  Bombs or no bombs downstairs.”

The soldiers looked at each other.

Bill was impatient.  “I’ve got Red Cross doctors on the way, but I need your help getting him inside.  Or I will drag him in here myself and I _really_ don’t want to do that.”

One of the soldiers followed Bill out to the car and helped him carry Stanley inside and set him on an empty bed in the hallway.

“Jeez, he looks bad,” the soldier said.

“I know that,” Bill muttered, checking again that Stanley still had a pulse.

“Stanley!” came a yell from the door.

Shit, Mimi saw them bring Stanley inside.

The other soldier stopped her at the door.  “Ma’am, you can’t come inside until the building’s cleared.”

“That’s his wife,” Bill told the private helping him.  “And his kid.”

“They still can’t come in until downstairs is cleared.” 

Bill left Stanley’s side and helped restrain Mimi.  “He’s alive.  I’ve got doctors on the way.  But you can’t come in now.  What if one of the bombs downstairs goes off and you and Caroline are in here?”

Mimi looked at him, eyes rimmed red already.  “Bombs?”

Oh, right.  They hadn’t told anyone.  “I’ll tell you about it in a few minutes.  Just go back with Sarah.  Please, Mimi.”

“I need to be with him!”

Bill argued with Mimi until the doctors arrived from the Red Cross office downtown, where they’d waited out the war.  He left her restrained at the door and told the doctors how he’d found Stanley.

One looked at him and said, “He needs surgery now, if we’re going to save that arm.”

“That arm?” said the other.  “It’s gone.  We need to stop the blood loss to save his life.”

Bill looked him in the eye and said, “Do it.  Whatever you need to do, do it.  Get him through this alive.”

 

Sarah had seen Bill rush someone into the clinic, but it didn’t hit her that it was Stanley until Mimi ran to the door.  She watched the clinic doors, waiting to see one of them come out after the doctors went in.  Surely at least one of them would be turned away.

Finally, Bill led Mimi out of the clinic, holding Caroline while Mimi sobbed.

Sarah’s heart dropped.  What had happened to Stanley?  She waved at Bill and he brought Mimi over to her.

Sarah helped Mimi sit on the sidewalk, leaned against the wall to the salon behind them.  “What happened?” she asked both of them, hoping one would answer.

“Stanley wouldn’t leave the farm,” Bill explained, and Sarah noticed the blood on his shirt – hard to see under the red and blue plaid.  “The farmhouse got hit by artillery and he was inside.  At least that’s the best I could tell.  He’s alive, but badly hurt.”

“The whole house?” Mimi asked, trying hard to stop crying.  “I told him not to stay.”

“Most of it’s gone,” Bill said gently, sitting next to her.  Nathan pulled from Sarah’s hand and toddled over to his dad, who hugged him tightly.  “I think it can be rebuilt.  We’ll just have to find the guys…”

“In the meantime, you can stay with us,” Sarah said firmly so Bill couldn’t argue – not that she thought he would.  “Why can’t Mimi be inside with him?”

Bill sighed.  “We found out during the battle that Alvarez rigged all the shelters with bombs to use as leverage.  The Army has their bomb guys checking all three shelters right now, then they’ll start checking houses.  If the ASA was willing to blow the houses they did _and_ the shelters, who knows what else they rigged up?”  He let Nathan climb up into his lap.  “I can’t believe I didn’t know he was doing that.  I should have known.  I should have stopped him.”

Sarah sat down between Mimi and Bill and wrapped an arm around each of them.  She could tell both were incredibly tense.  “It’s going to be okay.  You did the best you could, both of you.  It’s out of our hands now.”

Bill shook his head.  “I’ve got to keep working.  I need to check on the guys working downtown.  I can’t take off when they’re working.”

“Bill?” Sarah asked.  “Did you carry Stanley to your car all by yourself?”

He paused a moment.  “…yes.”

“Babe!  You should probably be in the clinic yourself, checking for sprained and torn muscles.”

Even Mimi looked impressed.

Bill scoffed.  “It wasn’t anything that didn’t need to be done.  Really, I need to go.  Someone needs to figure out where to put all the people who lost their houses today, too.”

Sarah took Nathan from him, hugging the little boy close.  “Be careful,” she cautioned.

Bill gave her a quick kiss before standing up.  “I promise.”

 

The bomb squad was leaving Town Hall as Bill arrived.  He gestured for Jimmy to join him and met them all in front of the steps.  “What’d you find?”

“Nothing in the bar.  In the shelter, there were four pipe bombs.  Crudely made, but placed to bring down the ceiling.”

Bill felt a quick pang of nausea.  What kind of monster was Alvarez to do something like that?  Thank God he’d died before he could explode them.

“Where do you need us next, sheriff?” the leader of the squad asked.  “Major said to follow your instruction.”

Bill pointed to the east.  “The ASA blew houses on the eastern edge of town.  Do you think you can start checking them so that the owners can salvage what they can?”

The man nodded.  “We’ll check them out, but we can’t guarantee stability.  You might want to wait for the engineers to show up before you let people in.”

“Yeah,” Bill said, almost dazed.  “That would make sense.”

The bomb squad trotted off down the street.  Jimmy turned to Bill.  “You all right?  You look worn out.”

Bill told Jimmy what had happened with Stanley.

It was Jimmy’s turn to look sick.  “That’s why you needed the doctors.”

“Yeah…” Bill trailed off.  “Come on, let’s give Mary the good news that she can open up again.  Then you and I need to find Gray and talk about the newly homeless.”

 

“There’s always the church,” Gray said, once they cornered him in his office.

“You sure that’s going to go over well?” asked Bill.

Jimmy shrugged.  “It may be the only choice tonight.”

“We can find them more permanent homes tomorrow.  There are still some empty houses and others have relatives or friends in town they can live with.”

“Just temporarily, right, sir?” Bill asked.  “We’re going to work to rebuild those homes, right?”

Gray sighed.  “The town can’t afford it, but maybe that’ll be part of the US’s plan for Jericho.”

“What _is_ their plan?  Do you know?”  Bill hoped Woods had told Gray _something_ by now.

Gray shrugged.  “Woods has been busy taking apart the command center upstairs and moving out the bodies.  He hasn’t had much time to talk to me.”

“What about DiLorenzo?”

“He’s back at US command, planning their next moves.  I think their next big goal is Goodland, and from there a push to the Colorado border,” Gray said.

“Great,” Bill said.  “The bomb squads did turn up explosives in the shelter downstairs, by the way.”

Gray looked alarmed.  “Is it defused?”

Bill quirked an eyebrow.  “I don’t actually know.  I assume so, since they came to me for their next assignments.”

“Have you heard about the salt mine?”

“No,” Bill said.  “That would be good for you to check on.  Send the squads to the bombed houses on the east side when they’re finished.  I’m going back to the clinic.”

“I’ll follow,” Jimmy said.

 

They walked briskly, but were interrupted multiple times by people wanting to know when they could go home. 

Bill understood their desire:  dusk was just a few hours away.  Still, he had to tell them to wait.  “We’ll send deputies to tell you when we’re able to let you go home,” he promised everyone.  “We’ll tell you.”

Bill and Jimmy went straight into the clinic, though Bill shot Sarah a glance through the crowd.  She was too busy trying to entertain Nathan to notice him, though.

The bomb squad was inside, chatting with the soldiers guarding the doors.

“Sheriff!” the soldiers greeted.  “Your friend’s in surgery now.”

“Good,” Bill said.  “What was the situation downstairs?”

“Six pipe bombs,” answered one of the bomb squad.  “Defused and defunct now.”

“Placed to bring the ceiling down?” Bill asked.

The technician nodded.  “How’d you know?”

“It was the same at Town Hall,” Bill explained.  “Look, if you can, I need you and your men to help check the destroyed houses on the east side of town.  I want to let people salvage what they can, when they can.”

“The Corps of Engineers will have to check the stability of the homes, too,” the technician warned.

“I know,” Bill said.  “But I don’t want anything to surprise my people or yours.”

“Got it.”  The bomb squad leader nodded and led his men out the back, where a Humvee waited.

“Where’s my friend?” Bill asked the guards.

They pointed to a room just down the hall.  “Don’t know if you can go in or not.”

“We’ll take that chance.”

Bill led Jimmy down the hall, warning him how bad Stanley had looked.  They looked in the window and even mild-mannered Jimmy swore.

One of the doctors looked up and stepped to the door.  “We can’t save his full arm; it’s too maimed and full of debris from whatever hit him.  It will get infected quickly.  The best solution is to take off the arm below the elbow.  With that gone, we can focus on saving everything else.”

Bill felt sick, once again, but he nodded.  “Do what you have to,” he repeated.  “Just save his life.  He has a wife and daughter counting on him.”

The doctor went back inside and Bill found a seat in the waiting room.  Tears filled his eyes and he couldn’t hold them back.  What if Stanley pulled through but hated him for letting them take his arm?  What would Mimi say?  Had he just ruined Stanley’s life?

Jimmy sat next to him and patted his shoulder.  “Stanley’s gonna live.  And I bet we can get him a prosthetic.  He’ll be back to working on the farm in no time.”

“He doesn’t _have_ a farm anymore,” Bill said, still crying.  “The US blew it all to hell.  And the house.  He’s got nothing.  He’s already lost Bonnie, now he’s lost the farm.  _And_ an arm.”

“Thought you said the house was salvageable?” Jimmy asked.  “We’ll get it fixed for him.  He may not have spring crops, but he’ll be able to plant the fall ones, and that’s where he gets the bulk of his money – and he doesn’t have to sell it through J&R anymore!”

Bill repeated his fears to Jimmy, who sighed.

“He may be mad at you for a bit.  But you’re the one who saved his life.  If you hadn’t gotten him here, he might be dead already.  He can’t stay mad at you forever.”

“And Mimi?  What if she never forgives me?”

“Mimi’s going to be happy to have Stanley alive,” Jimmy pointed out.  “She’ll forgive you.  You need to forgive yourself.”

“I can’t.  Not yet,” Bill said, wiping the tears away.  “Not until I know he’s okay.  But I gotta keep going.  There’s stuff to do.”

Jimmy held Bill down by the shoulder.  “No.  Things are under control.  You take a minute.  Go outside and be with Sarah if that’ll help.”

“She’s with Mimi,” Bill sniffled, still tearing up a little.

“Then I’ll go with you and tell Mimi what’s happened.”

“Jimmy,” Bill said, “I don’t deserve you as a friend.”

“Sure you do, boss,” Jimmy grinned.

Bill was able to stop crying in order to glare at Jimmy.

“See?  I knew that’d get you.”

Bill heard Jake’s voice in the hallway.  “Hey, that’s my friend.  Let me see him!”

With a glance at Bill, Jimmy stepped into the hall and waved Jake over.  “We’re waiting over here, Jake,” he said.  “Let the doctors do their job.”

Jake joined them in the waiting area, head in his hands.  “I can’t stay long,” he said.  “I agreed to go with DiLorenzo all the way to Cheyenne.  I can’t leave until I know Stanley’s okay, though.  What the hell happened?”

Bill steadied himself and told the story again. 

Jake shook his head.  “Damn his stubbornness.”

“That’s what I said.”  Bill fidgeted with his hands.  “I’m the one who told them they could take his arm.  Maybe I should have waited and let you make that call.”

“You were here,” Jake said.  “You’re his friend as much as I am.  I’d’ve said the same thing, but it might’ve been too late.”

Bill slumped back in his seat.  “You’ll help protect me from Mimi, right?”  Tears formed again as he thought about his decision.  He’d changed Stanley’s life, yes, but also Mimi’s and Caroline’s.  Could he be forgiven?  Jimmy had said he could, but Bill still had his doubts.

 

Ten minutes later, Bill sat on the sidewalk with Sarah leaning against his shoulder and Nathan asleep in his lap.  His eyes were still red, but he was no longer crying.

Jimmy had taken Mimi inside to wait and others were starting to show up to the clinic with minor injuries.  The nurses in the crowd all went to work and more Red Cross doctors showed up from behind the US lines.

Jimmy was right.  Until Major Woods released everyone back to their homes, he’d done everything he could.  Everything else should properly be handled by Woods and Gray Anderson.

Until he was called for, Bill wasn’t moving.

He told Sarah about the bombs in the shelter, but warned her not to make that public knowledge.  “It’s safe now,” he said, reassuring himself as much as her.

“I can’t believe he did that,” Sarah boggled.  “But they didn’t go off.  We’re safe.”

“I don’t know what I would have done if they’d gone off and I’d been stuck with the US guys.  If I hadn’t been here.”

“But it didn’t,” Sarah said, sounding sad herself.  “And you’re here now.”

“Are _you_ okay?” Bill asked.

“You don’t have to worry about me now,” she said softly.  “You need to feel better yourself.”

Bill turned his head towards her.  “You’re in a downswing aren’t you?”

Sarah paused like she might deny it, but she shook her head.  “Starting one.  But I just have to make it until the baby gets here and then I can have my medicine again.”  She elbowed him lightly.  “Yours worked well today.”

“Up until my meltdown in the clinic,” Bill said morosely.  He was still embarrassed that he broke down like that.  At least it had been Jimmy and Jake and not any other of his men.

“I’d’ve cried, too, if I had to make that call about my best friend,” Sarah said.

“Margaret?” Bill asked.  “Or Joanna?”

“You,” Sarah said, leaning her head against him again.  “It’s always been you.”

 

Dusk was imminent when Gray sent word that everyone should go home – and everyone without a place to stay should come to Town Hall.

“I’d like to stay until Stanley’s out of surgery,” Bill told Sarah.

She nodded.  “Of course you should.  I’m going to go find your parents and check on them before heading home.”

Bill looked at her.  “You gonna be okay lugging Nathan around?”  He was underweight for his age, but that was still twenty-two pounds to carry for a mile through town.

“I need the workout,” Sarah said, carefully lifting Nathan from Bill’s lap.  “We’ll be fine.  Stay here.  Be with Stanley and Mimi.  I bet Mimi will spend the night, so bring Caroline home if you can.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bill said tiredly.  “You be careful going home.  Tell my parents I love them.”

“Will do.”  Sarah kissed Bill’s cheek and toted Nathan off down the street.

Bill wandered into the clinic, which was almost running normally.  He found Mimi in the waiting room, with Caroline fussing and trying to crawl to see Jake two seats down.

Nodding at Jake in greeting, Bill spoke to Mimi.  “I’m sorry,” he began.

Mimi’s face was tear-stained, much like Bill’s had been.  “I should have made that decision,” she said, more tiredly than angrily.

Bill hung his head.  “I know.  I didn’t think I had time to come get you, though.  I told them to do whatever it took to save his life.”

Mimi hugged Caroline to her.  “The last nurse to come out said he was going to live, mostly because they took off the arm.  You _did_ save his life.”

“Mimi…  I’m sorry I didn’t ask you,” Bill said.  “I’m sorry you don’t have a home to go to, though you’re always welcome at ours.”

Mimi shook her head.  “I’m staying here with him tonight.”

Bill looked her in the eyes.  “Will you let me take Caroline with me?  We’ll watch her so you can stay with him.”

Mimi started to say no, but changed her mind.  “I can’t really keep her here, can I?  She’s fussy because she’s been in the same diaper since this morning.  I forgot to pack a diaper bag.”

A nurse came into the waiting room and all three adults perked up.

“He’s out of surgery,” she said.  “It went well.  The doctor will come out and talk to you, then you can visit him.”

Mimi collapsed back in her seat.  “He’s out.  He’s okay.”

He’ll never be okay again, Bill thought, but he reached out and squeezed Mimi’s hand.

 

Nathan was already asleep when Bill carried Caroline into the nursery and changed her.  Her fussing woke Nathan and he stood up in his crib.

“Out!  Up!” he said.

Bill spoke quietly.  “No, Nathan.  Sleep time.  Sleep time for Caroline, too.”

Nathan frowned.  “Mine,” he insisted, holding on to the edge of the crib.

Bill looked around.  He could put Caroline in the cradle, but it was in their bedroom.  He sighed.  “Share for a minute, Nathan.”  He laid Caroline in the crib while both fussed.

Sarah met him at the door.  “Sleepover not going well?”

“Nope.  I’m gonna move the cradle in there for Caroline tonight.”

“You think she’ll fit?” Sarah asked.

“We’ll find out,” Bill said. 

Caroline fit, but just barely.  They were lucky she was a small baby, too.  All the babies in Jericho right now were small for their age, probably some vestige of their parents’ malnutrition during the winter after the bombs, Bill thought.

Nathan insisted on two stories before being tucked back in to sleep.  Caroline fell asleep during the first story and Bill almost joined her.  Once both babies were dozing, Bill stumbled to the bedroom.

Sarah was waiting for him there, with his pajamas already out on the bed.

“If I had the energy to walk to that side of the room, I’d kiss you,” he said. 

Sarah laughed, and Bill heard the weariness in her voice, too.

He put on his pajamas, brushed his teeth, and flopped into bed.  Sarah snuggled up to him.

“You did a good job today,” she said.  “You helped save Jericho.  Again.”

“I don’t know how much I did,” Bill confessed.  “Most of it was the Rangers and then the US Army.”

“But who trained the Rangers and got them together again?  Who came up with the plan?  Who told the US where to go and who to find?  Who ran around like crazy trying to make sure everyone was all right after?”

Put like that, it sounded like he’d done a lot.  “That was just my job,” Bill protested.

Sarah kissed his cheek.  “That may have been, but saving Stanley was over and above.”

Bill felt tears form again.  “He’s alive but I don’t know how much I saved.”  The tears started to fall and he cried large, ugly, snotty tears.

Sarah pulled him close, letting him cry into her chest.  “You did more than you think you have.  Arm or no arm, Caroline still has a dad.  Mimi still has a husband.  You still have a best friend.”

“I hope so,” Bill sobbed.  “I hope he forgives me.”

“He will,” Sarah reassured, rubbing Bill’s back while he cried.  “He will.”

~~~

 

Bill supposed Sarah had gotten up with each child in the night, but he’d slept right through everything – even his alarm.

He sat up straight when he realized it was already six o’clock.

Sarah reached out and grabbed him around his waist.  “You don’t have to be in so early today, do you?”

“I wanted to check on Stanley on my way in,” he explained, pulling out of her grasp and getting up.  “And I need to be downtown at eight.”

Sarah sat up.  “I’ll make you breakfast, then.”

Bill shook his head.  “I’ll just have coffee when I get to the station.”

Sarah frowned.  “Did you even eat at all yesterday, Bill?”

He thought back.  “Just breakfast.”

“I’m making you something to eat,” Sarah insisted.

Once he was dressed, Bill followed the smell of frying bacon into the kitchen.  Sarah was putting the finishing touches on three bacon and egg sandwiches.  “Two for you, one for me.  I _got_ lunch yesterday in the shelter.  Just a sandwich, but still.”

Bill wolfed down the sandwiches gratefully, only taking time to make sure he didn’t drip any yolk onto his work shirt.  He kissed the top of Sarah’s head while she ate and left for the day.

 

Bill made it to the clinic at a quarter ‘til seven.  Not quite visiting hours, but he could always pull rank with his badge these days.

Stanley was awake, despite the hour.  His entire right side, including his face, was crisscrossed with bandages.  He was groggy, but still aware enough to talk to Bill while Mimi slept.

“How did you find me?” he asked, just as Bill said, “I’m so sorry.”

Stanley looked confused.  “Sorry for what?”

Bill gestured.  “Your arm.”

Stanley raised his stump a little and looked at it.  “Oh.  I forgot.”

“They said it was the only way to save your life,” Bill explained.

“I didn’t think anyone was going to save my life,” Stanley said.  “How did you find me in time?”

Bill explained how he’d managed to get out of town and search the farmhouse.  He embellished a little and shortened the amount of time it’d taken him to get Stanley into the car.

“The nurses said your tourniquet kept me from losing much more blood,” Stanley said.

“Oh, that.  That was just training,” Bill said, scuffing his toes against the tile floor.  “Anyone could have done that.”

Stanley leaned back in the bed.  “Tell me how bad the farm is.  You’re the only one who’s seen it.”

Bill sucked in a breath.  “It’s… bad.  Your crop fields are all torn up.  The Army will have to go through and make sure there isn’t anything unexploded in there.  I don’t think you’ll be able to salvage anything.”

That was a blow, Bill could tell, but it wasn’t going to be the worst one.

“And the house?” Stanley asked.

“Top floor’s gone.  Bottom floor’s half gone.  Basement looked okay.”

Stanley nodded sadly.  “I knew it was bad when I got hit.  I just didn’t know how bad.”

“I think, if we find the right people, we can rebuild it,” Bill said hopefully.  “We can make it look just the same.”

“’We’?” Stanley asked.  “Are you going to take time off work to come rebuild my house?”

“I can come after work,” Bill said eagerly.  “And on weekends.”

Stanley shook his head.  “You need to be at home, too.  I can hire someone.  Mimi’s been great at saving money.  If the ASA money is worth anything anymore.”

Bill frowned.  “If anyone should rebuild it, it’s the Army.  They’re the ones who destroyed it in the first place.”

“Good luck convincing them,” Stanley said.  “You really think any government’s going to help us?  With _our_ track record?”

Bill had to smile a little.  “You have a point.  There’s a lot to rebuild – Alvarez blew up a bunch of empty houses on the edge of town, but we can rebuild yours, too.  And in the meantime, you can stay with us.  Or with one of your cousins, if they’ll let you.”

“Is that where Caroline is?  With you?”

“With Sarah,” Bill clarified.  “But yeah, I took her home with me last night.”

“You’re just out to save my whole family, aren’t you?” Stanley said.  “You saved Mimi two years ago, you saved me yesterday, and now you’re taking care of Caroline, too.”

Bill blushed.  “You’d do the same for me.”

“If I could.”  Stanley looked at the stump of his arm.

“I’m sorry about that,” Bill repeated, still afraid that Stanley was going to come to his senses and be angry.

“Bill, man, you saved my life.  I’m not mad.”  Stanley frowned.  “I may be a little sad and frustrated and mad at myself for not coming into town, but I’m not mad at you.”

Mimi opened her eyes.  “How did Caroline do?” she asked as soon as she saw Bill.

“Fine, as far as I know.  I was wiped out all night, but she was asleep when I left the house.”

“I’m going to go check on her,” Mimi said, placing a hand on Stanley’s bandaged leg.  “Once the doctor gets here and tells us what’s going on today.”

Stanley nodded.  “Bring her by if you can.”

“Of course.”

Bill took their conversation as his cue to sneak out and head to work.

 

Caroline was crying when Mimi showed up – and stopped immediately as soon as her mom held her.  She whimpered a little and Mimi rolled her eyes.

“Is there somewhere I can feed her?” she asked Sarah.

Sarah gestured down the hall.  “You can use any of the chairs or the beds.  Are you still breastfeeding or do you need formula?”

“Nathan’s on solid foods.  I saw you feed him yesterday,” Mimi said questioningly.  “Why do you have formula?”

“We were buying all the formula J&R would let us to stock up for the new baby,” Sarah said, hand on her stomach.  “I opened one last night so I could feed Caroline when she woke up.”

“She’s lucky you had some,” Mimi said.  “ _You’re_ lucky you had some.  She’s a beast when she’s hungry.”

“Bill likes to be prepared.”  Sarah shrugged.  She followed Mimi into the nursery and went to pick up Nathan.  “We’ll leave you alone.”

“No, it’s okay,” Mimi said.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen a baby being fed before.”

Sarah laughed and sat down next to Nathan.  “No, I think I’m quite familiar with it.”  She handed Mimi a pillow to prop Caroline on and waited until both were settled.  “How are you doing?” she asked.

Mimi shook her head.  “I don’t know.  Stanley seemed fine this morning, but he got depressed after the doctor visited us.  I’d’ve stayed if I didn’t think Caroline was starving.”

Sarah frowned.  “We’re all worried about Stanley, but I asked about you.  How are _you_ doing?”

Mimi stopped and looked at Sarah like she hadn’t expected that question.  “I… don’t know, either.  One minute, I’m glad he’s alive.  The next, I’m thinking of all the things he can’t do now.  I don’t know if he’ll be able to hold Caroline, much less work the farm.”

Sarah reached out and patted Mimi’s knee.  “He’ll be able to hold her.  I’m sure he can get a prosthesis, but even if he can’t, he’ll be able to hold her.  Don’t you hold her one-handed sometimes?”

Mimi nodded slowly.  “Yes.  I do.”

“See?”  Sarah said.  “Stanley will still get to hold her.  He might even learn to change diapers one-handed.”

“Oh, we’ve already been working on that,” Mimi laughed softly.

Sarah grinned.  “Good.  He’s well on his way to normal life again.”

Mimi smiled at Sarah, but her expression soon changed to serious.  “Thank you,” she said.  “We can never repay you for saving Stanley, or for letting us stay here.”

“You don’t need to,” Sarah said, reaching out to fluff Nathan’s hair.  “You’d do the same for us.”

 

He tried to distract himself with work, but Bill was still anxious, even after Stanley’s reassurance.

Work was fretful, too.  The station was full of people who’d lost their houses yesterday and were wondering what was going to be done.  No one had any answers.

Bill finally snuck out and checked Gray’s office.  Woods was in there, deep in discussion with Gray.  Bill stood by the door, feeling like a kid waiting his turn.

Woods looked up at him after a moment.  “Glad you’re here, Sheriff…  Koehler, isn’t it?”

Bill nodded and took a step closer to Gray’s desk.  Gray pointed to the other seat in front of the desk, so Bill sat.

“The Corps of Engineers worked overnight and examined the destroyed houses.  Most of them will have to be scrapped and completely replaced, but there are a few that can be restored,” Woods explained.

“Did you check the Richmond farm?” Bill asked.

“Is that where the AS artillery was?  We haven’t been out there yet.”

“It needs to be on your list.  For rebuilding, if possible.”

Woods gave Bill an amused look.  “You’re so sure we’re rebuilding these houses?”

Bill shrugged.  “If you want the goodwill of the people of Jericho, you will.”

“Now wait,” Gray said.  “We’ll take whatever help they’re offering.  We’re not demanding.”

Woods looked between the two men and grinned.  “You will be happy to know we were planning on rebuilding.  The ASA has kept the Engineers busy from here to the Mississippi.  We want you to know we’re different.”

“ _How_ are you different?” Bill asked.  “The ASA brought us electricity and food and other good things when they first showed up, too.”

Woods laughed and Bill got the impression he was a generally happy man; he hadn’t argued about anything so far.  “For one, we aren’t changing the Constitution.  President Charles put Congress back together and we’re having general elections next year.  President Charles’ seat is up for grabs, too.  I can guarantee you Tomarchio plans to rule for life.”

Bill couldn’t help but agree. 

“Is Kansas represented?” Gray asked.

“Yes.  We held emergency elections once we’d taken back a third of the state.  You’ll get to vote for new representatives _and_ senators next year.  You also have a governor again.  Lieutenant Governor Colyer was out of Topeka when the Lawrence bomb blew, so he’s now Governor Colyer.”

Bill was glad to hear that – he’d voted for Colyer in the last election before the bombs.  Hopefully he was doing a good job as Governor, too.

“So we have a proper government again.  You’re going to help us rebuild.  Where does that leave us today?” Gray asked, leaning forward against his desk.

“It leaves you picking up the pieces from yesterday,” Woods said.  “You tell us where you need the most help and we’ll try to do that.  We’re going to clear out the J&R building and use it to house various government agencies.  We want to review contracts made under Cheyenne’s purview, just to make sure no one was taken advantage of.  We want to help you go through your schools and libraries and remove their propaganda.  Does that sound like a good start for the day?”

It did, indeed.


	9. February - May 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A birth and a funeral

**January – May 2018**

**January**

Things didn’t get back to normal right away, to the dismay of most of Jericho’s citizenry. 

Homes weren’t rebuilt overnight.  They weren’t able to hook up to the US’s TV or phone networks yet.  There was a little shortage of food and supplies behind the battle lines.

But things were also very different.  Jericho no longer had to swipe ID cards when they entered buildings.  They were allowed to assemble in public and private places.  The libraries and schools were more normal when they reopened after the Christmas holidays.  Radios and guns came out of hiding places and confiscated firearms were returned to their owners.

They learned how to be free citizens again.

 

Stanley, Mimi, and Caroline were stuck living with the Koehlers while their farmhouse was rebuilt.  Stanley and Bill were out there every chance they got, telling the engineers what the house was supposed to look like.

Bill and a few of the other former Rangers got together and rebuilt some of the furniture, so that Stanley and Mimi would have a bed and a table.  The hardware store donated tubs and other appliances to the destroyed houses – though Bill suspected it was reimbursed by Woods.

Just like Sarah said, as soon as Stanley could stand to have something touching his stump, he was able to hold Caroline.  The little girl barely seemed to notice anything was different with her dad.  She’d grab his arm to hold onto instead of his hand as she practiced walking.

Stanley practiced writing with his left hand, but the best he managed was a childish scrawl.  He worked at it every day, sharing coloring time with Nathan – Stanley let Nathan use the crayons, however.

Watching them, Bill began to feel better about his decisions the day of the Jericho battle.

~~~

 

The US surrounded Cheyenne in early January, almost a month after they liberated Jericho.  It was a point of some pride in town that Jake helped Lieutenant Colonel DiLorenzo lead the siege of the city.  Much of Cheyenne’s new construction was destroyed in artillery shelling and fire bombing, but they were successful driving out Tomarchio and his advisors. 

On January sixteenth, just over a year after the war started, Tomarchio formally surrendered.  The United States was whole again.

 

Bill stood out on his front stoop next to Sarah, watching the fireworks explode over the town.  He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her tight.  “It’s over,” he said, dazed.

“We’re one country again,” Sarah agreed.

“Nathan’s gonna grow up without any more war.”

Sarah placed a hand on her belly.  “This ones’s not gonna know it at all.”

“I could almost believe it never happened.”

Sarah looked sadly at Bill.  “I don’t think we can ever forget.”

Bill thought back.  Stanley hurt.  The new scars he and Sarah had.  The refugees that had made Jericho their home and the Jericho citizens who never came home… 

Yeah, they’d never forget everything that had happened the past two years, but for just one moment, life felt normal.

 

**February**

The Richmonds moved back into the farmhouse in February.  It wasn’t the same – could never be the same – but volunteers from town helped Stanley clear the fields and mark of the parts of the spring crop that were salvageable.

Stanley tried to pick up a box of Caroline’s things, but dropped it halfway to the door.  He swore and Bill came running back in the house to see what was wrong.

“What’d you do?” Bill asked.

“Just tried to carry this box out,” Stanley said, pointing with his left hand.  He growled in frustration.  “I can’t write, I can’t drive the old truck or the tractor anymore, and I can’t carry a box.  I’m useless.”

“No, you’re not,” Bill argued.  “You’re still good at lots of things.”

“Yeah?” snapped Stanley.  “Name one.”

“You can still change Caroline’s diaper,” Bill said.

“That helps _so_ much,” Stanley said, rolling his eyes.

“It helps Mimi.  It helps Caroline.  And that’s who you should be thinking of, right?”

“I can’t farm like this.  J&R is gone and Mimi’s unemployed again.  How’m I going to take care of them?”

Bill sighed.  This had become a touchy subject lately – as Stanley’s arm healed, his frustration had grown.  “You’ll be able to get a prosthetic soon, right?  The doctors said you’re healing well.  And then you can do all those things again.”

“I’ll have to relearn how to do all these things.”  Stanley sat on the box in the floor.  “Good thing Bonnie can’t see me or she’d be laughing.  I couldn’t even talk to her anymore.”

Bill squatted on the floor next to Stanley, trying not to think about what his friend just said.  “Let me get the box for you.  We’re almost through loading the car.  Go get Caroline.”

Stanley grumped, but complied.

A few minutes later, Stanley and Mimi piled into the back of Bill’s SUV, boxes piled high in the trunk.  Sarah came out of the house with one last box, which she sat on the front seat.

“Food for you.  Nothing special, but it should feed you all tonight and tomorrow morning,” she said.  “Take care, you guys.”

“Thank you,” said Mimi, heartfelt.  Bill was struck with how different she was now than when she’d come to Jericho.  But then again, weren’t they all different now?

 

**March**

Bill and Sarah lay in bed, limbs entwined.  Bill had his ear pressed against Sarah’s belly, listening for the baby.

Sarah stroked his hair and thought about what to say.  “Bill?”

“Mm?” he hummed.

“Do you remember when we were dating and I said I was jealous of Stephen Ambrose for getting to interview all the guys from Easy Company?”

Bill chuckled.  “Yeah, before you knew who my grandfather was.”  He propped his chin on her stomach to look up at her.  “What about it?”

“I want to do that,” Sarah said.  “We’ve got the chance right here.”

Bill frowned.  “What do you mean?”

“What happened to Jake and Hawkins: that’s like Patton and his Third Army.  Everyone is gonna know what they did.  But the Rangers…  You all saved this town and no one else is gonna know about it.”

“You want to write about the Rangers?”

“And Jericho since the bombs.  You said Jake said people know about Jericho, but do they know the truth?”

“And who better to tell that story than you?” Bill asked.

“Well, _someone_ from here should write it.  Not wait for an outsider to come in and do it for us,” Sarah said, blushing slightly.  “You can help me convince people to sit for interviews.”

“Oh, I can, can I?” Bill said.  “I’m not sure people will want to talk.  We went through a lot.”

“That’s why I need your help,” Sarah said.  She brushed Bill’s hair out of his eyes.  “You can get them to talk.”

Bill buried his face in her stomach for a minute.  “And you’re determined to do this?” he asked.

“I am,” Sarah confirmed.

“Fine,” Bill said, laying his head down again.  “I’ll help you.  Tomorrow.”

 

**April**

**May**

Pam was on the phone, frantic.  “Hank’s not waking up.  We just got to the clinic and he’s in the emergency room.”

Sarah gestured for Bill to come listen.  “What happened, Pam?  Do you need us down there?”

“I don’t know, he was having trouble breathing and then he went to take a nap and then he didn’t wake up,” Pam said, all in a jumble.  “Come down here, please.”

Bill and Sarah looked at each other.  “As soon as we can get a babysitter, we’ll be there.”

 

Sarah’s coworker Joanna showed up twenty minutes later, ready to take on the world.  She and her husband had finally gotten pregnant after years of trying, so she offered to babysit and practice on Nathan whenever she could.

“We’ll be fine,” Joanna reassured.  “You guys go take care of your dad.”  She patted Bill on the back, pushing him out the door.

The drive to the clinic was quiet.  Sarah held Bill’s hand on the gear shift. 

“He’s going to be okay, I’m sure.”

Bill stared at the road.

 

They arrived at the clinic just before the end of visiting hours.  Bill skidded into the room, Sarah waddling after him.

Hank was hooked up to all sorts of machines and monitors, including a respirator.  Sarah’s heart sunk when she saw how pale and sallow he looked.  He didn’t look like a man who was going to get better.

Pam stood up from the bedside chair, wringing her hands, and came to Bill for a hug.  “What can we do, Mom?” he asked.

“I…  I… don’t know,” she said slowly, as if she wasn’t fully there.  “He just won’t wake up.”

Bill squeezed her.  “He was fine yesterday when I visited you guys.  He’ll be okay.”

Sarah wasn’t so sure, but she smiled and nodded anyway.

A nurse came in to tell them that visiting hours were over.

“You going to be okay here tonight, Mom?” Bill asked.  “I’ll bring you breakfast in the morning.”

“And some fresh clothes,” Sarah added.

Pam nodded.  “I’ll be fine.  I don’t want to leave him.”

Bill and Sarah hugged her and left.

 

Sarah made Bill stop by his parents’ on the way home.  “She’ll want clothes.  And snacks.  And a book, maybe.”

Bill looked at her.  “You’ve done the hospital sitting thing before, haven’t you?”

Sarah smiled.  “I’ve sat with grandparents before.  It’s tedious and stressful and tiring.”

“Maybe this weekend I can take a turn sitting with him.”

Sarah squeezed Bill’s hand.  “I think you should.  She’ll need a break by then, if you can talk her away from his side.”

“I can try.”  Bill stood in his parents’ bedroom and looked around.  “I have no clue what to get her.”

Sarah sat Bill on the bed.  “I’ll pick out some things.  You wait here.”

She flipped through Pam’s closet until she found some clothes Pam wore frequently.  “Here,” Sarah said.  “Let’s pack these.  Can you get a suitcase down?”  There was no way Sarah was going to be able to lug a suitcase with as huge as she was now – she was due any day and really feeling it.

Sarah packed the suitcase for Pam and Bill carried it downstairs and out to the SUV.

“Bill?” Sarah said once they were on the way home.  “If I go into labor while your dad’s there, take me to the clinic, too.”

Bill looked at her.  “Thought you wanted another home birth.”

“I do,” Sarah admitted.  “But your parents need to be able to meet the baby and if your dad can’t leave…”

Bill reached out and squeezed Sarah’s shoulder.  “Thank you,” he said.  “That means a lot.”

~~~

 

“Are you busy?” Sarah asked.

Bill gave the phone a look.  “What do you need?  I’m about to go into a meeting with the Mayor and Woods,” Bill asked, feeling just a little rushed.

“Oh,” Sarah said, voice dropping.  “Just call me back when you get out, then.  I’ll be fine until then.”

The hair on Bill’s next stood on end.  “What’s wrong?  Tell me or you know I’ll worry through the meeting.”

“I, uh…  I think this is the real thing.  I think the baby’s coming.  This _feels_ like the real thing.”

“You sure?”  Sarah had been plagued by Braxton-Hicks the last couple weeks, Bill knew.

“Yup, pretty darn.  These are worse than before and they’re steady.”  Sarah voice tightened and Bill wondered if she was having a contraction then.

“How far apart?” Bill asked, ready to leave then and there.

“Twenty minutes still.  Go to your meeting, but come home after, please?  I’ll be fine that long.  Worst comes to worst, I’ll get Margaret or Joanna to take us to the clinic.”

“You sure you still want to do that?” Bill asked softly.

“Yeah.  Your dad’s there.  He needs to be able to see the baby, like I told you last night.”

Bill thought for a minute: he _hated_ the idea of Sarah in labor and alone with Nathan.  He should leave now.

“I hear you thinking,” Sarah said.  “Go to your meeting, then come home to me.”

 

Bill couldn’t say what his meeting was about.  He went through it on autopilot, telling the truth when Gray asked what was wrong.

Woods looked at him like he was crazy.  “What are you doing still here?  Go home now!  We’ll be fine without you.”

Bill nodded gratefully and ducked out of the meeting.

He grabbed Jimmy back in the sheriff’s department.  “Sarah’s in labor,” he whispered.  “I need you to take over for the rest of the shift.  Tell Perry he’s on his own, too.  Maybe tomorrow, too.”

“Of course tomorrow!” Jimmy said, pushing Bill out the door.  “Go be with Sarah.  Call when there’s news.”

Bill grabbed his coat and his bag from the office – it still boggled him that he needed a briefcase now – and headed out the door.

He was home in minutes – a little quicker than he should have been.

Bill found Sarah in the nursery, trying to play with Nathan, but bent over by a contraction.  Bill knelt down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, unsure of what else to do.  She squeezed his hand in response.

“Daddy home!” Nathan said, jumping up and down.  “Read!” he said, demanding their usual routine.

“No, Nathan.  Not today,” Bill said.  “Play with your blocks.  Build a tower for me.”

The contraction let up and Sarah looked at Bill gratefully.  “I didn’t think you’d get here yet.  I think it’s almost time to go to the clinic.”

“Already?” Bill asked.

Sarah nodded.  “Less than ten minutes now.  We need to call Joanna or Margaret or someone.  And call your mother at the clinic and let her know.”

Bill rubbed Sarah’s back.  “I’ll get right on that.”

 

Soon, Joanna was on her way, Margaret and Stanley were told, and Bill was calling his father’s clinic room.

His mom answered and burst into tears when she realized it was Bill.  “They told me he might not make it through the night,” she said without preamble.  “The doctor said there’s nothing they can do.  Bill, they asked me about organ donation.”

Shit, Bill thought.  Sarah having the baby and his dad dying all at once.  What did he do?  “Mom, we’re on our way to the clinic now.  The baby’s coming.  I will come see you once we’re there, okay?  I’ll be there soon.”

Pam cried harder when she heard about the baby.  “Hank wants to meet the baby, Bill.”

Dad’s been comatose for two days, Bill thought.  He won’t know the baby’s there.  “Tell him we’re coming.  He’ll hold on long enough for that.”

 

As soon as Sarah was settled in her room with nurses surrounding her, Bill grabbed her hand.  “I’ve got to go see my mother.  I’ll be right back.”

Sarah nodded, tears running down her cheeks from the pain.  “Be quick,” she said breathlessly.

Bill dashed down the corridor to his dad’s room.  “Mom, are you okay?”

“He’s too young.  He’s only sixty-seven,” Pam said, sniffling.  “We’ve only been married forty-six years.  It’s not enough.”

“Mom, I’ve got to go back.  Sarah is about to have the baby _right now_.  I just need to know you’re okay.”

She looked at him with red-rimmed eyes.  “Of course I’m not,” she said.  “I need you here, too.  Angie should be here.”

Bill’s shoulders slumped.  They hadn’t been able to get in touch with his sister since the US liberation – but his mom was right.  She _should_ be here.  She could take care of their mom while Bill was with Sarah.

Oh, he was torn.

But he knew where he was needed.  “Mom, I’m just down the hall if you need me.  Three doors down on the right.  I’ve got to go.”

Bill skidded into the labor and delivery room and one nurse looked up at him and grinned.

“Good timing,” she said.  “She’s just about to push.”

Bill fell to his knees by the head of the bed.  “Come on, babe,” he whispered to Sarah, brushing her sweaty hair back from her face.  “You can do this.”

“Your dad?” Sarah bit out when the contraction eased a little.

“Fine for now.  Babe, focus on you.  Don’t worry about him.”  Bill grabbed Sarah’s hand and she squeezed it tight enough to leave marks.  “You’ve got this.  I know you do.”

Bill had thought this part would be quicker than with Nathan, just like labor had been, but Sarah pushed for what seemed like an hour with little to no progress.  He heard a nurse ask the doctor about a Caesarean. 

“ _No_ ,” Sarah hissed.  “No surgery.  Bill, don’t let them.”

If the doctor said a Caesarean was necessary, Bill was letting them do surgery.  “If you don’t want one, you’ve got to push, babe.  Get this baby out.”

Sarah screamed the next time the contraction hit.  Bill was afraid she’d hurt herself pushing so hard.

“I see the head,” the doctor said calmly.  “Sheriff Koehler, do you want to watch?”

Bill almost missed what the doctor said; he was too focused on Sarah.  He looked at her and she nodded, red-faced and tearful.

He barely pulled himself away from her when she was so obviously miserable, but he _did_ want to watch.  He’d missed this with Nathan.

Bill kissed Sarah on the forehead and went to stand behind the doctor.

That… was not what he expected to see.  But Sarah pushed and the wrinkly thing that must be a head grew and grew until Bill couldn’t imagine how she could stand it. 

The head popped out and Bill jumped. 

“The head’s out,” the doctor told Sarah, though surely she already knew, “Now push for the shoulders.”

Sarah screwed up her face again and pushed.

The doctor turned to Bill.  “Come here.  Catch it when it comes out.”

Bill followed instructions and with a burst of liquid, he was suddenly holding a baby.

Bill stared in disbelief, then shook himself.  He handed the baby to Sarah, who had her arms out.  “It’s a boy,” he said softly.

Sarah was still crying.  “Another boy.  We’ve got brothers,” she said.  Bill couldn’t tell if she was happy or sad, but then she smiled and kissed the baby’s head.  She didn’t seem to notice the nurses flurrying around, wiping her down and prepping her for the rest of the procedure.  She was too busy staring at the baby and crying.

Bill was doing his fair share of staring, too, when he realized he should go tell his mom.  Now, while Sarah was too distracted to want him.

Or so he thought.

“Wait,” Sarah said when he stepped in the doorway.  “Wait and take him with you.”

Bill came back to the bedside.  “You’d be okay with me taking him from you?”

“You need to.  So your dad…” she trailed off.  “So your dad gets to meet him.”

 

Bill waited through tests and shots and weighing before the nurses handed him this tiny, tightly swaddled bundle.

“Wait,” he said, looking at Sarah.  “What’re we naming him?”

“I liked Wesley.  Wes,” Sarah said tiredly.  “You pick the middle name.”

Bill thought.  Henry, for his dad, but that didn’t sound right.  “Dad’s middle name.  Alan.”

“Wesley Alan,” Sarah said.  “Yeah, that sounds right.  Now take him,” she said, collapsing back on the bed in exhaustion.

Bill carefully carried his new son down the hall to his dad’s room.  His mom was still by the bedside, dozing and holding his dad’s hand.

“Mom,” he said.  “I know it’s late, but I want you to meet someone.”

Pam sat up straight when she saw the bundle in Bill’s arms.  She didn’t let go of Hank’s hand, though.

Bill walked around to her side of the room and sat on the edge of the bed, lowering Wes down so his mom could see him.  “We’re naming him Wesley Alan.”

“Ohh.”  Pam reached out and stroked the baby’s face with her free hand.  “He’s beautiful.”

“I think so,” Bill said, smiling.  He took his dad’s hand from his mom and used it to touch Wes’ face and the top of his head.  “Dad, meet your grandson.  We gave him your middle name.”

Hank didn’t respond: all they heard was the sound of the respirator.

Bill set his father’s hand back down on the bed; Pam picked it back up.

“Mom, if Dad goes…”

“He’s not,” she insisted.  “He can’t.”

“But he might,” Bill said.  “You said they asked about organ donation.  Dad always wanted that.  Will you let them?”

“He’s not gone yet.”

Bill looked around the room at all the machines keeping his father alive.  It felt like he was already gone – at least, the dad Bill knew was gone.  All that was left was his body.

“Mom, he’s been hurting for years.  You need to think about this.”

Pam turned away from Bill and looked out the window.

Bill sighed.  “I’m taking Wes back to Sarah.  Come down and see her when you can,” Bill said.  “You need to enjoy your new grandson, too.”

 

Sarah’s room was aflurry with activity when Bill got back.  Bill stood there with shock as Sarah was hooked up to an IV.

A nurse saw him and stepped away.  “She’s bleeding too heavily.  We’re giving her a drug treatment to help stop it.”

Bill went to the head of the bed and saw that Sarah was passed out.  He pressed a hand to her forehead.  “Sarah?  Darlin’?  Wake up, hon.”

“Someone get me A positive blood!” the doctor demanded.

A nurse ran down the hall and returned within minutes with two pints of blood.

“Get them in her now,” he instructed.

Bill watched as they drained the pints into Sarah’s arm.  He was getting flashbacks of when she’d been shot.  “Is she gonna be okay?” he asked, afraid of the answer.

The doctor looked up at him.  “If she responds to the meds.  If not, we’ll need to cauterize the artery, which will involve surgery.”

Bill blanched.  With one hand holding Wes and one hand resting on Sarah’s forehead, he prayed as hard as he ever had.

A few minutes later, Sarah’s eyes fluttered open.  “Bill?” she asked, reaching for him.

“Yes, darlin’?” he asked, leaning down to her level, feeling so relieved he was lightheaded.

“I don’t feel so well.”

“You’re bleeding a lot,” Bill explained.  “But they’ve given you drugs to help.  They just need time to work.”

“Wes?” she asked weakly.

“He’s right here.  I’ve got him.  I took him to see my parents.”

“Gotta call everyone,” she said.  “Let them know.”

“Not until you’re feeling better.  Besides, it’s nearly eleven.  Everyone’s probably asleep.”

“Joanna.  Wake Joanna.”

Well, that did make sense, to let Nathan’s babysitter know, especially since Bill doubted they were going home in the morning.  “I’ll call her.  But after you’re doing better.”

“The bleeding is slowing,” said the doctor, looking relieved.  “See if she can hold the baby or feed him.”

Bill helped prop Sarah up on a pillow.  “Babe, you’ve got to try to hold him.  See if he’ll nurse.  Are you up to that?”

Sarah nodded tiredly, holding on tightly to Wes when Bill handed him to her.  She folded down her hospital gown and tried to get Wes to latch on.  He fussed instead.

“It’s okay,” said one of the nurses.  “Just keep trying.”

Sarah did, almost coming to tears herself as Wes refused to nurse – until finally, with little fanfare, he did.

Bill breathed a sigh of relief.  Sarah seemed more awake and Wes was feeding.  Things were looking up.

He plopped into the chair by the bed, finally realizing how exhausted he was.  He watched the doctor clean up and bandage Sarah, and the nurses take Wes and put him in a baby bed beside Sarah’s before everyone left.

He almost fell asleep when Sarah asked him for the phone. 

“If you’re going to sleep, I’m going to call.”

“No, _you_ sleep,” Bill said.  “I’ll make the calls.”

 

Bill went ahead and called the Taylors and the Richmonds as well as Joanna, despite the hour.  He didn’t tell them about Sarah’s close call – that could be done in person, once she was fully rested and healthy.  Sarah approved of his phone calls and drifted off to sleep.  Bill picked Wes out of his bed and held the baby against his chest while he dozed in the recliner.

Now that Wes had nursed once, he was eager to do it again.  Bill didn’t get quite two hours of sleep before the baby cried.  Sarah jerked awake and sleepily reached out for him.

“Can I get you anything?” Bill asked.

“Water?” Sarah asked.

Bill looked for the water bottle that the clinic usually provided, but it wasn’t there.  “I’ll go check the nurses’ station,” he told Sarah.

A little ways down the hall, Bill noticed activity in his father’s room.  Water bottle forgotten, Bill rushed into the room.

His mother was standing by the bed wringing her hands as nurses did CPR on his father. 

“Where’s that crash cart?” one of the nurses asked.

Bill was about run over by the aforementioned cart, so he moved to stand next to his mom.  Bill put his arm around her.  “What happened?”

“His heart stopped,” Pam said, almost in disbelief.  “They’re getting him back.”

Bill watched them and came to a different conclusion.

A few more minutes of hard work and the nurses stopped what they were doing.  “He’s gone.  We need a doctor to call it.”

“ _No_!” cried Pam.  She started to fall and Bill caught her and held her up.

He’s gone, his brain echoed.  His dad was gone.  Dead.

He was vaguely aware of his mom crying and hugging him.  Bill just stared at his father – his body.  He’d been trying so hard to get his mom to realize what would happen that he forgot to prepare himself.

Long minutes later, a doctor showed and formally called the time of death.  One of the nurses told Bill they would take him to the morgue as soon as they were done saying goodbye, and to just come by the nurses’ station and let them know.  That jogged Bill’s memory and he asked them to bring Sarah some water.

Another nurse tried to talk to Bill about tissue donation – apparently his dad was no longer a candidate for major organ donation.  Bill just nodded. 

Pam sank to the floor and held Hank’s hand.  “Wake up, honey,” she pled.

Bill sat down next to her.  “Mom, he’s gone.”

“He can’t be!” Pam said desperately.  “I still need him.”

Bill held his mom until her sobs began to slow.  “Mom, we need to let him go,” he ventured.  “We need to sleep.”

Pam shook her head weakly, but didn’t protest when Bill helped her into the chair. 

“I’m going to go let the nurses know,” he said.  “Say goodbye, Mom, please.”

 

They took Hank’s body out of the room shortly after Bill alerted the nurses.  He stood with his mother in the empty room as she sobbed.

“Come on, Mom,” he said.  “Come stay with Sarah and the baby and me.”

Pam let Bill lead her down the hall.

Sarah was asleep when they entered the room, but she woke when she heard Pam.  She did her best to sit up and reach for Pam’s hand. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said.  “I truly thought he’d hold on longer.”

Pam nodded.  Bill led her to the recliner.

“Sleep here, Mom.  You’re safe with us.  And the baby’s just over there, see him?  Dad did get to meet him, after all,” Bill said tiredly.  He looked around for an extra chair to sleep in.

“Bill,” said Sarah.  “Help me scoot over and you sleep up here with me.”

It was as good a suggestion as any Bill had heard.  He scooted Sarah to one side of her hospital bed and crawled in next to her, back towards his mom.  He hoped she wasn’t hurt by that.

Pam was still sniffling when Bill fell asleep.

 

Sarah woke to cries twice more in the night.  Nurses came in to help her nurse and change Wes’ diaper – and they very judiciously didn’t say anything about Bill sharing her bed, an arm draped across her stomach. 

The cries came again once the sun was up, but when Sarah woke this time, Pam was up and holding Wes.

“I remember Bill was this tiny,” she said softly.  “We’d already had Angie, but Bill was so small, Hank was afraid he’d break.”

“I’m glad Hank was wrong about that,” Sarah said, smiling softly.  “Here, let me nurse him and then you can hold him some more.”

Pam carefully handed the baby over and Sarah held him to her breast.  Wes was already latching on well, unlike the first time.  “You caused a lot of trouble, little one,” she whispered to him.  “But you got here in time.”

Pam watched Sarah nurse and Sarah knew she was remembering her own babies.  Sarah had heard all about newborn Angie and Bill when Nathan was born, but if Pam wanted to talk babies again, she’d happily listen.

“It’s okay that we’re using the name Alan, right?” Sarah asked, suddenly worried.  “He’d be okay with that, right?”

“He’d be delighted,” Pam smiled weakly. 

Sarah saw how strong a façade she was putting on and hoped she’d never have to do the same someday.  _God, let me go first_ , she prayed.  _When the boys are grown, take me first_.

Pam reached out and stroked the top of Wes’ head where his hat had slipped off.  “His hair’s darker than Nathan’s,” she noted.

“That’s not saying much,” Sarah replied.  Nathan was nearly white-blond.  She suspected his hair would darken with puberty, much like hers and Bill’s had.  Wes’ probably would too.  She looked at her mother-in-law.  “What can we do to help?  Did Hank have things planned or do you want Bill and I to take that on?”

Pam gave her a look.  “They’re probably not letting you out of here for a couple of days with your bleeding.  Let Bill and I handle it.  You just worry about this beautiful baby here.”

Sarah smiled down at Wes.  She was biased, but she was already in love with his delicate features.  “I can do that.  I just wish I could help you, too.”

 “Just take care of him,” Pam repeated.  She stared off into space again and Sarah knew she was thinking about Hank. 

~~~

 

Sarah and Wes were finally released from the clinic the day of Hank’s funeral.  Margaret came and picked her up, bringing a black dress with her.

Sarah changed while Margaret cooed over Wes.  “Is Bill already there?” Sarah asked.

“Bill and Jimmy have both been down at the funeral home since eight.  Jimmy considered Hank a father figure, too, so he’s torn up about this.”

“I really hate this timing.  I hate that so many people are hurt.”  Sarah sat down on the hospital bed, also hating the way she still looked pregnant in the dress. 

Margaret seemed to sense Sarah’s mood.  “Hey now.  You’ve got something good to celebrate right here.  Even if Hank died that night, Wes was born.”

“Yeah, but I’m afraid this will always overshadow Wes’ birthday,” Sarah said.

“Nah, it won’t.  By the time Wes is old enough to remember his birthday, it’s just going to be a day of celebration for you.”

“I hope you’re right.”  Sarah stood and slipped on the black flats Margaret had brought her – thank goodness for a friend who knew she wasn’t steady enough for heels.  “Let’s go.”

 

Sarah sat by Bill under the little tent at the hillside cemetery – or what passed for a hillside in Kansas.  Wes was in her lap, Nathan in Bill’s.  Thankfully, Nathan was too obsessed with touching Wes to cause much ruckus while the preacher spoke.

They’d thought about a babysitter, but Nathan had been with a babysitter the last four days in a row.  He missed his mama and his mama missed him. 

After the service, as people filed by, Bill stood and let Nathan stand on the chair so he felt big as everyone shook his hand, too.  Sarah stayed seated, but got her share of hugs.  The receiving line at the visitation had been longer, Bill said, full of Hank’s old mining buddies and their families.  Today was mostly the few families that had been closest to the Koehlers.

Margaret and Jimmy filed by, giving everyone hugs, followed by Stanley and Mimi.  They’d left Caroline with a babysitter – Sarah hoped they were at least going to go out to lunch and take advantage of some adult time.

Joanna and her husband Brett came by last.  Sarah was surprised to see her – as far as she knew, Joanna had never met Hank except at the wedding.  “We’re here for you,” Joanna said when Sarah brought that up.  “You’ve had a rough time, too.”

“I can’t thank you enough for watching Nathan for us over the weekend,” Sarah said.  “I hope he behaved.”

Joanna shrugged.  “He’s a toddler.  He behaved just like he’s supposed to.”

Sarah took that to mean he’d been a little terror.  They’d have to work on behaving for new people.

“Margaret organized food for your mom this next week, but I’d like to bring you guys something.  You have your hands full, too.”

Sarah leaned forward and carefully hugged Joanna again.  “You’re a lifesaver.”

Joanna rubbed her stomach.  “You can pay me back when I have mine.”

 

Bill stood, watching the casket be lowered into the ground.  Next to him, Nathan pulled at his hand, ready to play after sitting so long.

Bill wasn’t in a play sort of mood, but he’d have to fake it, wouldn’t he?  He picked up his son and swung him upside down.  Nathan giggled loudly, an incongruous sound in the cemetery.

Sarah touched his shoulder.  “We should get your mom home.  And me.”

“I’ve still got to settle up at the funeral home,” Bill said.  His mom was paying for the funeral, but Bill was in charge of making sure everyone got paid: the funeral home, the pastor, a tip for the organist at the church service…  So much money.  He would have to go back and look at his own funeral plans now that he knew better what to expect.

“Well, let’s take your mother home and then do that.  Or you can drop me off at home with the kids and then go handle it,” Sarah suggested.

Bill looked at her like she was crazy.  “You just got out of the clinic.  You almost died on me.  I’m not leaving you alone with two kids just yet.”

For some reason, Sarah hadn’t realized how scared Bill had been.  “I’m fine now,” she promised.

Bill wrapped an arm around her.  “I know.  And I plan to keep you that way.  I can’t lose you, too.”  He leaned down until their foreheads touched and looked into her eyes.  “I knew someday my dad would die.  But I wasn’t prepared for you to come so close.  I love you too much to lose you.”

Sarah reached up and kissed him lightly.  “You don’t have to.  I’m here.  Our kids are here.  You’ve got us all.”

“I know,” Bill said softly.  “I’m never letting you guys go.”

 


	10. June - September 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domesticity and Bill being a little brave.

**June - September 2018**

**June**

Across the reunited states, TV and long distance phone service were restored.  The value of the dollar stabilized.  The remaining AS Army was integrated back into the US Army.

And Bill and Sarah were desperate for sleep.  After the first two blissful weeks, Wes seemed unable to sleep at night, crying and screaming and keeping everyone else up.

They flopped together on the bed while the boys took a Saturday afternoon nap – about their only real respite.

Sarah pressed her head into the pillow, hoping it would dissipate the headache she’d had all day.  She moaned in relief.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be old enough to groan like that,” Bill joked tiredly.

“We’re over thirty.  That’s officially middle-aged if you plan to live to ninety,” Sarah said.

Bill laughed.  “That’s your mother speaking.”

Sarah threw her arm over her eyes.  “Oh gosh, it is, isn’t it?”  It hit her again that her mother was dead and she’d never see her again.  “Bill?  Got a question,” she asked quietly.

Bill seemed to realize he’d reminded her of something sad.  He propped himself up on his elbow and lightly traced his finger on her stomach.  “What is it?”

“I want to ask my dad to move up here.  I don’t know if he’ll come, but he’s got no one down there anymore.  I wanted to check with you before I did it.”

Bill stalled a minute, still running a finger over her stomach and chest.  “Did you want him to live with us?”

Sarah knew he was trying to think of how to make that work – they’d gotten rid of the guest bedroom and turned it into Nathan’s room, trying to provide him some quiet at night.  “No.  Dad won’t want to live with two little kids.  It’d just be cruel to ask him to move in when Wes is like this.”  She grabbed his hand and kissed his fingers, stopping him from tickling her.  “I was thinking we could find him his own place now that more refugees are moving home.  Houses are opening up.”

Bill rolled over even further so that he was flopped on top of Sarah.  “Maybe we should set him up with my mom and he can take care of her house.”

Sarah chuckled and ran her fingers through Bill’s hair.  “Maybe.”

“Maybe we should sleep,” Bill groaned.  “I’m too old to stay up all night like this.”

“You’re only thirty-five.  I thought you said that was too young to moan and groan.”

“Shaddup and sleep, please.”

Sarah didn’t answer, preferring to curl up around Bill, tucking her feet under his legs for warmth.  She kissed his head and closed her eyes.

~~~

Sarah walked around the house, bouncing Wes to keep him entertained.  She was trying to work up the nerve to call her father and ask him to drop everything and move.

Really, she was worried about him all alone down in Tennessee.  He was almost sixty.  At least if he was up here, she could take care of him when he got older.

He was stubborn, though, and probably wouldn’t want to move.

She sighed and picked up the phone.  Sarah had called her dad a few times since phone service was restored, but they were informational phone calls, not a huge request.

“Dad!” she said when he answered.  “How’re you?”

They exchanged pleasantries – Sarah asked about his latest remodeling project, Ken asked about the kids – and then Sarah was left with her question.

“So…,” she started.  “I’ve got something I want you to think about.  Mom’s not there anymore and neither is anyone else in Chattanooga, so I wanted to ask if you’d think about moving out here.  Uh, not with us – I know you don’t want to live with the kids – but just here in Jericho.”  She made a face waiting for his response.

Ken was silent for a minute.  “I’ll think about it,” he said, which was more than she expected from him.

After she hung up the phone, Sarah looked down at Wes.  “You might get a grandfather up here after all, kiddo.”

Wes cooed happily and Sarah basked in the moment of peace.

Too bad it didn’t last long.  The back door opened and Nathan stumbled inside, crying.  Bill was right behind him.

“Mama!” Nathan sniffled tearfully.  “I gots owie!”

Nathan pointed at his scraped knee and Bill shrugged.  “He tripped in the grass.”

Sarah rolled her eyes – Nathan was not the most graceful child – and handed Wes to Bill.  She knelt down and looked at Nathan’s knee.  “You _do_ have an owie.  Do you want kisses?  Or do you want a band-aid?”

“Bof?” Nathan asked hopefully.

Sarah complied, peppering his knee with kisses.  “Nathan, you know we have to clean it up before we put on the band-aid,” she warned.

“No!” Nathan sniffed.  “No clean!”

“Yes, clean.”  Sarah picked up the protesting toddler and set him on the counter by the sink.  “Bill, will you get a band-aid?” she asked over her shoulder.  Sarah reached in the closest drawer for one of the washcloths they’d started keeping there.  She wet it and wiped and patted Nathan’s knee dry while he howled.  It looked like she’d gotten all the dirt off. 

Bill handed her the band-aid and she carefully put it on Nathan’s knee.

“There!  All better?”

Nathan leaned over and studied his knee for a few seconds.  “All better!” he finally announced.  Sarah helped him down from the counter.  He ran straight to the back door, ready to play again.

Bill started to hand Wes back to Sarah, but she held up her hands.  “Can you put him in the swing?  I need to cook dinner.”

While Nathan jumped at the door, trying to open it on his own, Bill laid Wes in a faded old swing – a hand-me-down from the Taylors’ attic.  He wound it up and it started swinging on its own.  Wes fussed for a few seconds, but then started cooing again, enjoying the motion.  Sarah now had fifteen minutes of peace to get things done.

“Thank you, babe,” Sarah said, kissing Bill on the cheek. “Oh, Dad said maybe.”

Bill looked surprised.  “I thought he’d insist on staying there.”

“Is that the only reason you said yes?” Sarah joked.

“Daddy!” Nathan said insistently.  “Play outside!”

Bill grinned.  “Sorry, gotta go.”

 

**July**

Bill couldn’t stop the bookshelf falling.  He’d looked away from Nathan to check on Wes and the next thing he knew, Nathan was climbing the bookshelf and it toppled over.

Right on top of both boys.

Bill yelped and pushed the bookshelf off the kids as he stood up.

Nathan emerged from under the fallen books - mostly small and thin kid’s books - crying.

Wes was crying, too, but Bill had to dig him out.  He frantically checked the baby over to make sure he wasn’t hurt.

“Nathaniel!” Bill yelled, heart still racing.  “That was bad!  No climbing the bookshelf!  You could have hurt Wes!”

Nathan had never been yelled at like that before.  Fussed at, sure, but never _yelled_ at.  He froze where he was, right in the pile of books, lip quivering.  Tears streamed down his cheeks, his dark eyes huge in the dim room.  A moment later, he burst out wailing.  Wes cried harder, too, scared of the noise.

Shit.  Sarah was going to _kill_ him when she got home unless he got this under control.

Why had he yelled in the first place?  He hadn’t meant to; the bookshelf falling just scared him so much.  What if Nathan had hurt himself?  What if Wes had been hurt?  That was a heavy bookshelf – it could have done some damage.

Holding Wes tight, Bill knelt down in front of Nathan and pulled him out of the rubble, too.  “Hey, buddy, are you hurt?”

Nathan stopped crying and pulled back, like he was scared of Bill. 

Bill’s heart dropped.  “Nathan, kid, I’m sorry I yelled at you.  You scared me.  Do you know why you scared me?”

“Wanted a book.”  Nathan still wouldn’t let Bill touch him.

Bill shook his head.  “Not because you wanted a book.  Because you climbed the bookshelf.  You’re not supposed to do that.  Did you know that?”

Nathan shook his head.

Bill sighed.  He supposed they never _had_ spelled out that bookshelf climbing was off-limits.  He hadn’t known it was necessary.  “There are things you _can_ climb, Nathan.  And there are things you can’t.  You can’t climb bookshelves.  If you want a book, you can ask me.”

“Y’re busy,” Nathan mumbled, wiping away his tears.  “Wit’ _Wes_.”

Ah, some sibling jealousy.  That was normal.  “Buddy, you know Wes sometimes needs more attention than you do.  He’ll get bigger, though, and then you can play together.  You were this little once, too.”

“Nuh-uh!” Nathan protested.

Bill laughed and reached towards Nathan again.  This time, the boy let him grab his arm.  “Yes, you were.  You were quieter, but you were as little as he is.”

Nathan shook his head, but he let Bill pull him out of the pile of books and into a hug.

“Let’s get out of this room,” Bill suggested.  “Let’s go read a book in the nursery.  We can all sit in the rocking chair and maybe Wes will calm down.  You can hold the book for me.”

“Okay, daddy,” Nathan said, letting Bill pick him up.

Thank God.  Maybe he wasn’t a terrible father after all.

 

Sarah hated Saturday meetings, but they were part of her job.  She had to go to them.

The house was quiet when she walked in, though, which usually meant the boys were asleep.

She peeked in the living room.  No one there.  Down the hall, she heard noise from Nathan’s room.

Nathan was curled up in his crib, napping.  Bill was restocking the bookshelf from piles at his feet.

“Thought I was the librarian,” Sarah whispered, peeking in the doorway.

Bill startled at her voice.  “Didn’t hear you come in,” he whispered back.

“What happened here?”

Bill flushed.  “We had an incident.  Nathan tried to climb the bookshelf and it fell over.  I might have yelled.”

“You yelled?” Sarah’s eyes went wide.  “How did he take that?”

“I scared him,” Bill admitted.  “But we got it worked out before naptime.”

“Well, aren’t you just super-dad?” Sarah asked, sneaking in the room and giving Bill a hug.

“I didn’t feel like one.  I didn’t mean to yell.”

Sarah shrugged.  “It had to happen sometime, didn’t it?”

“No.  Well… yeah, I guess.”  Bill stumbled over the words.  “I kinda wanted to be a non-yelling parent.”

“Oh, so you were going to leave that to me, were you?” Sarah said.  “We’re bound to get mad at them and yell.  If not now, then teenage years when they’re yelling back at us.  It’s okay, you’re human.”

Bill didn’t look convinced, so Sarah pulled him around to face her.  She put her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

“You’re a good father.  It’s okay that you yelled.  You must’ve handled it right because Nathan’s pretty calm right now.  You did well.”

Bill finally nodded.

Sarah let go of her husband and bent down to help him pick up books.

~~~

 

Sarah lay in bed, listening to Bill get ready for work.

After a moment of gathering her nerve, she spoke.  “Babe?”

Bill peeked out of the bathroom, a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.  “Hm?”

“I don’t want to work,” Sarah said.

Bill ducked back in the bathroom and quickly finished brushing his teeth.  “I don’t want to go to work either,” he said, kneeling on the bed so he could reach over and give her forehead a kiss.  “I’d rather stay in bed with you.”

Sarah smiled but shook her head.  “No, I mean I want to quit my job.  I want to be a stay at home mom.”

Bill leaned back and looked at her.  “You what now?”

“We’re spending all my income on daycare already and now the library wants me to do five days a week instead of three,” Sarah argued.  They’d had to quit using Margaret for free daycare after Wes was born.  “I don’t think it would change our finances much.  And I want to be here with the boys.”

Bill listened and nodded.  “Okay, so tonight after their bedtime, we’ll look at the budget and see if we can make that work.”  He paused to run a hand down her cheek.  “You realize it’ll probably mean we have to cut back, right?”

“I know, but the dollar is stronger now and you’re making more as sheriff...”

Bill smiled.  “We’ll see if I’m making _enough_.”

 

Bill spent more time at work than he should have poring over the yellow pad he budgeted on.  It was enough that Jimmy came into the office to check on him.

“Money trouble?” Jimmy asked, recognizing the yellow pad.

“Mhm,” Bill muttered.  “Sarah wants to quit work and stay home.  If she doesn’t, we’re going to have to pay for five days of daycare.  I’m trying to figure it out.”

“You ought to be able to make it with Sarah at home,” Jimmy said.  “Margaret and I have done it for years.”

“Yeah, but we _haven’t_ ,” Bill pointed out.  “Sarah’s right, we _do_ use most of her income for daycare.”

“But not all of it,” Jimmy said.

“But not all of it,” Bill agreed.

“Maybe we should ask for back pay for the winter of the bombs,” Jimmy joked.

Bill looked at his friend critically.  “You really should be asking for a raise, Jim.  You’ve earned it.  Check with Gray.”

“You mean you’re not the one I need to ask?  Sheriff Dawes used to be.”

Bill shook his head.  “Not since Beck.  I’ve got no control over salaries, just the money we spend on equipment and supplies.  You have to go to Gray for salary issues.”  He peered at Jimmy.  “You’ve never asked for a raise before, have you?  You just wait until they’re given to you.”

Jimmy looked abashed.  “I don’t want to presume.”

“You _should_ presume.  It’s not right that my undersherrif makes the same he did before.”

“I’ll ask for a raise if you will,” Jimmy said.

Bill rolled his eyes.  “What’ve _I_ done to deserve a raise?  You’re the hard-working one here.”

Jimmy laughed.  “Who got us through the second war with so few casualties?  Who’s running a bigger department than Jericho has ever seen?  You’ve had more responsibilities than Sheriff Dawes ever did.”

Bill thought about it.  Maybe Jimmy was right.

 

Bill knocked on Gray’s office door at the end of the day, hoping to catch him in a good mood.

“Sheriff!  What can I do for you?”

Well, he seemed pleasant at least.  “I wanted to talk to you about the salaries of a couple of my men,” Bill said hesitantly.

Gray sat down and gestured for Bill to do the same.  “Who are we talking about here?”

“Jimmy Taylor.  He’s undersherrif now, officially, but his pay is that of a regular deputy.  He works hard enough I think he deserves more than what he’s getting.”

Gray nodded.  “Jimmy came to talk to me when his shift was over.  I already agreed to a five percent raise for him.  Who else were you thinking?”

Bill was relieved for Jimmy – five percent was a hefty raise around here - but nervous about the next part.  “Well, _me_ , sir.  I run a larger department than Jericho’s ever had before, and with the bombs and the wars and the Rangers, well…  Frankly, I’ve done more than any sheriff in Jericho.  Even Jake Green.”

Gray leaned back in his chair, staring at Bill.  Bill tried not to break under the scrutiny.

“Fine,” Gray said.  “Five percent for you, too.  Spend it well.”

Bill’s shoulders relaxed, letting out tension.  “Thank you sir.  That’s very generous.  I will.”

 

Bill made some adjustments to his yellow pad.  Five percent made just enough difference to cover the loss of Sarah’s income without paying childcare.

It looked like this was going to work.  He couldn’t wait to tell Sarah.

 

Nathan greeted Bill by grabbing his leg as he walked in the door.  “Hey there, kidlet,” he said, making an exaggerated walk down the hall as Nathan giggled.

Sarah was in the nursery, feeding Wes.  “He runs down the hall when he hears your car show up, you know.”

“I know.  You’re there every day, aren’t ya, big boy?”  Bill reached down and picked up Nathan.  The kid was getting heavier every day, but Bill would start working out if it meant he got to hold his children longer.

“So how was work?” Sarah asked, only half paying attention.

“Eh, it was okay.  Solved some crime, did some paperwork, got a raise.”

Sarah looked up suddenly.  “You what?”

“I talked to Gray and he agreed my salary was a little low.  So I got a raise.  It’s enough that I think we’ll be fine if you stay home.”

“Oh, Bill!”  Sarah stood up, interrupting Wes, who fussed.  Ignoring the baby, she came over to kiss Bill.  “I’ll turn in my notice tomorrow.”

“Well, I still want to go over the budget with you, make sure you agree with me.  But I think I figured it out.”

Sarah kissed him again and went back to feeding Wes before he started crying again.  “You’re wonderful, babe.  I’m sure it’ll work out.”

 

**August**

Sarah sat and listened to the former Ranger talk about his time as a fugitive under Beck, taking notes in an actual notebook and using her foot to rock the cradle Wes was sleeping in.

Writing in notebooks again, just like high school.  What she wouldn’t give for a computer – but those weren’t commercially available yet.  Bill had one at work, but it was a desktop so he couldn’t bring it home.

Not that Sarah hadn’t considered following him to work one day and using it to type up all her notes.

In the other room, Nathan woke and started calling for her.

Sarah groaned quietly.  “I think we’re going to have to cut it short, Gary.  Can we get together again some time?”

He nodded.

Once Sarah closed the door behind Gary, she went and picked Nathan out of his crib.  “Hey, birthday boy.  You ready to play?”

“Potty,” he said instead.

Sarah mentally cheered.  Nathan was catching on to the potty training.  She hurried him into the bathroom and helped him take off his pants and diaper.  Five minutes later, Nathan had successfully used the training potty and washed his hands.

“Hooray!  High-five, kiddo.” 

Nathan grinned and slapped her hand as hard as his little arm could.

Sarah made a show of shaking her hand as if he’d hurt her and Nathan giggled.

“Do you want to play in your room?  Before your party?”  They’d skipped Nathan’s first birthday party, so they were throwing a small second birthday party for dinner.  Nathan still wasn’t sure what “party” meant, but he caught on to Sarah’s feigned enthusiasm.

“Party!” Nathan said, bouncing up and down.

“You go on in your room.  I’m getting Wes.”

Nathan pouted.  “ _Have_ to?”

Sarah nodded.  “Yes, we do.  I have to take care of your little brother too.”

Nathan sighed as if he knew what the word ennui meant.  “O- _kay_.”  He tromped off to his room, shoulders slumped.

 

Bill got home early, bringing his mother with him.  She was doing as well as could be expected since Hank’s death, but she seemed her best when around the grandkids.

Nathan ran up to Pam and jumped in her arms.  “Gramma!” 

Bill used the distraction to go change clothes before the other guests arrived.  Sarah joined him in the bedroom, carrying Wes. 

“You made it home,” she said.

“Yup.  I’ll stay a little late tomorrow, but everything went smoothly today.”  Or at least as smoothly as a sheriff’s department ever went, Bill thought.  He leaned down and kissed Wes’ head.  The little boy reached out for him and Bill gave him his finger to hold. “How’d things go here?”

“Well, I got a little bit of an interview done with the boys were asleep, but the real exciting thing was Nathan using the potty.”  Sarah grinned sarcastically.  “Very exciting around here.”

“Hey, you wanted to stay home with them,” Bill reminded her.

“I did, I did.  I’m not unhappy, but I am glad for some adult conversation tonight.”

Bill faked offense.  “You mean _I’m_ not adult enough for you?”

The doorbell rang, cutting off Sarah’s answer.  Down the hallway, Nathan squealed and Bill heard the Taylors’ voices.

“Party time,” Bill said.

 

Bill, Jimmy, and Stanley hovered over the grill in the backyard, watching Woody and Sally play with Nathan and Caroline in the grass while the men grilled hot dogs and hamburgers and admired Stanley’s new prosthetic arm.

“Look, I can even move the fingers,” Stanley said.

“That’s amazing,” said Jimmy.

“Yeah, I can actually farm again.  I’ve had to hire kids to do the work while I oversee.”  Stanley was clearly excited.  “I’m still getting used to it, but I feel like I’ve finally got my farm back.”

They discussed Stanley’s farm for a bit, then Bill commented, “Woody’s babysitting age now.”

Jimmy nodded.  “But he hates it.  He'd rather work on the farm.  You might be better off waiting a couple years on Sally.”

Bill sighed.  They were going to have to keep looking for a better babysitter than his mom.  She was happy to do it, but he felt like they took advantage of her the one night a week he and Sarah took for themselves.  But maybe she could do it for two more years.

“I can’t hire him for a few more years,” Stanley said, “but he can volunteer.”

Jimmy laughed.  “He’s thirteen.  He’s not going to volunteer for _anything_.”

 

Inside, the women took turns passing around Wes and joking with Mimi about having another baby, too.

“I figured Stanley would want a boy, too,” Pam said.  “Someone to pass the farm down to.”

“Oh, I think we already have our hands full,” Mimi said patiently.

Sarah looked around for a change of subject to save Mimi.  “That cake looks great, Margaret.  Did you buy it or make it?”

“I actually made this one,” Margaret said proudly.  “It’s just yellow cake and plain icing, but I think it’ll be perfect for the kids to smear all over their faces.

“Oh boy,” said Mimi.  “We’re about to start the lifelong demand for sweets.”

Sarah grinned.  “You’re a little chocolate-obsessed yourself, Mimi.”

“So I know what I’m talking about!”

 

By the end of the party, Nathan had blue icing on his face and had figured out that parties were fun – people brought presents!  He was already drooping in his high chair, ready for bed soon.

Wes was asleep in his cradle, all the better to scream once it hit eleven pm.

Caroline, on the other hand, was wide awake, still had cake smushed in her ears, and was quite upset none of the presents were for her.

Bill offered to hose her down for Stanley, but Mimi stood her ground and used paper towels instead.  Stanley looked vaguely disappointed.

Bill and Sarah waved everyone out the door, tired themselves.  Sarah went to clean the kitchen floor of crumbled cake and Bill carried Nathan to bed, wiping the icing off his face first.

Once they were both in the bedroom, Bill flipped through Sarah’s interview notes from earlier that day.  He hmphed.  “I could have told you all that.”

Sarah flopped on the bed.  “Yes, but I’m not writing the story of Bill Koehler.  I’m writing the story of the Rangers.  I need more than your view.”

“Yeah, but…  Gary?  Why not talk to Eric?  Or Jimmy?”

“I’m going to.  I’m just getting the other guys first.  You’ll be my last interview.”

“Me? Why do you have to interview me?  You lived through it with me,” Bill asked, confused.

“Because I want your point of view.  I lived through it with you, but you also tried to insulate me from it.  Especially after we found out about Nathan.”

Bill climbed into bed next to her.  “I suppose you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.”  Sarah grinned.  “I know what I’m doing here.”

“Really?” Bill snorted.  “How many books have you written?”

“I’ve done enough research projects to know how I want to go about the prep part,” Sarah argued.

“Okay, fine,” Bill said, snuggling up to her.  “I give.  You know what you’re doing.  Can we sleep now?”

Sarah laughed.  “Yeah, I think we better.  I’m gonna have to get up in a couple hours anyway.”

They crawled under the covers together and were out in minutes.

~~~

 

Sarah hung up the phone, shocked, and looked at the boys.  “Your grandpa is going to move out here, guys.”

Wes dribbled drool onto his onesie and Nathan looked up from the picture book he was reading.  “Grandpa?” he asked.

“Grandpa.  My daddy,” Sarah explained.  “You talk to him on the phone.”

“Okay,” Nathan said, completely disinterested.

Sarah rolled her eyes and wiped Wes’ mouth.  She’d have to tell Bill when he got home.

 

It’d been a busy day.  Bill dragged into the house a little later than usual and barely had the energy to do his usual walking pantomime with Nathan.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Sarah asked when she saw him.

Bill plopped in his recliner, disappointing Nathan.  “I’m out of shape,” he grumped.  “I went out on patrol today and we had to chase down a perp on foot.  The younger guys showed me up.”

Sarah combed his hair back from his face.  “You’re gonna hurt in the morning, aren’t you?”

“I hurt now,” Bill pouted.

“You need a beer?  Or something stronger?”

Bill nodded.  “Beer sounds good.”

Sarah disappeared into the kitchen for a second and came back with two drinks – lemonade for her, beer for Bill.

“You’ll probably want your beer for this,” Sarah warned.  “My dad said as long as we can find him a house and he can sell his, he’ll move up here.  Probably not ‘til October, but still.  We need to start looking for houses.”

Bill looked at her.  He wasn’t that keen on having to house-hunt, but he knew what it meant to Sarah for her dad to be up here.  Hell, what _he_ wouldn’t give to have his dad here, too.  “That’s great,” he said, trying to sound encouraging.

“You’re really okay with this?” Sarah asked.

Bill nodded.  “If it makes you happy, then I’m happy.”

 

**September**

Both boys were asleep in the living room: Nathan wiped out on Bill’s lap, Wes in Sarah’s.

“You know,” Bill said, studying them both.  “We make some pretty cute kids.”

Sarah grinned and put down the storybook she’d been reading to them.  “We also make some pretty scrawny kids,” she said, holding up Wes’ arm - nearly bereft of baby fat - for example.

It was true.  Both boys were underweight for their heights, making them hard to fit in hand-me-down clothes.  It wasn’t like they weren’t fed.  They were just short and scrawny, like Bill had been in his baby pictures.  In _her_ baby pictures, too. 

Man, their kids were doomed.

“Doesn’t mean they’re not cute,” Bill retorted.  “We should have some more.”

Sarah laughed quietly.  “I am _so_ not ready for another baby.”

“Are you ready for bedtime?” Bill asked coyly.

“That, I am _most_ ready for.”

Carefully, they carried the boys to their rooms.  Sarah gave Nathan’s forehead a soft kiss before she left, pulling the door to behind her.

Bill met her in the hallway and grabbed her by the waist.

Sarah swatted at him lightly.  “I said I wasn’t ready, so don’t try to talk me into trying for a baby tonight.”

Bill gave her a cheerful look.  “I’m not, but that wasn’t a ‘no’, was it?”

Sarah couldn’t help but grin at him.  “That wasn’t a ‘no’.  Just a ‘not now’.”

Bill kissed her, fierce and deep like it’d been at the beginning of their relationship.  Sarah was almost dazed by it.  “Good,” he said.  “I’m still taking you to bed tonight.”

He pushed Sarah back against the wall and started kissing her neck.

Sarah didn’t know what brought this on, but she wasn’t complaining.  She tugged on Bill’s t-shirt, yanking it over his head and tossing it to the ground.

Bill dragged her into the bedroom, where he returned the favor and sat her back on the bed.  He unbuttoned her pants and yanked them down, kissing her legs as he stripped her methodically.

Sarah tried to reach down to take off his pants, already straining against his erection, but he swatted her hands away, growling.

“Bill,” she moaned.  “Let me…”

“Not yet,” he said, pressing her into the bed.  “After you.”

A moment later, Sarah wound her fingers in his hair, enjoying the fact that after nine years of dating and marriage, Bill knew _exactly_ what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is going to be away for some time, so unless I knock out another chapter quickly, this may be the last one until he gets the chance to beta again in about a week!


	11. October - April 2019

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More domesticity. I can't be stopped.

**October - February 2019**

**October**

It was Bill and Sarah’s anniversary.  The Richmonds left Caroline with Emily Sullivan and the Koehlers left the boys with Pam overnight.  It was the first time they’d gotten together as adults since the kids were born.

It was also the first time they’d gotten to celebrate Mimi’s new job in the city’s financial department.  Mimi was thrilled to be working again.

“Numbers!  And spreadsheets on a computer!  All the things I’d dreamed of!” she enthused.

“That’s so wonderful,” Sarah said.

“How do you like staying at home?  Are you ready to get back to work?” Mimi asked.

Sarah shook her head.  “The boys drive me crazy sometimes, but I’m glad to be with them.”

“You don’t miss the library at all?”

“A little,” Sarah shrugged.  “The adult interaction every day, mostly.  But I think I made the right choice for us.  Daycare is expensive!”

“Don’t I know it!” Stanley commented wryly.

“How’s the farm going?” asked Bill.

“Getting ready for harvest.  I can’t believe those Army guys got my fields cleared in time to sow for fall.  There was so much debris!”

“They owed you that much,” Bill said, glancing at Stanley’s arm.

Stanley held up his prosthetic arm and shook it.  “This thing is great, but it’d be better if I couldn’t still feel my damn hand.”

Mimi put a hand on his arm.  “Stanley, they don’t want to hear it.”

Bill wanted to say something – he missed seeing Stanley so much, of _course_ he wanted to hear about what his friend was going through.  He couldn’t quite say it, though.

Sarah did.  “Oh no, Stanley.  We _want_ to hear how things are going for you.  Even if that includes complaining.  I mean, I’ll complain about the kids if you want to feel better.  And Bill’s definitely got some stories from work he’s usually too polite to tell.”

Thank God for Sarah.  “How _are_ things, really?” Bill asked, finally. 

Stanley shook his head.  “My arm hurts all the time – the parts that are there and the parts that aren’t.  This bionic arm sounded like a great thing, but the learning curve is steep.”

“But you’re getting there!” Mimi said encouragingly.  “It lets you farm again.”

“But it lets me farm again,” Stanley acceded.  “So I shouldn’t complain.”

Bill looked at Stanley – really _looked_ at him and worried about what he saw.  Stanley didn’t seem truly happy, like he’d been when he first got the arm.  The right side of his face was scarred and there was white in his blond hair already where his head had been hurt by the mortar.

Shit, they were too young for white hair.  Not that Bill checked his head weekly for grays or anything.

Sarah reached across the table and held Stanley’s prosthetic hand.  It might have been impulse or instinct, but his fingers curled around hers.  “It’s okay to complain, Stanley.  Just don’t focus on it all the time.  I have to keep that in mind, too.  Think about all you _can_ do now.”

Shit – again.  It hit Bill that Sarah was seeing signs of depression in Stanley.  He knew how to help Sarah with depression: how did he help Stanley?  What was helpful and not patronizing?

Changing the subject, apparently.  “Bill,” Sarah said, nudging him with her elbow.  “Tell them about the newbie yesterday.”

“Oh yeah!”  Bill couldn’t help but grin.  “You remember that time Jimmy and I had to go catch a loose hog?”

Stanley grinned back.  “How could I forget?”

“Well, we got another loose hog call and I sent a newbie on it to knock his attitude down a few notches.”

“Wait, wait, I don’t know the first story,” Mimi said. 

So then Bill had to regale them with the story of Bill and Jimmy versus the hog and the big, smelly crap it took in the back of the patrol car.  “It’s why we knew that’s where Jake was being held by Beck,” Bill pointed out.  “Anyway, I send this newbie out.  He goes out by himself, without his partner, which was his first mistake.  His second was not finding out how many hogs were loose before leaving.  The kid ended up having to wrestle one hog in the backseat and one in the front.  _We_ may have been left a ’gift’ in the backseat, but this guy gets it all over his lap.”

Stanley laughed but Sarah and Mimi both made a face.

“That uniform’s never going to be the same again,” Sarah said.

“I personally suggested he burn it,” Bill said, laughing.  “And reminded him to always take his partner with him from here on out.”

Bill looked at Stanley and yeah, he may look a little sad around the eyes, but at least he was laughing.  Bill couldn’t ask for anything else.

 

Bill trudged in from dinner and dropped his coat on the recliner before relaxing on the couch.  “What did you say to Stanley before we left?” he asked.

Sarah shrugged lightly.  “I told him that I wasn’t a licensed therapist, but that I was here if he ever wanted to talk.  He’s not willing to go to New Bern or Goodland to find a real therapist, so I figured I’d help.”

Bill held his hand out for Sarah to join him.  “You’re too kind, you know that?”

Sarah snuggled in with Bill.  “I just want to see the old Stanley again.  We may never get him back, but maybe we can have someone closer.”

“I love you,” Bill said, nuzzling her neck.

“Hey, we’ve been married six years now,” Sarah said.  “Remember when you promised to take me to Europe for our fifth anniversary?”

“I did, didn’t I?” Bill answered.  “That might have to wait until our tenth.”  The airport hubs were almost all rebuilt in new cities, but flights anywhere were still damn expensive – and Bill wasn’t sure about flying on a plane that might’ve sat in a field the entire winter of the bombs.  He’d rather use a foreign airline, but there weren’t many of those flying into Wichita.

“Yeah, I guess it might.”  Sarah squirmed until she was facing Bill, kissing him between sentences.  “But we’ll go.  And we’ll do the Easy Company tour.  And you’ll love it.  It’s very different from Jericho.  But I think you’ll enjoy yourself.”

Bill kissed her back each time, feeling her body press against his.  They didn’t get to do this much, with two kids taking their time and energy, and he wanted to do this slow and right.  He wrapped an arm around Sarah, holding her as he sat up.

She straddled his lap now, the dress she’d worn hiked up around her waist.  Bill rubbed his hands up and down her thighs, dancing between them every few strokes to touch her – and discovered she hadn’t worn panties.

Sarah threw her head back with the first brush, then leaned forward to kiss his forehead.  “We gonna do this right here?” she asked.  “Because you’re not making me want to move.  Except like _this_.”

She thrust forward against his crotch and that was it.  Bill needed to be inside her.  “Oh we’re moving,” he said lustily.  “I gotta get my pants off.  Soon.”

“That’s not all you’re gonna get off, mister,” Sarah promised.

 

**November**

Both kids were crying.  They wanted her attention and were demanding it, loudly.

Sarah was at her wit’s end.

“Go to your room,” she finally told Nathan.  “Play in there until Daddy gets home.”  Nathan stomped off down the hall, still wailing.

Wes was too little to notice her tears as she rocked him in the nursery.  “I just need a break, kiddo.  Can you give me that?  A whole night’s sleep, maybe?”

Wes just looked at her, as if he was soaking it all in.  Of course, he was still wide awake.

Sounds of stomping and throwing toys came from the other room.

“Nathan!” Sarah called, trying to hide the waver in her voice.  “Stop that.  Play nicely!”

“No!” came the reply.  “Mama come _here_!”

Sarah shoulders slumped.  She didn’t want to reward Nathan’s tantrum by going to his room, but she couldn’t let him continue to throw things either.  She set Wes down in his crib, which started him crying again.

She couldn’t win.

This was too much.

 

Bill walked into a home of chaos.  Wes was wailing, Nathan was having a tantrum meltdown, and Sarah was curled up on their bed, crying.

Bill didn’t know _where_ to start.

He decided to start with Nathan.  He stood in the door to Nathan’s room, with hands on hips and his sternest cop face on.  “Nathaniel Warren.  This is not appropriate behavior.  Calm down and tell me what it is you want.”

Nathan kept sobbing, but choked out “Want Mama to play wit’ _me_.”

Okay, so attention was what he needed.  Bill knelt down next to the boy and tried to explain.  “Nathan, Mama can’t play with you right now.  She doesn’t feel well.  And what do we do when people don’t feel well?”

Nathan wiped at his tears.  “Love ’em,” he answered, just as Bill and Sarah had taught him.

“That’s right.  And right now you can love Mama by playing quietly until dinner.  That’s when your clock says what?”

“Six zero zero.”

“Good job, kid.”  Bill ruffled Nathan’s hair.  “Can you play quietly until then?  I _will_ play with you before bedtime, I promise.”

“Yes, Daddy.” 

Bill breathed a sigh of relief.  Nathan was still sniffling, but he was calmer and no longer throwing his toys on the floor.  Bill counted it as a win.

Now to Wes, who was holding himself up on the side of the crib and screaming as loud as he could.  He never liked being alone, Bill knew, so he picked Wes up and started walking around the room, bouncing him.  “Hey, kidlet.  It’s okay.  Daddy’s here.  What’s wrong?”

He checked the diaper and it needed changing.  “No wonder you’re upset, Wes.  Let’s fix that for you.”

Bill changed Wes’ diaper, but he still cried.  Attention as well?  Or maybe he was hungry. 

Bill carried him into the bedroom, where a tearful Sarah was still curled up on the bed.  “Sarah, darlin’, are you okay?”

“I can’t do it,” she whispered.  “I’m a terrible mom.  I just can’t do it right now.”

Bill used his free hand to rub her back gently.  “Let me get the boys dinner and I will come back to be with you,” he promised.  “You’re not a terrible mother, you know.  Trust me on that.  I’ve seen lots of terrible mothers through work and you’re nowhere near the level of terrible.  You’re pretty darn fantastic.”

“Not when I can’t do it,” Sarah whimpered.

Bill sighed.  “We’re going to talk about this after I feed the boys and put Wes to bed.  Oh, and before his bedtime, I promised I’d play with Nathan.  But other than that, I’m yours.”

Sarah laughed hoarsely.  “You should just focus on them.  Don’t worry about me.”

“It’s when you say stuff like that that I _do_ worry,” Bill said.  “I’ll be back as soon as I can.  I love you.”

 

Bill put Wes in his swing, which only partially quieted his fussing, and decided he was doing a lazy dad dinner:  he put a hot dog on the boil for Nathan and broke out some of the baby food Sarah was trying to make as part of her stay-at-home-mom thing.  He looked in the fridge and found some leftover peas, so he heated up a spoonful of those for Nathan as well.  Once the hot dog was ready, he cut it up.

Bill was standing back, admiring his work, when Nathan emerged from his room.

“Six zero zero,” he sniffled.

“Good job, Nathan!” Bill enthused.  “I’ve got you a hot dog and peas.  You have to eat all your peas tonight before you can play again.”

Nathan stuck his lip out, but Bill held firm. 

Sometime in the middle of spooning some apple-oatmeal mush into Wes’ mouth, Bill realized he’d forgotten dinner for Sarah and himself. 

And he’d been doing so well.

Nathan finished his peas and half his hot dog, so Bill let him leave the table.

“Daddy play now?” he asked.

Bill shook his head.  “You know it’s Wes’ bedtime after dinner and then I have to clean up.  I’ll be in there before bedtime.”

“When?”

Bill looked at the microwave clock and guesstimated.  “Seven one five.  Seven-fifteen.”

“Okay,” Nathan said, trudging back to his room.

 

Once Wes was fed, he was a much happier baby.  Bill was glad – he didn’t have much else in his repertoire to help him.

Bill took him to the nursery and read to him while they rocked.  They finished three books before Wes started yawning.  Bill rocked him for ten more minutes until his eyes closed and carefully placed him in the crib.  Stroking the baby’s hair, he whispered, “Sleep all night, little buddy.  Don’t wake up before six.”

It wasn’t likely to happen, but it was worth a shot.

Bill went back into the kitchen and stared at the fridge.  They didn’t have any leftovers he thought Sarah would want, so he decided to splurge a little.  A pizza delivery place had finally reopened in town, so he called and ordered one to split with Sarah.

He glanced at the clock.  Seven-ten.  He had five free minutes.

Bill glanced in the bedroom again.  Sarah wasn’t crying anymore, but she was curled up tight in a ball. 

He recognized that pose.  That was a depression pose.  No wonder Sarah handled the kids’ breakdowns so poorly.

Creeping in quietly, Bill sat on the bed by Sarah and picked up her hand to stroke it.  “Babe, are you having a crash?”

“I don’t know,” Sarah said.  “I just know I feel like a horrible person because I left them alone.  I couldn’t handle it.”

“That sounds like a crash to me,” Bill said.  “You need a break.”

“I can’t take one,” Sarah said, sounding upset.  “I have to take care of them.  I have to figure out how to even when it’s too much.”

“I’m going to go play with Nathan now and then put him to bed, then we’ll figure this out, okay?”  Bill picked Sarah’s hand up and kissed it.

 

About ten minutes into playing with wooden carved cars and stuffed animals, Nathan’s eyelids drooped.

“I think it’s time for bed,” Bill said. 

“No!  Not seven three zero!” Nathan protested.

“It’s time to put on pajamas and brush your teeth anyway,” Bill said.  “Come on, put away your toys.”

Nathan dragged putting up his toys and it was nearly seven-thirty by the time he finished.  Bill helped him into his baseball pajamas and then took him to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“I do it!” Nathan announced, reaching for the toothbrush. 

Bill put a tiny bit of toothpaste on the toothbrush, knowing it was mostly going on Nathan’s face.  Oh well.

Bill tucked Nathan into bed after they washed his face and read him a single story.

“That’s all you get tonight, kiddo.  Remember Mama doesn’t feel well.  Daddy has to take care of her like she does for you when you don’t feel well.”

Nathan pouted, but didn’t cry when Bill turned out the light and pulled the door to where it was barely cracked open – the hall light served as their night light.

 

The pizza arrived just a minute after Bill tucked Nathan in.  Bill put the pizza and a couple plates in the living room – on top of his recliner where Sadie couldn’t reach them – and then tried to coax Sarah out of the bedroom.

“The boys are in bed.  I’ve got pizza.  You need to eat something.  Please come with me.”  He grabbed her hands and pulled her into a sitting position.

“Bill, I…  I can’t.  I’m not good for anything.  You shouldn’t take care of me like this.”

Bill turned her chin to look at him.  “That’s depression talk.  Don’t listen to it.  Listen to me.”

Sarah pulled away from him.  “I’ll try,” she said softly.

“Good.  Then come eat with me and tell me what happened today.” 

Sarah let Bill pull her to a standing position and lead her out to the living room.

She sat on the couch while Bill divvied up the pizza. 

“Did you ever think we’d have pizza again?” he asked, trying to get a positive response out of Sarah.

“I thought maybe.  But there were some days I didn’t think I’d ever have normal food again.”

“Me, either.  But you kept us fed,” he pointed out.  “Even when you felt bad.”

“If I could do that, how come I couldn’t handle the kids today?  How come I abandoned them?  I must be a terrible person.”

“You didn’t up and leave the house,” Bill said.  “You stayed close.  If they’d really needed you, you were here.  They were both just upset and taking it out on you.”

“They’re too little to know how to do that,” Sarah argued.

Bill laughed.  “I don’t think so.  I think they know to direct their worst emotions at us because we’re the ones to fix it.”

Sarah sighed.  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Bill chewed his pizza and thought.  “Would a break help you?  A few days off from mothering nine to five?  Maybe go volunteer at the library?  See Joanna again?”

“That’d be nice,” Sarah mused.  “But I don’t think it’s practical.”

“Let me see what I can work out.”

 

Bill led Sarah back to the bedroom after dinner and helped her into pajamas.  He tucked her into bed, too, and promised to be back shortly.

Thirty minutes later, Bill slipped into bed behind Sarah, pulling her tight to him.

“I got you three days,” he whispered.  “Mom’s taking Wes and Margaret’s taking Nathan.  Margaret’s gonna pick them up from here and I’ll bring them home.  Is that okay?”

Sarah started crying again.  “That’s amazing.  How did you do it?”

“It helps when I’m Jimmy’s boss,” Bill joked.

Sarah rolled to face him.  “You didn’t really?” she asked, scandalized.

Bill laughed.  “No, I just said you needed a little time to catch your breath.  Both Mom and Margaret understood and said it’d happened to them, too.”

“But what if I’m not better in three days?” Sarah asked.  “What if this is a big crash?”

“Well, then, we look at other options.  Maybe daycare again.  Maybe the church’s mothers’ day out program.  There’ll be a solution.”

Sarah’s eye grew wide.  “Bill, we can’t afford that.”

Bill shrugged.  “We’ll have to cut back, that’s for sure, but we’ll find a way.  Gotta take care of _you_ as much as we take care of the boys.”

Sarah looked down towards their feet.  “I feel like a terrible mother.  All I ever wanted was to do this – to have kids with a wonderful man and to stay home and take care of everyone – and I can’t do it.  My brain messes me up again.  Maybe we shouldn’t have had kids.”

“Hey now,” Bill said.  “Having a crash doesn’t make you a bad mother.  You’ve got more things to deal with than a normal mom.  And you’ve done so well.”

“But I’m not doing well now.”

“So maybe we need to talk to the doctor again.”  Unwilling to patronize New Bern any more, both Bill and Sarah had found new doctors in Goodland.  Sarah’s was more aggressive with treatment than her old one and would certainly be willing to try something new.

“How do you have the answers to everything?” Sarah asked.

Bill kissed her forehead.  “I’ve learned from you.”

~~~

 

Margaret showed up at eight-thirty the next morning, when a sluggish Sarah was still getting all the boys’ things together.

“Hey you,” Margaret said, coming on in.  “Heard you had a Mommy Meltdown.”

Sarah looked at her.  “A what?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Margaret said, picking up Nathan who’d run over to hug her.  “It happens to the best of us.  I get them still.  Make my parents take the kids and I get out of the house for the day.”

“Yeah…  I’m worried it’s more than that,” Sarah admitted to her friend.  “I feel terrible for taking advantage of you again.”

“Nah, me and Nathan have an understanding, don’t we, buddy?”  Margaret tickled Nathan, making him giggle.  “Really, it’s okay.  I’m sure I owe you one from down the line somewhere.”

Sarah shook her head.  “Hardly.  I’m so far in your debt I should be your slave.”

Margaret laughed.  “Like I said, don’t worry about it.  Help me get the monsters out to the car and we’ll be out of your hair for the day.  Stay in pjs if you want for now, but I’d suggest getting out for a bit if you can.”

Sarah nodded.  That’d been the exact advice Bill gave her.  She knew it was right, but she didn’t know if she’d make it out today.  “Thank you,” she said, heartfelt.

Margaret gave her a one armed hug.  “We want to take care of you.  My family’s kinda fond of yours.  We want you all to stick around.”

~~~

 

The first day, Sarah stuck around the house.  She straightened a little and vacuumed, but spent the rest of the day in bed.

She thought she detected a hint of disappointment in Bill’s face when she told him that, so the next day, she went out.

Joanna was back from maternity leave and thrilled to see Sarah.  She immediately dragged her along to restock shelves together.

“How’s Turner?” asked Sarah.

“You don’t want to hear about my baby when you’re taking a couple days off from yours,” Joanna said.

Both women stood there for a second, trying to think of another topic.

Sarah broke first.  “I’ve got nothing to talk about but kids,” she said, smiling a little.  “They’re my whole life.  Tell me work gossip.”

Joanna shrugged.  “I just got back three days ago.  I don’t know it yet.  Turner’s pretty much my whole life, too.”

“I guess we know why parents talk about their kids all the time,” Sarah said.

“Guess so,” Joanna laughed.  “Okay, so I’ll tell you about Turner and you tell me about your little ones, okay?”

“It’s a deal.”

 

It had only been a short trip and Sarah had thoroughly enjoyed seeing Joanna again, but she was exhausted by the time she made it home.

Once again, Bill found her in bed, but this time she could tell him she’d been outside.  She thought that made him happier.

Bill asked her if she felt up to helping cook dinner – or rather, to cooking dinner while _he_ helped.  Sarah agreed to try it.

Nathan latched onto her leg as soon as she emerged into the hallway and couldn’t be dissuaded, even with Bill tugging at him.

“Mama feel better?” he asked.

Sarah reached down and ruffled his hair.  “Mama’s trying to.  Give her time.”

 

**December**

Day three of Sarah’s respite was spent lying on the couch, petting Sadie, trying to store up energy.  An improvement over the bed, but still not one hundred percent.

After putting the boys to bed, Bill came to talk to her.

“Are you feeling up to tomorrow?” he asked, sitting on the floor so he could look her in the eye.

Sarah shrugged.  “I don’t feel any worse than I did before.  But I don’t feel much better.  I’ll try it, though.”

Bill reached out and brushed some hair behind her ear.  “Everyone in this family needs you,” he said.  “I’m sorry if it’s overwhelming, but it’s true.  I want to figure out how to take care of you so that you can be here with us.”

Sarah teared up.  “I want to be here, too.”

“Good,” Bill said.  “Then we’ll work together and figure this out.  Try tomorrow and we’ll see how it goes.  Remember, we’ll find options if you need them.”

Sarah nodded, tears slipping from her eyes.

~~~

 

Sarah made it through her first day back as a full-time mom – barely. 

“I’m mentally and physically exhausted,” she confessed to Bill, flopping on the bed while he started changing.

“Not surprised.  Both boys were glad to have you back.”

“They pull me every which way and I try to keep up, but it seems like I’m always in the wrong place.”

Bill sat next to her.  “No, you’re not.  They’re both at needy ages.  You’re not going to be able to satisfy them both, unless you had a clone.”

“I could use a clone,” Sarah mused.

“I bet you could.”  Bill chuckled and yanked off his socks.

Sarah had a sudden realization.  “Bill, these past few days, I haven’t once asked about you.  How’s work?  How have you been handling this?”

Bill stopped what he was doing and kissed her lightly.  “You know you’re supposed to focus on yourself.  Don’t worry about me.  I’m managing.”

That didn’t stop Sarah’s worry or her guilt.  “But does ’managing’ mean you’re barely holding on, like I am?”

Bill sighed.  “I won’t deny it’s been tough.  Sometimes I felt like a single dad.  But mostly I worried about you.  I want to help you.  I want to teach Nathan how he can help you.  And Wes, when he’s old enough.”

“It’s not their job to take care of me,” Sarah said emphatically.  “I need to be taking care of them.”

“And apparently sometimes that means stepping back and taking care of yourself.  Do you think you’re up to more of this?”

Sarah thought, seriously thought.  “Maybe… could we look at the mother’s day out programs?  They’re just for part of the day a couple days a week.  Maybe that would be enough and I could be home the rest of the time?”

“Okay,” Bill said.  “Can you call tomorrow and check what it costs?  Then we can work on the budget together again.”

Sarah leaned against his shoulder.  “I’m sorry I’m not able to keep up with them all the time.  I’m sorry to have to ask that.”

Bill leaned his head against hers.  “It’s okay.  This was the risk we took when you quit your job.  I’m not mad at you, or disappointed.  We’re just figuring out what works.”

“Thank you for being so kind.”

Bill kissed the top of her head.  “You deserve it and more.”

**January**

**February**

Bill sat in his office during a lull, drumming his fingers on his desk.  What would be a good Valentine’s present for Sarah?  They hadn’t done presents the last few years, but he felt it was time to start up the tradition again.

A night out, sure.  Or maybe they could get some top line steaks, grill out at home.

Bill would have to think on that, but he wanted to get something that’d be a present for them both.

He stared out the windows of the office and through the lobby into the parking lot. 

It hit him.  It’d just take some rebudgeting.  Again.

 

Bill grilled out huge ribeyes for both of them Valentine’s Day night while Sarah made potatoes and asparagus after the boys went to sleep.

“You missed a sweet moment with Nathan today,” Sarah said.  “I helped him make that Valentine’s card for you and one for your mom.”

Bill glanced at the big construction paper heart Nathan had scribbled on.  Nathan had presented it to him with a wet toddler kiss when Bill came home that day.  “And?”

“I was explaining to him that we make cards for people we love and he asked why he hadn’t made one for me or Wes.”

Bill put his fork down.  “He actually included Wes in that statement?”

“Yes!  Can you believe it?”  Sarah shook her head.  “Best Valentine’s gift for me.”

Bill clasped his hands, elbows on the table, and leaned his face against them.  “So you wouldn’t be open to another gift?”

Sarah gave him a look.  “If you’re talking about sex tonight…”

Bill pretended to be hurt.  “No, though I’m hoping we can get that in before anyone wakes up.”  He sat up straighter.  “I want to get you a gift.  Us a gift, really.  You’ll just have to wait until Saturday until we can go shop for it.”

“What are you thinking?” Sarah asked.

Bill shrugged.  “I think it’s about time we’re a two-car family again, don’t you?”  Ever since the EMP, Sarah’s SUV hadn’t worked.  Bill had finally towed it to a junkyard when J&R said they weren’t going to be able to fix the car’s fried circuits.  Since then, Sarah had caught rides or walked around town when she needed to – which was getting increasingly difficult with two kids.

“Babe!” Sarah cried.  “Can we afford that?”

“If we buy used.  I know there are new cars coming off the line now, but…”

“New cars are still a rip-off,” Sarah said.

“Right.  But we can find an old new car, I’m sure.  Or SUV.  Or whatever you think you need.”

Sarah grinned.  “That’s wonderful!  I’ve been wondering what I was going to do when Wes gets too big for the sling.”

“Well, now you know.”  Bill tucked into his meal again.  “We’ll go to Goodland Saturday and look around the lots.”

~~

 

“That’s the one,” Sarah said, staring.  “If it runs well, that’s what we need.”

“All our used cars are factory-certified,” the salesman said.

“I know.  I still want my husband to look at it.”

Bill walked up behind her, holding Nathan’s hand as he ran to keep up.  “You sure?”

“Yeah.  I think it’s time to embrace our identity and become a van family, don’t you?” Sarah asked. 

The van she’d picked out looked like it’d come out during the ASA days and was a practical beigey-gold color.  It almost looked like as SUV, which had been the fashion for vans then.

“Well,” Bill turned to the salesman.  “Let’s take a test drive and then I’ll look in the engine.”

 

After the drive and inspection, Bill and Sarah signed the financial paperwork – the first time they’d actually had a car payment.  Bill set up the kid’s car seats in the new van and they caravanned the hour back to Jericho on the back roads. 

The US swore the interstates were safe, but Bill still didn’t trust that there weren’t gang remnants out there.  He’d heard stories from buddies in the Kansas State Troopers that made him wary.

The ride was new and exciting and both boys were wide awake when they all got home.  Sarah proudly parked the van in the garage and extricated Nathan from his seat.  Bill followed him into the house while Sarah got Wes.

It was a long rest of the day, with both boys wound up and ready to play, but they made it through.

“Maybe…” Sarah said as they got ready for bed.  “Maybe I can see about going down to one day of mother’s day out and that’ll help pay off the van quicker.”

Bill rolled his eyes.  “Oh yes, talk finances at me.  That makes me so hot.”

Sarah stuck her head out of the bathroom.  “Bill!  I’m trying to help.  We’ve got to think about if we want to send Nathan to preschool this fall, too.  I’ve been calling and the cheapest I’ve found is the Methodist Church.”

“You don’t sound excited about the idea,” Bill pointed out.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to send him off to school this year,” Sarah confessed.  “Maybe we wait until he’s four.  Mother’s day out is cheaper.”

“Does he need it?” Bill asked.

“I don’t know.  I want to see if I can get him to be an early reader like I was and they won’t teach that at preschool.  And it’s not mandatory.  Neither is kindergarten.”  Sarah came out of the bathroom and sat next to Bill.  “I really don’t know what’s right.  I always wanted to homeschool my kids – you know that – but I don’t know if I’m up to it.  Maybe this year should be my test run.”

Bill shook his head.  “And you know I think public school is important, especially in a town like Jericho.  We don’t want our kids to be the weird ones.”

“I know,” Sarah sighed.  “And Nathan may do great at it.  He does great at the mother’s day out.  Wes doesn’t, though.  He already acts so much like I did as a baby, I worry he’s going to have my problems as well – and I probably should have been homeschooled much of the time.”

Bill tried to be reasonable.  “Doesn’t every parent think their kid is going to be super smart?  Isn’t it important he be around kids his age so he has social skills, too?”

Sarah shot him a look.  “You sounds like the people my parents talked to in the 90s when they were deciding what to do with me.”

Bill sighed again.  “And you think they made a mistake sending you to public school.  I know that.  But things are different here.”  They’d had this argument before.  Why wasn’t Sarah listening this time?

“This still doesn’t answer the question about preschool,” Sarah huffed.

“Nathan can still do the mother’s day out this next year?”

Sarah nodded.

Bill offered an olive branch.  “Then why don’t we keep him out this year and you can try to work your own educational magic on him.  We can see how he does at the end of the year and enroll him second semester if we need to.”

Sarah hugged him.  “Thank you for letting me try.”

Bill leaned into her.  “You just tell me the second you’re getting overwhelmed.”

“I will.”  Sarah leaned her head against Bill’s shoulder.  “Hey, hon?” 

Bill hummed a query in response.

“Thank you for my van.  You have no idea what it means to be able to get in a car and go somewhere again.  To not feel trapped.  I think that will help me a lot.”

Bill paused.  He hadn’t realized quite what a second car would mean to her.  “If I’d known you felt like that, I’d’ve gotten us one a while ago.”

“But you got me one now.  And that’s what matters.”  Sarah kissed his cheek.

Bill pulled her into a tight hug.  “ _You’re_ what matters.  And the boys.”

Sarah snaked her arms around him, too.  “And you.  Always you.”


	12. 2021-2022

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff 'n' stuff. Kids growing up. Bill getting older.

**2021 - 2022**

**April 2021**

Five years.

Last fall it’d been five years since the bombs went off.  Then last month was five years since the New Bern War.

This was the anniversary Bill had been dreading, though. 

They were at a fourth birthday party for Caroline, and Bill found himself up on the rise, looking at Bonnie’s grave.

Damn, she was taken too early.  She would have loved to be here with her niece.  And with her godson…  Stanley and Mimi were Nathan’s godparents in Bonnie’s stead, but it wasn’t the same.

Sarah trudged up the hill behind him and slipped her hand into his.  “She wouldn’t want you up here moping,”

Bill shook his head.  “She wouldn’t want to be dead.”

“Bill!” Sarah said.  “That’s not the way you need to look at this.  I thought you’d come to peace with Bonnie dying.”

Bill shook his head.  “Most days I’m okay.  Sometimes I even forget.  But today I’m not.”

“Bill, babe…”  Sarah hung her head.  “I wish I could fix this for you.  I wish I could let you stay up her and think as long as you need to.  But Stanley’s looking for you.  The kids want pony rides and he wants your help.”

Bill nodded.  There was always a duty.  He started down the hill, but Sarah didn’t let go of his hand.

“Bill, it’ll all be okay.  She’s watching down on us.  She’s happy for you.  And even happier for Stanley.  She’s thankful you saved Stanley’s life, both during the war and working against Ravenwood.  You’d be a hero to her, too.”

Bill squeezed Sarah’s hand and pulled so that she’d follow him down the hill.  He didn’t say anything.

 

“I want my birthday party there,” Nathan announced while Sarah wrestled a protesting Wes into his car seat.

Bill picked up the four year old and said, “Really?  You don’t want it at home?”

Nathan shook his head as he went into his own car seat.  “No.  We don’t have chickens or ponies or corn.”

Sarah laughed.  “We can get corn.”

“Not to eat!  To hide in!” Nathan corrected her.

Wes laughed.  “Wanna ride pony again, Daddy!”

Bill ruffled his hair.  “Next time we visit, all right?”

“No!  Now!” Wes fussed.

“Shut up, Wes!” Nathan said.

“Nathaniel!” Sarah gasped.  “Where did you learn to say that?”

“School.”

Sarah gave Bill a look.  He’d been the one who insisted on Pre-K this year, three days a week.  So far, Nathan had been wonderfully socialized, but he’d turned into a rude little child at times.  And Wes picked up everything Nathan did or said.

“We don’t use that language, Nathan,” Bill said.  “You can say ‘be quiet’, but you can’t say ‘shut up’.”

“Why not?” Nathan asked.

“Because it’s not polite,” Sarah said.  “Do you ever hear Daddy or I say ‘shut up’?”

Nathan thought about it, but Wes answered.  “No!” he crowed, his very favorite word.

“Wes is right.  We don’t say that because it’s not polite.  You’re not allowed to say it, either.”

“Even if Rachel says it?”

Sarah hid an eye roll.  Rachel was slightly older than Nathan and had older siblings who’d taught her all sorts of words three and four year olds shouldn’t know.  “Even if Rachel says it.”

Nathan sighed.  “Okay, Mama.”  He turned to Wes.  “Be quiet, Wes.”

Wes stuck his tongue out at his brother.

 

The boys wiped out in the van on the drive home,

Sarah peeked in the backseat, watching them sleep.  They were so peaceful right now. 

Nathan was turning into a little blonde clone of Bill: eyes and nose and curls at the ends of his hair.  Wes, on the other hand, looked a lot like Sarah: dark brown hair, rounder face, and blue eyes.

Sarah stayed there for a moment, enjoying the sight, before she took a deep breath and said quietly to Bill, “I wanted to talk to you.” 

Bill glanced at her quizzically, then looked back at the road. 

“You’ve wanted another kid, I know.  Well, this is me telling you I’m finally ready.  Nathan’ll be in kindergarten this year and Wes’ll be three next week…  I just.  I think it’s a good time.”

“You’re really ready?”

“I said so, didn’t I?”  Sarah paused.  “If you still want to, that is.”

“I want to,” Bill said.  “But only if you really mean it.”

“Bill,” Sarah reasoned.  “Would I have brought it up if I didn’t mean it?”

Bill glanced in the rear view mirror.  “Three boys, here we come!”

Sarah laughed.  “You’re so sure we’ll have another boy?”

“Sure.  That’s our track record, isn’t it?”

Sarah reached out and squeezed Bill’s leg, letting her hand slide up it.  “We’ll just have to see about that.

 

**August 2021**

Nathan got his wish: Stanley let them hold his fifth birthday party at the farm, complete with farm animals to pet and a pony to ride.  His Grandpa Ken even built a little carousel out of wood, decorated with cows and horses and cowboys.

Nathan was disappointed, however.  Most of the kids they’d invited from Pre-K lived on farms and weren’t impressed.  Not even Rachel.

“I’m _bored_ , Nathan.  This is like home,” she complained to him.

Nathan spent the last thirty minutes of the party crying in Sarah’s lap as all his guests left.  It was a rough experience for a little kid, Bill noted.  Parties were just overwhelming and asking for trouble.  Too bad they were expected.

When Nathan inevitably cried himself to sleep, Bill carried him up to Caroline’s bedroom and laid him across the bed to nap.  Caroline and Wes soon joined him, all sleeping crossways on the bed.

Bill laid Wes down, barely noticing Sarah sneak up behind him.  She wrapped her arms around him from the back and pulled him into the hallway so they could close the kids’ door.

“Have you had enough of kids yet, after today?” she asked.

“The others?  Yeah, most of them.  Especially the ones that made Nathan cry.  But ours, only a little.”

Sarah chuckled.  “Good.  ‘Cause I’m pregnant again.”

“You are?” Bill asked, turning to her.  “Really?”

Sarah nodded.  “We’re gonna have three kids.”

“How long have you known?”

“This morning, before the party.”

Bill bent forward and touched foreheads with Sarah.  “You’re having the baby at the clinic again.  No arguing.”

Sarah pulled back, pouting.  “That’s thinking a little far ahead, isn’t it?  We still have months to go.  It’ll be next spring.”

“But you almost died last time.  I’m not going to take the chance that’ll happen again.”

“Don’t I get a say?”

“Not when it comes to your life.  Don’t make me arrest you and drag you down there when you’re in labor.  I’ll do it, you know.”

Sarah laughed.  “Still thinking a little far ahead.  We have to get through the pregnancy first.”

Bill put his hand on Sarah’s stomach.  “We’re gonna have another baby,” he said, voice full of wonder.

Sarah laughed again, quietly.  “You sound like this is our first baby.”

“Hey, I am allowed to be excited about _all_ our children,” Bill pointed out.  “Before they’re born _and_ after.”

Sarah took his face in her hands and gave him a light kiss.  “And that is why I love you so much.”

 

Bill and Sarah came down the stairs holding hands.  Stanley was on the couch, Mimi lying in his lap.  Pam and Ken were in the armchairs, leaving the breakfast table for Bill and Sarah.

Sarah stopped Bill before he sat down and announced their news to the room.  He was surprised – with the boys, she’d wanted to keep the pregnancy news to themselves for the first few months.

Pam jumped up to hug Sarah and Bill both.

Mimi sat up.  “You’re having a third?” she asked, sounding shocked.

“Hey, _we_ could have three,” Stanley protested. 

Mimi glared at him.  “I told you I was good for one.  And you got her.”

Stanley held up his hands.  “Jeez.  Okay, you’re right.”

Ken nodded at Sarah.  Bill knew he’d probably say something to them privately later.  He’d turned into a quiet man as he got older, more prone to ponder than pontificate.

Bill pulled Sarah into a one-armed hug.  “Yup, number three.  We’re gonna have three boys,” he said, certain.

Stanley and Mimi scoffed at him.  “Watch, you’ll get a girl, just to spite you,” Stanley warned.

Bill shrugged.  “Then we’ll have a girl.  But I’m sure we’ll get another boy.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  Bill grinned at her.

~~~

 

The day after the party was Nathan’s actual birthday, so they celebrated by taking him out to McDonald’s in Goodland after church.

Sarah and Bill sat in the plastic benches and watched the kids play on the playground. 

If it weren’t for the large swaths of previously radioactive no-man’s-land dotting the country, including a huge one stretching from Dallas to Chicago, you could almost believe nothing happened.  These days, life seemed normal, especially in small places like Jericho.

She mentioned that to Bill and he shrugged.  “I guess, all things considered, we’ve been lucky.  Sure, it was rough, but we could have been New Bern.  Or Rogue River.  Or Lawrence.”

“We got through it thanks to good town leadership,” Sarah said.  “You included.”

Bill grunted.  “And a whole lot of luck.”

She reached across the plastic table and took Bill’s hand.  “I wish someday you’d acknowledge what you did.”

Bill shook his head.  “I didn’t do anything that another person wouldn’t.”

“Another person would have gotten up and gone to work the day after being kidnapped and beaten?  The day after nuclear holocaust came?”

Bill shrugged.  “Jimmy did.”

“And you and Jimmy are exceptional.  That’s the point I’m trying to make.”

“Hardly,” Bill scoffed.

“No, really,” Sarah said.  “I’m having trouble writing out parts of my book without sounding like I’m just a bragging wife.”

“Then you’re writing it wrong,” Bill said, giving her a look.  “Really, I didn’t do anything all that special.”

Sarah kept her mouth shut, knowing that tone, but she was determined that someday Bill would see what all he’d done.

 

**November 2021**

Election Day arrived again.  Bill ran unopposed this time, so he wasn’t surprised when he got the call naming him sheriff again.

He’d been sheriff for four years now.  He had an idea of how to run the place officially now, and he had some ideas.

The day after, he walked into the station and a couple deputies congratulated him.  He didn’t see what called for congratulations – he hadn’t beaten anyone – but he thanked them anyway.

He stopped outside his office and waited for one deputy to finish taking a report.  Bill cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. 

“So, pass this on to your buddies.  I’m instituting a new policy: at least once a week, I’m going to ride along with one of you.  Not to critique you, but to make sure I’m still aware of what’s happening out there.  I’m starting this tomorrow.” 

He closed the office door behind him and sat at his desk, enjoying the sight of the impromptu huddle forming to talk about his new plan.

Just wait until he _really_ got a hang of this sheriff thing.  He’d keep them on their toes.

~~~

 

“Mama, you’re bigger,” Wes said, patting Sarah’s stomach.

Sarah stopped trying to shove Wes into nice clothes for Thanksgiving dinner.  If she weren’t pregnant, she’d be offended.

They hadn’t told the kids yet.  Now that she was showing, it probably was time.

Sarah moved Wes’ hand and forced it through the armhole of the little sweater vest.  “Yes, I am.  And I’ll tell you and Nathan why after dinner.”

“And Daddy?”

“Daddy already knows.  Mama and Daddy talk sometimes without you around.”

Wes pouted.  “Wanna know _now_.”

“’ _I_ want to know now’,” Sarah corrected.

“I wanna know now,” Wes repeated dutifully.

“You’re going to have to wait,” Sarah told him.  “After dinner.”

 

“Mama!” Wes cried as Pam took Nathan’s plate away.  “Is after dinner.  Tell me!”

Nathan looked confused.  “Tell him what?”

Sarah sighed and looked at Bill, who looked just as confused.  She hadn’t had a chance to tell him what Wes asked.

Sarah glanced around the dinner table – Pam, her dad, Bill’s sister Angie and her wife Lisa, who’d both made it up to Jericho for the first time since before the bombs.  “Sorry guys.  I promised Wes that Bill and I would explain something to the boys after dinner.  And, well, it’s after dinner.”

“Explain what?” asked Nathan, sounding stressed.

“Why Mama is bigger,” said Wes.

All eyes turned back to Sarah and Bill, who gulped.  “I didn’t know we were having this talk today,” he whispered.

“It got sprung on me.  Sorry,” Sarah whispered back.

Angie watched them, amused.  “Go on, Bill, tell the kids what they want to know.  _All_ the details!”

Bill shot his sister a look.

Sarah put her hand on her belly and thought for a second.  How had they decided this would go?  “Nathan, Wes, you’re both going to be big brothers.  Mama and Daddy are having another baby.  You’re going to have a little brother or a little sister.”

Nathan pulled a face.  “Another?” he asked, glaring at Wes disappointedly.

Wes looked discontent.  “But why bigger?” he asked again.

Sarah looked to Bill to jump in, but he gestured for her to finish.  Gee, thanks.

“Because babies grow in mamas’ tummies.  Right now, the baby is still very small, but it’ll get bigger, like this.”  She held her hands up in an approximation of how big the boys had been as newborns.  “The baby won’t be here until April.”

Wes seemed to think about that a minute.  “I be a big brother too?”

“I _will_ be a big brother, too,” corrected Bill.

Wes didn’t repeat it this time; he was too busy waiting for an answer.

Sarah nodded.  Maybe Wes would accept this better than Nathan…

Pam reached over and stroked Wes’ hair, trying to tamp down his cowlick.  “Won’t that be fun when you have a little brother or sister to play with?”

Wes seemed to realize something.  “I be bossy, too!” he said triumphantly.  “Like Nathan!”

 

“Well, that didn’t go like I’d hoped,” Sarah said later, while cleaning up after the meal.

“Me either, but we should have seen it coming,” Bill said.  Nathan was already tired of Wes following him everywhere: of course he wouldn’t be excited about another little sibling.  Wes only had Nathan’s example to follow – and Nathan _was_ bossy with him.  It only made sense that’s what the kids would think about.

He watched out the window as he packaged up leftover turkey – the kids were outside with Angie and Lisa and their grandparents.  It was neat watching his sister meet them: they’d jumped on her immediately and she took right to being an aunt.  Bill was glad they were staying for a few days.

Sarah caught him looking.  “Glad to have your sister here?  Or contemplating something else?”

“Glad to have all our family here.  At least what’s left of it.”

“Well, you and I have done our part in growing it,” Sarah joked.  She reached up and kissed Bill.

He wanted so much to hold her and kiss her more deeply, right there in the kitchen, but his hands were covered in turkey muck.  “No fair doing that when I can’t touch you.”

Sarah kissed him again.  “That sounded like a challenge.”  She yanked his shirt out of his pants and ran a hand up under it.

Bill did his best imitation of a statue, trying not to respond.

Sarah tweaked a nipple and Bill gave in.  He moaned and had to stop himself from grabbing Sarah, turkey mess or no.

There was a laugh from the back door.  “No wonder you’re on kid number three,” said Angie.  “Leave you alone for a few minutes, and I come back to this.”

Both Bill and Sarah blushed and Sarah yanked her hand back.

“I came in to see if you needed help cleaning up – those boys of yours are wearing me out – but maybe I should come back later.”

Sarah shook her head.  “Sorry about that, Angie.  I’d appreciate the help.”

“Don’t apologize,” Angie scoffed.  “It’s your house.  Though you do have guests.”

Bill blushed again as he divvied up the turkey into packages for both Ken and Pam.  “And we’d never catch you doing anything with Lisa if we came down there, huh?” he challenged weakly.

“We’re sneakier than you.  We use bedrooms when people are around,” Angie joked.  “You two should try it before you scar your kids.”

 

**April 2022**

Sarah collapsed against Bill, though she was already reaching out to the doctor.

Bill stared, just as speechless as the first two times, at his new child.  Jesus, this moment was indescribable; some odd mix of relief, awe, exhilaration, and terror with a dash of exhaustion thrown in, though he knew it didn’t hold a candle to how Sarah must feel.

He looked down over her shoulder at his new so–

Daughter.

Bill breathed in sharply.  He’d been so sure they were having another boy that they’d barely discussed girl’s names this time.  They didn’t have girl’s clothes or toy and the nursery was still green; they didn’t have _anything_ pink.  Girls needed pink, he was certain; his sister had draped herself in it growing up.

What was he even supposed to _do_ with a baby girl?

Sarah stroked the infant’s hair.  “Oh my God, Bill, we’ve got a girl,” she said, on the verge of tears.

“Fuck,” he breathed, the astonished curse slipping out of him before he could think.

As soon as he spoke, the little girl stopped her squirming and stilled, looking right up at him.

Bill knew she wasn’t able to focus on him yet, not clearly, but they still locked eyes.  She _knew_ him, knew his voice.  He couldn’t look away.

He felt – God, he didn’t know how he felt.  He’d loved the boys instantly and felt protective of them, and he’d seen Bonnie grow up years ago and then again with Sally but this… this was something completely different.  This was _his daughter_.

The nurses carefully took the baby back for all those tests and Bill still couldn’t tear his eyes away as she was carried off.  He was entranced until he heard Sarah laughing softly; he realized then she’d turned a bit to look at him.

“You’re smitten,” she said, smiling tiredly.  “The look on your face; you’ve never even looked at _me_ like that.  You’re already head over heels for her, aren’t you?”

“I… I what?”

“She’s not even five minutes old and she’s already got you wrapped around her finger.”

Bill couldn’t even start to deny it.  He was still in shock, though.  “Jesus, a girl.  What are we gonna do?”

Sarah turned back to rest against him, closing her eyes.  “Same things we did with Nathan and Wes.”

“But–” he started.  “But we don’t have dresses or dolls or any of that.  She’s gonna need all that, isn’t she?”

“Probably.  Eventually.  I bet we can get some hand-me-downs from Stanley and Mimi.”

“What’re we naming her?  Do _you_ have a girl’s name picked out?”

Sarah didn’t even open her eyes.  “Didn’t we decide on Elizabeth back before Nathan was born?”

Oh yeah.  That’d been Sarah’s favorite choice back then.

The nurses came and handed the baby to Bill, who held her low enough Sarah could see.  “So…  Elizabeth.”

“It’s got lots of nicknaming potential,” Sarah pointed out.  “She can be who she wants to be.  Beth or Liz or Libby or Ellie or a whole bunch of other options.”

Bill didn’t say anything right away.  The nurses came back and walked Sarah through the rest of the birth and helped clean her up after.  Bill wasn’t as worried this time – they’d hooked Sarah up to the anti-hemorrhaging medications before the birth as a preventative measure.

He stared down at stared down at the little girl in his arms, starting to feel a little overwhelmed again.  Jesus, she was tiny.  She kicked her feet, fussing, and Bill was filled with more fear than he’d ever been with either of the boys.  Well, maybe Nathaniel came close, but that was more first-time father fear.  This was entirely new.

“Elizabeth,” he murmured.  That was such a long name for a little one, though.  He turned the nicknames over in his mind, seeing if anything suited her and – aha.  “You’re a Libby, aren’t you?

She stilled and looked right at him again – those same dark blue eyes both boys had been born with – and Bill knew the name was a fit.

 “That’s what you want to call her?  Libby?” Sarah asked quietly, lying back in the bed.  “I like it.”

Bill smiled at her and nodded. 

Sarah let the newborn grip her finger and whispered to her conspiratorially.  “I’m sorry Libby, but I think you’re stuck being a daddy’s girl whether you want to be or not.  Don’t worry, though.  He’s a good one.”

Bill flushed.

 

**August 2022**

Sarah straightened Nathan’s little polo shirt before standing back and admiring him.  “You’re so grown-up!” she said.

Nathan slumped his shoulders and his backpack slid down to his elbows.  “Do I hafta go?  I wanna stay home.”

Sarah felt a pang of sympathy.  She wasn’t ready to be sending her firstborn off to first grade.  Gosh, he was six years old already.  How had that happened?  “You’ve got to go, Nathan.  Every six year old goes to first grade,” she explained patiently.  “Your Daddy’s going to take you there after you drop Wes off at Pre-K.  Libby and Wes and I will pick you up at two-thirty.”

“But there’ll be kids I don’t know!”

“You’ll get to know them all,” Sarah said.  “And you’ll make new friends.  Good friends.  You’ll end up liking it better than staying home with Libby and me.”

Nathan hugged Sarah.  Bill put a hand on his shoulder, trying to pull him away, and Nathan held on tighter.

“I don’t wanna go!”  Nathan sounded on the verge of a tantrum.

Holding Bill’s other hand, Wes rolled his eyes and wiggled impatiently.  “Hurry up, Nathan.  I wanna go!”

“Can’t I go back to school with Wes?” Nathan asked.

Sarah realized he was getting anxious.  She shared a look with Bill, who shrugged, looking lost.

“Nathan, it’ll be okay.  And if it’s not, it’ll be over at two-thirty.  I promise I will pick you up then.  It’s okay to be scared of new things, but if you don’t try them, you’ll never have fun.”

Nathan wiped a tear away.  “So I hafta?”

“You have to,” said Bill, finally jumping in.  “Give me your hand, kiddo.  It’s time to go.”

Sarah stood in the door of the garage, watching Bill strap the kids in the SUV.  She waved as he backed out of the driveway.

She could see Nathan waving back sadly.

Poor kid.  They couldn’t keep him from school – unless they homeschooled and Bill had put his foot down that they were trying public school first.  Sarah knew he was right, but it still hurt to see Nathan head off to his first day upset.

She glanced behind her, the house silent.  Too silent.  Sarah went to the nursery and found Libby playing with her feet.

It was almost eerie how quiet Libby was.  Sure, she cried when she needed something and babbled if you talked to her, but left on her own, she played quietly and contentedly.

Sarah leaned over the crib.  “Got your feet, don’t you sweetheart?  Do they taste good?”  She picked up Libby, who smiled at her, and set her on the floor by the toys.

Libby reached out and grabbed a stuffed dog, gnawing on it.

“The boys are all gone, so we get to have girl time,” Sarah said.  “That usually involves less chewing on puppies and more gossiping.”

Libby babbled something at Sarah.  Sarah just grinned.

Sadie came lumbering in the room – the dog was elderly now, but seemed to like and put up with Libby.  Sarah suspected it was _because_ the baby was so quiet.

Libby reached for Sadie and Sadie obediently came over and lay down, letting Libby drum on her side.

Sarah pet the dog gently.  “You’re here for girl time, too, huh?  Guess you’re getting a massage, so it must be spa day.”  Sarah almost groaned thinking how nice an actual spa day would be.  She wondered if Mimi and Margaret could ever get away and go to Hays, where things like spas still existed.

Maybe someday.

 

Sarah picked Wes up from Pre-K after lunch and played with him while Libby napped.  They’d moved Wes into a big boy bed and made him share rooms with Nathan, which bothered both boys.  She and Bill had actually had to organize times when each boy could be alone in the room, to prevent sibling meltdowns.

Sarah sometimes thought about moving to a bigger house so the boys would have their own rooms, but she knew Bill would never consider leaving his grandparents’ house.  He was too attached to it and fully intended them to grow old there, too.

She watched the clock and close to two, she gathered up both kids and put them in the van.  “Time to go pick up your brother!” she announced.

Wes grumbled.  “I want to play, Mama.  Not go.”

Sarah looked back from the driver’s seat.  “We can’t just leave Nathan there, Wes.  He’s ready to come home.”

Wes looked like he wanted to ask “Why not?” but said nothing.

Sarah grinned a little, amused.  The boys were loving sometimes, but other times they were just _done_ with each other.  Today was one of those days.

They sat in the elementary school pickup line for fifteen minutes before the school bell rang.

“What’s that?” asked Wes, startled by the sound.

“That means school is over,” explained Sarah.  “Nathan can come outside now.”

“Oh,” said Wes quietly.  “That was loud.”

It took five minutes for Sarah to spot Nathan walking out of the door, dwarfed by the big kid backpack he’d begged for.  He was practically skipping.

Sarah beamed.  He must have had a good day.  She leaned over and opened the van’s sliding door so Nathan could scramble in.

He deftly locked himself into his booster seat and grinned.  “School was fun!” he said.  “We had _recess_ after lunch and got to play on the playground!”

“That sounds like a lot of fun!” Sarah enthused, so grateful he was happy.

“It was a _real_ playground.  Not like the one at church.  That one’s for _babies_.”  Nathan stuck his tongue out at Wes, who was stuck using the church playground at Pre-K.

“I wanna play on the playground!” Wes said.

“Maybe one day we can walk down here and you can both play,” Sarah suggested.  That would be a good Saturday activity to get them out of the house.

“Mama?” Nathan asked, still looking excited.  “I got something called ‘homework’.  What’s that?”

 

Bill braced himself on the front porch – a wise move, it turned out.  He’d barely opened the door before he was hit with the full force of Nathan’s forty-five pound frame.

“Hey, kiddo, let me get inside before you try to kill me!” he protested, winking at Wes to let him know he wasn’t really hurt.  The four year old giggled and attached himself to Bill’s leg.

This was a practically scripted routine: every day after work, Bill was greeted by both boys for a few minutes of daddy-son time.  No matter how bad his day had been, the second he walked through this door, Bill pushed all that aside and focused on wrestling and laughing with his sons.  He was determined to do it every day, too – at least up until the point they got too old and told him to quit – because this was important.  This was making sure they knew family came first.  This was what made him feel like a Dad and not just a father.

Well, this and Nathan kneeing him in the crotch as he climbed onto Bill’s shoulder.

So much for the happy ‘look-at-me-being-a-good-parent’ reverie.  Bill pulled both boys off him and pinned them to the ground, tickling to distract them from noticing that he was in pain.  “Okay boys,” he said as the giggling subsided.  “Playtime’s over.  How was first grade?”

“School was fun, but they gave me _homework_.”  Nathan made a face.

“Are you finished with it?”

Nathan shook his head.  “Mama said I could wait until you came home.”

“Then go get started,” Bill instructed, helping both boys stand back up.  He swatted Wes on the bottom playfully, shooing him off towards the kitchen.  “You too, big guy.  Go do some reading.”  Bill was still amazed at how easily Wes had learned to read – four years old and he was almost ready for easy chapter books.  Sarah said she’d learned that fast, though, so he must have gotten it from her.

Bill followed the kids into the kitchen.  They stopped at the small kids’ table Ken had made them and Bill slunk up behind Sarah, wrapping his arms around her.

She put the lid back on the pan of potatoes she was slicing and turned around in his arms, giving him a quick kiss.

“Where’s Libby?” Bill asked.

“Over there.”  Sarah pointed to the swing in the corner of the room.  It was still, but Libby was fast asleep anyway.

Bill walked over and stroked the little girl’s head.  “What’s with first grade having homework?  On the first day?”

Sarah shrugged.  “I’ve looked at it.  Nathan said it was math and spelling, but it’s really just practicing numbers and letters.  I don’t think they expect the kids to be able to read yet.”

“You knew they wouldn’t,” Bill reminded her.  That’d been part of the pre-school parent information meeting they’d had to attend.

“I know,” sighed Sarah.  “I kept hoping I’d misheard that.”

“At least Nathan shouldn’t need help yet.”  Bill tried to look on the bright side.

Sarah looked apologetic.  “I told him you’d check his work.”

“Oh,” said Bill.  “Guess he does need help after all.”

“Sorry.  But get him talking about school again.  He had fun until he learned what homework is.”

“Yeah, I’d be upset, too.  Twelve more years of that.”

“More if he bests us and goes to college,” Sarah pointed out.

“Oh yeah, we want that.”  Bill looked over at the boys.  “Nathan!  Do your homework so you get all the scholarships!”

Nathan frowned, confused, but said, “Yes, Daddy.”

Sarah laughed.  Bill couldn’t help but come and kiss her again.  “So what’s for dinner?”

“Libby and I went to Gracie’s.  Sirloins were on sale, so I grabbed some.  I figured we could have Nathan’s favorite dinner today.”

“Steak and potatoes,” Bill said.  “We’re raising a good Kansas kid.”

“I’m going to get some Southern in these kids somehow, I swear,” Sarah countered.

Bill laughed.  “Good luck with that!”  He didn’t mean to make light of it, but with all of Sarah’s family either dead or in Kansas… she was fighting an uphill battle there.  He nibbled at her neck again and she swatted him so she could focus on cooking.  Bill didn’t plan to give up so easily…

“Daddy!  I finished!  Come help me!”

Well, maybe things with Sarah would have to wait.

 

**September 2022**

Bill woke to hands exploring his body, rubbing his chest and teasing below his boxers.

Oh.  That was nice.  Bill contemplated keeping his eyes shut and pretending to be asleep.

“I know you’re awake,” Sarah said.  “You have to open your eyes eventually.”

Her mouth started exploring his bare chest and Bill gasped when she nipped at his skin.  “I’m awake,” he said, almost breathless.

“Good,” whispered Sarah against his skin.  “Then I can do this,” she said, teasing his boxers down his legs.  Her hands stroked there while she continued to kiss his chest.

“Oh, darlin’,” Bill said.  “Don’t move so fast.”

He could feel Sarah smile.  “What?  You too old for that now?  The big four-oh hit you that hard?”

Bill laughed, voice hitching as Sarah slid on top of him, already naked.  “You’re hitting me pretty hard right now.  I just woke up.”

“I know,” Sarah said, grinning again.  “Wanted you to have a nice start to your birthday.”

Bill pressed his head back into the pillow and ran his hands up and down Sarah’s back.  “It’s a Saturday and I don’t have to work.  _That’s_ a nice start.  This is… this is something else.”

“It better be a good something else,” Sarah said, grabbing his hand and leading it downwards under the covers.  Oh, she felt _so_ good.

Bill took hold of her waist and guided her down.  “Oh, it is.  It definitely is.”

 

Bill held tight to both boys’ hands as they walked to the Taylors’ house for lunch – the only birthday party Bill had agreed to.  Sarah walked behind them with Libby cooing happily in the sling.

Bill had approved a casual lunch party – burgers and potato salad and no presents – but wasn’t prepared for the full-out extravaganza he ran into.

Not only were the Taylors there, but the Richmonds, Emily, Heather and her new husband Timothy, and about half the deputies in the department – the good ones.  Bill stopped in the doorway, shocked.

“Happy birthday!” they all yelled.

“Th…thank you,” he stammered, truly taken aback.  Sarah gave him a light shove and he stepped inside.

Nathan and Wes pulled away and ran to hug Woody, who was sixteen and the coolest person the boys knew – or at least, they thought he was that cool.  Sally, thirteen now and their regular babysitter, came and took Libby from Sarah.

Jimmy gave Bill a big one-armed hug.  “Welcome to your forties, buddy.”

Bill laughed.  “Oh, so it’s ‘buddy’ today and not ‘boss’?”

Jimmy smiled.  “My boss might get mad at me for throwing a big party.  My buddy won’t.”

Bill laughed again.  What had he done to deserve Jimmy Taylor as a friend?

Stanley hugged him, too.  “Happy birthday, man.”  They shook hands using their lefts so Stanley could feel Bill’s grip.

“Thanks, Stanley.”  Bill looked at the room.  “Thank you all.  None of you had to be here.”

“Except us,” Woody said, almost sullenly, but the room laughed.

 

As parties in Jericho tended to do, people drifted into different groups.  The women stayed inside out of the lingering summer heat, while the men with kids stood and talked in the backyard and the younger folk played cornhole.

Bill looked around, drifting from the men’s conversation.  There were probably thirty people there.  Thirty people Jimmy had stuffed into his little house that had come just for Bill.  He hoped none of them felt obligated to be there, especially the younger deputies.

One of the deputies saw Bill watching them and waved him over.  “Sheriff!  Come play a game with us!”

Bill looked at Jimmy.  “What do you say?  Want to be my old guy partner and show those youngsters what we can do?”

Stanley protested.  “Hey, what about me?  I’ll play too!”

“Three on three?” Bill called back.  The deputy shrugged and nodded.

“They won’t know what hit ‘em,” Jimmy said.  “I’m actually good at this game.”

Bill wasn’t as good as he remembered, but that might have been the two beers already in his system.  Stanley struggled, too, using his left arm to toss the bags.  Still, Jimmy was as good as his boast and easily won the game for them.  The losers chugged beers.

The mass of deputies, almost all already drunk, cheered.  “We’re gonna have to teach you beer pong next, sheriff!” called one.

Bill waved off the suggestion, glad Jimmy didn’t own a ping-pong table or he might have been roped into it.  “We’ll play you again, if you think you can beat us.”  Bill knew his deputies wouldn’t be able to back down from the challenge.

The deputies changed their lineup and put Woody on their team.  Jimmy groaned.  “He’s as good as me,” he said to Bill and Stanley.  “He and his friends play all the time.”

Bill studied his tosses more carefully this time and improved his game considerably.  Jimmy wiped the table this time – but he’d been right, Woody was every bit as good as Jimmy was.

They lost, to another round of cheering.  Bill, Jimmy, and Stanley were handed new beers.  Bill looked at his, thinking it might be a mistake, but the rules were the rules.  He managed to chug it, pausing only once for breath.  Jimmy and Stanley finished right after he did.

Bill couldn’t help but burp as he put his bottle down, which earned yet more cheers.  “Good game, Woody,” Bill said before the beer could affect his system.

Woody faux-saluted and disappeared into the backyard again.

After the ‘old guys’ played, the younger deputies drifted away from cornhole and started playing basketball with the old hoop in the driveway.  Bill leaned against Jimmy’s back wall and watched Woody herd Nathan and Wes up to the boards.  Woody showed them how to toss the bags in and Bill saw the spark go off in Nathan’s eyes: he had a new favorite toy.

“Dude,” Bill heard from somewhere in the backyard.  “The little sheriffs are playing.”

Bill stifled laughter, but Stanley wasn’t so successful.  “I’m calling them that forever now,” he told Bill.

Tim, Heather’s husband, called out, “First round of burgers ready!”

Jimmy pushed Bill forward, making him stumble.  “Go on, you first.”

 

Sarah saw Bill weave a little as he walked inside, ready for a bun and burger toppings.  “How many beers have you had?” she asked, noting the sweat on his forehead.

“Three,” he said.

“You’re not holding your alcohol like you used to,” Sarah pointed out, grinning.  That was to be expected – Bill had really cut down his drinking since Nathan was born.  “Was that you they were cheering out there a little bit ago?”

“Mhm,” Bill said, trying and failing to pick up a tomato slice with tongs.  “We played cornhole.  I won but then I lost.  The boys’re playing it now.”

“Hopefully without the beer.”  Sarah picked up the tomato for Bill and plopped it on his burger.  “You okay with all this?” she asked, lowering her voice.

Bill shrugged.  “Okay so far.  Did you know?”

Sarah shook her head.  “Nope.  Margaret never breathed a word to me.  If it gets too much, if you need to get out of here, let me know.”

Bill wavered a bit, but looked her in the eye.  “You, too,” he said, dead serious.

Sarah herded Bill to the dining room and went to get her own burger.  They were soon joined by the Taylors, the Richmonds, Heather and Tim, and Emily.  “The old dinner party group,” Bill said, raising his lemonade cup in a toast.

Stanley held his beer up again.  “To Bill!  Sheriff and Ranger and my best friend.”  They toasted again.  Sarah noticed Bill flushing red, embarrassed from all the attention – but gratified.

“Hardly a Ranger anymore, Stanley.  We haven’t been needed since the war,” Bill pointed out.

Stanley scoffed.  “Once a Ranger, always a Ranger.  If we’re needed again, we’ll be back.”

“On walkers, before too long,” Jimmy joked.

“You say that,” Stanley said, pointing at Jimmy.  “But I’m not forty yet.”

“Next year,” warned Mimi, who’d already passed that milestone.

Sarah laughed, but knew she only had three more years herself.

“You guys didn’t have to throw a big party,” Bill said.

“Oh, but we did,” Emily said, with a flourish of her arms.

“It’s not every day our Sheriff turns forty,” said Margaret warmly.

“But we kept it small for Jimmy,” protested Bill.  “And he’s undersheriff.”

“Well, actually,” Jimmy said, “the new girls we hired were going to throw you a party at work yesterday.  I headed them off and invited them all here instead.”

“Ah, one party instead of two.  Much better for a fogey like Bill,” Stanley said sagely.

Jimmy shrugged.  “That’s what I thought.”

Bill nodded.  “You’re all forgiven, then.  But never again!”

 

After lunch was over, Sarah guided Bill around to all the folding tables and groups sitting in the grass out back.  Bill felt like a puppet on parade, but he said something to everyone.

Most people took that as their cue to leave.  Soon, the Koehlers and the Taylors were the only ones left.

“You going to be okay to walk home?” Sarah asked.

Bill waved her off.  “I’m good.”

“Good, ‘cause the boys are tired and want to be carried.”  Sarah nudged Nathan and Wes towards Bill and took Libby back from Sally.

Bill bent down and picked up one boy in each arm.  Damn, they were getting heavy.  He felt old scars and injuries in his arms stretch and pull, just like every time he picked them up.  And just like every time, he shoved that pain to the back of his mind.

He nodded at Jimmy.  “Thank you,” he said.  “I’d shake your hand, but…”

Jimmy patted him on the back instead.  “Any time.  Happy birthday, Bill.”

“Happy birthday,” repeated Margaret.  “I hope it wasn’t too much.”

“Nah,” Bill said.  “I had fun.  The best part was getting the old group together again.”

“With the new additions,” Sarah said.  She laid a hand lightly on his shoulder and led him to the door.  “C’mon, let’s get going before your arms fall off.”

On the walk home, Sarah confessed, “I slipped Sally and Woody a twenty each for watching the kids.  They probably deserved more, but that’s all I had.”

Bill nodded.  “Good.  And I know Sally got more, because I saw Stanley pay her for watching Caroline, too.”

“If I’d known, I’d’ve paid Woody more,” Sarah said.

“Nah, he’ll be fine.  A twenty’ll put some gas in his car and that’s what he cares about now.”

“Oh?  You actually got him to talk about something substantial?” Sarah asked.

Bill laughed.  Woody didn’t talk unless he wanted to, which was rarely.  “No, I just know sixteen year old boys who have a car.”

“I see.  Was that you when you were sixteen?”

“Yup.  Thought that driver’s license made me hot stuff.  That and the baseball team.  Between me and Stanley, I don’t know how our parents survived the testosterone.”

Sarah nodded at the boys, draped across Bill’s shoulders.  “We’re gonna have to deal with that, too.  Warn me before it gets bad, okay?”

“Hey, we made it through the terrible twos with both of them.  How much worse can it get?”

As if in answer, Libby babbled something and Bill felt his blood chill.  A teenage girl was going to be so much worse than the boys.  Boys he knew.  Girls… well, he kinda had Sarah figured out, but he had no clue on any others, especially teenage ones.

Sarah laughed at Bill’s expression.  “Tell you what, hon.  You take lead on our teenage boys and I’ll take lead on the girl.  Surely between us, we can handle them.”

Bill sure hoped so.


	13. October 2022

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some h/c for your entertainment. (AKA Bill can't stay out of trouble.)

**October 2022**

Today was his tenth anniversary.  Bill had pushed back their promised Europe plans yet again, so instead he’d made a couple’s massage reservation at that place in Hays Margaret always raved about.  He wasn’t so sure about getting a massage, but Sarah swore he’d love it.

That was this weekend, though.  Now, it was Thursday and Bill was stuck inside on a gloriously beautiful day.  That wouldn’t do.

Bill was tired of being in the office all the time – and had been since he’d been elected the first time.  After his second election last year, he’d instituted a policy of accompanying a semi-random deputy for part of their shift at least once every week.  It got him out and about and let him see how his deputies did under some pressure.

Bill looked out in the main room to see who was still there.  His gaze settled on Lauren Murphree, a tall, dark-haired woman they’d hired last year. 

She saw him looking and gulped.  “Yes, sir?”

“Murphree, I’m riding with you today.  Hurry up and get ready to go.”

“Yes, sir.”

 

Ah, Bill loved being in a patrol car, on actual patrol.  He missed doing this with Jimmy every day; they still caught up daily, but it wasn’t the same as seven hours sitting in the same car together.

It was also more exciting than riding with Murphree, who was terrified.  Bill wasn’t sure whether it was of him – laughable – or of doing something wrong.  _He_ wasn’t too worried; Murphree had shown herself to be capable.  If only she talked to him more, this would be a better day.

They sat on Cedar Run Road, spotting speeders.  Bill held the radar gun so that Murphree could be ready to pull out on the road as soon as she needed to.  They listened to the chatter on the scanner while they waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Bill finally heard a rumbling behind him and looked to see a green pickup headed their way – quickly.  The truck slammed on its brakes when it saw them, but not before Bill clocked him at seventy in a fifty-five zone.

“Hit it,” he told Murphree.  She pulled out onto the road and hit the lights. 

The truck sped up again.

“He’s gonna run, sir,” Murphree said.

Bill saw that.  “Then catch him!” 

Once they got close enough to the truck for Bill to read the plates, he called them in.  The driver – a man named Clark - had two felony arrests already in neighboring counties: one for aggravated assault and the other for robbery.  No wonder he was running.  Kansas was a three-strikes state and if he was caught with something he shouldn’t, that was a mandatory sentence of at least thirty years.  Especially if he fought them.

The truck skidded to a halt sideways across the road and Murphree had to slam on the brakes to keep from hitting it.

Bill unclicked his seatbelt as the patrol car stopped and beat Murphree out of the car, running after Clark.  Surely Clark knew that going to a foot chase was futile?  They’d definitely catch him now.

Clark headed for the nearest corn field, intending to lose them, but Murphree passed Bill easily, gaining on Clark.  Bill was impressed.  He’d never been the fastest runner – his legs were too short for that – but Murphree was really quick.  He’d have to compliment her later.

Murphree tackled Clark, taking him down easily.  She couldn’t hold him, though – he kicked free and scrambled off again. 

Bill passed Murphree, still running.  One side of him wanted to stop and help her up, but then they’d never catch this guy.  They needed to stop him before he hit the corn. 

It was Bill’s turn to tackle Clark just as he reached the fence line.  Clark kicked Bill hard in the side and waled on his face with his fists.

Bill held on, wincing at each blow.  Clark was strong, but Bill was determined.  Even when he felt his nose break again, blood streaming down his face from a cut on his scalp, and got more kicks in the side, Bill held on.

His efforts gave Murphree enough time to catch up and grab Clark’s hands, yanking his arms around back to arrest him.  Crouching with her knee in Clark’s back, she asked, “Are you okay, sir?”

Bill rolled off Clark before he could get kicked again.  “I’m okay,” he said, though he felt like he’d been beaten with a meat tenderizer.  “Get him up.”  Bill sat up slowly, breathing heavily.  The movement made him vomit.  Shit, that was no good.

Murphree had Clark’s number this time and successfully manhandled him into the back of the patrol car.  Bill still hadn’t stood up by the time she was through – his side hurt too much where he’d been kicked repeatedly.  Had Clark hit a kidney?  Or maybe another rib?

Murphree came back for him, looking worried.  “You _sure_ you’re okay, sir?”  She offered Bill a hand and he took it. 

“Yeah,” he huffed, stumbling when he got to his feet.  “Just needed a minute.”

“You’re bleeding a lot,” she said as she walked him back to the patrol car.  “And your face is all puffed up.”

“Happens when you get punched and get a scalp wound,” Bill said, noticing that he was getting blood on her uniform, too.  Oops.  “I’ll get stitched up after we get back to the station.”

She nodded.  “Yes, sir.”

Bill knew he should go to the clinic straight away and get checked out, but he didn’t want to ask Murphree to drop him off.  He’d just staunch the bleeding for now and then go get some butterfly stitches and an x-ray after they booked Clark.

Ignoring the cursing coming from the backseat, Bill gingerly took off his uniform shirt, using it to staunch the bleeding on his face.  “Are _you_ okay, Murphree?”

She nodded.  “Maybe a bruise on my stomach where he kicked me.  You want me to search the car, sir?”

Bill shook his head, glad he’d gotten the worst of it.  “Call it in and get it off the road.  We’ll wait here until a tow comes and have someone inspect it back at impound.  I have a feeling that Clark was trafficking and that’s why he ran.  I want it inspected right.”

“Yes, sir.”

Bill’s head was starting to pound.  He really wished she’d drop the ‘sir’.

 

Bill helped Murphree walk Clark into the station, doing his best not to limp from the pain.  He ignored the looks from the deputies present and handed Clark off to them.  Bill limped into the bathroom, feeling every one of his forty years and then some.

Looking in the mirror, Bill barely recognized himself.  Nearly his entire face was red and swelling up.  The cut on his head – made by Clark’s ring – was starting to ooze blood again.  Bill would definitely need stitches.  He carefully pulled his shirt up to look at his side.  There was a dull ache that flared into full-blown pain and nausea when he touched the area, along with scrapes from Clark’s boot heel.  Yeah, he definitely needed to be checked for internal damage.

Bill washed his face, hoping the cold water would help the swelling.  It felt good, at least.

While he was wiping his face clean, the bathroom door opened and Jimmy stepped in.

Jimmy gave a low whistle.  “They told me you got hurt, but you look like crap.”

“Thanks, Jimmy,” Bill said wryly.  “What’re you doing here?”

“Dispatch called me back in when he saw how bad you looked.”

Bill thought.  Dispatch today was a good kid, but he didn’t need to call Jimmy.

Bill said as much and Jimmy laughed.  “You don’t know when to quit, do you?  C’mon, I’m driving you to the clinic.”

Bill didn’t argue, but he did have a request.  “Let me call Sarah first?”

 

Bill limped into the clinic, clinging to Jimmy’s shoulder.  People parted before them in the hallway and Jimmy led him straight to the check-in desk.  The nurse in charge moved him immediately to a room when she heard about the kicks to the side.

Bill lay back on the bed, groaning as he moved.  The longer he waited, the more everything hurt.  “I feel old today, Jimmy.”

“That’s just your bruises talking,” Jimmy said.  “From what Murphree said, you impressed her.  Think this story’s going to be all over the station by the end of the day.  The kids’ll know better than to underestimate you now.”  Some of their deputies were older than they were, but they were all “the kids” to Jimmy and Bill.

Bill smiled a little at that.

Dr. Dhuwalia stepped in the room and stopped when he saw Bill.  “I thought the sheriff didn’t go out on calls,” he said drily. 

“He does when he’s bored in the office,” Bill snarked back.  “How’re you doing, Doc?”

“Better than you, it would seem.”  Kenchy walked over to Bill and pulled away the paper towels Bill had pressed to his forehead.  “Looks like you need some ice packs and a couple stitches.  We’ll need to shave some of your hair back.”

“My side,” Bill said.  “I got kicked in the side multiple times and I’m afraid he got my kidney or maybe a rib.”

Kenchy made Bill roll on his side and lift up his shirt.  “Did you have any nausea?  Does it hurt when I press like this?  Any muscle spasms?”

Bill yelped a yes to all three as Kenchy palpitated his side.

Kenchy let him lie back down.  “Kidney contusion.  We’ll do an x-ray to check ribs and a urinalysis to check kidney function.”  He scribbled something on Bill’s chart.  “Sheriff, you realize this might keep you in bed for some time while it heals, don’t you?”

Bill groaned again.  “I can’t do that.  Have to be at work,” he grumbled.

“I’ll sign the orders if I need to, sheriff.”  Kenchy waved the clipboard threateningly.  “I’ll send a nurse in to get the urine sample and we’ll get your face cleaned up and your x-ray while I kick the lab into gear.  Hopefully this won’t take more than three hours.”

“Three hours?!” Bill said.  “I want to be out of here by then.  I need to go home.  It’s my anniversary.”

“You might be spending it here,” Kenchy warned.

“I’ve got kids.  I can’t just leave my wife stranded with them.”

“I know you’ve got children.  I delivered one of them, if you recall.  That doesn’t change my treatment.”

Bill rolled his eyes.  “Fine.  Do the tests.  But hurry, please.”

Kenchy left the room and Bill lay there, thinking.

“Jim?  You know what I’m thinking of?”

“How much it hurts?”

Bill grinned.  “That, but I’m also thinking of Connor.  Remember that code eight twelve years ago?”

“Was it really so long ago?” Jimmy asked.  “Man, that was a night.”

“And Connor, mixing it up with Mitchell Cafferty.  Scared him enough to make that call.”

“Well, Cafferty had just seen Chris Sullivan killed.  He was terrified of what Jonah would do.  No wonder he fought hard.”

“Yeah…”  Bill looked at Jimmy.  “Remember how Connor looked when he came back to work that next day?  All those purple bruises that turned green?”

Jimmy caught on.  “Bill, you’re going to follow Kenchy’s directions.  Connor didn’t have a major injury.”

“He had a broken rib,” Bill protested.  “That’s serious enough.  I should know!”

“Connor was younger than us.”

“Not by much.”

Jimmy just shook his head.  “I will handcuff you to this bed if I need to.  You know Sarah will back me up on this.”

Bill huffed in frustration.

 

Bill’s nose had been set and he was getting stitches on his forehead when Sarah walked in.  She gasped when she saw him sitting there, shirtless, bloody, and bruises starting to form across his face and his side.  Bill couldn’t talk while there was a needle in his face, so he reached a hand out to her instead.

Sarah gripped his hand, squeezing it tightly.  “Damn it, Bill,” she said, voice thick, “why can’t you stay out of trouble for once?”

The nurse snipped the last stitch and Bill leaned back onto the inclined bed.  “I have for a while now.  Or haven’t you noticed?”

Sarah looked across the bed at Jimmy.  “Was he with you?” she asked.

“Hey, I’m right here!” Bill protested.

Ignoring him, Jimmy shook his head.  “Deputy Murphree.  She’s fine.  Bill took the brunt of it.”

“Of course you did,” Sarah said, finally looking down at Bill.  She carefully stroked his hair.

“Where’re the kids?” asked Bill.  “They’re home this week.”

“It’s fall break for _all_ the schools,” Sarah said.  “I got Sally to come over and watch them.”

Jimmy nodded and Bill sighed.  “Good.  She’s good with them.”

The nurse cleared her throat.  “I’m going to need to get a urine sample.  If you can do it without getting up, that’d be better.”

The nurse handed Sarah a clear cup with an orange lid and left.  Bill stared at Jimmy until he stepped out of the room, too.

Sarah checked that the shades were all closed.  Bill looked at her and she laughed.  “You think you peeing is going to bother me?  Nope.  Try again, mister.”

Bill sighed and fumbled unzipping his pants – the pain from his side was reaching up into his right arm now, messing with his dexterity.  He sighed in defeat.  “Can you get the zipper?” he asked dejectedly.

Sarah deftly unzipped and unbuttoned him.  Bill handled the rest.  He handed Sarah the cup and tucked himself away. 

“Bill, there’s blood in there,” Sarah said, aghast.

“Yeah,” Bill said.  “I kinda figured there would be.”

Sarah gave him a look, but wrote his name on the cup’s label and fastened him back up.  She knocked on the window to let Jimmy know he could come back in.

Sarah lightly kissed his cheek.  “I won’t tell,” she promised.

Bill laughed.  “Can’t imagine _that_ getting around the office.  Not only does the sheriff get beat up, but he can’t even pee by himself.”

 

After the nurse picked up the sample, Jimmy excused himself, citing office paperwork to do.

“Yeah,” Bill said, “and keep those hooligans in line.  Don’t let them be telling stories on me.”

Jimmy grinned.

Once he was gone, Sarah sat down in the chair by the bed.  “Bill, what happened?” she asked, lightly touching his bruised side.

Bill seized with a sudden flash of nausea as her touch set off muscle spasms.

She gasped, pulling back in horror.  “Oh my gosh, babe, I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.”

Bill settled back down.  “It’s okay.  I’m just a little tender there.”

“I can tell.  What happened to you out there?  _Why_ were you out there?”

Bill looked at her askance.  “You know how I’ve been riding along with some of the deputies every now and then?  Usually it’s boring, but we got a hit this time.”  He told her about the truck and the foot chase and holding down Clark until Murphree could arrest him.

“Bill, hon,” Sarah said, stroking his hand.  “You do too much.  I thought you becoming sheriff was supposed to keep you safer.”

“There wasn’t anything pressing in the office,” Bill pointed out.  “And usually I _am_ safe when I go.  I haven’t gotten hurt before this.”

“Except for that car wreck.  And all those times the winter after the bombs.  And during the New Bern War.  No, babe, you have a tendency to get hurt.  Face it.”

“If I was really hurt, they’d bring me pain meds.  Hurry up!” he called, willing Kenchy to come back and tell him all was well. 

All Bill got was a nurse, checking that he was okay.  He asked for medication and she said she’d see what Dr. Dhuwalia said.

 

Two hours and one x-ray later, Bill was getting extremely antsy.  They’d finally given him some aspirin, which helped take the edge of the pain.  Somehow, that only made the waiting worse.

Kenchy slipped quietly back in the room.  “Got the results of your urinalysis and x-rays back.  No broken ribs and no kidney failure, which is good, but you seem to have a sizeable contusion.  We’re going to have to keep you here overnight to make sure that kidney doesn’t _start_ to fail.”

“No, not really?” Bill begged.  “Let me go home.”

Kenchy and Sarah both shook their heads.  “I told you I’d keep you here if I needed to, sheriff,” Kenchy said.

Bill groaned.

“We’re also going to be hooking you up to fluids to keep your blood pressure up.  It was a little low, which may be from lack of kidney function or it may indicate internal bleeding.  You’ll also get pain management, if you want it.”

Bill groaned again.  “Not an IV.”

“Yes, an IV,” Sarah said, shushing him.  “You’ll do what you’re told.”

“Yes’m,” Bill grumbled.

 

Sarah slipped off home to take the kids to one of their grandparents’ houses – Bill didn’t catch which – and let Sally go free for the evening.  She promised she’d be back with an overnight bag for both of them.

Bill lay there, feeling helpless while Kenchy oversaw the placement of an IV and a catheter – “We need to measure your urine output” – and did a physical examination.  Each press on his abdomen made Bill’s stomach lurch with pain.

When Kenchy was finished, Bill was exhausted.  His leg muscles had begun to stiffen from all that running and then all that sitting.  He wanted nothing more than a nap.  Maybe the nurses would leave him alone long enough to–

“Sir?”

Bill opened his eyes again and saw Murphree standing in the doorway, looking as meek as a tall woman could.

“I just wanted to check that you were okay,” she said.

Bill waved her into the room.  “They’re keeping me overnight.  I think they’re overreacting.  You still just have bruises?”

“Yes, sir.”  She stood cautiously by the window, staring at the purpling bruise on his side.

Bill suddenly realized he was shirtless and in his underwear beneath the thin hospital blanket – Sarah had taken his bloody undershirt and uniform home to soak on the assumption she’d be back quickly with new clothes.  He slowly pulled the blanket the rest of the way up, embarrassed.

“How was the rest of your shift?” he asked quickly, begging for a distraction.

Murphree shrugged.  “Quiet.  I didn’t go back out, so I got a lot of paperwork done.”

“Good,” Bill said.  “There’s always plenty of that.  You going to be okay to go out tomorrow?”

“Yes, sir.  Uh, Parker and Styes said they were going to stop by, too.  And some of the other guys.  You looked pretty bad when you and Mr. Taylor left.  We were worried.  You going to be okay?” she asked again.

Bill contemplated keeping his problems to himself, but he realized it would get around the office one way or another.  Might as well put out the correct information.

“That bastard got me in the kidney,” he said.  “I’m okay now, but they’re worried it may shut down overnight, so they’re keeping me.  Bed rest after that, maybe.  I think it’s a lot of hooey, but…”

“Oh, no, sir!  Do what they tell you!  We’ll be okay at work with Mr. Taylor.”

Of course they would.  Jimmy could probably run the department better without him, Bill thought.

Sarah peeked her head in the door.  “Am I interrupting?” she asked.

“No,” Bill said, slightly relieved.  “Lauren Murphree, meet my wife Sarah.  Sarah, this is Murphree, who was out on that call with me.”

“Oh!”  Sarah smiled and brought in a small suitcase.  “Thank you for getting him back in one piece.  You sure you’re all right, too?”

“Yes ma’am, you’re welcome.  And I’m fine.”

“It was close,” Bill said.  “It could have easily been her in this bed.”  He’d had deputies sent to the clinic before and hated seeing them hurt.  He made the effort to visit each and every one of them, though.

“Oh, no,” Murphree said.  “I couldn’t have held on to him as long as you did, not with him beating on me.”

“Yeah, you could,” Bill reassured.  “You’ve got what it takes.  You learned that at the Academy.”  The Law Enforcement Training Academy was now in Wichita instead of Lawrence, but it was turning out good deputies and officers.  Bill was glad to not have to run his own trainings any more.

Murphree blushed.  Bill wondered how he’d gotten such a shy deputy.  Usually they were brash and confident.

She said goodbye and ducked out.

Sarah laughed after she left.  “Bill, I think that girl’s terrified of you.”

Bill gave her a look.  “Why would anyone be terrified of me?”

“You’re her boss.  You’re older.  You have authority.  You took a hell of a beating today and walked away.  You’re finally the scary one in the department, babe.”

Bill shook his head.  Couldn’t be.

 

Bill made it through more five more visitors before the nurse finally said visiting hours were over, shooing Stanley out of the room.

The same nurse came back and helped Sarah dress Bill in his pajama pants.  He couldn’t get his shirt on now because of the IV in his elbow, so he resigned himself to a chilly, shirtless night.

“Happy anniversary,” he told Sarah morosely once they were finally alone for the night.  “Think we need to reschedule the massages.”

Sarah stopped midway through changing into her own pajamas.  “Bill, it’s okay.  I’m just glad you’re still here.”

“’Course I am,” he said.  “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Sarah leaned over and kissed him gently.  “You push the limit sometimes.”

“So do you,” Bill said, thinking of Sarah falling from the rock, Sarah getting shot, and Wes’ birth.

“Guess we’re meant for each other,” Sarah joked.

Bill reached out for her hand.  “Guess so.”

~~~

 

Nurses woke Bill every four hours during the night, checking his catheter bag.  Bill slept fitfully anyway, finding every little movement painful in some way.  With Sarah’s urging, he finally clicked the button for morphine and drifted off to a deeper sleep.

Sarah sat and watched him, unable to sleep in the provided recliner.  His face was swollen, all purple and black right now, with little cuts to accompany the large one at his hair line.  Quietly buzzing machines stood at the head of the bed, counting his heartbeats and oxygen levels.  Every hour or so, the automatic blood pressure cuff inflated, keeping an eye on that, too.

It all reminded her how fragile his life really was.  She couldn’t get out of her mind how easily the night could turn bad, if his blood pressure dropped and his kidney stopped working.  She prayed over him half the night, asking for healing and safety.

Once, the nurse caught her praying.  Sarah sat up quickly, wiping away tears. 

“It’s okay, ma’am,” the nurse said.  “You’re not in my way.”

Sarah leaned away from the bed anyway, knowing Bill would wake when the nurse checked all his IVs and attachments.

“Whazzat?” he said muzzily, startling when the nurse touched him.

“It’s okay, Bill.  They’re just checking that you’re still okay.”

“’M still okay.  Could tell you that.”  Bill weakly tried to pull his arm away.

“Sir, I just need to check that nothing’s come loose.”

Bill grumbled some more, but let the nurse do her job.

The nurse picked up the catheter bag, a third of the way full and still bloody.  “With as much fluids as we’re giving him, I’d expect this to be more full,” she warned Sarah quietly.  “Dr. Dhuwalia may keep him longer.”

Sarah nodded.  She’d wondered if they’d get to go home in the morning.  Another day for Bill to heal in peace might be nice – surely it’d be better than with two little boys wanting to crawl on him and play.

If only she could make Bill see that.

 

Kenchy made his rounds about eight-thirty in the morning.  Bill was sitting up finishing the last of his breakfast and Sarah was wiped out, having finally fallen asleep at six.

She jerked awake when Kenchy cleared his throat.  “Bill!” she said instinctively.  “What’s wrong?”

“I’m here.  I’m okay,” he reassured her, reaching out to her.  “I’m sure the Doc here is about to let me go.”

Kenchy waited until Sarah was sitting up, nodded at her in greeting, then looked at Bill’s chart.  “Looks like you’re only partially right, Sheriff.  I want to see better kidney function by the end of the day or we may need to keep you another night.”

“What?!” Bill protested.  “I told you I can’t stay here all the time.  I have a family.  I have a job to get to.”

“They’ll just have to wait,” Kenchy shrugged.  He lifted Bill’s blanket.  “Look, your bruising has spread.  That means more internal bleeding.  Less than I thought there’d be, though.”

“Great, I’m doing better.  C’mon, Doc, can’t I please sit this out at home?”

“You’re doing better than I thought you would,” Kenchy corrected.  “Not well enough to go home.”

Bill slumped back down in the bed.

 

Life as a clinic patient was never peaceful, Bill thought.  He was supposed to be healing, but all he was doing was entertaining visitors and getting poked and prodded by nurses.

Sarah’s coworker Joanna was the first to bring flowers, but not the last.  They also brought books and food and the morning newspaper.

“You made the local news,” Heather said, handing Bill the paper.

JERICHO SHERIFF HURT IN SCUFFLE, read the headline.  Bill gave the paper to Sarah without even reading the article.  With his election campaigns, he’d already been in the paper more than he ever wanted to.  “Great.  So now everyone knows.  I wonder which of my deputies told?”

“Could have been a nurse here or someone who saw you come in,” Sarah said.  “Doesn’t have to be a deputy.  You guys are usually pretty tight-lipped when someone gets hurt.”

“Does it at least name the jackass who did this to me?” Bill asked.

Sarah scanned the article, which was pretty bare of actual facts.  “Nope, just that you got hurt taking down an alleged felon.”

“’Alleged’,” Bill snorted.  “That guy’s already been to jail for two felonies.  Wonder if we can get a judge to declare the kidney kicks attempted manslaughter?”

 

Mid-afternoon, Bill’s mom showed up with the kids in tow.  Bill felt sorry she was stuck with them, but he was glad Sarah was able to stay at the clinic.

Sarah carefully explained to Nathan and Wes that Daddy got hurt and they couldn’t hug him, but they could kiss his cheek gently.  She held each of them up in turn and Bill ruffled their hair.

Nathan shied away from Bill’s arm when he saw the IV tube sticking out of it, but Wes thought it was fascinating.  Pam had to keep him from tugging on the tube to see where it went.

Bill tried to hold Libby, but his right arm was still sore and the six month old was too heavy for him – and because of his bruised abdomen, he couldn’t risk her lying on his stomach either.  He kissed her head instead and handed her to Sarah, who also had Nathan in her lap.

Bill sat and talked to Wes, since Nathan was too scared of him.  That simple fact broke his heart, but he couldn’t do anything about it.  Maybe if he saw Wes wasn’t afraid…

Ten minutes into their visit, Wes bent down and tugged on something curiously.  Bill felt a blinding pain in his privates as Wes accidentally yanked the catheter most of the way out.  He had to bite his tongue to keep from yelling out a curse. 

Pam pulled the tube from Wes’ hands as soon as she saw what he’d grabbed onto.

“ _Ouch_ …” Bill breathed finally.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” Pam said.  “I should have been watching him better.”

“It’s okay,” Bill said weakly.  “But maybe it’s time to go.”

Pam nodded.  She held firmly to Wes’ hand and took Libby in her other arm.  “Nathan, are you ready?  Say goodbye to Mama and Daddy, boys.  You’ll see them tomorrow.”

Sarah followed them out and fetched a nurse, who reset the catheter.  Bill had hoped they’d take it out instead.

Oh well.

 

Jimmy came by after dinner, to Bill’s delight.  Finally, someone who could talk shop.

“What’d you find in Clark’s truck?” he asked immediately.

“Enough meth to count as trafficking, so that’s his third felony.  He’s definitely going away for a while.”

Bill smiled at that.  “How did things go today?”

“Quiet,” Jimmy said.  “I think the kids are scared for you.” 

“No problems?”  Bill half hoped the department fell apart without him.

“Nope.  We’ve got them all well-trained.  They did their paperwork and ran their patrols like clockwork.  It was almost eerie how well they all worked.”

Bill sighed.  No entertainment from Jimmy, then.

Sarah must have sensed his disappointment.  “Bill, that means you’ve done your job.  You’re _supposed_ to train them so they can do their jobs without you.”

“Yeah, but…”  Bill gestured at his sad state.  “I need a reason to get out of here and if everyone’s doing well without me… what good am I doing, really?  They don’t need me.”

Jimmy almost snorted with laughter.

“What?” Bill demanded angrily.

“You,” Jimmy said.  “You’re the only person I know who’s upset they did their job well.  You _want_ them to need you, but they’re trained better than that.”

Bill hmphed.  No fair Jimmy reading his mind.

Sarah touched his shoulder gently.  “Bill…  It’s okay to need to be needed.  But right now what _they_ need is for you to get better.  You heard Jimmy when he first got here: they’re all worried for you.”

Bill glared at Sarah for making so much sense.  How dare she do that when he was grumpy?

“C’mon, man, don’t take it hard,” Jimmy said.  “Just focus on getting better.”

“What do you think I’m _doing_?” argued Bill.

Jimmy left when Dr. Dhuwalia showed up for evening rounds.  Kenchy checked Bill’s machines and catheter bag before looking at his abdomen.

“Well, sheriff,” said Kenchy, “I think I can let you go home tonight.  There was a slight improvement in your kidney function today.”

Bill almost cheered.  “How soon can I get out of here?” he asked.

“Give it an hour or two for discharge.  But I’m still putting you on bed rest for a week.  You’ll have to come back for another exam before I clear you for light duty.  You’ll also have to be especially careful not to let your children accidentally hurt you.”

“Okay.”  Whatever, just get him out of here.

An hour later, two nurses came in and unhooked him from all his monitors – and the damned catheter.  It took another half hour for all the discharge paperwork to be finished and handed off to Sarah – and then, finally, Bill was allowed to stand up for the first time in a day and a half.

His knees gave when he stood and he had to sit back down on the bed while Sarah dressed him.

How humiliating.

Sarah put his houseshoes on his feet and pronounced him ready. 

“Not real shoes?” he asked, disappointed.

Sarah looked stricken.  “That’s all I brought, Bill.  I didn’t think…”

Bill shook his head.  If houseshoes got him out of the clinic, he’d happily wear them anywhere.

 

Bill shuffled out of the clinic under his own power and grit, but he leaned on Sarah going into the house.  The kids were staying with his mom one more night, so he and Sarah had the house to themselves.

It was so quiet. 

Too bad they couldn’t make some noise of their own to make up for their missed anniversary.

Bill collapsed into bed with an “Oof.”  Sarah worked his clothes off again, leaving him in his boxers.

“Is this so I don’t try to escape?” he asked jokingly.

Sarah stared at him for a moment before laughing.  “I should lock up all your clothes until you’re allowed to leave.”

“Can I at least get a bath first?”  Bill felt grungy – he hadn’t bathed since the previous morning.

Sarah looked at him sympathetically.  “Yeah.  Let me go start the water.”

Bill realized she probably hadn’t bathed in that time, either.  If only he felt he could stand long enough for a shower, he’d invite her to join him.

In a short bit, Sarah pulled off his boxers and helped him to the tub.  Once he was seated, she stripped her shirt off, too, so she could bathe him without getting it wet.

Very carefully, Sarah massaged shampoo into his hair, taking care to avoid his stitches.  Between the warm water and the feeling of her fingers on his scalp, Bill began to relax.

“Remember last time I had to bathe you?”

Bill peeked an eye open.  “That was seven years ago.  You can hardly argue I’ve made this a habit.”

Sarah smiled.  “No, not that.  I was going to comment on the similar circumstances.  Broken nose, busted head, hurt side…  Kinda close.”

“I could handle it a lot better at thirty-three,” Bill said.

“You’re handling it pretty darn well now, if impatiently,” she said.  Sarah sat back on her heels.  “I also spent another night wondering if you were coming home.”

Bill scoffed.  “I’m gonna be fine this time.  I promise I won’t even get pneumonia.  You didn’t have to worry.”

“But I did.”  Sarah soaped up the washcloth and gently started scrubbing.  “Bill, you still look terrible.  Your face is all bruised and your side…”

Bill looked down and he had to admit the bruise was spectacular.  It was black and purple and spread from his side to his belly button – evidence of internal bleeding, according to the nurses.

“You were in real danger there last night.  People _die_ from kidney injuries, babe.  And there wasn’t a thing I could do but sit there and pray.”  Sarah massaged his legs as she washed them, loosening up stiff muscles.

Bill watched her for a moment, taking in what she said.  He reached out and grabbed her, pulling her in for a kiss – and not just a peck on the lips.  The kiss made his face hurt again, but it was worth it.  “Darlin’, I’m so sorry I put you through that again.  You know I never meant to.”

“I know,” Sarah sighed, slowly pulling away from him.  “But you _do_ like to put yourself out there.  Do you regret running for sheriff?” she asked seriously.

“Sometimes,” Bill admitted.  “I want it to be like it was before the bombs.  A small department where my only job was to patrol with Jimmy.  Now I’ve got twenty-five deputies, more than this town knows what to do with, and I’m in charge of them all.  Why me?  I’m not the best qualified.”

“Then who is, Bill?” Sarah asked.  “Jake left town with the US guys and hasn’t come back.  Jimmy?  One of your deputies?”

“I don’t know,” Bill said, slightly frustrated.  “I just know it isn’t me.”

“But it _is_ you,” said Sarah.  She sat back on her heels again, letting the washcloth float in the tub.  “You really have done great things.”  She shot back his glare.  “Yes, others have, too, but Bill, how many gave up as many hours as you?  Got beat up as much as you?  Was gone from their family as much as you?”

“Jimmy.”

“Jimmy doesn’t have a leadership personality.  And he doesn’t want one.  Bill, you got hurt worse and more often than Jimmy.  And you look out for others naturally.  The first thing you did as sheriff was make sure those shelters were fixed up so we were ready when the US came back.  _You_ took care of the town.  You watch those deputies as sharply as you do our kids and you try to take care of them, too.”  Sarah sighed.  “When your deputies visited you in the hospital, you asked about _them_ before they could ask about _you_.  They look at you the way you looked at Sheriff Dawes.  Don’t you see what all that says about you, Bill?”

Bill listened to her diatribe quietly.  “What?” he asked softly.

It was Sarah’s turn to look frustrated.  “That you’re a damned good man and a damned good sheriff.  You earned the job and the votes.  You’re not just a painted monkey, for Pete’s sake!  And you’re a damned good dad, while I’m at it.”

Sarah picked the washcloth back up and soaped it up again.  She scrubbed his back a little harder than was comfortable.

“What about husband?” Bill asked meekly.  “Am I doing okay there?”

That made Sarah stop.  “Yeah, Bill, you’re doing okay there, too.  Just listen to me when I tell you something good about yourself.  And come home unhurt, while you’re at it.”

~~~

 

The week dragged by slowly, but Bill felt a little better every day.  His bruises turned green and yellow instead of purple and black, and slowly started to recede.  His side was still tender, but he could hold Libby again three days before his checkup.  The next day, he could stand the boys being on the bed with him, as long as they didn’t jump.  The morning of his checkup, Sarah let him walk around the house and get ready on his own without fussing.

Jimmy faithfully stopped by every day to tell Bill what happened at work.  It continued to be boring news.

Maybe Jimmy and Sarah were right.  Maybe Bill _had_ done a good job with his deputies after all.

 

Bill, Sarah and Libby went to the clinic Friday morning while the boys were at school.  They sat in the waiting room for almost an hour - that alone was a feat for Bill.

Kenchy made him strip to his waist and palpitated his abdomen again.  He seemed satisfied with Bill’s healing. 

The real test was the urinalysis, though.  Bill was able to give a sample without any help this time, but they sat in an exam room for another hour – a rush job, Kenchy said.

Bill looked up eagerly when Kenchy brought the results back. 

“Your kidney function is on the rise, sheriff.  If your blood pressure is still good, I can sign you off for two weeks of light duty.”  Kenchy set the chart down on the bed.  “I’ll even clip those stitches for you.”

An hour later, Bill floated out of the clinic with a whole new set of discharge papers – ones that let him return to work.  Tomorrow may be Saturday, but Bill was definitely going to go in and check on his guys.

~~~

 

Nathan and Wes went with Bill to work that next day.  Bill only intended to be there a couple hours and this gave Sarah a much-needed break from the boys.  She’d been on double-duty all week, taking care of the kids _and_ him, Bill realized.  He owed her.

There was a stunned silence when Bill walked in, holding each boy by the hand.  He knew he still had livid bruises across his face and his hairline was awkward where they’d shaved for stitches, but… well, silence wasn’t what he expected.

“Hey, guys.  Sorry to crash your lazy Saturday,” he said, leading the boys towards the office.

“You look great, sir,” called out one of the deputies and that set off the tide of well-wishes and “we missed you”s.  Bill even heard a smattering of applause.

Nathan looked at the nearest deputy.  “Why are they clapping?” he asked Bill earnestly.  “Do I need to clap?”

The deputy laughed.  “We’re clapping for your dad,” she said.  “He did a brave thing and got hurt and we’re glad he’s back.”

Nathan nodded.  “Daddy was really hurt, Mama said.”

“Still hurt,” piped up Wes.  “Mama said that, too.”

Bill shushed the boys quickly, afraid they’d start talking about his bed rest days. 

“Yeah,” he said to stave off rumors.  “I’m on light duty for two weeks, so you’re all free from me riding along.  Enjoy it while it lasts: I’ll be back out there as soon as I’m cleared.”

Bill guided the boys into his office, where they sat in the corner and played with the cars they’d brought with them.

Bill looked at the inbox pile at his desk and realized he was going to be busy his entire two weeks of desk jockeying.

He sat and pulled the first paper from the stack.  No better time to get started.

“Daddy?” asked Nathan from the corner.

“Yes, bud?”

“What brave thing did you do?  Are you a hero?”

Bill’s heart clenched briefly.  “No, buddy, I’m a sheriff, which means I keep people safe, just like all those deputies out there.  I’m just their boss.”

“I know _that_ ,” Nathan said, impatiently.  “But what did you _do_?”

“I chased down a bad guy and held him while a deputy caught him.  He’s the one who hurt me.”  Bill hoped Sarah wouldn’t get mad at him for telling the boys this.

“Did you lock ‘em up?” Wes asked.  “That’s what you do to bad guys, right?”

“That’s right, Wes, we lock up bad guys so they don’t hurt anyone.  _I_ didn’t lock this bad guy up, but those people out there did.”  Bill set his papers down and rolled his chair over to look at Nathan and Wes.  “They’re all brave, too.  Any one of them would have done the same thing.  I was just there.”

“So you’re not a hero?” Wes asked, disappointed.

Bill thought about what Sarah would say.  “Well, maybe a little.  But I’m not the only hero here.”

“I knew it,” said Nathan.  He and Wes went back to playing as if the exchange had never happened.

Bill picked up his papers again and smiled to himself.


	14. 2023

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some growing up and some hard choices

**2023**

**February 2023**

Libby held onto Bill’s fingers as he helped her practice walking across the living room.  She loved bouncing like this and was babbling away.  Bill was talking to Sarah, who was in the kitchen with the boys.

It took him a second to realize Libby had let go of his hands.

Bill looked down and Libby was walking on her own, teetering towards the dog bed where Sadie slept more and more these days.

“Sarah!” he called.  “Come here!  She’s walking!”

“What?” 

Libby plopped down halfway to the dog bed and giggled.

Sarah ran into the room.  “Aw, I _missed_ it.”

“Uh, no.  Here, she’ll do it again.”  Bill picked Libby up again and aimed her towards Sarah.  She managed all five steps into Sarah’s arms.

“Oh, little girl, look at you!” Sarah said.  “You’re _walking_ now!”  She picked up Libby and hugged her.  All of a sudden, Bill saw tears come to Sarah’s eyes and she left the room, taking Libby with her.

Perplexed, Bill stood there for a moment before following Sarah into the nursery.  “What’s wrong?”

Sarah sat in the rocking chair, watching Libby pull herself up on the wooden rocking horse and take a few more steps.  She was trying to hide it, but she was crying.

Bill knelt in the floor by Sarah.  “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“Those were our last first steps,” Sarah said after a minute.  “I missed them.”

 _He’d_ missed both Nathan and Wes’ first steps, Bill recalled.  Not likely an argument that would work right now, though.  “You were there for her second steps,” he tried.

“No, it’s… it’s stupid,” Sarah said, wiping her face.  “It’s just that this was the last time we get to see our kids’ first steps.  We’re not having any more, so Libby’s it.  Every time she does something, it’s the last time.  We’ll never have a baby again – Libby’s a toddler now.”

Bill hadn’t thought about that.  The idea didn’t bother him as much as it seemed to upset Sarah, though, so he reached out and took her hand.  “It’s not stupid,” he said.  “We’ve got a lot of last firsts left to go.  It’ll be okay.”

Sarah squeezed his hand.  “I know.  I’m just emotional about it.  I don’t know why.”

“Like I said, it’s okay.  Just don’t let your emotions drive you into a downswing,” Bill warned.  “Be sad, but don’t let it rule you.”

Sarah shook her head.  “I know.  I don’t want that.”

“I know you don’t.”  Bill stood and kissed the top of her head.  “Stay in here with Libby if you want.  I’m going to go make sure the boys aren’t trying to kill each other yet.”

 

“You okay?”  Bill asked later, after they put the kids to bed.  “Really okay, I mean, not just hanging on.”

Sarah sat for a minute.  “Maybe I am in a little bit of a downswing.  I don’t know why else I’d be so emotional these days.

Bill paused for a second.  “You sure you _aren’t_ pregnant?”

Sarah shot him a look.  “Pretty darn sure.  We haven’t been lax about that.”

“So maybe a downswing.”

“Like I said,” Sarah replied, almost snappily.

“Hey,” Bill said, pulling back.  “I was just making sure.”

Sarah flopped her head back on the couch and sighed.  “I know.  I’m just touchy.”

Bill thought carefully before asking, “Do you know of anything I can do to help?”

Sarah shook her head.  “I’ll let you know.”

They sat in silence for about ten minutes before Bill couldn’t stand it any longer.  He took Sarah’s hand and led her into the bedroom.

“Cry if you feel like it,” he said.  “I’m getting you comfortable and then getting you some tea.”  He tugged Sarah’s shirt off and unclipped her bra, kissing her neck as he slipped it off.

Sarah shivered at his touch and started to unbutton her pants. 

Bill swatted her hand away.  “I’ve got you tonight,” he said.

Sarah behaved after that, stepping obediently out of her pants and letting Bill slide one of her long gowns over her head.

He gently pushed her to sit on the bed.  Bill turned down the covers and kissed her forehead.  “You wait here.  I’ll be back with some tea.”

Sarah caught his arm as he turned away.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against his stomach.

“Forget the tea,” she said.  “Just stay here.”

Bill did.

 

**May 2023**

Bill stood at the window, watching the kids in the backyard.  Nathan and Wes were throwing a ball for Sadie and Libby was toddling after them as fast as her little legs could carry her.

Life was pretty good.

Sarah stood beside him and grinned.  “It’s a miracle.  They’re all getting along right now.”

Bill wrapped an arm around her shoulder.  “It won’t last,” he said.  “Wes’ll throw the ball at Nathan’s head and Nathan will yell at him and then we’ll have two crying children.  I’m sure Sadie will bowl over Libby at some point, too.”

“Ever the optimist,” Sarah laughed.

They stood in silence for a few more minutes. 

“Babe?”  Sarah asked.  “Does Sadie look like she’s limping or is it just me?”

Bill watched his dog closely.  She _was_ limping a bit.  “I better check on her.”

He tried to sneak outside, but the boys saw him immediately and ran to tackle him, assuming he’d come out to play.  Bill stood his ground when the boys jumped on him, only taking a single step back.

Not bad for being attacked by a five and a six year old.

Sadie limped up behind them and Bill put the boys down.  “I’m here for Sadie, guys.  I need to take her in for a minute.  You keep playing with Libby.”

Wes pouted, but dropped the ball. 

Sadie came trotting up to Bill, waiting eagerly for pets.  He picked her up instead, to the dog’s chagrin.

As he carried her inside, Bill examined her back legs and found a sizeable lump on one of them.  Sadie yelped when he touched it.  “No wonder you’re limping, baby.  How did I not notice this?” he asked guiltily.  “Looks like we need a vet appointment.”

“I’ll call and see when they can get her in,” Sarah said, after Bill showed her the lump.  “That doesn’t look good.”

Bill set Sadie in her bed, lingering to pet her.  “What’s wrong, girl?  How long have you had that thing?”

Sadie barked in response.

 

Sarah wrestled both Libby and Sadie into the car for the vet visit – Sadie was much easier than Libby, who hated being confined anywhere for any period of time.  Sadie, in contrast, sat patiently in her carrier.

Sarah lugged both child and dog into the vet’s office and was immediately sent to an exam room.  She hefted Sadie’s carrier onto the table and grabbed Libby before she could run out of the room.  “No, sweetheart.  You have to wait here with me.”

And wait they did: twenty long minutes until the vet arrived.  The vet looked at the lump on the back of Sadie’s leg and said, “We need to do a biopsy and an x-ray.  It might be nothing.”

“But it might be…?” Sarah prompted.

“In this location, it might be lymphoma.  And if it’s here, it’s metastasized.”

Sarah gulped.  Cancer.  Bill was not going to like hearing that.  Sadie had been with him for fifteen years and he wasn’t ready to let her go.

“Better check it,” Sarah said.  “We want to know.”

 

Two days later, Sarah got the phone call: it _was_ lymphoma and Sadie was riddled with it.  At her age, the vet didn’t recommend putting Sadie through chemotherapy.

“You’d do best to make her comfortable in her last months,” he said.

She hung up the phone in a daze.  How was she going to tell Bill?  She’d tried to warn him after the first visit, but he’d waved it off.  He must think Sadie was invincible, Sarah mused.

She was right.

“Well, how much is chemo?” Bill asked once he got home.  “Maybe we can swing that.”

“Babe, it’s four thousand dollars and the vet didn’t recommend it.  It would be so hard on her…”

Bill waved her off.  “She’s strong.  She can handle it.”

Sarah looked at Sadie, sleeping fitfully on her bed.  “Even if she could stand it, could we afford it?  That’s a lot of money for something that might just cause her more pain.”  She sighed.  “I think we’ve got to make a quality of life decision here.”

“What do you mean by that?” shot back Bill.

Sarah stood her ground.  “I mean you have to think of what’s best for Sadie, not for you.  Is it going to be better for her to die after we’ve pumped tough chemicals through her body or peacefully on pain meds?”

“You act like she’s going to die whatever we do.”

“She _is_ , Bill.  She’s _fifteen_.  She’s had a good life with you.  With us and the kids.  Let’s get her pain relief and let her go easily.”

Bill turned his head, but Sarah saw the tears looming in his eyes.  He’d had Sadie longer than he’d known _her_.  Of course this wasn’t going to be easy.

Sarah sat on the couch next to him, rubbing his back.  “Babe, you know the final decision is yours.  She’s always been your baby.  But you know what I think.  You know what the vet thinks.  You know what the right decision is.”

Bill jerked away from her.  “I need some time,” he said.

Sarah gave it to him.

 

Three days later, watching Sadie limp through the yard to keep up with Libby, Bill came to a decision.

He’d known it was the only decision he really _could_ make, but he’d been putting it off.

Bill called the vet and asked about palliative care.  He went by after work and picked up the prescriptions.

Sarah hugged him when she saw the bag from the pharmacy.  “You decided.”

Bill nodded.  “It’s what’s best for her.”

At least he hoped it was.

 

**August 2023**

“Did I put it on right, Daddy?” Nathan asked.

Bill looked at his son, in his blue and yellow uniform, and nodded.  “You look like a Cub Scout.”

Nathan grinned.  “When do we go?”

“You’re not through packing your backpack,” Sarah reminded him.  “You have to do that first.”

Nathan ran off to his room.

“You sure you’re up to camping tonight?” Sarah asked Bill.

“It’s just one night.  I’ll nap tomorrow if I need it.”

Sarah laughed.  “If the kids let you, that is.”

Bill had to concede the point.

Wes peeked out of the kitchen, an innocent expression on his face.  “Is time out over?”

Bill and Sarah both looked at the clock.  “It’s just two minutes ‘til,” Bill whispered.  “He can come out, right?”

“He _hit_ Nathan and called him names,” Sarah hissed.  “No, Wes, you have two more minutes.  Don’t ask again.”

Bill shook his head as Wes slunk back to his chair.  “You’re a hardass.  He’s just jealous of Nathan getting to go camping.”

Sarah straightened Bill’s collar.  “He’ll get to go in two years.  And who’d’ve thought _I’d_ be the hardass in this relationship, s _heriff_?”

Bill grinned.

 

It took some wrestling, but Bill got Nathan to the church by six, where about five other seven to ten year olds waited, each with a parent.  Nathan gave his backpack to Phyllis, the Den Mother.

She greeted Nathan warmly.  “You ready for your first campout?”

Nathan nodded, smiling, and ran over to join his best friend, Hunter.

Phyllis greeted Bill, too, and asked him to help load the trailer with everyone’s stuff.  Bill dumped their tent case in the trailer and helped Hunter’s dad Robbie lug in a folding table.

“Is it really camping if you take a table with you?” asked Robbie.

Bill shrugged.  “Is it really camping if you still have a night-light?”

“Point.  You guys carpooling out there with us?”

Bill looked.  Robbie’s van was much newer than Bill’s SUV and probably more comfortable to ride back in after a night on the hard ground.  “Sure.”

“Load ‘em up!” called Phyllis, when the last kid arrived.

Nathan and Hunter talked all the way out to Bass Lake Park as if they hadn’t seen each other all summer.  Both boys had gotten bikes for Christmas and spent half their school break riding to one house or another.  Hunter ate dinner with the Koehlers enough to be considered a fourth kid, or at least it felt like it.  Robbie probably felt the same about Nathan, but Bill had never asked.

Bill watched out the window as Bass Lake loomed in the distance.  He could never come out here without thinking of that group of refugees from Denver that didn’t make it.  He hated that _that_ memory overrode his first date with Sarah, but the image of those families lying there…  That was seared into his memory.

“You okay there, Bill?” Robbie asked.

Bill shook himself from his reverie.  “Just remembering the days after the bombs.  I was out here then.”

Robbie was quiet.  “Yeah…  I forgot about that.”

“Most people have, I think.  There was so much else going on,” Bill said.

“Is this it?” Nathan asked, getting fingerprints on the window as he pointed.

“Yep, buddy, it is,” Bill said.  “That’s Bass Lake.  That’s where we’re going to sleep.”  Nowhere near the impromptu cemetery, Bill hoped.

 

Bill needn’t have worried.  They followed the church trailer all the way to the far side of the lake before pulling over.

Phyllis and the other moms volunteered to take the boys on a nature walk while the dads set things up at the campsite.

Bill struggled with their brand new tent, bought just for Cub Scout campouts.  “I think I’d’ve rather gone on the nature walk.”

“Wouldn’t we all, sheriff?” said the other dad present, who just happened to be one of Bill’s deputies, Carson. 

Bill thought about telling him to call him Bill when they were out of work, but decided against it.  Carson had a ten year old who’d be aging up to regular Scouts soon, so it probably wasn’t worth the trouble.

“Ayup,” said Robbie, who’d been on many campouts with his older son.  “But that’s what we get for being the dad gang.”

“So we send the moms next time?”

“And hear about it all next week?  Nope.  I’ll go ten sleepless nights before I deal with her being sleepless.”

 

The moms and boys tromped back into the campsite, all carrying sticks and leaves and rocks.  They found the men sitting around a fledgling campfire, chewing the fat.

“Daddy, look what I found!  This rock has a _fossil_!” Nathan said, running up to Bill. 

Bill could see the outline of something that vaguely looked like a leaf, but he praised Nathan anyway.  “That’s really cool!  Are you going to keep it?”

“If Wes doesn’t steal it,” Nathan said.

Bill sighed to himself.  They’d been having trouble lately with Wes, who was not excited about going to kindergarten.  “But I’m _bored_ ,” he could hear Wes whine.  “And nobody liked me at Pre-K.”

Shaking Wes’ voice out of his head, Bill handed Nathan his rock back.

“It’s time for supper!” Phyllis announced, pulling out a roll of tin foil.  “We’re having hobo meals.”

The older boys cheered, but Nathan and Hunter looked confused.  Bill leaned forward in his chair.  “That means you’re going to wrap your food in tin foil and put it in the campfire to cook.”

“Cool!” both boys said at once.

After the boys had all gone through the line at the folding table, the parents picked through the leftovers.  Bill managed to get a couple potatoes and some pre-cooked chicken bites in his meal.

“Next time I am eating beforehand,” he muttered to Robbie.

“I should have warned you,” Robbie said.

Bill found an empty spot on the edge of the campfire and stuffed his foil packed in amongst the others.  While they cooked, the men cleaned up the table and the moms led the boys in a craft.

Bill rinsed his hands off in the lake when he was finished.  “ _This_ is camping?  _Crafts_?”

“It’s all part of their advancement,” said Robbie.  “Better the moms do it here than you try to do it with him at home.”

He had a point.

 

It started to get dark and the boys got restless.  Robbie gathered them around the fire and told cheesy ghost stories, the kind that shouldn’t keep the boys up all night.

Hopefully.

They wrangled the boys into their tents for bedtime.  Hunter and Nathan shared the Koehler’s new tent – Bill’s bedroll was thrown in with Robbie.  Bill was a little jealous of Carson, who had a tent to himself.  He briefly considered pulling rank and requisitioning the solo tent, but decided not to be a jackass.  This time.

The adults sat around the fire talking while the flashlights flickered in the boys’ tents, going off slowly one by one.  When the last light was out, Phyllis suggested the adults try to sleep, too.

 

They made it to two a.m. before Hunter came to their tent and crawled in his dad’s sleeping bag.  Nathan followed once he realized he was alone.  Rather than sleep four to a three-person tent, Bill bundled up his sleeping bag and went to sleep with Nathan in the other tent.

He lay there for an hour, unable to get back to sleep, listening to the sounds of Nathan breathing and snoring from other tents.  How many more years would Nathan come to him for comfort like this?  Was Nathan’s time as his little buddy coming to an end soon?  The older kids in the Pack already had a little bit of an attitude.  How soon would that rub off?

Might as well enjoy it while he could.  Bill reached out and pulled Nathan close to him.  Nathan mumbled something in his sleep, but didn’t wake.

Just think, Bill told himself.  Nearly eight years ago, the bombs went off and everything changed.  They went through near-starvation and deprivation and war and now…  Now he was on a Cub Scout campout with his oldest son. 

Normality felt so weird sometimes.

~~~

 

They put Sadie to sleep a few days before school started.  Bill didn’t cry, but the boys did.  It was rough, having to explain to them what was going on, but Sarah handled it deftly, Bill thought.

They buried her in the backyard, next to Jackson.  Sarah explained who he was to the kids.  They weren’t as interested in him as they were Sadie, which was to be expected.

That night, as Bill put the boys to bed, Wes sniffled, “Will we get another dog?”

“I don’t know, kiddo,” Bill said truthfully.  He didn’t think he was ready for another one after Sadie.  He needed time to mourn.

“I want one,” Wes said and Nathan agreed. 

Bill stood and reached to the top of the bunk bed where Nathan lay.  He brushed his son’s hair back from his face.  “I know, guys.  But we’ll have to see.  Sadie found me when she was a puppy.  Who knows?  Maybe another puppy who needs help will find us.”

“I wanna name him,” Nathan said.

“Or her,” Wes said, just to be argumentative.

Bill bent back down and ruffled Wes’ hair, too.  “ _If_ we get another dog, we’ll name him – or her – all together.”

Nathan stuck his tongue out as he settled in his bed.  “I’m the oldest.  I should get to.”

Wes’ face screwed up and Bill knew he was about to take the bait. 

“Nathan,” Bill said, to head off the argument.  “We’ll name it all together, like I said.”

“Okay,” Nathan sighed.

“Daddy?” said Wes.

“Yes?”

“I miss Sadie.”

Bill smiled with tears welling in his eyes.  “I do too, bud.  I do too.”

 

Bill slunk off to bed early that night.

Sarah followed.  “You okay, babe?”

Bill shrugged.  “It was time.  I just wasn’t ready.”

Sarah crawled onto the bed behind him.  “You weren’t ever going to be ready.  You were really good with the kids about it.”

Bill shook his head.  “No, you were the good one.”

Sarah shrugged.  “I’ve had more pets over the years than you have.  I had it explained to me as a child.  You didn’t.”

She rubbed his shoulders, attacking the knot at the base of his neck.  “Someday, you’ll be ready for another dog.  We’ll go pick one out together.

“Maybe.  Maybe it’s your turn and we should get a cat.”

“Maybe,” Sarah said.  She really liked that idea –she’d missed having cats – but now was not the time to be enthusiastic.  Sadie had been part of the family.  “We’ll just have to see.”

~~~

 

Bill and the kids moped around the house about Sadie for almost the rest of the month.  Even Libby asked where Sadie was – and how did you teach a one year old the concept of death?

Sarah got a taste of how Bill felt when _she_ was down – she ran herself ragged trying to keep everyone’s spirits up.

It was her birthday before she got a break.

 

“Your dad’s taking the kids today,” Bill said while he got ready for work.  “He says he’s forced-marching them around town after school and then making them do their homework.

Sarah laughed.  “And he probably will, too.”  She watched Bill pull on his uniform pants, appreciating the view.  “So I’m really off the hook all day?”

“Just got to drop the boys off at school and Libby with your dad,” Bill confirmed.  “Or do you need me to take them?”

“I’ll take them.  But will you get Libby ready while I wrangle the boys?”

“You sure you want to give me the easier end of that deal?”

Sarah grinned.  “I can get the boys ready quicker than you can.  Don’t want you to be late to work.”

Bill knotted his tie and kissed her.  “Happy birthday, babe.”

 

After his shift, Bill swept into the house and grabbed Sarah. 

“You.  Me.  Dinner, then the range, then I’m taking you to bed.  Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” Sarah agreed.

Bill pulled her tight and kissed her, deep and forceful.

Sarah pulled back a little bit.  “Keep that up and we’re skipping dinner and the range.”

 

Dinner was at one of the chain restaurants in town, but just getting out of the house without kids felt like a special treat.  Bill talked about work and Sarah could have listened to him forever – conversation that wasn’t about Nathan’s school or Wes’ behavior or Libby’s attempts to climb the furniture.

It was heaven already, but to top it off with a trip to the range – something they hadn’t been able to do together in months – made it even more wonderful.

Sarah shot standing this time, which meant Bill spent a lot of time with his arms wrapped around her, helping her find the proper positioning.

Sarah knew the positioning.  Bill knew she knew.  Neither cared very much.

When dusk came upon them, both were a little sweaty and smelled of gunpowder: Sarah’s favorite cologne on Bill.

He wiped the sweat from the back of his neck with a towel when they reached the car.  “Have you had fun?” he asked.

“Oh yes,” Sarah said.  “You had a very good plan for the day.”

“Good, but I’m not quite finished,” Bill promised.

 

As soon as Sarah stepped into the house, Bill grabbed her and held her face.  He kissed her so hard she thought she might bruise, but she returned it eagerly.

“Bill,” she gasped when they came up for air.  “You’re –”

Bill shushed her and pushed her towards the bedroom, pulling off her clothes as they went.  Sarah let him, enjoying the forcefulness.  They hadn’t had a night like this in a very long time.  No kids to worry about: no one but themselves in the house.

Bill seemed determined to take advantage of it.

Sarah stopped outside the bedroom, tugging at her boots.  Bill knelt, kissing her stomach as he helped her unlace them.

She pulled him back up to a standing position and started nibbling at his neck.  Bill groaned and stopped long enough to let her take off his shirt and unbuckle his belt.  She dropped both where they stood.

Sarah tugged at Bill’s pants while he explored her collarbone.  They weren’t coming off quick enough, so now it was her turn to kneel, between Bill and the wall, and kiss and lick and nibble her way down as she pulled down his pants and boxers.

Before she could do much more, Bill tugged her back up.  “No,” he said huskily.  “You tonight.  Not me.”

God, she loved this man.

~~~

 

Sarah paid Bill back in the morning, waking him up by ducking under the covers.  She loved the way he looked when he was sated – all flushed and beautiful – and was determined to see that before he left for work.

“Oh babe,” he said, when she finished.  “What was that for?”

“Early birthday present for you?” she said, triumphantly enjoying her success.  “Or late birthday present for me.”

“How was that a present for you?” Bill asked, still not moving from his spot in the bed.

“I love the way you look,” Sarah said truthfully, which only caused Bill to have a full-body blush.

She loved that, too.

 

Bill called around eleven that morning.  “Sarah, I’m bringing home something that I want you to consider an actual late birthday present.”

“Oh gosh.  Should I be worried?” Sarah asked, balancing Libby on her waist.  She’d gone and picked up the kids before school, freeing her dad from their childish clutches.

“Nothing to worry about.  Just wanted to let you know I’m not coming home empty-handed.”

Sarah glanced at Libby, then hissed into the phone.  “Bill, if you are trying to one-up me from this morning, remember the kids are home.”

He laughed, long and hearty.  “No, nothing like that.  You’ll like it.  Just be ready.”

After they hung up, Sarah looked at Libby.  “Why do I have the feeling your daddy is going to get in trouble, little girl?”

“Trouble!” repeated Libby.

Sarah kissed her head, brushing down her blonde hair.  “Yup, that’s the word.”  She set Libby down to toddle behind her and went to change the sheets on everyone’s beds.

Libby followed, talking the whole time.  Sarah could only understand her about half the time when she babbled like this, but she responded as if she and Libby were having a full conversation.

“Yes, it’s Wednesday.  That means we change the sheets.  Daddy will wash the dirty ones when he gets home, if he’s not in trouble with Mama.”

Libby was fascinated by sheet-changing, for some reason Sarah couldn’t figure out.  Maybe it was the way the fresh sheets smelled.  Maybe it was the way they looked when Sarah shook them out in the air.  Whatever it was, Libby watched, rapt, as Sarah changed all four beds.

Chores were so much easier when Libby was interested in them.  This was much better than tomorrow’s big chore – vacuuming, which just made Libby scared.

They picked Wes up from kindergarten after lunch.  Sarah looked at her two youngest in the rear view mirror.  Wes could hardly look more different from his siblings – both Nathan and Libby took after Bill and had feathery blond hair that only curled at the ends, while Wes took after Sarah with a round, chubby face and darker hair that curled and waved.  Poor kid, Sarah thought.  She hoped he ended up carrying her features better as he grew.

 

Sarah was studying the fridge, deciding on dinner, when she heard the garage door open.  All three kids perked up, too, and jumped on Bill as soon as he walked in.  He tickled the boys and swept Libby up with a kiss on the cheek.

“Now that that’s over with,” he said after setting Libby back down, “come with me to the car.”

There was a box in the trunk of Bill’s SUV.  Sarah opened it carefully and found two young cats, both orange tabbies.  They couldn’t have been more than six months old.

“Bill!”

“Someone dumped a litter outside the station.  Why us, I don’t know.  I took the rest to the animal shelter, but thought you’d like these two.  The girl at the shelter said they’re both boys.”

Sarah looked at Bill.  “Are you sure you’re ready for more pets?  Are you sure the kids are ready?”

Bill shrugged.  “I’m not ready for another dog.  Cats feel different, though.  And the kids’ll learn to play nice with kittens.  They played nice with Sadie and the cats have claws if they get rough.”

Sarah shook her head.  Bill said that now, but the first time Libby got scratched, he might be ready to toss the cats out.  “You’re really sure about this?”

“I’m sure.  Let’s go introduce the kids to Thing One and Thing Two here.”

 

Introducing the kittens to the kids went well.  They’d never dealt with cats before, so Sarah explained all the ways cats were different than dogs: that they couldn’t be rough with them like they sometimes were with Sadie, that cats played differently, and that the kittens would want to play a lot until they grew up.  She promised to go get toys for them to play with the kittens tomorrow.

“Do we get to name them?” asked Nathan.

“We can.  You two think up names for them and Daddy and I will pick.  Remember they’re brothers, just like you two.  But you have to wait until after dinner.  Homework first.”

Nathan groaned.  Wes did his smug little happy dance that he didn’t have homework.

“I can think of names now, Nathan!” he said, sticking out his tongue.

Sarah and Bill looked at each other.  “Wes, you have to wait, too,” Bill said.  “We have to be fair.”

Wes pouted.

 

Bill agreed to a pizza night while Sarah got the kittens set up in their bathroom, where they could stay while they got used to the smells of the family.  Thankfully, the girl at the shelter had given Bill a small baggie of food and a baggie of litter to take home, so the kittens were set up until Sarah could go to the pet store tomorrow.  Sarah set their litter box up in a disposable turkey baster left over from last Thanksgiving.

She sat in the bathroom and let the kittens crawl all over her.  “I’d call you Mac and Ike,” she told them.  “MacArthur and Eisenhower.  Good historical names.” 

The kittens mewed.  Sarah didn’t know if that was approval or not.

 

After dinner, they let the boys write out their suggestions for names.  Libby scribbled on a piece of paper, too, just to be part of things.

Bill looked at the boys’ suggestions.  Almost all were names from cartoons.  Bill picked two he recognized – one from each boy’s list – and showed them to Sarah.

“Oliver and O’Malley?” she said.  “The Disney cats?”

“Yeah!” the boys said, echoed by Libby.

Sarah shrugged.  “Works for me.  Good job, kiddos.  Now you have to decide which is which.”

Nathan looked at her like she was stupid.  “Oliver is the all-orange one.  O’Malley has white paws.  _Duh_.”

“Nathan, watch your mouth,” Bill warned.  “Be polite.”

“Can we go play with them?” asked Wes.

“If you’re gentle.  Let them crawl on you, don’t pick them up,” Sarah said.  “Be still and they’ll come to you – _then_ you can pet.”

Nathan ran down the hall and Wes skipped, singing about O’Malley the Alley Cat.

Sarah helped Libby out of her chair and held her hand as they walked down the hall.  “That could have been worse, little girl.  We might have ended up with a Fluff and a Puff.”

“Kitty?” asked Libby.

“Yes, kitties.  Be soft with them, baby.  They might hurt you if you’re not.”

The boys had already barged in the bathroom when Sarah and Libby got there.  Sarah sat in the doorway, ready to catch any runaways – kittens or kids – who tried to escape.

To her surprise, the boys did very well with the kittens, though she could tell they really wanted to wiggle and play with them.  Libby patted Oliver softly when Sarah held him for her. 

“Kitty,” she said again.

“Good girl,” said Bill, coming up behind Sarah.  He must have changed clothes in one of the other rooms, because he was in casual clothes now.  He sat down behind Sarah to watch the kids.

At some point, Bill glanced at his watch, because he announced bedtime.  He reached out and took Libby from Sarah.  “My turn with the princess,” he said.

Sarah eyed him jealously.  Libby was so much easier to put to bed than the boys.  “Okay, kiddos.  Let’s put the kittens down and go get on our pajamas.”

 

An hour later, after everyone had their bedtime stories and their last cups of water and their last attempts at sneaking in to see the kittens, Sarah sat in the bathroom again, this time with the kittens asleep on her legs.

Bill slid down the wall to sit next to her.  He reached out and gave one of the kittens a quick pet.  “So are you mad at me for this?”

Sarah lazily scratched behind an orange ear.  “No, I’m not.  Pets seem to find us when they need us.  I just hope the other kittens find homes, too.”

“I’m not adopting all five,” Bill warned.

Sarah smiled.  “I wouldn’t expect you to.  That’d be a bit much, even for me.”  She looked at Bill.  “But you knew I’d missed having a cat.”

Bill nodded.  “We couldn’t exactly adopt one after the bombs; how could we feed it?  And then the kids came along…  But now, with Sadie gone and the kids a little bigger?  It seemed like good timing.”

“Did they really get dumped outside the station?  Or was that your excuse for adopting them from the shelter?” Sarah asked suspiciously.

“Promise they were dumped.  They found us, like you always say.”

Sarah leaned her head against Bill’s shoulder.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

Bill kissed the top of her head.  “I’m just glad you’re happy.”

“With you?” Sarah said.  “Always.”


	15. 2026

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids are bigger and so are their curiosities.

**2026**

**April**

Libby paraded around the house with her new fishing pole.  “Going fiiishing!  Going fiiishing!” she sang as she stomped through the living room.

Nathan looked at Bill, exasperated.  “Does she _have_ to come?  She’s just going to be loud and scare away all the fish.  _Wes_ is bad enough.”

Bill grinned at Nathan.  “You were like that at four, too.”

“But I know better now!  I want to catch fish!”

“Ask Uncle Jimmy if you can ride in his boat, then,” Bill suggested.  “Go get Wes, but remember we’re trying not to wake your Mama.”

Nathan rolled his eyes and trudged down the hallway.  “Wes!  Get out here!”

“I don’t wanna go,” protested Wes, sitting on the bottom bunk.

“You have to, Dad said,” Bill heard Nathan argue.

“Still don’t wanna.”

“You gotta if you want your fishing belt loop for Cubs.  You need to get that.”

“Boys!”  Bill hissed down the hall.  “Quiet!  Wes, come on.”

“Fine,” sighed Wes, dragging his feet all the way down the hallway.

 

They made it to the lake at six-fifteen.  Jimmy was already out on the water, but motored back in to greet them.

“How’s it going, boss?”  Jimmy asked.

Bill tried not to roll his eyes.  “We’re ready to test out Libby’s new pole,” he said instead.

“Uncle Jimmy, can I go with you?” Nathan asked.  “Libby’s gonna wiggle too much.”

Jimmy pretended to hem and haw over the question before nodding and pulling his boat close to the dock so the nine year old could clamber in.

Bill’s phone buzzed.  Cell phone towers had only made it to rural Kansas in the last couple of years – and while he was glad to be able to talk to Sarah via text again, Bill hated being on call for work all the time.  He glanced at it.

A text from Sarah.  Good. 

_Did you make it on the lake in one piece?_

_Working on it,_ he texted back.

“Okay, Wes, you’re my eyes.  Help me back this boat into the water.”  Once Wes was big enough to go fishing, Bill had bought an antique bass boat on the cheap from one of the deputies.  It was wider than the newer boats, so it was a little sturdier for the kids to walk around in. 

Jimmy, who fished in tournaments, had a flashy, newer boat, of course.  That was half the reason Nathan liked fishing with Jimmy.

Wes stood on the dock, holding the boat’s rope, while Bill backed the boat into the water.  Once it was free of the trailer, Bill parked the new – used – truck Sarah made him get and plucked Libby out of her booster seat.  He held her in one arm and picked up the fishing poles and tackle box with the other. 

He squatted down, trying not to let on that it hurt his back a little, and put the poles and tackle box in the boat.  He took the rope from Wes.  “Go get the worms out of the truck, buddy.”

Libby started singing her fishing song again and Jimmy laughed.

“We’re headed east,” Jimmy said.  “Maybe you guys better go west.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Bill said.  “I’ll come find you and let Libby serenade all of us.”

“Just keep your distance,” Jimmy said before trolling off.

“Don’t forget sunscreen!” Bill called to Nathan.

 

Finally, Bill was on the water.  He and Jimmy came out together sometimes and it was peaceful and calming.

Today was not peaceful and calming.

Wes pouted the entire time he held his pole and Libby swung hers around like it was a wand.  Her hook was plastic, else Bill would have worried.

He used the trolling motor and found Jimmy, stopping when they were just in sight.  Bill slathered sunscreen on the kids and then opened the worm canister.  Wes knew what to do, so Bill showed Libby how to find a worm and put it on her hook.

He’d expected some waterworks when he impaled the worm, but Libby seemed fascinated instead.  Bill tried to show Libby how to drop her hook in the water and wait for a bite, but she seemed more interested in playing with the worms.

Wes rolled his eyes.  “We’re in the loser boat,” he grumped.  “We’re not going to catch _anything_ and then Nathan’s gonna make fun of us.”

“Wes!  You’ll catch something if you concentrate,” Bill said.  “We’re not the loser boat.  With Libby, we’re the learner’s boat.”

“I don’t need to learn!” Wes protested.  “I don’t wanna fish.  I wanna swim instead.”

Bill reached down and splashed Wes with some of the chilly lake water.  “Give it a couple more months and we’ll come out here to swim.”

“Daddy, can I keep the worms?” Libby asked, oblivious to Wes’ complaints.

“No, sweetheart.  The ones we don’t use, we’ll set free,” Bill explained.  “But we want to use them to catch fish, not to play with.”

“But they’re wiggly,” Libby argued.  “I like them.”

“You’re so weird,” Wes said, dropping his line into the water in a huff.

Bill looked over to see Jimmy laughing.  Their voices must be carrying across the water.  _He_ could laugh.  Sally was a senior now and Woody was at the community college, getting a degree in automotive maintenance.  He didn’t have to deal with little ones like Bill’s unless he wanted to.

Thank goodness he put up with them.

Nathan wasn’t hard to deal with.  He was a generally good kid, but sometimes he got stressed easily.  Bill was afraid he’d inherited his anxiety.  Other than that, though, he rarely gave Bill and Sarah trouble, except when he bossed Wes around.  He bossed Libby, too, but she didn’t seem to care.

Libby was just easygoing.  She’d been an easy baby and was turning into an easy kid.  Bill was afraid that meant her teenage years were going to be hellish.  She followed along and did everything her brothers did, but in a pink tutu and tiara. 

Wes, though…  He wasn’t exactly a problem child, just moody.  And Bill thought he had reason to be.  He was too smart for his class at school and was bored.  At home, he was stuck as the middle kid, getting ordered around by Nathan, and he wasn’t interested in anything Bill tried to use to connect with him.  Fishing, hiking, shooting, playing ball… none of it.  Wes preferred to stay inside, where he was fascinated by books and Sarah’s new laptop and taking apart his toys.  That didn’t stop Bill from trying. 

Someday, he’d figure out how to connect with his son.  It didn’t look like it’d be today, however.

“I caught one!”  Bill heard Nathan’s voice drift across the water.

“Good job, buddy,” Jimmy said.

Bill smiled, but he saw Wes glower.  Nathan _would_ lord that over Wes later.

“Tell you what, Wes, if I catch one, you can reel it in for me.  Then you can say you caught it.”

“But I didn’t _really_ ,” Wes complained.  “That’d be _lying_.”

Bill thought about telling Wes about the age old tradition of fishing tales, but decided he’d leave that alone.  No sense messing with his kid’s moral compass.

“Nathan’s so good at this, and I suck.”

Bill adjusted his ball cap to block the rising sun.  “No, Nathan’s worked at it more.  He’s been out here more than you have.  Just keep practicing and you’ll get better, too.”

“I’ll _always_ be behind Nathan ‘cause he’s older,” Wes said.  “He’ll always be better than me at _everything_.”

“Not everything,” Bill said.  “Just the things we’ve tried so far.  We’ll find something you’re better at.”

Wes swung his legs and kicked the side of the boat with a metallic thunk.  “That’s nothing.”

“No, there’ll be a lot of things you’re better at.  We just have to find them.”  Bill thought for a second.  “You’re already faster at reading and homework.”

Wes mulled that over.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

“See?  There’s a start.  We’ll find more stuff.”  Bill was determined.  He’d figure out Wes’ gifts if it killed him.

“Daddy!  Fish!” cried Libby and indeed, her pole was bent over like something was on it.

“Aw, man, even _Libby_ is better than me,” Wes groaned.

Bill eased into the center of the boat where Libby sat and pulled on her rod.  “No, sweetie, I think you just hooked a tree branch.  Good job trying, though.”  He freed her hook and noticed that the worm was all gone.  “You’ve had _some_ fish sneaking around.  Maybe one will bite this next worm,” he said.

“Can I play with the worms?”  Libby reached for the Styrofoam container.

Bill pulled it away.  “Not until we’re finished fishing.”

 

At the end of the day, Nathan had caught four fish, one of which was big enough to take home and cook.  Uncle Jimmy showed him how to filet it before they put it in the cooler.

Wes and Libby had each caught three small fish, but Bill had to throw them back.  Bill himself only caught one sizeable fish because he spent so much of his time dealing with Wes and Libby.

He counted it a success.

He tossed his fish filets in the cooler with Nathan’s and washed his hands in the lake.  He looked around to see where Libby had gotten to – she’d gone quiet.

Of course, she was playing in the worm dirt Bill had dumped, pulling out the worms and trying to get them to line up.

He picked her up.  “Okay, sweetie, time to leave the worms alone.  They have to go find new homes now.”

“I wanna go fishing again!” Libby pronounced as Bill cleaned up her hands and brushed the dirt off her clothes.

“We will.  Another Saturday, when Uncle Jimmy invites us.”

“Now, please?” Libby tried, sticking her lip out.

Bill melted a little whenever she did that.  He had to be strong, though.  “No, Libby.  The boats are already out of the water and we need to go home to eat lunch.”

“Oh, lunch,” Libby said, just realizing.  “I’m hungry.”

“Good.  Your Mama’s gonna have lunch ready when we get home.  And I’ll fry the fish we caught and you can try it.”

“Okay!”

 

Once everyone was strapped into the truck, Bill texted Sarah their ETA.

They walked in to find her grilling ham and cheese sandwiches. 

“Yay!” said Wes.  “My favorite!”

“Aw, man.  _Sandwiches_ ,” said Nathan.

“Grilled sandwiches, not cold ones,” Sarah pointed out.

“Guess that’s better.”

“Everyone go change out of fishy clothes and wash their hands,” Sarah instructed.  “These are almost ready.”

The kids ran down the hall, arguing over who got to use the bathroom first. 

Sarah turned to Bill.  “So how’d it go?”

“Libby caught some fish, but she’d’ve been happy if I just let her play in the dirt with the worms.”

“In her tutu?” Sarah asked.

“Yup.  Nathan fished with Jimmy and caught one to bring home.  Wes was miserable the whole time.”  Bill leaned against the counter.  “I’ve got to work harder on finding something he likes.”

Sarah bumped his arm off the counter and Bill remembered he hadn’t washed up yet.  “I tell you, outdoors is not his thing.  We need to keep him active, but we also need to find something inside for him.”

Bill hesitated for a second.  “I think you may be right about him.”

“Of course I’m right about my kid.  What specifically?”

“Next year.  Maybe you should homeschool him.  He’s not doing well right now and I think it’s because he’s too much like you.  He’s too smart.  He needs a challenge.”

Sarah frowned.  “I’d hoped I wouldn’t pass that part of me on to any of the kids, but you’re right.  I did.  So you’d be okay with me keeping him home?”

“As long as we keep him in Scouts and maybe other activities.”

“We’ll find something, but don’t push him into sports,” Sarah warned.  “You’ve got Nathan to fulfill your dreams there.  Libby, too, maybe.”

Wes ran back into the room, in a fresh outfit and with dripping hands.  “I’m ready for lunch!” he announced.

Nathan was a few minutes behind – he’d helped Libby get dressed and wash her hands.

Sarah looked at Bill.  “Your turn.  Clean up before you join us at the table.”

Bill looked at Wes, eagerly swinging his feet at his chair.  He ruffled his curly hair.  “Good job today, kids.”

Wes shrugged, but Nathan preened under the compliment.

Yeah, Bill was going to have to find some way to make Wes happy.

 

**July**

“Mommy, Daddy!” yelled Caroline, running up to where the adults sat lazing on the porch in the July heat.  “Look what Nathan found!”

The adults leaned forward to see what she had.  Even Wes got up and led Libby over.  Was it something alive?  On the farm, you never knew, Bill reckoned.

He felt a shiver through his body when he saw what she had.

Bullet casings.  Old and covered in dirt, but still recognizable.

Not the .22s they shot at the farm’s range.  The larger rounds they shot during the New Bern War.

“Where’d you find those?” Bill asked, taking them from Caroline.

Nathan came up carrying a bigger piece of metal and Bill recognized it as part of a mortar casing – the rest had rusted away.  “Down the hill by the road.  What are they, Uncle Stanley?”

The adults exchanged looks. 

“They look like the bullets from when Daddy takes us shooting,” said Wes, ever the scholar.

“Oh yeah, they do,” Caroline said.  “Is that what they are?  They’re bigger.”

Libby reached out and grabbed one from Caroline’s hand, studying it. 

Sarah took it from her.  She held out her hands for the other casings too.

“We can’t tell them, can we?” Mimi whispered.

“Can’t tell us what?” Caroline asked.

“I think we’re gonna have to,” Bill said.  He picked up Libby and put her in his lap.  “Does someone else want to start?

“I can, if you want me to,” Sarah volunteered.  “Stop me if I go too far.  Caroline, Nathan, Wes: you guys study history at school, right?  Have you learned about the bombs and the Second Civil War?”

Nathan nodded, but Caroline and Wes, in younger grades, shook their heads.

Sarah sighed.  “Well, guys, eleven years ago, someone attacked America and blew up twenty-three whole cities.  The big cities like Los Angeles and Washington, D.C.”

“I’ve heard of Washington!” Wes said.

“Right, it used to be our capital.  And it’s where your Aunt Mimi used to live.”

Stanley instinctively reached out to hold his wife’s hand.

“The whole country shut down.  There was no government.  You couldn’t travel on the roads.  It wasn’t safe.  But your daddies helped form a group called the Rangers that helped keep Jericho safe.”  Sarah looked at Bill to cut off any show of modesty.  “But New Bern – that city we don’t go to – decided Jericho had stuff it wanted, and they attacked us.  It was a war and we fought part of it right here, on this farm."

“A war?” Caroline asked.  “Here?”

“Yes, honey,” Stanley said.  “Your Uncle Bill and I drove a tank.  That’s probably where the bigger piece of metal came from.”

“Did you win?” Nathan asked.

The adults looked at each other again.  “We almost didn’t,” Sarah said.  “Your daddies were out here, fighting to keep us safe, but New Bern had more people.  But then a group called the Allied States of America interrupted the fighting and made us stop.”

“Those were the bad guys in the civil war!” Nathan said.

“Right,” said Bill, picking up the thread from Sarah.  “They were pretty bad, but they were in charge of us after that.  They were still in charge of us when you were born, Nathan.  You too, Caroline.”

“But they lost the war,” Nathan said.

“The war didn’t reach us until a few months before Wes was born.  It was a tough time.  The Allied States were very strict and didn’t let us do much.  We were very happy when the United States showed up.”

“With Jake Green!  We read about him!”

Caroline looked up.  “Daddy, you know him!”

“We all do,” Stanley said.  “He was friends with your Uncle Bill and me growing up.”

“For a given value of ‘friend’,” Bill muttered.  He might consider Jake a friend now, but they’d been at each other’s throats as kids.

“When the United States fought to free us, they fought at the farm again.  That’s where I got hurt and lost my arm,” Stanley said, holding up his bionic.  “Uncle Bill was smarter and stayed away from the fighting.  He kept people safe in town – including you, Caroline, and your Mommy – and helped the US beat the Allied States.  I was the stupid one.”

“More stubborn than stupid,” Bill said. 

“Came to the same thing.”

Sarah picked up the story again.  “You boys know how Mama is writing a book?  And she’s almost finished?  It’s about what happened here in Jericho and about the people who kept us safe.  Your daddies are both in it because they did a lot of brave things.  Things they don’t like to talk about.”

“Why not?” asked Wes.

“Because we weren’t the only ones doing brave things,” Bill said.  “And bragging isn’t polite.”

“Is that why you don’t like Mama’s book?” Wes asked.

“I…  I like your Mama’s book.  I just wish I wasn’t in it.” Bill stammered.

“But it wouldn’t be the complete story with your dad.”  Sarah gave Bill a look.

“Oh,” said Wes.

“So this is all from the war?” Nathan asked.  “Cool!”

Bill laughed.  That was not the reaction he’d have, but it was appropriate for an almost ten year old.

He sat Libby down and swatted her bottom.  “Go on guys.  Go play some more before we have to go home.”

“But I wanna hear more!” Nathan whined.  “If Daddy was in it, I wanna know more!”

 “Someday,” Sarah promised.  “We’ll tell you all about it.”

 

“You know we really will have to tell them about it,” Sarah said that night.  “And not just the stuff in my book.  How scary it was, how close we all came to dying.  You being kidnapped.  The truth about how Bonnie died and you being a fugitive.”

“Do we really have to tell them all that?” Bill asked.  “Let them be ignorant of that stuff.”

“But if they don’t know, the next generation will forget what we fought for.  Why we’re so glad to be part of the US again.  And the generation after that will forget that there _was_ a war.”

Bill shot her a look.  “I don’t think they’ll forget there was a war.  That’s what history books are for.”

“The history books only tell part of the story,” Sarah said.  “Our kids deserve to know what you did for this town.  What you still do.”

“What I still do?”  Bill snorted.  “I sit at a desk and look at paperwork all day.  I run campaigns every four years.  I don’t get out and _do_ anything any more.”

“You keep that department running.  And I know you’re still going on ride-alongs, even after you promised me not to,” Sarah said.

Bill sighed.  Of course Sarah knew that.  “My job is boring right now.  It’s my deputies who do the real work.”

“And you keep them in line and make sure they’re doing _their_ jobs.  You’re still working hard for the town.”

“I guess,” Bill said begrudgingly.

“I know so.”

“I still don’t see why the kids have to know _everything_.”

“Because they’re _your_ kids and they deserve to.  Just like Caroline deserves to know about the war that happened at her house.”

“If we tell her about Johnston dying there, she’ll have nightmares,” Bill pointed out.

“That’s up to Stanley and Mimi.  But when the kids are teenagers, I think we should tell them.  Better us telling them than someone else, right?” Sarah implored.

“I guess so,” Bill allowed.  “But not until they’re teenagers.”

 

**August**

Nathan had biked over to Hunter’s house and Libby was playing out back, so it was just Wes in the house.

“Now’s as good a time as any,” Bill said, shrugging.

Sarah nodded.  “Wes?  Can you come in here?  We need to talk to you.”

“You’re not in trouble,” Bill added.

Wes came slinking into the living room, holding a book.  “Yes?”

Sarah leaned forward.  “Wes, I know you’re not looking forward to third grade this year.”

He shook his head carefully, as if he was being lured into a trap.

“What if,” Bill said, “you didn’t go to school with Nathan?  What if you had school here with your mom instead?”

“It’s called homeschooling, Wes.  I’d be your teacher.  You’d still have to do schoolwork, but we can do stuff that isn’t boring all the time.”

Wes lit up.  “I really wouldn’t have to go to school?”

“Not at Jericho Elementary,” Sarah said.  “We’d do your work here.  You’d still have to do all your subjects and work hard.  Would you like that?  Or do you want to go back to your class?”

“No!” Wes yelped.  “I don’t wanna go.  I wanna homeschool.”

Sarah smiled.  “Good.  I’ve already filed the paperwork.  We found out today Kansas approved it, so I can be your teacher.”

Wes spontaneously hugged Sarah.  “I can’t wait!” he said.

Sarah hugged him back.  Now that he was eight, hugs were becoming rarer.  She didn’t look forward to the teenage years when they’d probably disappear entirely.

 

Sarah spent the next couple weeks getting Nathan ready for fifth grade, Libby ready for pre-K, and searching online for the right curriculum to follow.  She finally ordered a fifth grade set, figuring that either Wes would be able to keep up or they’d use it next year.

She also ordered Wes a basic laptop, since much of the curriculum was online.  Thank goodness for the internet and computers being household items again, she thought.  Nathan was bound to be jealous, but he’d just have to settle for doing his schoolwork on Sarah’s computer: there was no way they could afford all of Wes’ stuff and a second laptop for Nathan.

Maybe in another few years, when he was a teenager.

~~~

 

The first day of school came and it was the first time Bill and Sarah had seen Wes excited.  Bill took Nathan and Libby with him and left Wes with Sarah.

Sarah presented Wes with his laptop.  He squealed a little in excitement.

“I’ve put parental controls on that, so I know what you do.  This is just for schoolwork, so you don’t have to use my computer,” Sarah explained.

Wes nodded his head eagerly.  “It’s _all_ mine?  I don’t have to share?”

“No, you don’t have to share.  Nathan can keep using my computer for now.  A lot more of your work is going to be on the computer now.”

Wes’ eyes were wide with excitement.

“Now, don’t think I’m going to be easy on you,” Sarah warned.  “You’re going to be doing fifth grade work, if you can keep up.”

“I’ll be doing what Nathan’s doing?” Wes asked.

“A lot of the same stuff, yes.  I think you can do it.  Do you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.  Let’s get started by getting you on the website.  Then I’m going to teach you how to type properly.  No more typing with two fingers.”

 

They broke after lunch to go pick up Libby at Pre-K, but so far, things were going well.  Wes almost had the home keys memorized and they’d already done one of the math lessons from the books.  There’d been a lecture on the website, showing Wes how to do basic division, and he caught on quickly.  He’d be ready for long division soon, Sarah thought.

After lunch, Sarah set Libby up with a few books to practice reading, while she and Wes worked in the same room.  Libby interrupted a few times, but mostly things went smoothly.

When it was time to go pick up Wes, Sarah declared them through for the day.  “You don’t get out of homework, though.  When Nathan gets home, I want you to do the first division lesson in your workbook.

Wes wasn’t as excited when he heard that, but he still answered in the affirmative when Sarah asked if he liked school like that.

Nathan was curious, too, when he came home.  “Did you play all day?”

“No, but Mama says I have to play outside after I do my homework.  She says that’s going to be P.E.”

“Our P.E. is more fun,” Nathan said loftily.  “We played dodgeball.”

“Ew,” said Wes.  “I hate dodgeball.  I always get out.”

“Really?” Sarah said.  “You’re quick and little.  That’s usually good for dodgeball.”

“I’m good at it!” announced Nathan.

“You’re quick and little, too,” Sarah said.  “And your dad has drilled you on pitching balls.  You have an advantage.”

“I’m glad.  It’s fun.”

“I got a computer!” Wes announced.  “It’s for school.”

Nathan looked distraught.  “I want a computer, too!”

“You can use mine when you need to type something, Nathan.”  She’d already taught him how to touch-type, so Sarah didn’t have to worry about that.

“Not fair,” said Nathan, slumping in his seat.  “Are you still doing Scouts?”

Wes nodded.  “Mama said I have to.”

“You need to get outside and go do stuff, even if it’s not your favorite,” Sarah said.  “And when you turn eleven and become a Boy Scout, they have all sorts of computer and electronic merit badges you’ll like to get.  But you have to do Cub Scouts first.”  You have to have some sort of socialization, she added mentally.  If you didn’t, your dad would kill me.

 

They went through Wes’ day again when Bill came home.  Wes was getting tired of talking about it, so Sarah told Bill all they’d done.

“That sounds like a day of school to me,” Bill said, rubbing Wes’ shoulder.

“I still hafta play outside before dark.”

“Want me to come kick a ball with you?” Bill asked.  “Or we can do baseball.”

Wes made a face.  Sarah gave him a look and he sighed.  “We can kick a ball,” he relented.

“Congrats,” Sarah said.  “You just made yourself P.E. teacher.”

“As long as he doesn’t hate me for it,” Bill said.

~~~

 

The next day had gorgeous weather, so after they picked up Libby, Sarah took the kids to the park.  She let Wes run around and bleed off some energy before pulling out his science lesson.  She’d picked one on fossils because she knew they could be found in the playground gravel.  She and Wes picked through the rocks until they had a handful of crinoid fossils.

“What are you doing?” Libby asked, running over from the swings.

“We’re looking for fossils,” Wes said.

“What are fossils?”

“They’re really old plants and animals that are rocks now,” Wes said and handed her a crinoid.  “Mom says this one was a plant.”

Libby looked at it and handed it back to Wes.  “That’s kinda boring,” she said and ran back to the playground.

Wes looked at Sarah, who shook her head.  “Not boring, Wes.  I loved fossils when I was your age.  I had a collection.  We can start one for you, too.”

“But were you cool, Mom?”

Sarah paused and laughed.  “I really wasn’t.  But being cool isn’t the most important thing.  I had fun finding fossils and that’s what was important.”

Wes thought about it, looking at the fossils in his hand.  “I guess so,” he said finally.

 

**October**

Sarah stared at her email inbox, hesitant to open the new message.

It was from the publisher in Columbus who’d optioned her book.  She’d sent it off after major editing and finally was hearing back.

“Just click it already,” Bill said.  “You know it says they’re publishing it.”

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“Then you’ll send it off again.  But these guys wanted it before you were even finished.  They’ll publish it.”

Sarah wasn’t so sure, but she clicked the email anyway.

She squeaked.  “They’re publishing it!”

Bill rolled his eyes at her.  “Told you.”

Sarah reached back to the bed and swatted his foot.  “You could show a little more excitement, you know.”  She looked back at the email.  “It says they’re printing a thousand copies.  I wonder if that’s good or not?”

“Sounds good to me,” Bill said, climbing out of bed and coming up behind her.

“When they first talked to me about the book, they said a lot of people would be interested.”  Jericho was something of a tourist attraction now, after the exploits of Jake and Robert Hawkins.  “I hope they were right.”

“When are they printing them?”

Sarah checked the email again.  “Next month.  They’re sending me a proof copy soon, though.”

“Just wait.  We’re going to lose you to the book signing circuit.  You’ll have to give talks all over the country.”

Sarah laughed.  “I doubt that.  And when would I be available?  You work all day and someone’s got to teach Wes and watch the kids.”

“Oh yeah,” Bill said, rubbing her shoulders.  “I’m definitely not up to being a teacher.”

Sarah reached up and grabbed his hand.  “You’re a better teacher than you think you are.  Just look at how many of the deputies you trained passed the Academy with flying colors.”

“That was years ago.”

“Still counts,” Sarah argued.

 

**November**

“Daddy?”  Wes stood in the door to the garage, holding a book in his hands.

“What is it, bud?” Bill asked, scooting out from under Sarah’s van.

“Did you really get kidnapped?”

Bill sat up.  “What?”  He noticed what book Wes was holding – Sarah’s book.  “Why are you reading that?”

“I wanted to see what Mama wrote.”

Bill hadn’t read the book himself, so he didn’t know exactly what it said.  Guess he had to be truthful.  “Yeah, I was kidnapped.  Just for one night.”

“Mama’s book says you were hurt.”

“I was.”

“And that everyone thought you and Uncle Jimmy were dead.”

Bill paused.  “The old Sheriff and our coworkers died that night,” he said gently.  “So your Mama thought I had, too, because I didn’t come home until the next day.”

“How’d you get free?”  Wes’ voice had gone from trembling to curious.

“Does the book not say that?”

“It says Miss Emily let you go.  How did she find you?”

Bill held out his hand to Wes, inviting him to sit next to him.  “The people who kidnapped us put us in the trunk of our car and drove off with it.  They picked up Miss Emily walking on the side of the road and took us to Uncle Stanley’s farm.  They were looking for gasoline to run away.  But Uncle Jimmy was able to knock on the trunk and let Miss Emily know we were there.”

“Were you hurt like when you were in the hospital?” Wes asked.

Bill thought back.  “In some ways.  I didn’t have to stay in the hospital, but they broke some of my ribs.  Those take a while to heal, but you can’t put a cast on them like you do a broken arm.”

“Oh.”  Wes seemed to process all that.  “But you were okay after?”

“As okay as I am today,” Bill lied.

 

“You really should have locked up your book or put it on a higher shelf or something,” Bill said, once he finished changing the oil in the cars.

“What?  Why?” Sarah said, glancing towards the bookshelf it usually sat on.

“Wes is reading it.  He came and asked me about being kidnapped.”

Sarah sat up.  “I’ll go get it from him.”

Bill shook his head.  “You know that’ll make him want to read it more.  We might as well ride this out.”

“He’s a smart kid,” Sarah said.  “He’ll understand more than an eight year old should.”

“He’s your son.  He was bound to get curious about your book,” Bill pointed out.  “I suppose this was inevitable.”

Sarah slumped back against the couch.  “I’m sorry, Bill.”

“Guess we just have to worry about what he tells Nathan and Libby.”

“Surely Libby’s too young to understand.”

“Probably.  But Nathan isn’t.”

“I hope it doesn’t make him anxious,” Sarah said.  “Bill, I’m so sorry.”

“You said that,” Bill pointed out.  “Just… next time you write a book, make sure it’s okay for our kids to read.”

“Don’t do any more thrilling heroics and I won’t have to write a book.”

Bill wiped his hands on the rag he was holding.  “Deal.  Oh, and you get to answer Wes’ next questions.”

“I guess I deserve that,” Sarah said.

“That and more.”  Bill looked at Sarah’s laptop.  “Staring at your sales numbers again?”

“Looking at where they sold, actually.  A lot in the capital.  A few at libraries.  Including ours,” Sarah said.  “I’m almost embarrassed for people here to read it.  What if I didn’t do them justice?”

“You did, I’m sure.”

“Bill, you didn’t even read over my shoulder when I was writing.  How do you know what I did?”

Bill shrugged.  “Because you do things well when you’re passionate about them.  The kids.  Teaching Wes.  That book.”

Sarah blushed.  “I try to, at least.”

“You do,” Bill reassured her.  “You’re better at things than you think you are.”

“Sounds like something we both need to learn,” said Sarah.

Bill supposed that was true.


	16. 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some travels.

**2028**

**January**

Bill climbed into the patrol car, sighing in happiness.

“You okay there?” Jimmy asked.

“Yup.  I’m great,” Bill said.  “Feels good to be back in a car with you.  Just like old times.”

“Except now _we’re_ older.”

“Shush,” Bill chided.

Jimmy laughed.  “You can pretend all you want, but I’ve got one adult kid and one college kid and yours are all in elementary or middle school.”

Bill groaned.  “I thought I said shush.”

Jimmy laughed again.  “So where do you want to go today, boss?”

“Somewhere quiet.  Let’s catch up.”

Jimmy pulled out of the parking lot.  “Tacoma Bridge it is.”

“You sure that’s quiet?” Bill asked.

“Hey, you can talk all you want, but I’m still working.”

“Then why’d you ask me where I wanted to go?”

That caught Jimmy off guard.  “Being polite?” he tried.

It was Bill’s turn to laugh.  “Okay, Tacoma Bridge it is.”

 

“I’m thinking of taking some time off this year,” Bill said.  They’d hidden the car in some brush on the close side of the bridge.

“Oh?” said Jimmy, reclining a little in his seat and holding the radar gun.

“Nathan had such a bad case of homesickness at camp last year, I thought I’d try to go with him this year.”

“Scout camp, right?”

“Yeah.  Camp Hansen.”

“You think it’ll help, you being there?”

Bill sighed.  “I don’t know.  I’m doing this all for the first time.  What would you say?”

“Nathan might do better with you there, but he also needs to learn to go away without you.  You know what you _should_ be using that vacation time for?”

“What?”

“That trip you’ve promised Sarah since you got married.”

“We can do that next year,” Bill said dismissively.

“Next year’s an election year.  You don’t want to take time off,” Jimmy reminded him.

Bill made a face.  “Oh yeah.  Why does that have to happen every four years, anyway?  That’s too soon.”

“That’s the way it is,” Jimmy shrugged.  “And I want you to keep your job.”

Bill nodded.  “Yeah, if I got kicked out of office, I don’t know what I’d do.  The new guy probably wouldn’t keep me as a deputy and I don’t know how to do anything else.”

“So take your vacations this year and work hard next year.”

“Vacations, huh?  So you think I should go with Nathan.”

Jimmy shrugged.  “Go with him this year, but remind him he’s on his own after this.”

“How come you always have the answer?” Bill asked.  “Not that I’m complaining.”

“All you have is my best guess,” Jimmy said.  “I know what I’d have done for Woody, but Nathan is a whole different story.”

“That’s for sure,” Bill said.  “And then Wes and Libby are completely different from him and each other.”

“That’s siblings,” Jimmy said.  “You remember the trouble we had with Woody in high school and then Sally breezed through those years.  Middle school was her tough time.”

The two men sat in silence for a moment. 

“Okay, enough about kids.  You really think I should take that vacation with Sarah?”

“I think if you don’t do it now, you never will.”

Bill did some quick mental budgeting.  “I don’t know if we can afford it.”

“For that sort of trip?  The delayed honeymoon type?  You find the money,” Jimmy said.  “Sarah’s waited fifteen years and as far as you’ve told me, she hasn’t complained one bit.”

Sarah had mentioned Europe from time to time, but mostly as a remembrance, not a hint.  Not a hint that Bill got, anyway.

He pulled out his phone and started looking at airfare prices. 

He was coming around to having a smart phone.  They _did_ come in handy sometimes.

“You know, you’d fuss at a deputy for using their phone at work,” Jimmy said, amused.

“I’m the boss.  I can do this,” Bill said, grinning.

 

“I have a proposal,” Bill said, as they lay in bed.

“You did that sixteen years ago,” Sarah reminded him.  “You don’t have to do it again.”

Bill rolled his eyes.  “No, I’m serious.  Next year is an election year, so I’m going to be busy.  This year, though, I want to take time off.  I want to go to camp with Nathan.  And I want to go to Europe with you.”

It took Sarah a second to catch what he said.  She rolled to face him.  “Europe?  Really?”

“Yeah.  I’ve owed you that trip for years.  Let’s take the money from savings and just go.  I looked at airfare and if we book now, it won’t be bad to go this summer.”

Sarah held a hand to Bill’s forehead, checking his temperature.  “Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”

Bill pushed her hand away.  “I told you I’m serious.  Let’s leave the kids with my mom and go have our second honeymoon.  We can fly in and out of Frankfurt and ride the trains everywhere, like you always said.”

“You’re dead serious about this, aren’t you?”

“That’s what I said.”

Sarah rolled onto her back again.  “Wow.  We’re really going to do it.”

“Check with Mom tomorrow, but go ahead and book the flights.  I’ll take a week and a half off.  You plan where we need to go.”

“Wow,” Sarah repeated.

“Did I break you?” Bill joked.

“No, I’m just… soaking it in.  You wanting to do this, finally.”

“Don’t act so shocked,” Bill said, almost offended.  “I told you we’d go someday.”

“I figured someday meant after you retired.  If you ever retire.”

“Oh, I’m retiring someday,” Bill assured her.  “I’m not going to try to hang on to this job forever.”

Sarah rolled so her arm wrapped around him.  “Good.  I don’t want you working yourself to death.”

 

**June**

Bill stuck his head in the boys’ room.  “You about ready, Nathan?  It’s almost time to leave.”

Nathan was still throwing things in his trunk.  “Almost.”

“Hurry up,” Bill said.  “You’ve got ten minutes to get that in the truck.  Let me know if you need help lifting it.”

“Sure thing,” Nathan said.

Bill sighed.  Getting words out of Nathan lately was like pulling teeth.  He wasn’t even a teenager yet!  Where did this attitude come from?

He asked Sarah and she shrugged.  “If I knew, I’d fix it,” she said.  “Just like you.”

Bill wondered if he’d made the right decision going to camp as a chaperone.  He’d be lying if he wasn’t secretly hoping for Nathan to get there and realize how much he needed his dad.

“Remember, make sure he tries the climbing tower,” Sarah said.  “He’ll be good at it if he can just get past the fear.”

“I’ll try to get him to,” Bill promised.

“A kid of mine, not climbing.”  Sarah shook her head.  “It’s crazy.”

“It’s crazy for one of mine _to_ climb,” Bill pointed out.

Sarah laughed.  “Okay, you’re right.”

 

Bill, Nathan, and two other boys caravanned into the camp behind the church van. 

Bill hadn’t been here since _he_ was a Scout.  “Do they still have terrible food?” he asked.  “How about the Indian crafts competition?”

The boys looked at each other.  “No,” said Nathan.

“No to which?”

“No to both.  Food’s okay.  No Indian thingy,” said Hunter, in the backseat.

The boys had talked to each other the entire ride; how come they clammed up when Bill spoke?

“I wanna do the mile swim this year,” said Nathan, looking back over the seat.  “You wanna do it too, Hunter?”

“Nah, I don’t like swimming that much.  I’m gonna do shotgun.”

Nathan slumped in his seat a little.  He was still scrawny enough that a twenty gauge knocked him back.  He perked up again.  “I’m doing rifle!  _And_ archery.”

“Archery’s for babies,” said the fifteen year old Scout riding with them.

“Hey,” Bill interjected.  “Bow hunting isn’t for babies.  It takes a lot of practice.”  Come the end of summer, Bill always set up a target to practice on himself.  He’d started teaching Nathan and Wes and he’d teach Libby once she was big enough to pull the bowstring.

The kids all quieted again and didn’t speak until Bill pulled into the camp’s parking lot.

Jacob, the troop leader, motioned for Bill to stay with the kids while he and the Senior Patrol Leader checked in.

Bill leaned back against the truck and watched the boys eagerly talking again, planning their weeks and bragging who was going to do the most daring thing.

“I’m going to shoot the best,” said Nathan.  “I’ve practiced a lot with my dad.”

Bill grinned.

“We’re _all_ good with rifle,” said one of the older boys.

Nathan’s face fell and so did Bill’s.

 

Bill helped Nathan lug his trunk into the tent he was sharing with Hunter, then made sure the other boys were ready to go.  Once the kids were all unpacking, Bill looked around for the other adults. 

They’d congregated on the far side of the campsite and waved Bill over.  There were three other dads, including Carson, Bill’s deputy.

“There’s an open tent next to mine,” Carson said.  “Let me warn you, check the mattresses first.  And grab a couple extra if you can.  You’ll need it.”

Bill glanced in Carson’s tent and _he_ had piled extra mattresses on his own cot.  Probably a wise idea.

One of the camp staff members came by to check on them and take the boys for a swim test.  Bill tagged along, planning to swim himself – it was too hot not to get in the water.

Nathan did well on his swim test, Bill was happy to see.  He might actually get to do the mile swim this year, after all.

The staff member took them on a tour of the camp.  Not much had changed since Bill’s years there, though some facilities had been updated.

“Looks like it did when I was here,” Bill said, putting a hand on Nathan’s shoulder as they walked.

“Yeah?” Nathan asked.

“Yeah,” Bill said, pointing.  “We used to stay in fox campsite, right over there.”

“Neat.”

“And my favorite thing to do was shooting sports,” Bill said.

“Uh-huh,” Nathan said, not sounding surprised.  “Were you good?”

Bill was taken aback.  He hadn’t expected actual interaction.  “Not at first,” he confessed.  “My dad took me bow hunting, but not shooting.  I had to go to Uncle Stanley’s to do that.”

“So do we,” Nathan said.

“Ah, but I’m there teaching you.  Or your mom is.  You’ll start off better than I did because you already know how to shoot rifle.  You should get that merit badge easily.”

“Hope so.”

 

Bill decided to hang back the rest of the night, talking to the adults.  Carson had finally worked up to calling him Bill, not sheriff, and it helped Bill feel well and truly away from the office.

Nathan and Hunter stuck together, whispering conspiratorially.  Bill caught snatches of their conversation and guessed they were trying to think of a prank to play on the one first-year Scout.  Bill kept his ears open, but said nothing.  They weren’t talking anything more dangerous than short-sheeting and pranks _were_ part of camping.  It’d happened to Nathan last year.

He mentioned it to Jacob, who looked concerned.  “We have to be careful there’s no hazing,” he said.  “Especially since there’s just one first year.”

Bill had obviously grown up in a different era, because hazing was part of Scouts to him.  You passed the tests and you were officially part of the troop.  “Do I need to speak to Nathan and Hunter?”  he asked.

“No, I’ll mention the no hazing rule after campfire,” Jacob said.  “I won’t call them out specifically.  They’re probably not the only ones planning something.”

Indeed, Bill noticed about six of their ten Scouts look disappointed when Jacob reminded them of the rules.

Bill also figured out Carson was right about the mattresses.  He tried to sleep on two, but ended up going in search of a third.  His back wasn’t built for those thin things any more.

~~~

 

Bill half expected Nathan to wake him in the night, but he slept straight through to reveille.

The troop dressed in matching t-shirts, adults included, and lined up for the flag ceremony.  Bill was proud of how still Nathan was while the flag was raised: he didn’t fidget at all.

“What’s your schedule look like, bud?” he asked at breakfast.

Nathan pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket.  “Environmental science first, then rifle.  Archery after lunch, then swimming.  And then in free time I want to do mile swim.”

“Your mom wants you to try climbing one day,” Bill reminded him.  “You know she used to teach climbing at one of these camps.”

Nathan rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, Dad, I know.  They’ve got after dinner climbing Wednesday.  I can do that.”

“I’ll have to get pictures to satisfy her,” Bill warned.

Nathan groaned.

Bill wondered what happened to the homesick little boy from last year.  Maybe he shouldn’t have come after all.

He mentioned that to Carson, who laughed.  “He’s just trying to be independent in front of the others.  He’s still battling homesickness:  he looks for you when you’re not around.  Daniel did the same thing.”

Bill felt a little better.

~~~

 

The week went by in a wave of sweltering heat.  Bill envied Nathan his swimming class and decided to join him on earning the mile swim patch.  It was a good excuse to get in the water – and good exercise for someone who’d been sitting in an office a lot.

Bill followed Nathan to some of his classes, but tried to hang back, especially at the shooting sports.  He knew Nathan was a decent rifle shot already, but he didn’t want to put any more pressure on him to do well.

Wednesday night came before they knew it.  Bill reminded Nathan of his promise to try to climb.  “Your mom climbed rocks a lot before we were married,” Bill said as they stood in line for the climbing wall.

“Why’d she stop?”

Bill paused.  “Well, she got hurt and can’t climb anymore.”

“How’d she get hurt?” Nathan asked suspiciously.

“You know how she can’t raise her arm all the way up?  That’s because she got shot not long after you were born.”

“Mom got _shot_?!”

“We were still under the Allied States and there was a mob.  The soldiers shot into the crowd and one of them hit your mom.  She was carrying you at the time, but you weren’t hurt.”

“So she can’t climb because of her arm.”

“That and her leg,” Bill said, before he thought about it.

“What happened to her leg?  She doesn’t run.  Did she get shot there, too?”

“No, she fell while climbing,” Bill said truthfully.  “Almost broke her leg.”

The color drained from Nathan’s face. 

“She didn’t have all this safety equipment, though,” Bill was quick to point out.  “You’ll have a helmet and be attached to a rope so you can’t fall.  Watch these guys climbing.  When they come down, they have to be lowered.”  Bill had been watching carefully to make sure _he_ was okay with Nathan climbing.

Nathan gulped when it was his turn to put on a harness, but he did it.  They kitted him out with the smallest harness and helmet they had and sent him over to the climbing wall.

The staff member holding the rope talked reassuringly to Nathan, showing him how to clip the carabiner to his harness and lock it.  He walked him through the safety calls and then gave Nathan a boost up to the first rock.

Nathan grabbed on and hung there for a second. 

“You gotta go up, kid,” the staff member said, still holding Nathan’s foot.

Nathan looked over at Bill, who gave him a thumbs up.  He got a determined look on his face and reached up for the next rock, then the next.  He was so little it almost seemed the rope was pulling him up.  Before Bill knew it, Nathan was at the top and ready to come down.  He clung to the wall for a second, but with encouragement, he let go and hung onto the rope.

Bill could see his huge smile even as Nathan was lowered.  Yup, he was definitely Sarah’s kid.

“Dad, can I do it again?” Nathan asked, once he was out of his harness and helmet.

“You have to get in line again, but I guess you can do it as many times as you want.”

“I can’t wait until I’m thirteen and can take the climbing merit badge!”

Bill ruffled his hair.  “Your mom’s gonna be so proud of you, buddy.”

Nathan just grinned.

~~~

 

Saturday came and Bill and Nathan trudged home, trunks and suitcases full of smelly camp clothes.  Sarah greeted them at the door. 

“Ah, I remember that smell.  Camp smell,” she said, giving Bill a kiss on the cheek.  “How was it, Nathan?”

Nathan said, “All right, I guess.”

Bill scoffed.  “You guess?  Come on, tell your mom all you did.”

“I got all my merit badges,” Nathan said.  “I got mile swim and so did Dad.  I went climbing and Dad filmed me with his phone.  And I got third best rifle shooter in camp.”

“Wow,” said Sarah.  “That was a busy week!  So did you like climbing?”

Nathan grinned a little.  “Yeah,” he said.

“You go take a shower,” Sarah instructed.  “And you can tell us more over dinner.  We’ve missed you this week.”

“Did you miss me, too?” Bill asked cheekily.

“Oh, you’ve been missed.”  Sarah gave his bottom a quick squeeze.  “But you need a shower, too.”

“Yes’m,” Bill said, winking as he went.

 

**July**

“I still can’t believe we’re doing this,” Sarah said as they boarded the plane in Hays.  Their flights would take them about thirteen hours, bouncing from Hays to Wichita to Charlotte and then on to Frankfurt, Germany.  Seventeen hours, counting layovers.

“Believe it,” Bill said, squeezing through the tiny aisle.  He looked at the seats and instantly regretted their decision to fly coach the whole way.

Sarah found their row and immediately grabbed the window seat.  She looked up at Bill.  “Oh wait, did you want the window?”

“Not now,” Bill said.  “I don’t want to block the aisle as we change.”

“Next flight,” Sarah said.

“Or you have window on the way over and I have it on the way back,” Bill suggested.

“That’ll work.”  Sarah looked out the window at the tarmac.  “You sure your mom’s going to be okay with the kids for this long?”

“She can always foist them off on your dad for a few days.”

“True.”

Bill took Sarah’s hand.  “Stop worrying about them.  If I can stop worrying about work, you can stop worrying about the kids.”

Sarah gave Bill a look.  “You haven’t stopped worrying about work.  You’re just keeping it to yourself.”

Bill grinned.  Sarah was right.  He’d already left for one week this summer, now he was leaving for another week and a half?  He hoped that didn’t count against him in next year’s election.

“And now you’re thinking about the election, aren’t you?” Sarah said.  “I can see it on your face.  You’re stressing and trying to hide it.”

“How do you always know?” Bill asked.

“I’ve known you for eighteen years.  I _ought_ to be able to read your expressions by now.”

 

Seventeen hours later, their plane touched down in Germany.  Sarah was so tired she felt dizzy.  Bill had slept on the plane, but she hadn’t been able to.  She hoped she still had enough senses to get them through the airport and to their hotel – Bill never had gotten used to navigating bigger cities.

They made it through customs easily, though she could tell Bill was sizing up the border agent, deciding if he was good law enforcement or not.  Sarah led the way, following the signs to baggage claims and then to the local trains.

Bill shook his head.  “Let’s just get a taxi this time.  You look dead on your feet.”

“I really am,” she admitted.  “I need a nap.”

Bill looked at his watch, which he’d set to local time.  “Well, it’s eleven in the morning here.  So, nap and then food?”

Sarah nodded gratefully.

 

“C’mon, darlin’.  Time to wake up,” coaxed Bill.

Sarah’s eyes fluttered open.  She was still tired, but a glance at the clock told her it was four p.m. now.  Definitely time to get up.

She rolled over to face Bill, who was lounging on the bed, reading the German phrasebook they’d brought with them.  “You know that works better if you practice out loud?”

“I was,” Bill said.  “You were just too deep asleep.”

“Bed’s so nice and fluffy,” Sarah said.  “Easy to sleep well here.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Did you look at the guidebook and find us a place to eat?” Sarah asked.

“There’s a promising sounding Biergarten not too far from here,” Bill said.

Sarah slowly rolled out of bed and reached for her shoes.  “Let’s do it.”

~~~

 

After their night in Frankfurt came the serious part of their trip.  Sarah and Bill rode the express train to Paris and then another intercity train up to Sainte-Mere-Eglise, where the Airborne museum was.

Bill wandered around the museum in a daze, finding pictures every now and again of men his grandfather had told him about.  Sarah introduced him to an English-speaking docent as the descendant of one of these men and the docent gave them a quick, but personalized, tour.

“Wow,” Bill said, looking at Omaha Beach as the sun set.  “I know the stories.  I know Grandpa Skip was here, but I just can’t imagine it.”

“His war was a lot bigger than ours,” Sarah said, slipping her hand in his.

~~~

 

They spent two days in Normandy, visiting all the museums they could fit in before their next train left to take them to Belgium.

There, they stayed in a little bed and breakfast in Bastogne.  They also remembered they were on a second honeymoon.

Sarah got knowing looks from the owner of the guesthouse the next morning.  She blushed.

They took a tour through the woods that showed them where many of the American and German troops had been stationed, Easy Company included.

They traveled from there to Berlin, where they spent two days getting turned around, and then traveled to Munich, Dachau, and Berchtesgaden. 

Their last day, they spent in Zurich, Switzerland, which Sarah pronounced the most beautiful city they’d visited.  They walked along the river and were awed when it opened up into a stunning Alpine lake, complete with swans.

On the train back to Frankfurt that night, Sarah leaned her head against Bill’s shoulder.  “Do you wish we’d brought the kids?  I feel guilty that they missed out.”

Bill shook his head.  “We never could have afforded three more tickets,” he said practically.  “Maybe we can travel with them when they’re older.”

Sarah shook her head.  “Life’s just going to get busier until they’re grown.  We might have missed our chance.”

Bill picked up her hand and entwined their fingers.  “Then they’ll just have to save up and travel on their own.”

Sarah went quiet at that.  What Bill said was the logical answer, but she still felt guilty.

Around midnight, they stumbled into their hotel room in Frankfurt, tired and a little sunburned from being outside most of the day.  Bill dropped his shirt next to his suitcase and Sarah started changing into pajamas.

“You know why I’m glad we didn’t bring the kids?” he said suddenly.  “Because then I couldn’t do this.”

Bill stopped Sarah from putting on her shirt and led her to the bed.  He kissed her gently, teasingly, as he undid her pants first, his second. 

“Yes,” Bill said, mouth barely touching Sarah’s breasts.  “This is much better without kids.”

Sarah pressed back in the bed, stifling a moan as Bill touched her.  “You’re right,” she breathed.  “Whatever you’re doing now, don’t stop.”

Bill didn’t, not until she quit saying “don’t.”

~~~

 

They started the flight back a little sleep deprived, but it was worth it, Sarah thought.

“Was there anywhere we missed that you wanted to go?” Sarah asked as they sat in the airport.

Bill chuckled.  “Little late for that, isn’t it?”

“I mean it,” Sarah said.  “You let me plan it, but you never told me if I got it right.”

Bill kissed the back of her hand.  “You got it right.  We saw Normandy, we saw Bastogne, we saw Berchtesgaden.  Those were the three places Grandpa talked about the most.  Now I’ve seen what he meant.”

“You’re glad you did?” Sarah asked.

“I am,” Bill reiterated.

“I’m glad we came,” Sarah said.  “Thank you for taking time off work to do this.”

“Finally,” Bill grinned.  “If I’d been smarter, we’d’ve come years earlier.  _And_ this year.”

“Oh?  So you’d come again?”

“Babe, I’d come as many times as you want me to,” Bill said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Sarah laughed and swatted his arm.  “Not in public, Bill.”

 

**August**

Libby picked out her own dress for the first day of school.

“First grade, first grade,” she sang, skipping around her room while Sarah tried to actually put the dress on her.

“Libby, you need to be still.”

“But I’m _excited_ , Mama!”

“Even excited girls need to put on clothes,” Sarah said, trying not to sound exasperated.

“Fine,” said Libby, rolling her eyes.

“Attitude, missy.”

Libby stood still.  “Yes, Mama.”

Sarah grinned to herself.  The Mom Voice still worked with Libby, at least.  She slipped Libby’s dress over her head and handed her the matching shoes.

Bill poked his head in.  “You ready to go, sweetheart?”

“Almost, Daddy!”

“You sure you’re okay taking both Nathan and Libby?” Sarah asked.  “You’ll be late to work.”

“It’s okay,” Bill said, swinging Libby as she ran into his arms.  “It’s worth it.”

Sarah sat back and watched the two of them.  Bill was still totally smitten with Libby and it was adorable to watch.  They were both going to be late if Bill didn’t get a move on, though.

Sarah tapped her wrist and Bill nodded.

“Nathan!  You ready?”

“Almost!”

“You better be ready now!” Bill said.  “I’m leaving in five.”

Sarah peeked in the boys’ room.  Nathan was repacking his backpack for the thousandth time and Wes was still in pajamas.  “Hey, you,” she told him.  “You need to put on clothes too.  No going to school in pjs, not even homeschool.”

Nathan zipped up his backpack and tried to slip past Sarah.  She caught him and gave him a kiss on the head.  “Have fun, seventh grader,” she said.

 

Bill dropped Nathan off at the middle school, then parked next door at the elementary.

“Are you coming in with me, Daddy?” Libby asked.

“Do you want me to?”

Libby nodded. 

“Then I am.”

Bill held her hand as they walked into the school.  He led her to the same first grade classroom that Nathan and Wes had been in – a brightly colored room on the first floor of the school that overlooked the playground.  He knelt down in front of Libby and straightened her backpack.  “You ready for real school, little girl?

She nodded, but Bill could see she was nervous.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Bill said.  “Everybody gets scared of new things.”

“Even you?” she asked, wide-eyed.

“Even me,” Bill said.  “But we have to be brave, right?  And being brave means doing things even when we’re scared.”

“I’m brave,” she said, puffing up her chest. 

Bill couldn’t stand it.  He hugged her and gave a playful tug of her pigtails.  “Go on then, brave girl.  Show me what you’ve got.”

Libby nodded and walked into the classroom, stopping only to wave good-bye.

Bill managed to hold back his tears until he got back in the car.  No one needed to see the sheriff cry over his daughter.

 

Wes wandered out of his bedroom dressed sloppily, but dressed.

Sarah eyed his t-shirt and patched up jeans.  “I may have to institute a dress code,” she said.

“Don’t do that!  This is the best part of homeschool!”

Sarah shook her head.  “Okay then, slouch.  Come over here and let’s get started.  Seventh grade curriculum for you, too.  Think you’re ready?”

“Of course,” he said cockily.  He may have been only ten, but homeschooling had really increased his confidence.

Sarah started going over what she planned for them to study that year when Wes interrupted her.  “Mama, I found a website over the summer.”

Sarah’s brain immediately went to the worst places, even though she’d set the parental controls on his laptop pretty tight.  “What website?”

“It’s this old site that’s got a bunch of videos on it that teach you stuff.  Khan Academy,” Wes said.

Sarah relaxed.  Khan Academy was good.  She hadn’t known it was still around after the bombs.  “What videos have you been watching?”

“Computer stuff.  How to program them.  And there’s a site called YouTube that shows you how to build them,” Wes said, getting excited.  “I want to build a computer this year.  It’ll be all mine and then Nathan can have this laptop.”

Sarah thought about it.  “How about you build a computer for me and I’ll give Nathan _my_ laptop if your computer works.”

Wes nodded.  “It’ll work.”

“Okay then.  That can be your study alone project this year.  You learn how to do it and Daddy and I will help you buy the parts to build it.”  Sarah wondered how crazy she was to let him do this.

“Yes!” said Wes, pumping his fist.

“And we can add computer programming to your studies if you want, but I’ll have to find someone else to teach you.”

“I can do that myself, too,” Wes insisted.

Sarah held up her hands in defeat.  “Okay, then.  You’re in charge of computer work.  But I will be checking you, you know.”

“I know.  You always do.”

“That’s what I’m supposed to do,” Sarah said.  She turned back to the workbooks.  “Okay, so seventh grade social studies is geography and Kansas history.  We’ll be learning Kansas history together,” she said.

“Cause you and Grandpa are from Nashville?”

“Chattanooga,” Sarah corrected.  “I grew up in Chattanooga, which is still in Tennessee.  I have cousins in Nashville, though.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot.”

Sarah felt she must have done something wrong.  Wes was plenty old enough and smart enough to remember where she was from.  “Why’d you forget it?” she asked.

Wes shrugged.  “I’ve never been there,” he said.

None of the kids had.  “Maybe over fall break we can go visit there.  You can see where I grew up and where my grandparents are from.”

Wes lit up.  “A real trip?  Not just to Hays or Wichita?”

“A real trip,” Sarah promised.  “But that’s a big maybe.  Don’t tell Nathan or Libby yet.  I have to discuss it with your father.”

Wes practically floated through his studies the rest of the day.

 

Sarah let Wes stay home alone while she went to pick up Nathan and Libby.  “I’m trusting you,” she warned him.  “Don’t misbehave.  No TV until you finish your homework.”

Wes swore up and down he’d behave.  Sarah only half believed him.

Libby skipped out of the school at two-thirty, a big grin on her face.  “I made friends today!” she announced while Sarah strapped her in the booster seat.  Libby was even smaller than her brothers, so Bill insisted on keeping her in the seat longer.

“Really?” asked Sarah.  “What are their names?”

Libby listed them off on her fingers.  “Rose and Ava and Cayden and Miss Simmons.”

Sarah grinned.  “So your teacher is your friend?”

“Uh-huh.  She’s really nice.  And she smells good.”

Sarah laughed quietly and pulled into the middle school pickup line.  “That’s good.  Always want a teacher that smells good.”

Libby looked around the car.  “Where’s Wes?  Why are we waiting?”

“Wes is at home.  He’s big enough to stay home for a little bit by himself,” Sarah explained.  “And remember?  Middle school doesn’t get out until three o’clock.  We have twenty more minutes until Nathan gets out.”

Libby spent that twenty minutes regaling Sarah with nearly every minute of her first day.  Sarah was almost grateful for Nathan’s near silence. 

“How was seventh grade?” she asked.

“All right,” Nathan said, digging in his backpack.  “I have paperwork for you.”  He handed her a messy stack of papers.

Ah, paperwork.  The schools wanted so much information that Sarah knew her wrist would hurt by the end of the night.  Maybe she could rope Bill into filling out Libby’s forms while she got Nathan’s.

“Gee, thanks,” Sarah said, trying to flatten out the papers.  She set them on the empty passenger seat.  “So did you have fun?”

“I guess,” Nathan said.  “I’m in three classes with Hunter.”

“That’s good!” Sarah enthused.

“Uh-huh.”

And that was all Sarah got out of Nathan on the ride home.

 

Wes was suspiciously innocent-looking when they got home.  Sarah highly suspected the TV had been on until he heard the garage door open.  She didn’t say anything, though.

She sat down with Libby and showed her her homework worksheets.  “You know this stuff.  This stuff is easy.”

Libby nodded.  “Babies know this,” she said, carefully writing out her letters.

Sarah nodded.  “You did, and so did Nathan and Wes.  But not everyone in your class does.  Be patient with them, even if you’re bored.

Libby nodded sagely.  Of the three kids, Libby was the most likely to actually be patient with others.

Not for the first time, Sarah wondered whose kid they’d accidentally snatched from the clinic.  Libby was just too good sometimes.

 

Once Libby was tucked into bed and the boys were relegated to their room for quiet reading time, Sarah plopped on the couch.

“So we need to talk about something.”

Bill looked up from the newspaper.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  But I want to do something with the kids.”

“Okay,” Bill said cautiously.  “What is it?”

“I want to take them on a trip to Tennessee over fall break.  I know you’ve taken off a lot this year already, so I’ll take them myself.  Or get Dad to go with me.”

“What brought this on?” Bill asked.

“Wes.  He complained today that he’d never been there.  And really, we haven’t taken the kids on a real overnight trip before,” Sarah pointed out.  “They need to learn how to travel, too.  And I still have family in Nashville they should meet.”

“You want to drive there?” Bill asked.

“Maybe.  But some of the radiation is down and there’s a train that runs from Wichita to Nashville and then from Nashville to Chattanooga.  We might rent a car as cheap as driving all the way down past Dallas and back up.”

Bill snorted.  “Renting a car is never going to be cheaper,” he said.  “But it might be quicker.  Let’s see if we can budget it.”

“You’d really be okay with me taking them?”

Bill put down the newspaper.  “Sarah, you’ve been taking care of them almost solo most of their lives.  If I don’t trust them with you, who _can_ I trust them with?

“It hasn’t been solo,” Sarah pointed out.  “You’re here one hundred percent when you come home.”

“I’ve tried,” Bill said.

“You work hard all day so I _can_ stay home with Wes and then you come home and do homework and playtime.  You do double-duty, Bill.  And you don’t usually bring your work home with you.”

“Only on bad days,” Bill said darkly and Sarah knew he was thinking of some grisly crime scenes and accidents.

She reached out and squeezed his hand.

 

**October**

Sarah took the kids to the train station in Wichita early Saturday morning and Bill found himself suddenly alone.

Oh, there were the cats, but they mostly draped themselves on Sarah and left him alone.

A whole nine days to himself.  What was he going to do?

Bill fiddled with the engine of his truck until lunchtime.  He wiped his hand on a rag, staring at the new, computerized engine with faint disgust.  The truck was useful, but he missed his trusty old SUV.

Lunch was cold cuts on the kid’s white bread – not the wheat stuff Sarah was trying to get them both to eat.  He washed his plates after and stood in the kitchen, taking in the silence.

He had to face it.  Bill had no clue what to do.

At a loss for anything else, he went down to the station – in civvies – and knocked out some paperwork.  He pointedly ignored the odd looks his deputies were giving him.

~~~

 

Sometime around Wednesday, Jimmy stepped into his office and pulled the door shut behind him.

“You’re moping,” he said without preamble.

“What?” Bill protested.  “I’m not.”

“You are.  This is the first time you’ve been alone in years and you hate it.”

Bill slumped in his seat.  “So what if I do?”

Jimmy gestured out into the main office.  “It’s rubbing off on them.  You need to buck up and get back out there.  Pick someone to harass with a ride-along.  Me, even.  Lord knows I’ve put up with your sulky butt before.”

“Hey!”

“It’s the truth,” Jimmy said, plopping down in one of Bill’s office chairs.  “Look, man, I know it’s hard when they all leave, but you’ve just got a few more days.  Figure out how to entertain yourself.  Build something.  Spend time with your mom.  Come over to eat with Margaret and me.  Let’s go fishing Saturday.  _Something_ to bump you out of this.”

Bill thought about it.  Maybe Jimmy was right.  He _was_ moping.

Damn it, he was the freaking sheriff of Jericho.  He shouldn’t mope.

Bill marched out into the main office.  “Okay, I’m doing a ride-along today.  Who wants to volunteer?”

No one raised their hands.

“Vasquez, it’s your turn,” Bill said, turning to one of the deputies they’d hired after the bombs.  “Let’s go in ten.”

Bill went back into the office and gave Jimmy a satisfied look.  “That better?” he asked.

“Better,” Jimmy nodded.

~~~

 

Saturday came and Bill took Jimmy up on his offer of fishing.

They were on the lake by five, before the sun was much more than a flicker on the horizon.

Bill breathed in deeply, enjoying the crisp autumn air.  “You were right, Jimmy.  Fishing was a good idea.”

Jimmy grunted in response.  “Usually is.”

They sat in silence for hours, punctuated only by Jimmy announcing when he was going to move the boat.  Neither one caught a fish that morning, but it didn’t really matter.  That wasn’t what they were really there for, after all.

“So how did things really go this week?” Bill asked as they packed up their gear to go home.  “I mean, did I really mess up the kids?”

Jimmy thought for a second.  “You had everyone on edge.  They all thought you were about to burst out into a tirade any minute.  Only me and the older guys knew better.”

Bill shook his head.  “Sorry about that, man.  I just didn’t have my head about me this week.”

“I know,” Jimmy said.  He clapped Bill on the shoulder.  “That’s why I talked to you about it.”

“They get home tomorrow afternoon,” Bill said hopefully.

“Good!  In the meantime, Margaret demanded you eat lunch with us today.”

~~~

 

Sarah was dog-tired when she pulled into the drive.  The kids had traveled well until they reached Wichita, at which point everyone’s grumpiness seemed to come out.

She almost didn’t notice Bill standing in the kitchen door, waiting for them.  Wes jumped out of the car and ran to him while Libby struggled to get out of the booster seat.

Bill beat Sarah to Libby.  “Hey, sweetheart!  Didja miss me?” he asked, swinging her around and just barely missing the vehicles.

“Daddy!” she giggled.

Nathan rolled his eyes and said “Hey, Dad,” as he walked into the house.

Sarah popped the trunk and leaned against the back of the van.  “Hey, you,” she said tiredly.

Bill put Libby down and wrapped Sarah into a tight hug.  “I missed you guys,” he confessed.  “The house was too empty without everyone here.”

Sarah grinned.  “You’re still an old sap, aren’t you?”

“Guess I am,” Bill said, and kissed her lightly.  “Let me help you get these suitcases and then we’ll go out for dinner after you’ve had a nap.”

Sarah pulled back to look at Bill.  “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you as much as I do right now,” she joked.

Bill flashed her that dimpled grin and grabbed the two largest suitcases.

“Those are almost all dirty clothes, if you want to dump them by the wash.”  Sarah picked up Wes and Libby’s suitcases, mostly full of toys and books, and toted them to their rooms.  “All this stuff needs to be put away by dinner,” she instructed.

Bill showed up behind her and tugged her into the bedroom.  “I said naptime for you.  I’ll start the wash and then come join you.”

Sarah smiled and flopped on the bed.  “Yes, sir!”

She heard Bill talking to Nathan as he left the room.  Sarah smiled a bit wider.  It was good to be home.

 


	17. 2030

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the teenage years are here...

**2030**

**March**

Bill stood with a fresh-faced twenty-one year old rookie, watching Murphree conduct an interrogation.  She was scarily efficient, making her an excellent trainer.  Bill was just sitting in to make sure things were going well and to get a handle on the rookie.

The interrogation was almost over.  The guy’d been caught shaking hands with doorknobs at some Main Street shops that had been burgled multiple times recently.  A lockpick kit found in his possession sealed the deal, as far as Bill was concerned.  They were just giving him a chance to make up an alibi.

Bill watched the rookie instead.  The kid was nervous, probably from being observed, but he was obvious about it, twitching as much as their suspect.  He hadn’t been through the Academy yet – he was still being evaluated – but Bill wasn’t sure about him.

He wasn’t sure about a lot of the kids applying these days.  These were kids who’d lived most of their lives under the US flag, who’d grown up hearing stories about the days after the bombs.  Some of them had even read Sarah’s book.  They came from all over, wanting to join the Jericho Sheriff’s Department because they’d heard great things about it.

Problem was, most of them weren’t cut out for law enforcement life.  Bill was beginning to have his doubts about this rookie.  Shame, because he’d been the first in a long while Bill thought might work out and he’d had five deputies retire or leave for other departments in the last six months.

“Were we really that young and innocent once, Jimmy?” he asked later, sitting in his office, watching the rookie help Murphree with her paperwork, clicking a pen idly.

Jimmy nodded.  “Hard to believe, isn’t it?  It’s been…” he stopped to count, “twenty-seven years since I was hired on.”

“Twenty-six for me, then,” Bill said.  “And I’d probably still be sitting with my thumb up my ass wondering what to do if you hadn’t told me to apply here.”

“And now look at you,” Jimmy said.  “Sheriff for twelve years running.”

“And now look at me,” Bill echoed.  “Sheriff Dawes had been around nearly fifty years when he died.  Compared to him, we’re still babies.”

“We’re still the senior LEOs in town,” Jimmy reminded him.

Bill tossed his pen on the desk.  Some days that fact bothered him.  “Remind me to pour one out in memory next time I drink,” he said.  “We worked with some assholes, but nobody deserved that.”

Jimmy nodded.  “Fifteen years this September,” he mused.

Bill shook his head.  “When did we become the old guys sitting around reminiscing?”

“You started it,” Jimmy said unapologetically.

Bill shot him a look.  “Go get that kid in here.  Let’s talk to him, see what he does.”

Jimmy stuck his head out of the office.  “Hey, Childers.  Come in here for a sec.”

The boy froze but shook it off quickly.  He sat down in the chair opposite Bill while Jimmy leaned against the desk.

Bill looked at him.  “You’re local, right?”

“Winona, sir,” Childers said, naming a town one county south.

Bill nodded and picked up his pen again.  “That’s right.  I liked that about you.  You actually know the area and what people are like around here.”  He didn’t pass on people who wanted to move into town from other parts of the country – hell, that’s how Sarah got here – but local knowledge made training easier.

“Yes, sir, I like to think so.”

“I’ve got one question for you today,” Bill said.

Childers listened raptly.

“During your interview, you were fine.  Now you’re jumpy as hell around me and Deputy Taylor here.  What happened?”

Childers stammered.

Jimmy laughed.  “Someone told you to read the book, didn’t they?  And probably told some trumped-up stories about our exploits since.”

Childers didn’t say anything, but his face was easy to read.

“That damn book,” Bill muttered.  Sometimes he wished Sarah had never written it.  “Listen, kid.  Don’t be nervous around us because of the things we did after the bombs and during the wars.  The training we got at the Academy – the same training you’re going to get – is what got us through.  We were just doing what needed to be done.  And we aren’t the only former Rangers you’ll be working with.”

“You’ve got to learn to relax when you’re with your fellow deputies, even if we’re around,” Jimmy added.  “Or you’ll never trust them and they’ll never trust you.  Sheriff Koehler had to learn that lesson when he joined, too.”

“Yup,” Bill nodded.  “I was wound up tighter than a spring when I was hired.”

Childers looked between Bill and Jimmy as if their words had gone right past him.  He was still sitting stiffly, shoulders tensed.

Bill watched him a second, then waved him out the door.  “Go finish up the paperwork and you’re good for the day.  We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Childers walked quickly out of the office and Bill saw him take a visible breath once he was free.

Bill shook his head again.  “Think he’s got potential, Jim?” he asked, leaning back in his chair.

Jimmy nodded.  “You know who he reminds me of?”

“Who?”

“You.  You were exactly that nervous around Sheriff Dawes before you went off to Academy and got cocky.”

“I never!” protested Bill.  “I was nervous, sure, but that kid’s on a whole other level.”

“Nope.  He’s like you.  I bet when he comes back from Academy, he’ll be over that.”

“You’re so sure I’m sending him to the Academy.”

Jimmy shrugged.  “You as good as told him you were.  And I’m telling you to.”

“And I know better than to ignore your gut instinct,” Bill sighed.  “Okay, we’ll keep him.”

“It’s like adopting a puppy,” Jimmy laughed.  “One that comes toilet trained.”

 

**April**

Libby’s birthday gifts included her first bow and arrow set and a beading kit to make bracelets for her friends.

“She’s so good, but she’s so weird,” Sarah whispered to Bill.

“Nah.  You just didn’t grow up in a rural area.  Lots of girls like her around here.”

Sarah gave Bill a wry smile.  “So you’re saying the pink camo Carhartts are next?”

“Exactly.”

Libby held up her next present.  “Mama, Daddy, look!  A mermaid blanket!”

“Oh, that’s so neat,” Sarah said.  “Who got you that?”

“Me!” said Libby’s friend Rose.

Sarah jotted that down.  It would be a fight, but she was determined all her kids would write thank-you notes if it killed them.

She nudged Bill when Libby got to her last present.  “That means cake time,” she whispered.

“Oh, right.”  Bill hopped up and went to the kitchen.  He came out a minute later with a cake decorated with a big pink eight.

“Who’s ready for cake?” Sarah asked, setting her pad and pen aside.

“Me!” shrieked all the girls, jumping up and bouncing.

Ten seven and eight year old girls, already hyped up and about to be fed cake?  Sarah was glad it was almost pick-up time.

She sliced cake while Bill offered each girl a scoop of neopolitan ice cream.  Together, they got all ten girls sugared up and sent to eat out back, where they could make as big a mess as they wanted.

Good thing, too, because the first scoop of ice cream slid off of a plate in less than five minutes.

Sarah picked up stray pieces of wrapping paper and stuffed them into a garbage bag.  “Well, I think it’s gone as well as it could,” she said.

Bill nodded, slicing up cake for leftover containers.  “If you like a house full of shrieking things, sure.”

Sarah shook her head.  “I’m glad we taught Libby not to do that.”

“That one was all you, babe.  I had no idea little girls were that loud.”

“Much louder than boys.”  Sarah grinned.  “So when do you plan to start teaching Libby to use her bow?”  She knew Bill had taken his time picking out the perfect one for Libby, getting one in a dark brown instead of Libby’s preferred pink.  He was hoping she’d go hunting with him in the fall.

“Tonight, if she’ll let me.  We’ll practice in the backyard like I did with the boys.”

“Dragging your target out early, aren’t you?  You don’t usually start training until August.”

Bill shrugged.  “I want her to be confident when we go out.”

“The boys could probably use a brush-up,” Sarah reminded him.

“Them, too,” Bill said as an afterthought.

Sarah rolled her eyes.

 

Once the house was empty and cleaned up, Bill lugged out his huge straw target and set it up in the backyard where the fence lined an empty lot.  Libby held her new bow and waited eagerly for her chance to use it.

Sarah watched from inside.  Sometimes Bill let her shoot his bow, but tonight the focus was all on Libby.  The boys were even gone, staying with friends instead of dealing with Libby’s party.  She couldn’t blame them.

Libby had five arrows and she shot the first four straight into the ground in front of the target.  With the fifth one, she hit the bottom of the target, earning a high-five from Bill.  She shot two more rounds before coming inside, complaining that her arm was tired.

“You’ve just got to build up stamina,” Bill said, following her.  “That’ll come as you practice.”

“But it’s hard!” Libby said, pouting.  “You made it look easy!”

“You’ll get it.  It just takes time,” Sarah assured her.

Bill held out his hand.  “Give me your bow and your arrows,” he instructed.  “I’m going to lock them up with your brothers’.”

“I can’t keep them in my room?” she asked, hugging the bow to her chest.

“No,” said Bill.  “We lock up our bows and arrows just like we lock up our guns.  That’s what’s safe.”

Libby pouted again, but handed over her present.

“Good girl,” Bill said.  “We’ll practice again tomorrow night.”

“Now it’s time to write thank-you notes,” Sarah said, playing the bad guy.  “You’ve got to write them before you can play with any of your other presents.”

“Yes, Mama.”  Libby sighed and stomped off to her room.

“Now _she’s_ getting the attitude,” Bill said, after Libby was out of earshot.

“Some of it’s probably because of the party today.  That was a lot of excitement and adrenaline for a kid,” Sarah pointed out.

Bill huffed.  “I am not looking forward to her preteen years, if the boys were anything to judge by.”

Sarah patted Bill on the chest as she walked by.  “Don’t worry.  You’ll still be wrapped around her little finger, even then.”

 

**May**

Bill came home from work to find the kids still doing their homework at the kitchen table.

“Here, Nathan, more work for you,” he said, plopping a thick booklet down in front of him.  “You’ve got until your birthday to memorize it.”

Nathan picked it up.  “Driving manual?”  He looked up at Bill eagerly.  “You’re going to let me get my permit?!”

“When you turn fourteen,” Bill said.  “But you gotta pass the test first and that means studying.  I want a perfect score.”

Nathan gulped.  “Yes, sir.”

Bill patted his shoulder.  “You’ll get it, I know.  And you can always ask me if you need help.  I’ve got that thing memorized, too.”

Wes looked up from his computer.  “I thought you said we’d have to wait until we’re fifteen.”

Bill shrugged.  “Law says fourteen.  If Nathan can pass the test then, I’ll teach him.”

“I’m glad you’re not teaching _me_ ,” Wes said.  “You’ll be hard.”

Bill chuckled.  “I might be.  I might not be.  You’ll have to wait and see – you’ve only got a couple years before it’s your turn.”

Wes tried not to look intimidated.

**August**

“Are you sure you don’t want me to teach him?” Sarah asked, yet again, while they read before bed.

Bill shook his head.  “No.  I want to make sure he does it right.”

“And you don’t think I’ll show him the right way to do it?” Sarah challenged.  “Which one of us is most likely to let our kids’ work slide?  One would almost think you don’t trust my driving, Bill Koehler.”

Bill gave her a look.  “If I didn’t trust your driving, we never would have gotten that van so you could drive the kids around.”

“Then it’s my teaching ability?  Am I not doing well enough with Wes?”

Bill finally backtracked.  “No, that’s not what I meant.  I meant…  Well, I meant…”

“You meant you want it done by the book and not done by ‘this is how I do it’.”

“Yes!” Bill nodded.  "That’s it.”

Sarah sighed.  “I just don’t want you thinking Nathan’s going to get everything perfect right off because you made him memorize the book.  Go into this with realistic expectations.  It’s okay for the sheriff’s kid to make mistakes while he’s learning, too.”

Bill caught Sarah’s eye.  “I promise you, I don’t think Nathan’s going to be great to start with.  I’ll be patient with him.”

“And no hovering over him while he’s driving.”

“Only a respectable amount of hovering.”

Sarah laughed.  “Okay, I guess that’s the best I’m going to get out of you.  You taking him to get his test tomorrow?”

“If he wakes up early enough.  We want to be there bright and early.”

“Your bright and early or the rest of the world’s bright and early?”

“I was thinking we should be there at six.  They open at seven.”

“And add in the thirty minute drive to the Fielding courthouse…”

“I’m thinking five-thirty is reasonable.”

“Oh, our poor kid,” Sarah said.  “He’s not going to get any sleep tonight from anxiety and now he has to be up super early on his birthday.”

“Hey,” Bill protested.  “I got up earlier than that for years.”

“As an adult,” Sarah pointed out.  “Are you going to be okay with him driving with me some, after you teach him the basics?  I just ask because I’m home more than you and that’ll give him extra practice.”

“Once he’s got a handle on it, sure.  But not with Wes and Libby in the car if you can help it.”

Sarah laughed.  “You realize the next big question is if we’re going to get him a car.”

“That depends on how well he drives.”  Bill leaned back against the headboard.  “And if I decide he can drive Wes and Libby around after this first year.  If he gets a car, he gets to help ferry Wes to Scouts and Libby to Little League.”

Sarah laughed.  “So he has a whole year of probation driving with you before you’re going to let him drive the rest of us?”

“Pretty much,” Bill said smugly.

Sarah reached down and patted Bill’s leg.  “Aw, you’re finally going to be as hard on your kids as you are on your deputies.  I knew you had it in you.”

~~~

 

Nathan passed the written test with flying colors.  He should have, Bill thought, with as much as he’d been drilling him.

Bill pulled over on Cherry Valley Road on the way home, about as straight and flat and empty a stretch as a learner could hope for.  “Okay, kid, it’s your turn.”

Nathan’s eyes were wide.  “Really?”

“Happy birthday.  Come on, switch seats with me.”

Nathan got behind the wheel of Bill’s truck and looked at Bill for permission before he scooted the seat up and adjusted the mirrors.

Bill nodded.  “Okay, and what’s next?”

“Foot on the brake and turn it on?”

“You know this,” Bill encouraged.  “You don’t have to be quite so worried.”

Nathan started the car and Bill walked him through using the pedals, the gear shift, and how to hold the steering wheel.  Slowly, finally, he checked for traffic and eased the car onto the road.  They went about fifteen miles per hour and weaved between the lines as Nathan overcorrected.

“Tell me where you’re looking,” Bill prompted.

“Uh, the road?”

“Where on the road?”

“Right in front of the truck.”

“You’re worried about staying between the lines, aren’t you?”

Nathan nodded, eyes still glued to the road.

“You need to try to lift your gaze.  Look way ahead of the car, down the road as far as you can see.”

Bill could tell Nathan tried.  For a moment the car straightened out and sped up a bit, but only for a moment.  Nathan hunched over the steering wheel, clinging like his life depended on it.

Bill glanced in the side mirror and saw a car in the distance behind them.  “Nathan, you also need to check your speed and your rear view mirror.”

Nathan looked at his speed and pressed the gas pedal a little more, bringing them up to twenty-five.  He ripped his eyes away from the road again to look in the mirror.  “Dad, there’s a car behind us.”

“I know,” Bill said.  As the car came closer, he saw it was one of his deputies.  “Nathan, you may get pulled over because you’re going so slow and weaving.  It’ll be okay since I’m here and you’re just learning, but if he puts on his lights, pull over to the side of the road.  Get as far over as you can without going into the ditch.”

Bill’s suspicion was right.  The lights came on and the deputy briefly blared the siren to let them know he was there. 

“Dad!”

“I know, Nathan.  Like I said, just pull over.”  Bill hit the hazard lights button on the dash.  “There you go, a little further.  And… good.”

“What do I do?”

“Sit still until he gets here and then you can roll down the window.  Keep your hands on the steering wheel,” Bill instructed.

Bill turned and watched Deputy Vasquez walk up.  Nathan rolled down the window for him. 

Vasquez leaned down.  “Do you know what the speed limit is here?” he asked Nathan.

“Um,” Nathan stammered.

Bill leaned over so the deputy could see him.  “Vasquez,” he said.  “This is my eldest.  He just got his learner’s permit today.”

Vasquez startled when he saw Bill.  “Oh, sir!  Sheriff!”  He looked back and forth between Bill and Nathan, obviously noting their resemblance.  “I didn’t know, sir.”

“You couldn’t have,” Bill said.  “This is his first time driving, so it’s a little rough.  I know he was swerving and going slow, but I promise you, my fourteen year old isn’t drunk.”

“Okay, sir,” Vasquez said.  “I’ll let you get on with it.  Just be careful.”

Nathan nodded stiffly.

Bill waved at Vasquez.  “I’ll see you at shift change,” he said.  “It may take us that long to get back to town.”

Once they were alone again, Nathan gulped.  “I feel sick.”

Bill patted his shoulder.  “Get out and walk around the truck if you need to.  But you did well.  You’re okay.  You’re learning.”

Nathan stumbled out of the truck and into the grass of the ditch, where he lost his breakfast.  When he came back to the truck.  Bill handed him a bottle of water – he always kept an emergency stash in the console. 

“Breathe steadily.  You ready to try again?”

Nathan took a deep breath.  “Yes.”

“Good job, kid.  Now when you’re ready, go through the routine again.”

Nathan checked his mirrors.

 

Bill took over driving when they reached town limits – he wasn’t ready to loose Nathan’s driving on Jericho yet. 

He walked Nathan into the house, announcing, “We have a trainee driver!”

Sarah and Libby greeted Nathan in the hallway with a hug.

“Congratulations!” said Sarah.  “Did your dad let you drive home?”

Nathan nodded.  “Part of the way.”

“Good for you!”  Sarah looked at both of them as she spoke.

Bill edged past Sarah.  “I’ve got to change and get to work.”

“Maybe you and Nathan can practice again after dinner,” Sarah suggested.  “The high school parking lot should be empty enough.”

“Maybe,” Bill said.  “If he wants to.”

Nathan shrugged.

 

After Bill left and Libby was shooed off to play outside, Nathan told Sarah about getting pulled over.

She laughed lightly.  “Don’t worry about it.  As long as you aren’t endangering others and your dad’s with you, I think you get a pass.  Did I ever tell you about getting pulled over after I moved here?”

Nathan shook his head.

“I’d just started dating your dad and he was still a deputy, pretty low on the totem pole, and the rest of the deputies decided to haze me to see if I could stand it.”

“Haze you?” 

“They kept pulling me over when they saw me.  There were only four of them doing it, but they kept me pretty busy when I drove somewhere.  Finally your dad caught them at it and made them stop.”

“Do you think that’ll happen to me?” Nathan asked.

Sarah shook her head.  “Wouldn’t happen now, not with your dad being sheriff.  None of them want to be on his bad list.”

“I can’t imagine Dad not being sheriff.  They all just do what he says.  Or at least they always do when he takes us down there with him.”

Sarah grinned.  The longer Bill was in charge, the more he had developed his innate leadership skills.  It showed at home, too.  “It _is_ hard to imagine him going back to being a deputy.  But that’s what he’d try to do if he ever loses an election.”

“Try to?”

“Well, the new sheriff might not want the old sheriff working for him.  So your dad might have to find a new job.  I don’t know what, though.”  Private security at the bank or the mine?  Sarah wasn’t sure what Bill would do.

At least they had three more years before having to think about that again.

~~~

 

Bill woke her with a kiss.  “Happy birthday,” he murmured.

Sarah blinked awake.  “Forty-five.  Ugh.”

“I thought the phrase was ‘sixteenth anniversary of your twenty-ninth birthday’?” Bill joked.

Sarah laughed.  “No, I’ll own my age.  Birthday just snuck up on me this year.”

Bill kissed her again.  “You stay in bed.  I’ll get the kids to school today.”

“I still have to get up for Wes,” Sarah reminded him.

“Oh yeah.”  Bill leaned his forehead against her chest.  “There goes my nice gesture.”

Sarah reached up and rubbed his back.  “You tried.  I appreciate it.”

“Well, we’re at least going out with Jimmy and Margaret tonight,” Bill said.  “Let the kids order pizza.”

“That sounds good.”  Sarah glanced at the bedside clock.  “You need to get going, if you’re taking Libby and Nathan to school.  Traffic at the high school is bad.”

“I know,” Bill said.  “I’m the one who has to send deputies to direct traffic.”

“Oh yeah, you are, aren’t you?”  Sarah grinned.

He kissed her forehead.  “You relax a minute and I’ll get the kids started on breakfast.”

“You’re a saint.”

 

“Did you hear they’re rebuilding D.C.?” Jimmy asked at dinner.

“I heard that!” Sarah said.  “I wondered how long it would take them to start rebuilding all those cities.”

“Fifteen years, apparently,” Margaret said.  “I’m still not sure I’d want to go there.”

“It ought to be perfectly safe,” Sarah said.  “From what I’ve read, there’ve been normal levels of background radiation in all the cities for years now.  People are just overly cautious.”

“Or no one wants to move to cities anymore,” Bill said.

Sarah laughed.  “Not everyone loves small towns as much as you do.”

“Jericho’s not so little anymore,” Margaret pointed out.  “Eight thousand and something this last census.”

“We _have_ grown,” Sarah conceded.

Bill and Jimmy looked at each other.  “Don’t we know it?” Jimmy asked sarcastically.  “Crime’s gone up, too.”

“But not to city levels yet,” Bill said.  “Thankfully.”

“So how long before we see major rebuilding efforts?” Sarah asked.

“You hear about people who have moved back into the Chicago area already,” Margaret said.  “But not rebuilding.”

“I guess the same goes for Atlanta and Dallas and the West Coast.”

“Still not tempted to go any of these places,” Margaret said, with finality.

 

Sarah stumbled a bit as Bill led her to the car. 

“How much did you drink?” Bill asked.  He thought it’d only been a couple glasses of wine.

“It’s that new medicine the doctor’s trying,” Sarah said.  “Reacts with alcohol.  Wouldn’t’ve drunk if you weren’t driving.”

“That wasn’t smart,” Bill chided gently.

“But it was fun,” Sarah said.

Bill sighed and helped Sarah in the passenger seat of the truck.  “At least the kids should be asleep when we get home.”

 

Bill watched Sarah weave on her way in from the garage.  He didn’t want her waking the kids, so he grabbed her by the waist and let her lean on him as they made their way to the bedroom.

Once their door was shut, Sarah turned and pushed Bill against it.  She kissed him deeply.  “I love you,” she said, speaking quietly.  “Love me.”

Bill could hardly argue with that.  “Oh, I do love you, darlin’.  But are you sure you want to do anything when you’re like this?”

Sarah stepped back and pulled her shirt off.  “I said what I meant, Koehler.”

She was serious, then.  Bill went to his knees in front of her, nipping at her stomach as he slid her skirt down her legs, then kissed her legs as he helped her out of her shoes.  She carded her fingers through his hair and sighed shakily.

Bill led her to the bed and finished undressing her there.  He stepped back, enjoying the view, and unbuttoned his shirt.

“What if I wanted to do that?” Sarah asked, reaching.

Bill pushed her back down on the bed.  “Not tonight.”  He tossed his shirt over to the dirty clothes hamper.

Sarah sat up anyway and reached for his pants button.  Bill swatted her hands away.  Just to tease, he pulled down his pants and boxers very slowly.  He could watch Sarah’s body flush with desire this way.  Just the sight of her holding her breath in anticipation caused him to stir. 

Twenty years together and she still did this to him.  How lucky was he?

He climbed on the bed, looming over her.  “ _Now_ , I’ll love you.”

 

**September**

“I want you to drive with Nathan some this week,” Bill said.

Sarah put down her book, impressed.  “Why’s that?”

“He gets incredibly anxious when I’m out with him and he hasn’t improved his driving as much as he should.  I don’t know if he’s nervous about driving, nervous about driving in front of me, or if this is something more.”

Sarah thought for a moment.  “He’s the age you were when you started having panic attacks.”

“Yeah, just about,” Bill said, folding the newspaper section he’d been reading.  “If it’s that, I want us to get ahead of it.”

“We should,” Sarah agreed.  “All right, I’ll go out with him some.”

~~~

 

Three days and three drives later, Sarah was inclined to agree with Bill.  Nathan _wasn’t_ improving like he should and he was extremely anxious.

“Just breathe,” she kept telling him as they drove.  “Don’t hold your breath.  Relax, Nathan.”

He would exhale and relax for a moment, but a minute later, he’d be hunched over the steering wheel again, almost panicking at intersections.

“You’re right,” she told Bill after the kids went to bed.  “It’s not just you.  I think we should make him an appointment.  Even if it _is_ just driving, some therapy would help.”

Bill peered at her.  “But you don’t think it is just driving, either, do you?”

“No, I don’t.  Not with our family medical histories.”  She caught Bill’s eye.  “You really need to talk to him about it, Bill.  Tell him your experiences so he knows he’s not alone.  And that he can have anxiety and still be okay.  He needs to hear it from his father.”

Bill grunted.  “We’ll see.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  Machismo.

~~~

 

Sarah made Nathan an appointment with her therapist for evaluation.  They didn’t tell him about it until the night before.

“It’s at eight-thirty in Goodland,” Sarah explained.  “You’ll miss the first half of school, but it should be worth it.”

Nathan looked between his parents, distress evident in his face.  “You really think I need to?”

Sarah gave Bill a look. 

Bill leaned forward.  “Check your muscles right now, Nathan.  Are you tense?”

“Yeah,” he said.  “But that’s just normal.”

“It’s not normal,” said Sarah.  “Or it doesn’t have to be.  Nathan, both your dad and I have anxiety.  It’s extremely likely you will, too.  And Wes and Libby.  You’re just the right age for it to hit hard.  We don’t want you to have a panic attack before we get you help.”

Nathan looked up at her.  “What do panic attacks feel like?”

Sarah looked at Bill, but he said nothing.  “Well, for me, it’s like my brain is in flight mode, but my body can’t move.  I’m stuck on a single bad thought.  It can be hard to breathe.  They last thirty minutes to an hour for me and make me very tired and very depressed after.”  She waited again for Bill to jump in, but he didn’t.  “Your dad fixates on some thought that would never come true, like him losing control and hurting us.  He doesn’t get the depression, though.”

“Tests make me feel kinda like that,” Nathan admitted after a minute.

“Test anxiety is very common,” Sarah said.  “And it might be part of general anxiety.  We just want to find out and get you help before it gets worse.”

Nathan shrugged.  “I guess.”

~~~

 

At the end of Nathan’s appointment, Dr. Batte invited both Bill and Sarah into her room.  Nathan sat there with red eyes, like he’d cried.

“Nathan has agreed to let me share this with you,” the psychologist said.  “I do think he has general anxiety, maybe with panic disorder.”

Sarah had held on to the hope that maybe it was just situational anxiety and she felt that hope crumble.  Oh, her baby boy.  She hadn’t wanted this for him.

The doctor prompted Nathan to tell his parents stories of feeling anxious at times other than driving and tests: tryouts for the JV baseball team that he’d bombed, playing a solo in band, talking to girls.

“I’m giving you a referral to Dr. Berger, who can prescribe medication for him.  And I’m happy to keep seeing him, if you want."  She looked at Nathan, who nodded.

When they dismissed, Sarah stopped outside of the van and gave Nathan a hug.  He returned it, which told her how upset he was.

“It’s okay, kiddo.  Medicine will help.  Therapy will help.  You’ll learn how to deal with it, like your dad does.”

“Dad doesn’t really deal with it, does he?  He never acts like it.”

“He hides it well.  He has for years.  But trust me, I’ve seen him through some bad panic attacks.”

There was a knocking – Bill had leaned over and tapped on the glass of the passenger seat, motioning them to get in.

On the way home, Sarah kept surreptitiously gesturing for Bill to talk, but he kept his mouth shut.

When they reached Jericho, it was lunchtime at the schools, so they took Nathan out to eat instead.  Sarah suggested it so he had more time to calm down.

Once they’d ordered drinks and Nathan ran off to the bathroom, Sarah hissed at Bill.  “He needs to hear from his father, Bill.  You need to talk to him.”

Bill frowned.  “You talking to him isn’t enough?”

“I’m not his dad.  You’ve hidden it so well from the kids, but now is the time to ‘fess up and actually _talk_ to your teenage son while he’s willing to listen.  We’ve got him at the right moment here.  He’s hurting and he needs you, babe.”

Bill didn’t respond, but Sarah could tell he was thinking.

Nathan returned, they ordered, and Bill took a deep breath.

“Nathan, you know I was your age when I first got panic attacks?” he asked.

Nathan shook his head.

“I was.  Got my first one at my grandfather’s funeral.  Thought maybe it was a one-time thing, but then it kept happening when I’d get stressed.  And sometimes just out of the blue.  I was fifteen when my therapist diagnosed me with anxiety.”

Sarah couldn’t be more proud of Bill right now.

“But you don’t do that any more,” Nathan said.

Bill nodded.  “I do.  I have my entire adult life.  I thought it would keep me from being a deputy, but therapy and medicine helped me control it.  I was able to be a deputy and I’m able to be sheriff now, even though I still get them.”

“But I’ve never seen you have one.”

Bill glanced at Sarah.  “You know how sometimes I suddenly say your mom and I need a nap?  That’s our code for me having a panic attack.  She comes and helps me through them.”

“Oh.”  Nathan seemed to think about that.  “I _have_ seen you do that.”

“You’ll learn to feel when they’re coming on,” Bill promised.  “And you’ll learn how to deal with them.  And how to deal with feeling anxious the rest of the time.  They’ve got better medicines now than they’ve ever had.  And unlike us, you should never have to go without them.”

“You guys had to go without medicine?”

Sarah nodded.  “After the bombs, before you were born.  There were no medicines that entire winter.  And I had to go off most of mine whenever I was pregnant with you guys.”

“And you still ran the department, Dad?”

“And trained new deputies and Rangers,” Bill said.  “It was tough and I couldn’t have done it without your mom and the therapy I’d had.”

“I didn’t know any of that,” Nathan said.

“We didn’t tell you,” Sarah replied gently.  “We hoped you guys would never have to know what it was like.  We should have prepared you better.  So you need to know, I’ve also got bipolar II, Nathan, which might crop up in your twenties.  You haven’t shown signs of depression, either, which is part of my bipolar, but someday you might.  Someday Wes and Libby might.”

“Are you going to talk to them, too?”

Sarah looked at Bill and shrugged.  “Wes, maybe.  He’s getting to an age for depression to get bad.  Libby is still too young and doesn’t show signs of any problems yet.  If you want to talk to them yourself, you can.”

Nathan was silent for a few minutes before blurting out “Does this make me crazy?”

Sarah was horrified, but Bill came to the rescue.  “Do you think your mom and I are crazy?”

“You act pretty normal.”

“Then so will you.  So _do_ you.”  Bill said firmly.  “Having to see a therapist doesn’t make you crazy.  Nor does needing medicine.  Lots of people take medicine for physical illnesses, but they aren’t disabled.  Neither are you for needing a little help with your brain.”

~~~

 

Wes came into the living room, stretching, still in his pajamas.  “It was so nice not having to get up early this morning,” he said.

Sarah laughed.  “Glad you didn’t have to go hunting with Dad, Nathan, and Libby, huh?”

“So glad.  What’s for breakfast?”

“Cereal is what people eat when they sleep late,” Sarah said, pointing to the kitchen.  “Unless you want to cook yourself eggs.”

Wes made a face.  “Nah.  Don’t wanna cook.”

He turned to go, but Sarah stopped him.  “Wes.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t think you’re staying home playing on the computer today.  You and I are going to go hike at Bass Lake.”

Wes groaned.  “But it’s the _weekend_.”

“Think of it as a P.E. field trip.”

 

Wes sulked the entire drive out to Bass Lake, just as Sarah expected.

“You know, this is where you dad and I had our first real date,” she said, once they started on the trail around the lake.

“You had fake dates before that?” Wes asked sarcastically.

Sarah laughed.  “We tried to have a date, but your Uncle Stanley crashed it.”

“Uh-huh.”  Wes was clearly not interested.

Sarah tried to think of things to entertain him.  She pointed out plants and he reminded her he’d learned all that in Scouts.  She asked about his latest programming project – building a website to host all his other school projects – and hit a wall.

They hiked in silence until they were almost back to the car.

Wes paused, looking at the memorial stone that had been erected by the graveyard.

“Why didn’t anyone ever find out their names?” he asked.  “Why bury them here and not in a real cemetery?”

Sarah stopped and went back to look with Wes.  “It was a few days after the bombs went off, Wes.  They’d come from Denver and were dying of radiation poisoning.  We didn’t get to them in time and people were scared of catching radiation sickness from them.  No one wanted to go through their pockets.  No one wanted to bring them into town.”

“But they didn’t poison the ground, did they?  Grass is growing here and fish are in the lake.”

Sarah nodded.  “But we didn’t know that.  Your dad didn’t know that: he was one of the people out here helping bury them.”

“I know that,” Wes said with an eyeroll.  “It was in your book.”

“Yup, it was,” Sarah said.  “And that same night, they did the same for the sheriff and the other deputies.  They’re not buried in the main cemetery, either.”

“No, there’s that little one on the edge of town.”

“Right.  They’re the only ones there for the same reason these people are out here.”

“How did you not know?  I’ve learned about nuclear fallout.  Even Nathan has at his school.”

Sarah shrugged.  “We didn’t think we had to worry about it.  The newest books the library had about radiation back then were from the 1950s.  Jericho was pretty innocent.”

“But you had to learn.”

“And we did, pretty fast.  But it was a rough start.  You know that, I’ve taught you that.”  Sarah wrapped an arm around Wes’ shoulder.  “Come on.  This is morbid to dwell on.  Let’s finish our hike and go get lunch ready for the others.  It’s your turn to help me cook.”

“Do I have to?”  Wes followed, dragging his feet.

“You do.  I’m determined my kids are going to be able to cook for themselves.  You’re almost good enough I’d let you cook whole meals.”

“Ughhhhh,” groaned Wes.

Sarah just laughed.

 

 **October**  

They stood outside the boys’ room, arguing quietly.

“You need to do this,” Sarah hissed.  “It’s past time.”

“I know,” Bill said.  “Just give me a minute.”

Sarah stood there and stared at him until he threw up his hands in defeat.

“Hey, Wes?” Bill asked, sticking his head in the room.  They’d lofted each boy’s bed and put a desk underneath so that each had their own side to the room.  Both Wes and Nathan were lounging on their beds now.

“Yeah?”

“Come with me.  I need to take you for a drive.”

The boys exchanged looks.  “But I’m the one learning to drive, Dad,” Nathan said.

“I know.  I just want some time with Wes, that’s all.”

“Oooh-kay?” Wes said, rolling to the ladder and clambering down.

Sarah nodded approvingly as they passed her in the hall.

 

Bill drove out to Tacoma Bridge and pulled over.  Wes had been silent the whole way, staring out the window.

Bill took a deep breath.  “Wes, you’re at the age where your body starts changing and things feel different.”

“If this is the sex talk, Dad, I already got it from Nathan.”

“You what?” Bill was taken aback.

“Yeah.  He told me everything you said after you talked to him about it.  Even the sock thing.”

“Okay, then.  Can you tell me what he told you, so I know he got it right?”

Wes complied, spilling out pretty much the entire talk Bill had planned.

Bill drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.  “You have any questions?”

“Yeah,” Wes said.  “Why?  It doesn’t sound fun.”

Bill was a little surprised.  At twelve, he’d already been getting interested in girls.  Maybe Wes was just a late bloomer there.  Maybe it was the homeschooling.  He needed to be around girls more.

“Well, uh, Wes.  It _is_ fun,” Bill admitted.  “But it’s not fun until you’re older than you are now and it’s not as fun until you’re with the right person.  Like me and your mom.  Both of us had done it before we met, but it wasn’t as good until we were with each other.”

“How old were you?”

Bill thought back.  “Seventeen.  I really should have waited longer, though.  I regret that.”

“So you wouldn’t do it if you went back again?”

“Probably not,” Bill said.  Though he’d started to learn stuff that came in handy with Sarah later.

“And you and mom have done it three times?”

Bill couldn’t help but laugh.  “Yeah, we had to do it to have you guys.”

Wes made a face.  “It sounds gross and no fun.”

Bill clapped Wes on the shoulder.  “Good.  It shouldn’t sound fun right now.  You’re perfectly normal there.”

 

Bill collapsed in his recliner after they got home and Wes disappeared back to his room.  He thought he heard laughter from that direction, but he didn’t want to investigate.

Sarah curled up on the couch next to him.  “So how’d it go?”

“Surprisingly easy,” Bill said.  “Nathan had already told Wes everything, even my admonition to not use socks.  I just had to answer questions.”

“Older brothers to the rescue.  But why the sock thing?”

“I don’t want to wash it, do you?” Bill grinned.  “I’d much rather deal with a trash can full of tissues.”

Sarah laughed.  “I knew _why_ we were going through tissues at an alarming rate, but I didn’t know it was your fault.”

“Guilty as charged.”  Bill grinned.  “You realize this means you’re up next.”

Sarah leaned back on the couch.  “Yeah, and I’ll have to do Libby’s earlier, probably.  She’s eight.  I had friends starting to get their periods at that age.  I probably shouldn’t wait too long for that portion of the talk, at least.”

Bill made a face.  “Really?  That early?”

“Really that early.”  Sarah sighed.  “But at least two out of the three are taken care of now.  Unless you want to give them the talk again when they start dating?”

“They’re not dating until they’re eighteen, remember?”

“Good luck enforcing that one, sheriff,” Sarah laughed.


	18. 2032

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teenagers, problems, and Bill turns 50

**2032**

**April**

Wes’ fourteenth birthday was a week away and he was in a panic.

“Mom, I don’t know if I’ll pass the driving exam.  What if I fail?” he asked, breaking their study routine.

“Then you’ll study some more and try again later,” Sarah said.  “Why are you worried?  You test well.”

“Sometimes,” Wes grumbled.

“Almost all the time,” Sarah countered.  “Again, why are you worried?”

“I’m not gonna do well and Dad’s gonna yell at me.”

“Dad won’t yell at you for having trouble on the test,” Sarah said, confused.  Bill _did_ yell sometimes, but generally at objects or to Sarah when he was frustrated, not at the kids.  Not unless they’d done something dangerous and stupid.  He’d never yelled at them for schoolwork, that’s for sure.

“No, ‘cause I won’t do well driving.”

“Nathan didn’t do well when he started driving and your dad didn’t yell at him.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Yeah, but…?”  Sarah could usually pull stuff out of Wes since they spent so much time together, but lately he’d been reticent and touchy when she prodded him.  He’d pulled back from her and she didn’t like it.

Wes muttered something angrily under his breath.

Sarah caught some of it.  She lifted his chin so he had to look at her.  “Repeat what you just said,” she instructed.

“Dad loves Nathan more than me.  Libby, too.”

Sarah’s heart broke for Wes.  “Oh, honey… no.  Your dad doesn’t love them more.”

“They’re more of what he wants from us.  They do outdoors stuff and like it.  They go to public school and do activities there.  I’m the odd one out.  He resents me.  I don’t like his hobbies.  I spend a lot of time on the computer instead of playing sports or going hunting.  And you have to pay more for my school stuff,” Wes argued.

She had no idea he felt this way.  Was she failing him as a mother?  “Wes, no.  Do you know how your dad has worried over you, wanting to see you happy?  He may not always understand what it is you do, but he loves you with all his heart.  We both do.”

Wes shook his head and stood quickly, retreating to his bedroom and a closed door.

Sarah sat at the kitchen table quietly for a minute, trying to think of something to say – to Wes, to make him feel better, or to Bill, who’d have to hear about this.

The more she thought, though, the more incidents she began to recall from the last year.  Times when Wes was sulky or seemed especially sensitive.  She’d chalked it up to being a teenager, but maybe…  Maybe it was something more.

She knocked on the bedroom door.  “Wes?  I want to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk to _you,_ ” came the muffled reply.

“I’m coming in in five seconds,” Sarah warned.  Once the time limit was up, she found Wes lying face down on his bed, looking like he’d been crying.  It took all she had not to climb up next to him.  She sat at Nathan’s desk instead, so they could see each other.

“Wes, remember when Nathan started having anxiety issues?  Remember sitting down with me and Dad to talk about the problems we have?”

Wes sighed and faced the wall.  “Great, so you think I’m messed up, too.”

“Not messed up by any means,” Sarah said.  “I just think you may have a touch of depression that’s making you feel this way.  You’ve talked yourself down a lot.  I have trouble with that.  I also have trouble with getting emotional over silly things, not knowing why, and feeling numb at other times.  I can also be irritable, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.  Does any of this sound like what you’re feeling?”

There was a long quiet.  “Maybe.”

“I’m going to talk to your father about it, Wes, but I want to make you an appointment with a therapist.  They can tell what you’re going through better than I can.”

 

Sarah went ahead and made the appointment before Bill got home, getting him in with someone at the same practice she, Bill, and Nathan went to.  With luck, maybe they could schedule appointments on the same days to save gasoline.

Bill came home looking bedraggled but happy.  “Hey, darlin’,” he said, greeting her with a kiss.

“Ew,” said Libby, who was working on homework.

Bill made a point of kissing Sarah again, exaggeratedly, just to get a rise out of Libby.

“No PDA!” she said.

Bill quirked an eyebrow.  “You’re in fourth grade.  How do you know what PDA is?”

“I listen to people.  Duh!”

Sarah laughed.  “Okay, smarty.  Finish that homework and then you’re free to play until dinner.”  She placed a hand gently on Bill’s chest.  “Babe?  Let’s go to the range after dinner.  We need to talk.”

Bill looked at her much as he had just looked at Libby.  “Okay.  Should I be worried?”

“No big problems.  I just want to talk to you alone.  And I want to shoot.”

Bill tipped his hat at her.  “Yes, ma’am,” he said solemnly.

 

“So what’s this you want to talk about?” Bill asked as they drove out to the range.

“It’s Wes.  Do you know what he told me today?”

“That he wants to build a supercomputer?”

Sarah hesitated.  “That he thinks you don’t love him as much as you do Nathan and Libby.”

The truck slowed as Bill faltered.  “What?  How could he think that?”

“He’s been saying all this self-depricating stuff and I didn’t catch it until today, but I think he’s got depression.  Once I thought about it, his behavior this year made a lot more sense.”

“He’s thirteen.  Isn’t that too young?  Could it just be teenage hormones?”

“Fourteen next week.  I was depressed by the time I was eleven.  And it could, but I want him to talk to someone.”

“Jesus.”  Bill ran a hand through his hair and pulled into the range parking lot.  A couple of cars were there, so they stayed in the truck.  “You really think he’s depressed?”

“I do.  I went ahead and made him an appointment for Friday with Dr. Werther at Sunshine Counseling.”

“Keeping us all at the same place, huh?”

“I’m trying,” Sarah said.  “Bill, you should have heard him.  I thought he was about to cry when he said you didn’t love him as much.”

“I need to talk to him.  He can’t think that.  It’s not true!” Bill said desperately.

Sarah took his hand.  “I know that, babe.  I tried to tell him that, too, but I don’t know if his brain heard it.”

Bill rubbed his face.  “Let’s go home.  Let me talk to him.  I’ll figure out some way…”

“Not tonight, babe,” Sarah said.  “You both need to cool down.  That’s why I suggested we come shoot – you can focus this way and think.  Maybe you need to make a special effort to spend time with Wes.”

“He’ll be getting his permit.  I’ll teach him to drive, just like with Nathan.”

“Maybe something outside that, too,” Sarah suggested.  “Something where you’re not telling him what to do.  Maybe ask him to help you figure out that new phone they gave you at work?”

“Yeah,” Bill said.  “I can do that.  That thing is way too advanced for me.  I’d be happier with a flip phone.”

“If only that’s what the mayor ordered for you,” Sarah said.  “Seriously, though.  Take some time with Wes.”

 

**May**

Wes stormed in the house, blinking away tears.  “Toldja I don’t do it right,” he fumed before disappearing into his room.

Sarah caught Bill’s eye as he came in from the garage, looking sheepish.  “The boy speeds then hits the brake, speeds then hits the brake.  I tried to correct him, but apparently I was too harsh.”

“You didn’t actually yell, did you?”

“No, but I may have raised my voice before I got motion sickness from the way he was driving.”  Bill plopped himself at the table.  “I know he’s only been driving two weeks, but I was hoping for more improvement from him.  He’s so _smart_ , I thought he’d catch on immediately.  I thought that medicine was supposed to help him?”

Sarah shrugged.  “Depression meds take a while to build up in your brain.  Give him time.”

“Maybe you should teach him to drive.  He listens to you.”

Sarah looked at Bill, shocked.  “What happened to you teaching all the kids by the book?”

“I don’t know,” Bill sighed.  “I just…  I don’t know if I’m helping him or hurting him by being his teacher.  At least he’s used to you teaching him things.”

“You know I don’t do much teaching any more,” Sarah said.  “He’s pretty much taught himself the whole tenth grade curriculum this year.  I just keep him on task.”

Bill shook his head.  “And then there’s that.  He’s working two grade levels above his age.  What do we do when he’s sixteen and finishes the twelfth grade work?”

“We let him take his GED and graduate with Nathan,” Sarah said, sitting down by Bill.  “We can let him go to the community college in Goodland or he can find work around here for two years.”

“As long as you’re not advocating sending our kid off to be a Jayhawk at sixteen.”

Sarah chuckled.  “You’re so sure that’s where he’s going to want to go?  I think with his grades, he might be able to get a full ride wherever he wants.  If he keeps it up, that is.”  She stopped for a second.  “We need to be talking college with them both now, actually.  Maybe visit a few campuses over the summer.  Early acceptance begins in junior year.”

Bill groaned.  “I am so not ready for that.  Our _finances_ are so not ready for that.”

“Nathan should get scholarships, too, especially if he can finally make a sports team.  He’s got good extracurriculars and good grades.”

“Do either of them know what they want to study?”

“I don’t think so,” Sarah said.  “But they’ve got time to figure that out.  We just need to figure out how to pay for all the non-tuition stuff.”

Bill put his head down on the table.  “I’m gonna need a raise again.”

 

**June**

Sarah banged on the boys’ door.  “Time to get up!  We need to get going!”

Nathan appeared at the door, halfway dressed.  “But we don’t wanna go, Mom.”

“It’s your sister’s first softball game of the summer.  We’re all going, whether we want to or not.”  Sarah didn’t particularly care for softball, but since it was one of her kids…  “Wes, that means you, too.”

She heard a thump and Wes appeared in the door too, hair rumpled and eyes bleary from sleep.  “Really, Mom?”

“Really.  You’ve got twenty minutes.  You’d’ve had an hour if you’d gotten up when I first told you to.”

“Jeez.  All right.”  The door closed in her face.

Sarah kept an eye on the time as she packed a bag of drinks and snacks.  “Water and chips and… and sunscreen!” she muttered to herself as she ran down the list of things to take.

Twenty minutes rolled around and Sarah called for the boys.  They stumbled into the kitchen, dressed sloppily – but dressed.  Sarah decided not to fight them on their looks this time and herded them into the van.  Bill and Libby had been down at the park for an hour already for warmups.

The ride was silent, as only a two teenagers with their mother can be.  Sarah didn’t try and push conversation – she counted it as a win that they were with her at all.

 

The park down in Oakley was older than Jericho’s and in about as poor a shape.  Bill, Sarah, and the boys sat on metal bleachers that shifted ever so slightly any time someone stood or walked.  This game, that was a lot – Libby’s team was thoroughly routing the Oakley team and all the parents stood and cheered quite frequently.

Bill knew Sarah was watching him for clues when to cheer – even when Nathan played, she’d never caught on to the rules of baseball and softball.  Wes seemed to be following in her footsteps, but Bill appreciated him coming anyway.

“Wes!” he said, leaning across Sarah and Nathan.  “Show me how to take a video on this phone.  I want to film Libby when she’s up to bat.”

Wes obligingly took Bill’s phone, slid his fingers around in some magic combination, and the camera popped up.  Wes touched the screen again and the video panel came up.  He handed the phone back.  “Tap the circle when you want to film.  Tap it again to stop.”

Bill really needed to figure out the camera himself, but for now, relying on Wes worked just as well.

Libby walked up to bat, in her already dirty Jericho Blue Jays uniform.  Bill winced slightly, knowing he’d have to wash that later, and tapped the circle.

First pitch, Libby missed.  Second pitch, she hit it out of bounds.  Third pitch, she connected solidly with the ball.  Bill had to hold himself back from cheering for her while he filmed.

Libby made it to first base safely.  Bill could tell she thought about trying for second, but changed her mind at the last second.  Good girl.

He stopped filming, but left the camera up.  Maybe one of the other girls would hit and make base so he could film Libby running to home plate.

 

Libby’s team won seven to three.  The coach invited everyone to stop at the Sonic back in Jericho for milkshakes to celebrate.

Libby clambered back into the truck with Bill and Sarah followed behind with Nathan and Wes, planning on heading straight home.

That plan went astray, though.  Sarah made a left turn at a light in Oakley and heard squealing brakes.  She saw an SUV running the red light out of the corner of her eye and jerked the van right so that it’d mostly hit the empty passenger seat.  There was a huge thunk of plastic and metal and the van skidded all the way to the other side of the intersection.

She’d hit her head when the SUV hit them.  It took her a second to orient herself and then she was out of her seatbelt, looking in the backseat.

Nathan looked dazed, like he’d hit his head, too, but Wes’ leg was trapped between the seat and the busted-in door.  Both were covered in shards of safety glass.

“Are you okay?” she asked him.

“I think so,” Wes replied shakily.  “It hurts.”

The door opened behind her and Bill was there – he must have seen it happen in his rear view mirror and stopped.  Sarah looked and indeed, the truck was idling on the side of the road.

Bill pulled her out by her waist.  “Kids okay?” he asked, helping her sit on the ground, scanning her quickly for obvious injury.

“Wes may be hurt.  Be careful with his door.”

“I’m gonna tear that guy a new one,” Bill snarled.  “Once the boys are safe.”

Bill left and Sarah stood back up, pushing down a wave of nausea, watching him carefully open the door for Wes.

Wes yelped when the door moved and Sarah saw blood on the dented-in metal.  It must have cut him, but how bad?  He limped when Bill helped him out of the car.  Bill pointed them all to the nearest curb.  “Go over there.  Get out of the middle of the road.”

Nathan helped Wes limp over.  Sarah followed Bill instead – she’d been the driver, she needed to talk to the other driver.

Bill was already yelling, arms flying through the air as he reamed the other driver out.  The man looked like he didn’t know what hit him – or what he’d hit.

Sarah put a hand on Bill’s arm and lowered it slowly.  “Babe, have you called the local sheriff?  I’ll exchange insurance while you do that and get the car out of the road, if it’ll go.  And Wes’ leg.”

Bill knew all this, she knew.  He’d just been shaken by it being _his_ car, _his_ kids.

Bill yelled at the guy once more for good measure, then stepped away and pulled out his phone.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked the other driver.  “I’m Sarah.  That’s my husband, sorry.”

The other driver shook his head.  “Dan.  I’m _so_ sorry.  I just didn’t see the light turn.”

“It happens,” Sarah said.  She wasn’t going to admit that she probably could have seen him coming before she did, though.  Not before insurance dealt with the situation.

“Are _you_ okay?  Your eyes…?”

Oh damn.  “I hit my head.  I haven’t looked in a mirror.  What do they look like?”

“One’s bigger than the other.”

Oh damn again.  She definitely had a concussion. 

 

It took a couple tries, but Bill got the van’s engine to roll over and start.  He pulled it into the nearest parking lot and the other guy – Dan – followed in his SUV.  Bill glared at him.

He looked under the passenger seat for the first aid kit and went to Wes, who was sitting in the grass, trying to staunch the blood flow from a gash in his leg.  That looked like it needed stitches, Bill noted.  He said as much to Wes and Wes turned pale.  Bill felt for him: the kid had never needed stitches before.

“Take off your shirt,” he said.  “Use it instead of your hands.  Or you can use mine,” Bill offered, remembering other times he’d needed to do that.

Nathan had his shirt off first.  “Here, Wes.”

Bill made both kids look at him while he shined a light in their eyes.  “The other cops who come are probably going to do this too,” he said, “but I want to be sure.”

Nathan’s eyes were a little slow responding to the light.  Light concussion maybe.  Wes seemed okay.

He wanted to get his kids to the Jericho clinic right away, not some clinic in Oakley he didn’t know, but they had to wait until the police and EMS arrived.

He glanced back to where Libby waited in the truck, looking worriedly out the back window.  Bill walked back to the truck and got in the driver’s seat, planning to move the truck out of traffic now.

“Are they okay?” Libby asked in a small voice.  She still looked out the back window and for once, Bill didn’t tell her to sit down properly.

“I think so.  They need to go to the doctor, but they’ll be okay.”  That van wasn’t okay, though.  Thank goodness for comprehensive insurance.

“Okay.”

When Bill parked, Libby hopped out and ran to her brothers, giving them both hugs.  The kids sat in the grass by the road while Bill went to check on Sarah again.

Calmer this time, Bill introduced himself to Dan as the Jericho sheriff and took some pleasure in the way he blanched.  Bill made Sarah look at him, then go join the kids sitting down.

“They’re all going to need doctor’s care,” Bill told Dan.  “I hope you’ve got the insurance for it.”  On that note, he went back to join his family.

 

Bill called Jimmy and got him to drive down and pick up Wes.  By the time Jimmy got there, the Logan County sheriff’s office was there to take down a report.  Bill mentioned his job and the deputy agreed to let Jimmy take everyone but Bill and Sarah back to the Jericho clinic – they would stay and help fill out the reports.

While they finished up the reports, Sheriff Parsons of Logan County drove up, paged by his deputy.  He shook Bill’s hand.  “Damned shame this happened.  Heard your kids were hurt.”

Bill nodded.  “Both my sons.  I sent them on to our clinic.”

“Ours not good enough, Koehler?” Parsons joked.

“Just want them where their records already are,” Bill said.  “My wife will need to go too.  Looks like a bad concussion.”

Parsons knelt in front of Sarah and looked in her eyes.  “You feeling better or worse now, ma’am?”

“Worse,” said Sarah shakily.

“Yup, you get her to that clinic of yours,” Parsons told Bill.  “We know where to find you if we have any questions.”

Bill thanked him and helped Sarah into the truck.

As they drove, Bill asked something that had niggled at him.  “That should have hit Wes straight on.  What happened?”

“I turned the car,” Sarah said.  “Went right.  Aimed for the passenger seat.”

Bill reached over and squeezed her hand.  “Good girl.  You might have saved his life.”

“Still got them hurt,” she said morosely.

“But it wasn’t your fault,” Bill said.  “This is going to be a pretty easy insurance case.  And I’m sure I can come up with some way to press charges if you want.”

Sarah shook her head and winced.  “No, don’t do that.  Don’t ruin this guy’s life because Wes needs stitches.”  She leaned the seat back.  “Gonna close my eyes now.”

“Okay, babe.  You do that.  I’ll wake you up when we’re at the clinic.

 

Bill handed Sarah off to a nurse and went in search of the kids.  They were all in the same room, with Dr. Dhuwalia checking Nathan.  Wes was waiting with a bandaged leg while Libby swung her legs in her seat.

“What’s the damage?” Bill asked.

“Well, sheriff, looks like you got off lucky.  Nathan just needs to have some acetaminophen and some rest.  He should be fine within a week if he takes it easy.  Wes will get his stitches out in a week as well and your daughter just seems bored.”

Bill let out a sigh.  Thank goodness.  He hugged all three kids gratefully.  This time, they even hugged him back.

Bill looked back at the doctor.  “Sarah’s in another room.  Think she got the worst of it.”

“I’ll check on her momentarily,” Kenchy said calmly.  “I’m getting the nurse to give the boys both some mild painkillers and then they should be good to go.”

Bill needed to follow Kenchy to see what was wrong with Sarah.  “You going to be okay here for a bit, guys?  If they release you, come find us.”

Wes nodded for the three of them.

Sarah was wincing at Kenchy’s penlight when Bill found them.

“What triggers have you noticed?” Kenchy asked.

“Triggers?”

“Things that make the pain worse.”

“Oh.  Light.  Noise.  Moving too quickly,” Sarah answered.  “Thinking too hard.”

“Yes, you hurt your brain.  Thinking too hard may cause pain.  You need to avoid these triggers while you recover.  If it hurts, don’t do it,” Kenchy instructed.  “Lots of rest, both mentally and physically.  You might heal in a week, you might heal in three.  No driving for that time, of course.”

“Don’t have a car to drive now,” Sarah said.  “That’ll be easy.”

The kids shuffled in, Nathan holding a small stack of paperwork.

“You guys good to go?” Bill asked.

They nodded.  “Good.  We’ll just wait on your mom to be released and then everyone’s taking a nap when we get home.  No exceptions.”

  
Bill flitted around the house, getting everyone settled when he felt the panic attack coming on.

Aw, why now, when everyone was okay?

He quickly retreated to the bedroom and sat on the bed.

Sarah groggily noticed his heavy breathing.  She sat up carefully.

“No.  Don’t do that,” Bill said, words clipped short.

“Babe, we’re all okay.  You did well.  You got us all taken care of.”

“Still need to get the van,” he said.  “I shoulda been behind you.  It shoulda been me.”

“You had Libby with you.  She’d’ve been hurt then,” Sarah pointed out.

Bill supposed that was true, but it didn’t stop him feeling like he should have been the one hurt.

“Breathe, babe.  You’re holding your breath.”  Sarah rubbed his back gently.

“I should be taking care of you.  Not this.”

“You did take care of me,” Sarah said.  “You got us all home and in bed.  Now you need to rest too.  Get your Sudoku book,” she suggested.  “Lay with me and do that while I sleep.”

Bill nodded, taking care to breathe evenly.  “I did everything I could,” he told himself.  “I couldn’t have stopped it.”

“That’s right,” Sarah murmured calmly.  “Just keep repeating that.”

Bill focused on those sentences and pulled out his Sudoku book from the bedside table.

Sarah lay back down and Bill filled out his puzzles, taking care to breathe regularly and repeat the words every now and again.  After a while, he felt tension start to bleed out of his muscles.

When his brain was cooperating again, Bill took off his shirt and shoes and climbed into bed.  He pulled Sarah close – but not tightly – and lightly kissed her temple.  “Thank you for saving our kids today,” he whispered.

He hadn’t thought she was awake, but Sarah murmured, “You trained me to drive like that.  You did it.”

 

**August**

It took a month of hassle with the insurance companies, but they finally got to take their van in for repairs, courtesy of Dan’s insurance.

That took another month.  It was still in the shop on Nathan’s birthday.

Nathan passed his road test easily and was the proud owner of a brand new driver’s license.  With it came lessons from Bill on how to maintain a car.

Once Bill felt Nathan had a handle on the basics, he and Sarah sat down with their son.

“We can’t afford to buy you a car outright,” Bill said.  “But if you are willing to get a job and let me teach you budgeting and saving, we will lend you the money to buy a car and you can pay us back.”

“We’ll be giving Wes and Libby the same offer when they get old enough,” Sarah said.

“Of course, you can always not work and keep on being a passenger.”

“No!” Nathan said.  “That…  That sounds good.  I was thinking about jobs anyway.  Maybe fast food?  Maybe at the grocery store?”

“Or you could try one of the farms around here,” Bill said.  “I know your Uncle Stanley could always use help in the fall.  Impress him and he’d keep you on year-round.  Teach you agriculture.”

Nathan nodded.  “I could do that.  Sounds more fun than fast food.”

“It’d be hard work,” warned Sarah.  “But if you want, you should call him and ask if he’s looking for help.”

Bill had already told Stanley to expect Nathan’s call and Stanley had agreed to hire him as a farm hand, so Nathan had nothing to worry about.

Nathan didn’t know that, though.  His eyes went wide.  “Me?  Call him?”

“Yes, you’ve got to show some initiative,” Sarah said.  “I know that word has a lot of pressure around it, but if you want this job, you’ve got to make the call.  We can’t always do it for you.”

“And if I do, and if Uncle Stanley says yes, I get a car?”

“A cheap one,” Bill said.  “But I’ll teach you how to keep it in good condition.”

Nathan gulped and pulled out his phone.

 

Sarah could tell Nathan was giddy.  He’d made the call, gotten the job, and they had immediately taken him out to the used car U-Sell-It lot.

“Don’t go over $3000,” Bill said.  “We can’t spend more than that.”

Nathan nodded.  He wandered around the cars, peering at each one.  “This one,” he said.  “If it runs.”  He pointed to a dark green Ford, about ten years old, on sale for $2500.

Bill peered inside.  Sarah didn’t know what he expected to see – all the console displays were digital and wouldn’t tell him anything.  She looked at the flyer instead.

“About 150,000 miles,” she read aloud.  “But A/C and heater both work.  Says it hasn’t been in a wreck.”

“Nathan, you want to call the number and see if you can test drive?” Bill asked.

Nathan made the call a little easier this time.

 

Sarah waited at the lot while Bill and Nathan took the car for a drive.  She chatted idly with the owner.  “Yes, his first car.  Yes, we’ll pay cash today if he likes it.”

Nathan drove back up with a huge smile on his face.  Bill gave Sarah a shrug. 

“Will you accept $2400?” Bill asked when he got out of the car.

“If it’s cash today, like your wife said, I’ll take it.”

Bill pulled an envelope out of his pocket and started counting out $100s.  Nathan stared at the transaction.  Sarah wasn’t sure if he was shocked at the amount of money his dad was carrying or the fact he was getting the car.  Maybe both.

Once the bill of sale was signed and hands were shaken, Bill turned to Nathan.  “You want to drive your mother home or you want to go by yourself?”

“…myself?” Nathan said, just as Sarah knew he would.

“Okay,” Bill said.  “But you follow me.  And don’t tailgate.”

“Remember, Nathan.  This car is for school and work.  We may ask you to run errands for us or to take your siblings somewhere, but this isn’t for driving around aimlessly.”

Nathan nodded.  “I know.”

Bill patted his shoulder.  “Good boy.  Here are your keys.”

Sarah climbed in the truck next to Bill, watching Nathan in the side view mirror.

“We have a very happy kid today,” she said.

“I just hope he lives up to his end of the bargain.”  Bill pulled out on the road, going slowly to make sure Nathan made it too.

“When has Nathan ever let us down?” Sarah said.  “If he can’t stand the work Stanley gives him, we’ll just help him get a different job.”

“Hah!” Bill laughed.  “He’s on his own for his next job.  I’m not pulling any more strings.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.  Bill said that now, but he’d be singing a different tune if Nathan came to them needing help.

 

**September**

The department was suspiciously quiet when Bill walked in.  Even dispatch quit broadcasting.

He gave them all a curious look before noticing his office.  The floor was covered with black and gray balloons and a papier-mâché vulture sat on his desk.

Bill thought about saying something, but decided he’d ignore it and see who said something first.  They’d probably be the ones who organized this farce.

Bill waded through the balloons as if he didn’t even see them, calmly moving the vulture to the edge of his desk.  He sat down and picked up the first paper in his inbox.

His deputies stared at him through the window, quickly looking at their own desks when they saw Bill peering at them.

Jimmy followed him in, kicking balloons out of his way.  “Happy fiftieth, buddy!”

“Jimmy, don’t tell me this was your idea,” Bill groaned.

“Nope.  Not gonna make fun of you for being younger than me.  This was all the kids.  Or at least the ones younger than thirty.”

“If I figure out who instigated it, they’re getting extra time on dispatch this week,” Bill promised.

“Don’t give them a hard time,” Jimmy said.

“Why not?  They’re giving me a hard time!”

Jimmy gave him a look.  “They’re having a little fun.  They could have done this to your yard this morning, but decided against it.”

“Oh, _that’s_ good.  This is so much better.”  Bill rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

 

Bill locked his office behind him.  He’d gone through the whole day as if nothing was wrong in his office and nobody confessed.

“Oh, I expect my office to be empty when I get here tomorrow,” he said mildly when he left.  As the door closed behind him, he heard a scramble as all the deputies got in a huddle – figuring out who had lockpicking skills, no doubt.

Bill grinned.  Now to head home and spend a quiet evening with his family: just how he wanted to celebrate turning fifty.

 

Sarah was in a dress when he walked in.

“You look lovely,” he said, taking her face in his hands and kissing her.  “Is that for me?”

Sarah kissed his cheek and then whispered in his ear, “It’s for you to take off, if you want.”

He steadied himself by grabbing her shoulders.  “Babe.  The kids.  We can’t.  Not now.”

Sarah caressed his cheek.  “Kids are gone.  Sent them to stay at my dad’s.  Tonight, it’s just us.  But it’s also your choice: steaks here or steaks in Goodland?”

Bill’s expression must have faltered, because Sarah leaned back, concerned.  “Does that not sound good?  Babe?”

Bill shook his head.  “No, that sounds great.  I was just expecting them all to be here.”

Sarah studied him for a minute and then slouched.  “I misjudged.  You wanted an everyday night here with your family and I thought you’d want something special and different.”

“How could you tell that?”

“Because I knew with you, it was one or the other.  I just guessed wrong.”  Sarah stepped away and dug in her purse for her phone.  “Want me to call dad and have him send the kids back?”

Bill gently lowered her arm and she set the phone on the table.  “No.  I want whatever you planned for me.  And then I have plans for you and that dress.”

Sarah brightened.  “Go change then.  I’ve got steaks in the fridge that need grilling.”

 

After dinner, Sarah turned on some music and they cleaned up together – Bill washing the things that didn’t fit in the dishwasher and Sarah drying.  Sarah hummed along to most of the music, making Bill smile.

A song he recognized came on.  Bill quickly rinsed and dried his hands and grabbed Sarah, spinning her to face him.  “I know this song,” he said.

“You’d better.  You picked it out,” Sarah replied, eyes sparkling.

“We danced to this at our wedding.”

“Because you snuck up on me with it.”

“Dance with me now,” Bill said, already pulling her away from the counter.

“Here?  In the kitchen?”

“Right here.”

Sarah leaned her head against Bill’s shoulder.  “Only since no one’s watching.”

Bill kissed the top of her head.  “Liar.  You’d dance with me anywhere if I asked,” he joked softly, swaying to the music.

“You know, your shirt is wet from the sink,” Sarah said.  “Might need to take that off.”  She freed one of her hands from his grip and fiddled with the buttons until she had them all undone.

Sarah ran her hand over his chest and around his side.  “Yes, this is much better.”

Bill looked down.  He wasn’t happy with his fifty year old body – he’d put on some paunch from Sarah’s cooking and too much sitting.  He didn’t know if he could keep up in a foot chase any more.  But he knew Sarah was insecure about her own weight and it had never bothered him: his extra weight didn’t seem to bother her.

Sarah ran her hands over his lower stomach, just where he’d been looking.  “Don’t worry about it,” she said.  “It looks good on you.”

“How do you always know the right thing to say?” Bill asked.

“I learned it from you.”

Bill leaned in to kiss Sarah, reached behind her, and unzipped her dress.  It hung loose on her shoulders as he touched her bare back.

Sarah pressed up against him.  “Shall we head to the bedroom?” she asked.

“Hold on,” Bill said.  “I’m not finished.”  He gently unwrapped Sarah’s arms from his waist and slid her dress off.  It slunk to the floor and she stepped out of it.

She’d kicked off her shoes a while ago and was bare except for a “special occasions” set of lingerie.  “This what you wanted?” she asked.

“Oh yes.”  Bill shucked his own shirt while Sarah undid his pants.  He hadn’t bothered with a belt or socks tonight.

“Oh,” said Sarah, her eyebrows raised.  “Did you go commando all day or is that just for me?”

Bill laughed.

“All day, then,” Sarah grinned.  “Bet the guys at the office appreciated that.”

“Don’t mention them,” Bill said, leaving a trail of kisses from her chin to her ear.  He nibbled on her earlobe.

“What should I mention?” Sarah asked, shuddering.  “How you somehow look just as gorgeous as the day we met?  How lucky I am that you’re mine and no one else’s?”

“That’s a good start,” Bill said and nipped at her neck.

Sarah ran her hands all the way down the front of his body and gave him a caress.  “How about we continue this discussion in bed?”

Bill gasped.  “Yes darlin’.”  He’d follow her anywhere.

~~~

 

Nathan flopped on the couch as soon as he walked in.

“Up!” said Sarah.  “No lying on the couch until after you shower.  You get too dirty working at the Richmond’s.”

“But I’m dying, Mom.  I hurt everywhere.”

“That means you worked well today.”  Sarah swatted at him again.  “C’mon.  Go shower and I’ll make you leftovers from dinner.”

“No,” groaned Nathan.  “Aunt Mimi cooked for us.  I’ve already eaten.”

Good for her, Sarah thought.  “And you ate in her house looking like this?” she said, still trying to get Nathan off the couch.

He rolled to the floor and clambered to his feet, trudging the whole way to the bathroom.  “I’m dying and you only care if I’m clean,” he complained.

“You want to look good for your funeral, don’t you?” Sarah called.

 

Once he was clean, Nathan sought out Bill in the garage, where he was check this oil in the cars.

“Dad?  Got a question.”

Bill wiped the dipstick on a rag.  “What is it, kiddo?”

Nathan scuffed his feet against the garage floor.

Bill waited patiently.

“How do you ask a girl out?” Nathan blurted out. 

Bill was surprised.  He hadn’t known Nathan was interested in anyone.  He’d figured Nathan was a late bloomer like he had been.  “That’s a tricky one.  Depends on the girl.”

“I want to ask Caroline to homecoming,” Nathan said.

Bill suppressed a smile.  “Caroline Richmond?  Really?”

“Yeah.”  Nathan’s  
expression turned eager.  “You should see her, Dad, she’s out there  
working with us and beating me at it.  And then she’s funny.  I don’t know why I never noticed that before.”

They’d known each other their entire lives and he was just now noticing.  Well, he was just now noticing _girls_ seriously.  Bill laughed softly and Nathan gave him a look.

“I’m serious, Dad.  I don’t know how to ask her and if I don’t, someone else will.”

Bill thought for a minute.  Caroline had a lot of both her parents in her – Stanley’s sense of humor and work ethic, Mimi’s determination and drive.  She even looked like a blonde Mimi.  “I think with a girl like Caroline, straightforward is your best bet.  Don’t beat around the bush.”

“Okay,” Nathan said thoughtfully.  “So nothing special?  Just ‘Will you go to homecoming with me?’”

“That’s right.”  Bill nodded.  “Maybe not in public, either.  Maybe while you’re working together?  If you’re at her house, she has some way of escape if she decides to say no.”

Nathan looked stricken.  “What if she _does_ say no?”

“Then don’t ask her again.  If she’s okay with it, get to know her better.  Try again for prom.”  Bill gave Nathan a serious look.  “But if she keeps saying no, listen to her.  Don’t keep asking forever, got it?”

“I don’t know if I’ve got the nerve to ask _once_ ,” Nathan admitted.

“You’ll find the nerve,” Bill said, placing an arm around Nathan’s shoulders.  “You’ve got it in you, kid.”

~~~

 

“So why’s Nathan all floaty tonight?” Sarah asked, pulling down the covers of the bed.  “I know he talked to you.”

“He’s got his first date,” Bill said, grinning.

“His first date?!  How come I didn’t know this was coming?  With who?”

“Caroline.  He came to me a few days ago and asked for advice on asking her out.”

Sarah laughed.  “If only he knew how awkward you were asking _me_ out.”

“Hey, awkward worked on you,” Bill joked.

Sarah shook her head.  “But really?  Caroline Richmond?  Or is there another Caroline at school?”

“Nope, _the_ Caroline Richmond,” Bill confirmed.  He and Stanley had joked about their kids getting together since they were babies, but neither of them really _thought…_

Sarah said much the same thing and Bill shrugged.

“It sounded like working with her on the farm is what did it.  Apparently seeing her at school every day since first grade wasn’t enough.”

“Sometimes it isn’t,” Sarah said.

“Of all the girls in Jericho, he’s interested in her,” Bill mused.  “Wonder if it’ll last?”

“They’re sixteen, Bill.  It probably won’t.”

“But it might.”

“Thought moms were supposed to be the sappy romantic ones, babe.”

Bill just grinned.  “Sometimes dads can be, too.”

Sarah rolled over and kissed his cheek.  “Yes, you can.”


	19. 2034

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Growing pains, graduations, and new opportunities.

**2034**

**March**

Bill’s office phone rang and he picked it up, figuring it was either someone calling to complain about a traffic ticket or Gray with some new plan he had for the town.

It was Childers.  Jimmy’d been right about him: he _was_ a good rookie, turning into a good deputy.

“Why are you calling me?” Bill asked.  “If you need help, radio it in.”

“Sir, I…  Well, I’m right outside of the library on Main Street and I’ve got a situation that needs _your_ help.  Can you come here?”

Bill knew Childers must really want his help to call him specifically.  He glanced at his desk and the paperwork there.  It could wait.  “I’ll be right there.”

He looked for Jimmy in the office, but he was already gone out on patrol somewhere.  Bill would just have to go without backup.  He hopped in his patrol car and went to find Childers.

Bill recognized the problem right away.

“That’s my son,” he said to Childers as he walked up.  “Isn’t it?”

“With your daughter too,” Childers acknowledged.

Bill looked up at the car.  He could see Libby peering out the back window.  She waved at him.  Nathan slid further down in the driver’s seat.

“What was he doing?”

“Speeding.  Not recklessly, but enough that it made me pull him over.”

Bill stood in the chill wind and watched Childers.  He was being jumpy again.  “What did you need me out here for?”

“Well, sir,” he said.  “I didn’t know if I could write him a ticket.”

Or if Bill would get angry at him for doing so.  “Would you write another person a ticket in this situation?”

“Going fifty-eight on Main Street?  Yes, sir.”

“Then you write my son a ticket.  And my other son, too, if he ever does anything like this.”  Sarah was usually the strict one, but Bill had his moments.  This was one of them: he knew he’d taught Nathan to drive better, especially with Libby in the car.  “You don’t have to ask me permission for that.”

“Yes, sir,” said Childers.  He paused.  “Uh, do you want to write the ticket?”

Bill shook his head.  “No, I’m just going to wait and talk to him at dinner.”  He walked back to his car, knowing that it would kill Nathan to have to wait.

All part of his punishment, Bill thought.

 

Nathan brought Libby back from ball practice, practically frantic.

“Mom!” he called.  Libby ran straight to her room.

Sarah was in the living room, but ran to the kitchen when she heard the tone of Nathan’s voice.

“Are you okay?” she asked, looking him over for visible injury.

“No!” he said.  “I got a ticket today.  Dad was there.  He _saw_.”

Sarah almost couldn’t hold in her laughter.  Nathan was torn up over _that_?  Bill would be mad, but he wouldn’t ream Nathan a new one, unless he thought he’d really put someone in danger.

“What were you doing?” she asked.

“Speeding,” Nathan said morosely.  “And I got pulled over in front of the library and the guy called Dad to come out there.”

“What’d Dad say to you?”

“Nothing!  He just walked away!  And then the guy gave me a ticket.”

Sarah was starting to put the picture together.  Bill had probably been called _because_ it was Nathan and he was letting Nathan stew on the ticket before he got home.  She felt her phone buzz –a text from Bill.

_Gonna be home late.  Letting Nathan think._

Sarah sighed.  “Nathan, you know how serious your dad is about traffic laws.  You had to know you’d get caught eventually.”

“Yeah, but…”

“No buts.  He’s seen lots of bad traffic accidents and doesn’t want you in any of them.”

“We were in one two years ago and you weren’t speeding,” Nathan pointed out.

“But the other guy was.  That’s why he couldn’t stop in time.”  Sarah looked at her eldest and shook her head.  “You’re going to hear about this from your father.  You can’t stop that.  But he’s working late, so you’ve got extra time to think of what to say to him.”

Nathan blanched.

Sarah gestured with her thumb.  “Go on, go wait in your room.”

Nathan trudged off, half-terrified.

Sarah texted Bill back.  _You’ve got him plenty worked up.  Let me know when to have dinner ready._

 

Bill walked into the house calmly to find Sarah cooking dinner and Wes sitting at the table, flipping through some paperwork.

“What’s that?” he asked. 

“GED information.  I printed it off today.”

Bill tried to hide his dismay.  He wasn’t ready for _both_ his sons to graduate the same year.

“Where’s your brother?”

Wes grinned predatorily.

“In his room, waiting for you,” Sarah replied.  “Supposed to be doing homework, but I imagine he’s sweating instead.” 

Libby was waiting for him in the hall, still in her dirty softball uniform, arms crossed.  “I saw you,” she said.  “Why didn’t you come see us?”

Bill tried to ruffle her hair and she ducked.  Eleven years old was _much_ too mature for that, in her opinion.  “I was just there to answer questions for Deputy Childers, who pulled you over.  I had to get back to my work after that.”

“But you coulda said hi!”

“Yeah, I could have.  But I didn’t.”

“Don’t yell at Nathan.  He was scared all afternoon.”

Bill really wanted to hug her then, but knew she’d pull away.  “I’ve got to go talk to him, Libby.”

“But don’t _yell_.  He’s afraid you’re going to yell.”

“I’ll try not to.  I promise.”

“Good.”  Libby turned and flounced back into her room.

Bill knocked on the door of Nathan and Wes’ room.  “Nathan?  I’m coming in,” he said loudly enough to be heard.

Silence greeted him. 

Nathan sat on his lofted bed, eyes red.  He’d obviously worked himself up over this.

Bill closed the door behind him and pulled out Wes’ desk chair to sit at.  “Will you come down here, Nathan?  We need to talk and I’d rather not be craning my neck to see you.”  He gestured at Nathan’s own desk chair.

Nathan slid over the side of the bed and hopped down.  He took a seat and braced himself.

“Tell me what happened today, in your words,” Bill asked.

“I sped.” Nathan said.

“Where?”

“On Main Street.”

Bill tried to catch his eyes, but Nathan was staring at the ground.  “Do you know why you got pulled over for that?”

“’Cause I was going too fast.”

“On Main Street.  It’s not like you were on a road outside town, where there’s little traffic.  Main Street has lots of traffic and people parking and pulling out.  It has people walking and crossing the street.  And you had Libby in the car with you!” Bill said, voice rising just a bit.  “That was exceptionally reckless.  You endangered everyone on Main Street as well as your sister.  Do you see why I’m upset?”

Nathan nodded sadly.

Bill sighed.  It was hard to stay mad when Nathan was so obviously sorry.  Part of him wanted to grab the boy and shake some sense into him, another part wanted to give him a comforting hug.  “I’ve half a mind to drag you down to the station and show you pictures of wrecks that happened because people were speeding.”

Nathan gulped.

“What I _will_ do is give you an option:  you can pay off your ticket with your own money or you can work for me at the station until I’ve decided you’ve earned a write-off.  Either way, I’m taking your keys for a week.”

Nathan looked up at that.  “But Dad, how will I get to work with Uncle Stanley?  I can’t take time off now; the spring crop’s coming in the next few days.”

The boy had a point – when crops came in, you dropped everything and harvested - but Bill knew he needed to stick to his guns.  “You’ll have to ask your mom or Wes for a ride.  Maybe Stanley or Caroline can give you a ride home.  And remember, it’s just a week.”

“If I’m working there, when can I come work for you?”

“I’ll give you a few days for the spring crop.  But after it’s harvested, you need to ask Uncle Stanley for a week off.  You can work for me instead.”  Bill shrugged.  “Or you can dip into your savings and pay off the ticket.”

~~~

 

Nathan begged rides from Wes the rest of the week, slinking back into the house at night after Stanley dropped him off.  He avoided both his parents when he could.

Four days after the ticket, he finally approached Bill.

“I’m ready to do the work, Dad.  Uncle Stanley said to say you owe him for letting me off.”

Bill grunted.  “Stanley can think again.  Okay, so tomorrow after school, come to the station.  I’ll have work for you.  You’ll work over the weekend, too.”

Nathan looked distraught for a second, but nodded.  “Okay,” he said sadly.

~~~

 

Bill was waiting when Nathan showed up the next day. 

Nathan dumped his backpack in Bill’s office and sat in one of the chairs.  “Okay.  What do I need to do?” he asked.

Bill waved to Parker, one of his biggest and most daunting deputies – he even put Jimmy to shame – and called him in the office.  “Well, today, you’re going to ride along with Parker for four hours.”

Nathan looked properly intimidated.  Bill was pleased.

~~~

 

Over the next few days, Bill made Nathan work a different area of the station: a full day of taking reports and filing them, another full day of 911 dispatch, four hours of cell clean-up, another four hours of being Bill’s secretary.  He did end up slipping some car accident photos into Nathan’s filing that he hoped had the appropriate impact on the boy.

He spent much of the last day asking Nathan what he’d learned and Nathan answered properly, but he also added, “I definitely don’t want to be a deputy.  Or work for you.”

Bill was glad to hear it – he wasn’t sure he wanted any of his children following in his footsteps.  He wanted them to find nice, safe jobs that paid well.  Not the life of a cop.  _He_ might fit well in that life, but he hoped his kids did better than he or Sarah had.

Nathan seemed much more interested in farm work, though.  Again, not what Bill would have chosen, but at least he could always find a job in this area of the country.  Maybe Stanley would keep him on.  Maybe he’d go to agricultural college before coming back to work.

“Did I earn a ticket write-off, Dad?” Nathan asked as they left Tuesday night. 

It’d been a long day for Bill, who’d stayed two hours later than normal to work with Nathan, and he was looking forward to a hot dinner when they got home.  He pretended to hem and haw over Nathan’s question, then gave Nathan a one-armed hug.  “Yeah, you earned it.  But don’t think I’ll be so easy next time you get a ticket.”

Nathan shook his head.  “I don’t plan on getting another one.”

“Good,” Bill nodded.  “That was the idea.”

 

Bill crawled into bed that night, tired.  He wasn’t used to ten hour days anymore.

Yeah, he was definitely getting soft.

Sarah was waiting for him with her own problems, though.

“Do you know what Libby wants for her birthday?”

“A pony?” Bill joked.

“Makeup.”

Bill sat up and looked at Sarah.  “She’s only going to be twelve!  That’s too young!”

“I know!” Sarah said.  “But it’s the only thing she wants, she said.  And I’ve seen some of her classmates – they’re starting to wear makeup.”

“In middle school?”  Bill was baffled.  What parents let their kids use makeup before high school?  Maybe not even then, as far as he was concerned.

“I thought maybe…  Maybe we could placate her with a makeover party.  Problem is, I don’t know the first thing about makeup,” Sarah admitted.

“Well, you look fine without it,” Bill said.

“Just fine?” Sarah teased.

Bill backtracked.  “You look beautiful and you always have.”

Sarah grinned at him.  “Nice save, babe.”

“I try.”

“Do you think we could get Mimi or some of Libby’s friends’ moms to help?  Make the girls up, take dressed up pictures like those Glamor Shots from the nineties?”

Bill had no clue.  “Maybe?”

“You’re a lot of help,” Sarah said, lying down and pulling the covers up.  She pulled Bill back down with her.

“You were supposed to handle the girl stuff,” Bill reminded her.  “I got the boys through those years.”

“You _did_ handle the hard parts,” Sarah agreed.  “But you _did_ have help.”

Bill grabbed her hand under the covers and squeezed.  “I did.”

 

**April**

Libby pouted.

“Stick that lip back in, missy,” Sarah said.  “We just let you get your ears pierced last year; did you really think we were going to jump straight to makeup this year?”

“Yes,” Libby said.

Sarah almost laughed.  “No, ma’am.  Not this year.  But we _will_ do a makeover party for you.”

“A makeover party?”

“You can invite two friends over, Aunt Mimi will come and do your makeup, then we’ll take pictures of you all dressed up.”

Libby shrugged.  “Sounds kinda lame.”

“It’s the closest you’re getting to makeup for your birthday.”

“Okay,” Libby sighed.  “But it’s not my fault if my friends think it’s lame, too.”

“Pick your friends wisely, then.  Who would have fun with you no matter what you did?”

Libby thought about it.  “Probably Rose and Aubrey.”

“Then that’s who we’ll invite.”  After I check with their mothers, Sarah thought.

“Why can’t you do our makeup?  Why do we have to get Aunt Mimi to do it?”

“Because I never learned how to do makeup,” Sarah admitted.  “I was never interested in it.”

Libby gaped.  “How could you not be?”

“I just wasn’t,” Sarah shrugged.  “Just like you’re not interested in some of the stuff the other Girl Scouts in your troop do, like learning to cook.”

“You said I have to, though,” Libby pointed out.

“I did.”  Sarah nodded.  “That’s a valuable life skill and I made both your brothers learn it too.”

“I know but Nathan sucks at everything except breakfast.”

Sarah almost fussed at Libby for her language, but decided against it this time.  With her, it was a losing battle.  Today, getting her to accept that she wasn’t getting makeup was a win.  She really should have waited until Bill came home:  Libby would do anything he said.

Her mistake.

~~~

 

Despite initial misgivings, Libby ended up loving her party, as did her friends.  Sarah and Bill took them out for pizza while they were all dressed up, so they could show off their makeovers.  Libby drank in all the attention.

Once the makeup was washed off and Libby and her friends shuffled off to bed – or at least to giggle all night in Libby’s room – Sarah and Bill crashed in their own bed.

“That went well,” Bill said.

“We just have to hope nothing happens overnight,” Sarah pointed out.

“Surely not?”

“Oh, sleepovers are prime time for girl drama, especially in middle school, when they’re starting to think they’re too old for sleepovers.  Someone will say something, another one will take it the wrong way, and next thing you know there’s tearful meltdowns and the end of friendships.”

Bill looked at Sarah wide-eyed.  “And we _let_ her have a sleepover?”

“She wanted one.”  Sarah shrugged.  “I still don’t get how you and I made a kid like her.  She’s so much more confident and outgoing than we are and she’s into things I never was.”

“But she’s into hunting and fishing and softball.  She gets that from me,” Bill said.

“Point.  It’s just me that she has none of.”

“Pretty much,” Bill grinned.

A loud chorus of giggles came from Libby’s room.

Sarah pushed Bill.  “You go tell them to be quiet.  Be intimidating.  They’ll listen to you.”

~~~

 

Nathan peered into the kitchen.  “You wanted to talk to me?”

Sarah gestured for Nathan to sit with her and Bill.  “We did.  Come on and join us.”

Nathan looked skeptical, but complied.

“What’s this about?” he asked.

“It’s about you,” Bill said.  “Wes has told us his plans for after graduation, but you haven’t – and it’s past time we knew.”

Nathan shrugged.  “I dunno.  I just planned to work full time for Uncle Stanley.”

“You don’t want to go to agricultural college?” Sarah asked.  “Get a degree and then come back?”

Nathan shrugged again.  “Not really?  I’m kinda learning everything I need to know to run the farm from Uncle Stanley.”

“That’s not your farm, though,” Bill said.  “Caroline’s going to inherit it, not you.”

Nathan looked down. 

“Nathaniel Warren, you are _not_ planning on proposing to Caroline, are you?”

“Not _now_ , Mom!” Nathan protested.  “But… maybe in the future.  When she’s done with school.  She wants to go to law school.”

“She’ll be in school for a while, then,” Sarah said.  “Law school is three years on top of at least four for undergrad.  Plenty of time for you to get a degree, too.”

“You and Dad don’t have degrees.”

“But the new deputies he’s hiring do.  And I should have.  I would have earned more at the library or gone to law school myself.”  And I might have missed ever meeting Bill, Sarah added silently.

“Will you try one year of college for us?  I did that much before dropping out,” Bill said.

Nathan shook his head.  “I can always go back to college.  I can’t always help on the farm and be- be a help to Uncle Stanley.”

Be around Caroline, is more like it, Sarah thought.

She sighed and looked at Bill, who shrugged.  Fat lot of good he was.

“Nathan, we want you to plan on _trying_ college.  Go to the community college with Wes.  They offer an associate’s in agriculture, so you can take some basic ag classes.  If you don’t like it after a year we won’t push the matter.  But we want you to try.”

Nathan looked defeated.  “I have to, don’t I?”

“Pretty much, kid,” Bill said.  “Your mom’s got her determined face on.”

“What will I do about the farm?”

“You can still work there part time.  Uncle Stanley will understand you going to college.  And if he doesn’t, he can talk to us.” 

Stanley would agree, Sarah knew.  If he didn’t, Mimi would make him – Mimi would want her daughter’s boyfriend to go to college, too.

 

**May**

They were packed into the soccer bleachers, shielding their eyes from the sun.

“Do you see him?”  Bill asked.

“Is that him there?”  Sarah pointed.

“No, Mom.  Nathan’s over _here_ ,” Libby corrected.

“Oh!  You’re right.”  It was hard for Bill to tell any of the students apart in their matching green gowns and caps.  Nathan looked up then, saw them, and waved.

They all waved back.

“Are you sorry you’re not getting to walk across stage?” Sarah asked Wes.  “If you regret that, we can always enroll you for junior and senior year and you can officially graduate.”

Wes shot her a look.  “No, Mom, I’m good.”

Sarah shrugged.  “Just an option.  Didn’t want you to secretly regret missing anything from high school.”

“The only thing I missed were the classes,” Wes said.  “I’ve been to all of Nathan’s baseball games and all the football games.”

Sarah thought about pointing out all the things the high school offered that Wes would be interested in, but they already had that conversation two years ago, when his peer group entered ninth grade.  He wasn’t interested then, he wouldn’t be interested now.

She couldn’t blame him – high school may have had some good things to it, but he’d have to repeat two years of work and give up his computer programming and web design projects.

Wes was _good_ at that stuff.  One of his assignments had been to redesign the sheriff’s department webpage and Bill ended up paying Wes and using his design – as long as Wes promised to update it for him.

Sarah looked in the above them and there were the Taylors and the Richmonds, there to support Nathan, too.  She wondered if they’d be able to see each other in the crowd after.

The band quit playing Pomp and Circumstance as the last students filed into their seats.  Everyone in the stands settled in to listen to the string of speeches: the principal’s, the valedictorian’s, and the mayor’s.

Gray Anderson was still mayor, though the rumors were that he planned to retire before the next election.  Sarah would believe that when she saw it.

His speech hit a nerve with her, though.  He pointed out that Nathan’s class was born in strife, but raised in peace. 

It was true, Sarah knew.  All of Nathan’s classmates had been born during or right after the winter of the bombs.  Many of their parents had conceived them during that winter, just as Bill and Sarah had.  They’d been born into a divided country where war was inevitable.  They’d been toddlers when the war came to Jericho.

None of them remembered this.  It was all stories to them – things to ask about when they found bullet casings or asked why knowing about nuclear fallout was so important.

But it was the parents of these kids who saw Jericho through those dark times.  Sarah recognized many former Rangers in the stands – parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles of the kids graduating.

Gray ended his speech by pointing out that same fact and thanking the parents for raising children in such tough times.  The students obligingly applauded their parents.

Sarah leaned against Bill and squeezed his hand.  They didn’t have any real clue what they were clapping for.

She was happy for that.

 

After the ceremony, Nathan found his parents.

“Mom!  Hunter and Ben are going out to eat to celebrate.  Can I go with them?”

“With or without parents?” Sarah asked

“Without.”

“Are girlfriends going, too?”

“Yes.”  Nathan looked confused.  “Is that a bad thing?”

Sarah glanced at Bill, who shrugged.  “Go ahead.  Just be careful.  Don’t do anything reckless.”

“You’re okay with letting him go?” Bill asked her.

“I remember my graduation,” Sarah said.  “I wanted to go be with my friends, not with family.  Besides, Angie’s not coming up to help celebrate until after Wes takes his GED.  I didn’t have anything planned tonight.”

“Except we were going to take him out to eat.”

“And introduce him to certain movies, like _Blazing Saddles_ and _Animal House_.”

Bill wrapped an arm around Sarah.  “We’ve got all summer for that.”

“So what’s the new plan for the night?”

“Sit by my radio and listen to hear if they got caught speeding or doing anything stupid.”

Sarah laughed.  “Remembering _your_ graduation night, huh?”

Bill shrugged.  “I might have done a few things I regretted the next day.”

“I’m sure it was only a few.”

“Most of it was at Stanley’s farm.  His parents let us loose there, figuring they could at least keep an eye on us.”

“Wise folk,” Sarah said.

“They were,” Bill said.  “I still miss them.  They’d’ve loved Caroline.  After they got over the shock of Mimi.”

A sad look crossed his face.  “Bonnie would’ve loved to be here, too.”

Sarah rubbed his back as they walked to the car.  “Yeah, babe.  She would have.  And you know if she can, she’s been watching down on us all.”

Bill nodded, still morose.

Libby ran up and walked with Bill.  “Why’re you sad, Daddy?”

Bill rubbed her shoulder.  “Just remembering people who aren’t here, baby.”

Bill felt a clap on his back and he looked behind him to see Stanley and Jimmy.

“Congrats on getting one through,” Jimmy said.

“Almost two,” Bill reminded him.  “I’m not sure I’m ready.”

“I’ve got another year and I know I’m not,” Stanley said.

Sarah looked back over her shoulder at the group.  “We’d planned to take Nathan out to eat, but he’s ditched us.  You guys want to join us instead?”

“We’ll even ditch the other kids,” said Bill.

“Hey!” said Wes and Libby in unison.

“All-adult dinner?  I’m in,” Mimi chimed in happily.

“Then it’s settled.  Wes, you take Libby home and make her some dinner,” said Bill, patting his son on the shoulder.  “And the adults are going to go celebrate on our own.”

~~~

 

Wes paced the house, occasionally stopping to check his computer.

“You know that’s not going to make your scores show up faster,” Sarah said lightly.

“But I can’t stand _waiting_ ,” Wes whined.

“Go out and do something,” Sarah suggested.  “Go take Libby for an ice cream or something.  That’ll help pass the time.”

“But what if the email gets here while I’m gone?”

“Then I’ll call you,” Sarah promised.  They’d finally broken down and bought the boys plain cell phones.  Libby begged for one, too, but Bill put his foot down – not until she was driving and might have an emergency on the road.

Libby said they were old-fashioned.

Sarah and Bill took that as a point of pride.

 

Finally, Wes left and Sarah had the house to herself: Bill and Nathan were both at work, and Wes and Libby gone for shaved ice and maybe a game of mini-golf.

This almost never happened.

Sarah stretched out on the couch with a book and the cats came running to sleep on her couch back above her.

She lazily reached up and scratched one of the cats behind the ear.  He purred and settled in.  She did the same.

 

Bill found her still on the couch, asleep, when he came home.

He woke her with a soft kiss to the forehead.  “G’morning, sleepyhead.”

Sarah stretched and looked around.  “What time is it?”

“Five-fifteen.  I just got here.  Where are the kids?”

“Wes was stressing over his GED results, so I sent them out to do stuff about, oh, thirty minutes ago,” Sarah said.

“So they should be gone for a bit?” Bill asked.

Sarah grinned.  “Yeah, they should.  You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“If you’re thinking about me peeling that shirt off of you, then yes.”

“I was thinking about _your_ shirt actually.”

Bill leaned in to kiss her.  “Close enough,” he said softly.

Sarah led him to the bedroom and shut the door behind them.  She turned and started in on Bill’s clothes.  Hat, duty belt, regular belt, shirt…  She deftly unbuckled and unbuttoned everything, setting it aside.

Bill tugged at her shirt and she slapped his hands away.  “You first.”

“I’m gonna feel kinda awkward if I’m naked and you’re not.”

“Think of it as payback for all the times you make me go first.”

Bill laughed and Sarah grinned.

 

They were lying in bed together – both naked – when they heard the front door open and Libby and Wes run in.  Thankfully, they ran straight to their bedrooms.

Sarah and Bill hopped up and quietly got dressed.  Sarah put all the discarded clothes in the hamper and Bill grabbed his hat and duty belt.

Just in time, too.  Wes knocked twice and then burst into the room.  “Mom!” he yelled.  “My scores came and you didn’t call me!”

“I’m sorry, Wes, I didn’t hear your computer ding.”

Wes looked between his parents as if he’d just realized what they’d been doing.  He made a face.

Bill suppressed laughter.  “Well, what’d you get?”

“High enough to get some college credits, I think.”

“That’s great!” Sarah said.  “You can skip some of those basic courses.  Maybe we can get Nathan to test out of those courses, too.”

“He’s not signing up for any of those, he said,” Wes pointed out.  “He said he’s just taking ag classes.”

“Well, if he tests out, he won’t ever have to take them,” Sarah said, in a firm voice that said it was the end of the discussion.  “We’ll talk to him about it when he gets home from work.”

 

**August**

“Aw, Mom, don’t make a big deal,” Nathan said, pulling a face.

Wes knew better than to argue with Sarah, and stood there quietly.

Both boys stood by the door, backpacks on and ready for the first day of community college.  Sarah stood in the hallway with the camera on her phone pulled up.

“I didn’t get pictures of your first days of school because we didn’t have cameras yet,” she said.  “But we have them again now and I am definitely getting a picture for your first days of college.”

“It’s just _community_ college.  Does that even count?” Nathan said.

“Yes, it does, especially if you’re still set and determined to only do one year, mister.”

Sarah made them both smile and snapped the picture with her phone. 

“There.  See?  Painless.”

The boys rolled their eyes and headed out the door to their separate cars.  Bill had tried to talk them into carpooling, but they wouldn’t hear of it.  “But we have classes at different times,” Wes said.  “I don’t wanna have to wait on him.”

Bill had sighed and agreed, though he made them promise not to ask for gas money when they could have saved on it.

 

Sarah was finally alone in the house.  Kids all off to school, Bill off to work.  What was left for her to do?

She could work again, is what she could do.  Sarah drove down to the library and sought out Joanna, who was head librarian now.

“Hey, Sarah!  Long time, no see,” said Joanna, greeting her with a hug.

“It _has_ been a while.  I actually came to ask a favor.”

Joanna raised her eyebrows.

“Wes is off to college now, so I’m not needed at home during the day any more.  I was wondering if you had any part-time spots open.  I’d love to come back.”

“Only what?  Sixteen years later?” Joanna laughed.  “You’re in luck.  We had another mom leave to stay at home with her kids and Eileen’s eyesight is getting a little rough.  We could use another good person here during the day – but it’ll mean some Saturdays,” she warned.

Sarah nodded.  Bill wouldn’t like it, but she was up for it.  “I’m in.  What do I need to do?”

“Well, you’ve got to fill out the online application, but consider yourself hired.  I’ll give you a call and let you know when the paperwork’s done and you can start.”

Sarah grinned.  “Thank you.  Give me six more years and I’ll be available for full time work again.”

 

“How was your day, Nathan?” Bill asked over dinner. 

Wes was still at class for another hour, so it was Nathan in the hot seat.

“Well, uh.  I guess it was okay.  Looks like starting out will be a lot of stuff I already learned from Uncle Stanley, but the syllabus says we’ll do some new stuff soon.”

“See?” Sarah said.  “You _will_ learn new stuff.”

“Just be careful driving there and back.  There was a bad wreck on 70 today that we had to help Highway Patrol with,” Bill cautioned.

Sarah waited until there was a lull in the conversation.  “So I, uh.  I went and got my old job back today.  I’ll find out in a couple days when I start.”

Bill put down his fork.  “You’re going back to work?”

Sarah shrugged.  “It hit me that I wanted to.  I don’t have to homeschool Wes anymore and if I work part time, I’ll be out in time to get Libby from school.  And we could always use the extra income.”

Bill hummed agreement.  “I just figured you’d’ve said something to me about it first.”

Sarah patted Bill’s hand.  “I tell you most things first.  This was just a spur of the moment decision on my part.  I didn’t want to tell you and then not get my job back.  Next time, should I call you at work?”

Libby giggled.  It was well-known you didn’t call Bill at work unless it was an “I’m bleeding to death” emergency.

“You’re right.  We could use the income,” Bill said begrudgingly. 

They’d had to dip into savings to help the boys pay for books.  It seemed like college textbooks were even more expensive than when they’d gone to college, Sarah thought.  “So you’re okay with me working?  I don’t have to call Joanna back and rescind my application?”

“They made you apply again?” Nathan asked.  “Wouldn’t they already have you on file?”

“Paperwork,” Sarah shrugged.  “Got to do everything by the book.  Probably my file was old enough they threw it out.”

Bill caught Sarah’s eye.  “Maybe we can meet for lunch like we used to.”

“There’s some new places on Main Street that look good,” Sarah said.  “See?  You’re coming around to the idea.”

 

That night, as they got ready for bed, Sarah asked, “Bill, do you not like the idea of me working again?”

Bill stopped in the middle of taking off his socks.  “I don’t know.  I’ve gotten used to you being the touchstone for the family.  You’re always at home, always available for anything.”

“Then you won’t like the rest of it.  The job will include some Saturdays, just like before.”

Bill looked like she’d slapped him.  “But you need to be here on Saturdays.  Who’ll watch Libby?”

“Libby is twelve.  She’s old enough to watch herself for a few hours.  It’ll be good for her to build some independence,” Sarah pointed out.

“I know,” Bill sighed.  “I guess I wish we’d talked about this first.  It seems like a big step to take on your own.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t discuss it with you beforehand.  Like I said, I didn’t want to work you up and then not get the job.  I just… wanted to do something on my own again.  Something for me.”

Bill pulled down the covers.  “You _have_ given up sixteen years to stay at home with the kids.”

“Exactly.  And I’m not sorry I did that, but I’d like to have some time for me now.  And I want to do that by working at the library again.”  Sarah shed her socks, too, and climbed in bed.

Bill rolled over to her and kissed her forehead.  “If that’s what you want, that’s what you should do.  Just give me time to adjust to the changes, okay?”

Sarah snuggled in with him.  “I will.  It’ll work out, you’ll see.”


	20. 2040

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Sarah become empty nesters

**2040**

**May**

Bill watched Sarah brush a tendril of blonde hair out of Libby’s face.  “There.  Now you look perfect for pictures.”

Libby was no stranger to the camera and struck a pose with her new diploma.

Where did that sass come from?  Libby looked like him, but she didn’t act like anyone in the family.

Well, no.  She acted like Angie had as a teen.  Bill feared that meant she’d run from Jericho, too.  Wes was already home from getting his master’s and looking up jobs on the East Coast.

Maybe only Nathan was meant to stay.  Maybe Jericho was too small for his kids.  He _had_ always said he wanted greater things for them.

He just never imagined it meant them leaving.

Sarah finished taking photos and shooed Libby off to go see her friends.  She slipped her hand in Bill’s.  “We can be sad about this or we can be happy for her,” she said sensibly.

Bill smiled, a little weakly.  “I know.  Just thinking about her leaving for KU in August and Wes finding a job somewhere far away.”

“True, they’re leaving, but I think we’ll always have Nathan close by.  One out of three ain’t bad, considering.”

“I know it means we did well raising them.  I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much before it even happened.”

Sarah squeezed his hand.  “It was always going to.”

Nathan, twenty-four now and Stanley’s right-hand man - sometimes literally – showed up with Caroline in tow.  He’d proposed last year, but they were waiting for her to finish law school.  “Found you guys, finally!”

Bill looked around.  “It _is_ a crowd.”  He noticed some of his deputies he’d stationed here for graduation and nodded at them.

“Where’s Wes?” Nathan asked.  “I thought I saw him with you guys.”

“You did,” Sarah said.  “He went on to the car instead of staying for pictures.  I would have liked one of the three of you together, but he said no.”

Nathan shrugged.  “Are we all going out to eat?  Is Libby coming?”

“Libby’s on her own tonight, just like you were,” Bill said, noting the concerned expression that crossed Nathan’s face.  Bill never asked him what they got up to that night, but Nathan hadn’t dragged himself home until three in the morning.  “Hopefully she’ll be home earlier.”

“We can go eat if you two want,” Sarah said.  “Wes will just have to wait to get back to his computer.”

“Great!”  Nathan lived in an apartment now, in the same small complex Bill used to live in.  Theoretically he was out on his own, but Sarah and Bill found him back at home, eating dinner with them, more often than not.

As they walked to the van, hand-in-hand, Sarah leaned closer to Bill.  “See?  He’ll stick around.  We just have to feed him.”

Bill grinned at her.

“Hey,” Wes said when they got in the car.  “I just got an email.  This tech firm in D.C. wants to interview me.  They’re going to fly me out next week.”

Sarah said “Congratulations,” just as Bill turned in his seat and said “They’re what now?”

Wes ignored his dad’s indignation.  “Yeah, I interviewed with them over the web a couple weeks ago and this is like the final interview.”

“You didn’t tell us about the first interview,” Sarah chided.

Wes shrugged, still tapping on his phone.  “I don’t tell you about most of the interviews I’ve done, ‘cause they’re just first interviews.  It’s the second ones that matter.”

Bill turned back to face the front, a distraught look on his face again.  He really was going to lose two of his children to the larger world.

Sarah reached over and squeezed his arm.  “This is good.  We want them to succeed like this.”

Bill tried to take it to heart, but it was hard.

 

**June**

“We need to hit the road!” called Bill, trying to get everyone corralled. 

Libby came out yawning.  “I’m gonna ride with Mom and sleep,” she said.

“Wes, you’re with me,” Bill said as his son stumbled out of the house.  He was secretly glad to get to spend the day-long ride with Wes.  They might switch kids tomorrow, but he definitely wanted to enjoy his son’s company.  If Wes looked up from his phone, that is.

They’d loaded up all of Wes’ things into the van and the truck yesterday, leaving Wes to spend his last night at home on the couch.  Bill felt bad about that, but knew they wouldn’t want to pack cars first thing in the morning.

Sarah came out of the kitchen with two steaming travel mugs.  She pressed one in Bill’s hand.  “Coffee, extra strong with cream and one sugar,” she said, kissing his cheek.  “Just the way you like it.”

“Thank you.  Tea for you?” he asked.

Sarah held her mug up and nodded.  “Extra sweet.”

Bill grinned.  “Okay, if we’re doing this, load up,” he instructed.

He led the caravan out of Jericho and onto I-70.  It was basically a straight shot from here to Washington, D.C. 

It’d been twenty-five years, but Bill was nervous about driving through some of the cities that had been bombed.  He’d let Wes teach him to use a GPS app to avoid the highways when he wanted to get them off the interstate and avoid places like St. Louis.

If he was nervous about driving through these areas, he was extra nervous about dropping Wes off to _live_ in one of them.  Living in a city was bad enough, but a bombed one?  The thought sent a shiver down his spine.

Still, this was Wes’ choice.  And there was nothing technically wrong with it, so Bill had to support him.

“You ready for this?” he asked Wes as they got up to interstate speeds.

Wes set down his phone.  “I think I am.  College was great and all, but this is what I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid.”  He went on to describe the types of projects he’d be working on.  Bill understood “internet” and “web page” and that was about it.  He nodded enthusiastically, though.

How was _his_ kid so damn smart?  Sarah was intelligent, but Wes blew them both away.  Bill knew he’d had a tough childhood, but he’d really come into his own as an older teen.  He was twenty-two now and a couple inches taller than Bill – genes from Sarah’s side, just like most of Wes’ features. 

As a father, Bill couldn’t be any prouder.  How to tell Wes before they left him behind in D.C.?

 

Libby slept most of the morning, headphones in, so Sarah had the car to herself.

She wondered how Bill was doing.  Just like always, he was driving exactly the speed limit.  Sarah had finally gotten used to it and cruise-controlled right along with him.  He still wasn’t used to cities, though, and she’d volunteered to lead the caravan, but Bill wouldn’t hear of it.

Sarah suspected he thought the interstates were still filled with road gangs and FEMA camps and he’d have to protect them.  She smiled fondly as she shook her head.

Around lunchtime, she followed Bill onto an exit and into a fast food restaurant. 

Sarah and Libby both stretched as they got out of the car.  “Remind you of our first road trip?” she asked Bill.  “I think we stopped near here then.”

“Dad’s actually been on a road trip before?” asked Libby.  “Thought he never left Jericho.”

Bill grabbed her in a hug.  “That’s ‘cause work keeps me at home.  Yes, I’ve traveled before.  We used to go visit your mom’s family in Tennessee before you came along.”

“And I terrified your father by speeding most of the way there,” Sarah admitted.

Libby scoffed.  “You’re such a slow driver now.  What happened?”

“You guys happened.  Your dad’s harping finally got to me when I had little people to drive around.”  Sarah grinned at Bill.

Wes waved at them from the door of the restaurant.  “I’m hungry!  Come on!”

~~~

 

After a night in a hotel near Terre Haute, Indiana, the caravan got back on the road. 

Bill had managed to snag Wes again.  He needed to take the opportunity to talk to him, but Bill was finding it hard.  He didn’t want to break down in tears in front of his son.

He drummed the steering wheel as they drove through Columbus, still huge from its glory days as the capital.

“Wes,” he said finally.

Wes looked up, curious.

“Your mother and I…” Bill started, “well, we want you to know that we’re going to miss you like crazy, but that we’re very proud of you.”

Wes blinked.  “Thank you,” he said slowly.

“I know we forced you to do things as a child that you weren’t interested in and it took us a while to find _your_ niche.  But it was done because we were trying to do the best for you.  We didn’t always get it right.”

Wes shook his head.  “No, I know why you wanted me in Scouting and going shooting and stuff, Dad.  I get it.”

Bill nodded, feeling his throat thicken.  “I guess we should have seen back then that you were going to move away.  But I’ll admit, I wasn’t ready when you told us you got the job.  I had it in my head that all of you would stay in Jericho – but I should have known you’d do bigger things.”

Wes watched intently out the window, not looking at Bill.  “I’ll be able to come back and visit.  I get paid vacation and time off during the holidays.”

Bill smiled.  “You’ll come home a few times, but you’ll want to stay before too long.  You’ll find a great group of friends just like your college buddies and you’ll want to spend your free time with them.  I know it’ll happen.”

“Dad, are you okay?” Wes asked.  “All this, all of a sudden?”

Bill cleared his throat.  “I just wanted to make sure you knew we loved you before we dropped you off.”

Wes looked at him like he was crazy.  “Dad, I _knew_ that.”

~~~

 

They stayed in another hotel outside D.C. so they would be fresh for moving in Wes in the morning.

They got to his new home in Reston and Bill got out of the car, looking confused.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Sarah asked.

“This is a damn shopping mall,” Bill said.  “I thought you said you were in an apartment complex, Wes.”

Wes laughed.  “This is a mixed-use facility, Dad.  Look, the apartments are above the stores.  I can walk most places I’ll want to go and take a bus to the rest.”

Bill shook his head.  Sarah was tempted to laugh with Wes.

“So are we shopping after we move him in?” Libby asked.  “I could use new clothes for school.”

“Not at these prices, you don’t,” Sarah said.  “We’ll find an outlet mall on the way back, if you want.”

They found the entrance to Wes’ building and got his key – he’d electronically signed the lease last week.

It was a small studio apartment.

“ _How_ much is this costing you, Wes?” Bill asked.

“You don’t want to know.  But my new salary will cover it.”

Sarah shook her head.  This company wanted Wes badly and were compensating him generously.  She was torn between being proud of her son and a little distrustful of a company that threw money and benefits at a twenty-two year old.  She hoped it lasted.

“Okay guys,” she said, “we better get to work.”

Between the four of them, they had Wes unloaded in an hour and unpacked in a couple more.  There were still a few things he needed and Sarah was tempted to track down the nearest IKEA, but Wes swore he could find everything he needed himself.

They took him out to eat for one last family meal.  Sarah felt a pang wishing Nathan could have come with them, but he was working.

As a last meal together, it was a good one.  Bill and Sarah told stories of their first real jobs – and a few stories on each other.  Wes encouraged Libby to have fun at college and gave her a few tips.  Everyone laughed throughout the meal.  Sarah really couldn’t have asked for a better time.

They walked Wes back to his apartment and gave him more hugs than he could stand.

Sarah grabbed his cheeks, looking up into his face.  “We love you, okay?  If you need us for anything, you call.  Day or night.  Call us anyway.  Or text or email.  And please come back and visit when you can.”

“Yes, Mom,” Wes said, trying to nod.  “I love you guys, too.”

Bill gently pulled Sarah away from Wes.  They all bade him last goodbyes and went back to the cars.

Libby hopped in with Bill this time.  Sarah sat in the van and cried for a minute before she calmed down enough to turn the key.  Bill was waiting for her in the truck at the entrance to the parking lot.

They drove back to their hotel from the night before and Sarah cried again in Bill’s arms that night.

“I thought I was okay,” she sniffled.  “But I’m not.  I miss him already.”

Bill hugged her tight.  “So do I.  But like you told me, we have to be happy for them when they succeed like this.”

“I know,” Sarah said.  “But my heart doesn’t.”

Bill kissed her forehead.  “He’s gonna do great here.  We raised a good kid.  _You_ raised a good kid.”

“We,” Sarah said.  “It was all a team effort.  Our kids are lucky to have you as their father.  I’m lucky to have you as my husband.”

“I’m luckier,” Bill said, raising her chin so he could kiss her.  “I always have been.”

 

**August**

Libby lounged around the house the entire summer, leaving only for work and to go out with her friends.  Bill began to think she was a permanent fixture on the couch.

It was strange, for their usually athletic and active daughter.

“I’m enjoying being an only child,” she said when Bill asked what she was doing.

He guessed that worked.

 

Before too long, it was time to take Libby off to college.  Her stuff all fit in the van, so Bill drove the family to Wichita, where they’d rebuilt the University of Kansas after the bombs.

Campus was packed with families and Bill had to fight for a parking spot.  He wedged the van into a small spot and opened the trunk, grumbling about traffic.

Sarah put a hand on his back.  “You knew it was going to be like this,” she said.  “Remember dropping Wes off his junior year?”

Bill grumbled some more for the sake of it.

It took three trips, but they got Libby moved in to her new dorm room.  Her roommate was her friend Rose from high school, so they chatted with Rose’s parents while the girls unpacked their stuff.

“You sure you don’t want any help, Libby?” Bill asked.

“Nope!” she chirped happily.  “I’m getting it just how I want it.”

Compared to moving Wes in, Sarah found this a lot less emotional.  Libby was much closer, for one thing, and could come visit them some weekends. 

“But not every weekend,” Sarah warned.  “You need to stay here most of the time.”

“And don’t think coming home means I’ll do your laundry,” Bill said.  “That’s all on you now.”

“I _know_ ,” Libby said in a tone that meant she was ready to be alone.  “Besides, Rose and I want to socialize so we can do rush next semester.”

Sarah shook her head.  Again, was Libby really her daughter?

They hugged goodbye and worked their way out of the school traffic and back on the road to Jericho.

Bill reached over and squeezed Sarah’s hand.  “We did it.  We’re empty nesters now.”

“While school’s in session, at least.”  She glanced at Bill.  “You okay with that?”

“I think I am,” Bill said, sounding surprised.  “It means we did our jobs.”

“It means we have the house to ourselves, just like the years before kids,” Sarah said, giving Bill a significant look.

He quirked an eyebrow.  “Oh yes.  That’s going to be fun.  If only we were as limber as we were before kids.”

“We have some miles on us,” Sarah agreed.  “But otherwise we’re a pretty darn good fifty-seven and fifty-four.”

“Both of us have birthdays soon,” Bill reminded her.  “Even more miles on us by then.”

“Just as long as we get those miles at home together,” Sarah said, picking up Bill’s hand to kiss it.

~~~

 

Sarah expected calls from the kids on her birthday, but Libby’s was the one that caught her off-guard.

“Guess what, mom?  I joined the ROTC!  The Army one!”

“You did what?” Sarah asked, shocked.

“The Army ROTC.  So I can go in as an officer when I graduate.”

“Libby, I didn’t know you wanted to join the Army.”

Bill looked up from his newspaper at that.  “What?” he mouthed.

Sarah shushed him.

“Sure!  Dad always talks about great-grandpa being in the Army.  I guess the stories just stuck with me, ‘cause I want to do that, too.”

“If you’re sure,” Sarah said.  “Here, I’m putting your dad on the phone.  You can tell him.”

She handed her phone to Bill, who had a similar reaction to Sarah.

Hanging up the phone, he said, “I had no idea.”

“Neither did I.”

Bill chuckled.  “Libby’s always been surprising, that’s for sure.  We’ve never known what to expect out of her.”

Sarah shook her head.  “I guess you know at least one kid listened to your stories and idolizes your grandfather, too.”

“There’s that,” Bill agreed.  “I just never thought it’d drive any of them to enlist.”

“Well, she’s not enlisting.  She’ll be an officer,” Sarah said.

“Guess we better start praying we don’t have another war.”

“I started the moment she said ROTC.”

 

When they got home after dinner, Bill took Sarah’s hand.  She wasn’t in a dress, just a flowy top with jeans, but he twirled her like she was.

“You make fifty-five look wonderful,” he said, desire in his eyes.

“You exaggerate,” Sarah protested, smiling.

“I never do when it comes to you,” Bill said, pulling her in for a kiss.  “You should know that by now.”

Sarah unbuttoned his shirt, running her hands on the skin underneath.  Bill was softer now than when they’d married, but it was a good softer.  She liked that he had a little give to him.  Her favorite thing was to curl up against his stomach when they slept.

She was definitely doing that and more tonight.

She slipped a hand down the front of his pants, tauntingly.

Bill went for her shirt in retaliation.  She made happy noises when he caressed her breasts and saw that the sound went straight to his pants, which came off shortly thereafter.  Hers followed.

Sarah really couldn’t say how they ended up on the floor, right there in the kitchen, but she wasn’t about to question it.  She didn’t want Bill to stop what he was doing long enough to answer.

They’d been together so long, they knew how to make things go quickly and how to stretch them out.  Tonight, Bill was stretching them out.

Sarah definitely wasn’t complaining.  They got that chance so rarely, but now that kids were gone…  Well, maybe they could figure out some more things.

 

**October**

Bill ducked behind the car door, wondering how he got into this mess.

It’d been a simple ride-along – something he hadn’t done regularly in months.  But his birthday last month made him punchy and he picked up the habit again.

Martin, his partner for the day, pulled over a car that was weaving down one of the country lanes outside town.  The driver turned out to be drunk and belligerent and from New Bern.

He also had a gun and a grudge.

He pulled it out and waved it around when Martin walked back to the patrol car.  Martin yelled for him to put it up, but he got out of the car instead.

That’s when Bill found himself in a firefight for the first time in a very long time.

The man took aim and shot at Martin, who ducked for cover behind the drivers' side door.  There was a thunk of metal as the bullet hit the door instead. Bill was out of the car as fast as he could manage, pulling his sidearm from its holster.

“Stop!” yelled Martin.  “Drop your weapon!”

The bullets didn’t stop.  There was no way Martin could get off a shot with bullets whistling past the car door.

The guy didn’t act like he saw Bill – he was focused on Martin, thankfully, so Bill stood up slowly, bringing his pistol to bear.

Bill called upon all his skill from the range and hit the man, center mass.

He was alive, but down.

“Get our people here, ASAP!” Bill instructed.  “I’m going to make sure he doesn’t shoot us again.”

Martin got on the radio, calling for backup and an ambulance while Bill sidled up to the man, gun still aimed.  This was a risky move and could backfire easily if the man thought to grab his legs.  Better he do it than his deputy.  Martin had little ones at home, for Pete’s sake.  Bill had a duty to keep him safe.

Carefully he reached out with his foot and kicked the man’s gun out of his hand.  Still wary, Bill kicked it back towards the patrol car.  He didn’t want to touch it and adulterate any fingerprints.

When he looked up, Martin was staring at him.  “How were you so calm?” he asked.

“It’s not my first time under fire,” Bill reminded him.  “I was in the battle with New Bern.”

“I feel like I forgot my training,” Martin admitted.  “I should have shot him.”

“You were being shot _at_.  You did the right thing to seek cover.  He wasn’t looking at me.”  Bill was speaking calmly, but in his head were echoes of gunfire he hadn’t dreamed about in years.  He rubbed the scar on his wrist as if it suddenly itched.

“Don’t go for heroics, son,” Bill continued.  “That just gets you dead.  You did the right thing,“ he repeated.

Martin finally nodded.  “It’s good you were here for backup.”

“If I weren’t here, Yates would have been,” Bill said, referring to Martin’s usual partner, who was manning the station today.

Bill could see the look in Martin’s eyes.  It was the same look Murphree had given him when he got kicked in the kidney.  Like he’d done something special.

Bill knew Sarah would have something to say about that.  She’d also have a lot to say about him ending up in a firefight.  Tonight might not be fun.

Bill and Martin waited for the ambulance, listening to the shooter’s groans of pain.  Martin suggested using their first aid kit on him and Bill warned him off – the guy could grab Martin and still do some damage.

Finally, they heard the sounds of approaching automobiles.  The ambulance pulled ahead and Jimmy got out of the patrol car.

“Don’t tell me.  _You_ shot him,” Jimmy said.

Bill nodded.  “I had the shot, so I took it.”

“Of course you did.”  Jimmy directed the two deputy technicians with him to collect scene evidence.

Bill sat there while his service weapon was taken and bagged and his hands were swabbed for gunpowder residue.  Martin went through the same process.

Because the man was still alive, the techs did a spray painted outline of where he’d been after the paramedics carted him off.  They put markers up wherever a bullet casing landed and took at least a hundred pictures.

Bill was anxious to go, but knew he had to follow protocol.  If he didn’t, who would?

Jimmy sat on the side of the road next to Bill.  “You know this means mandatory counseling, even for you, right?”

Bill had been the one to institute that policy – any time a service weapon was fired on a call, the deputy had to see a counselor.  Even drawing your weapon could be traumatic, Bill knew, because you only drew when you meant to kill to save yourself or someone else.

Bill nodded.  “My aim’s off,” he said.  “I hit him in the gut, but I should have hit him in the chest.”

Jimmy laughed.  “Your aim’s as good as it’s ever been.  Standing pistol at that distance with incoming fire?  That was damn good and you know it.”

Bill’s mind was still filled with memories of the New Bern War – and of attempting to shoot Roger Hammond.

He hadn’t thought about Roger in twenty years or more.  No one ever heard from him after things got better, so they all assumed he’d died on the road.  Bill wished he knew for sure.

“Hey,” Jimmy said.  “I know what you’re thinking about.  Stop it.  Dwelling on the past isn’t going to do anyone any good.”

Bill huffed.  “Tell that to my wife, the historian.”

 

By the time the group made it back to the station, the story had already spread and the deputies gave Bill a wide berth.

He plopped in his office chair, debating calling Sarah to warn her, when the phone rang.

It was a nurse at the clinic.  The New Bern man died on the operating table.  Bill killed him.

Bill shuddered.  He’d thought he’d never kill anyone again after the war.  He thought that was behind him.

But New Bern had come back, in the form of an angry, armed drunk.

“Find out who he was,” he instructed.  “We need to notify next of kin.”

No one from Jericho would go to New Bern anymore, but Bill could call their sheriff and have him handle the notification.  It wouldn’t help the bad blood between the towns, but Bill couldn’t fix that.

He hung up the phone and pulled out his cell phone.

“Babe,” he said when Sarah answered.  “I need you to know that I’m completely unhurt.”

He could hear Sarah’s hair stand on end.  “What did you do?”

“I was in a firefight.  I shot a man.  He’s dead now,” Bill stated, a little bit detached.

“Bill…  Are you all right?” Sarah asked.

“I told you, I’m unhurt.”

“In your head,” she said.  “No panic, no guilt, no flashbacks?”

“No panic.  Not yet at least,” Bill said honestly.  “No guilt either.  He was shooting at my deputy, so I had to.  But the flashbacks are there.  To the war.  To Roger.  I’m trying not to dwell, but...”

“But it’s hard not to,” Sarah finished for him.  “Are you going to get counseling for this?”

“I have to.  I’ve got to follow my own rules.”

“Good.”

Bill noticed deputies watching him through the window.  “Look, I’ve got to go, but I wanted to tell you what happened before some crazy story got out.  I love you.”

“I love you, too.  Be careful.”

 

Sarah met Bill at the door and wrapped him in a hug as soon as he got home from his shift.  She held him tight, one hand on the back of his head.  Bill hugged back.

“You’ve got to stop putting yourself in danger,” she fussed as she led Bill to his recliner.

“I didn’t plan on it,” Bill said shakily.

From the tremble in his voice, Sarah knew he wasn’t taking it well.  She stood by the recliner and combed her fingers through his hair.  “You’re home now, you’re safe.  All of that happened in the past.”

Bill was quiet for a few minutes, staring up at the ceiling.  “It was like I was still there, like this had all been a dream in the middle of the battle,” he finally said. 

Sarah knelt.  “It wasn’t.  You aren’t in a dream.”

“But I felt like I was.  What if that means I’m unfit for my job?”

“Because you’re a war veteran who got a flashback when he got shot at?  Bill, babe, there are lots of people in Jericho who’d be right there with you in those flashbacks.”

“But what if-”

She put a finger to his lips.  “Stop the what ifs.  Focus on breathing.  Focus on relaxing those tight muscles of yours.”

Bill did so and Sarah kept repeating to him, “The war’s over.  You’re safe.  Your family’s safe.  That was all in the past.”

Watching Bill closely, she gauged when it started to have an effect on him.  She kept up her mantra, but she picked up Bill’s hand and held it while she did so.

He sighed and she saw his shoulders loosen up.  Sarah helped him up and let him to the bedroom.  She carefully took off his duty belt, regular belt, and shoes, but there wasn’t a thing sexy about her ministrations.  Gently, she instructed Bill to lie down.

She crawled into bed facing him, one arm draped over his side and their feet tangling.  “Are you okay, Bill?” she asked.

“I killed someone today,” he said.  “I can’t be okay.  I shouldn’t be.”

“But are you?”

Bill nodded.  “I am.  Except for remembering the past, I’m okay.  What kind of man does that make me?”

Sarah rubbed his arm comfortingly.  “The kind who protects his employees.”

“Yeah,” Bill said.  “I did that.”

“See?  You’re a good man, babe.  Please don’t ever forget that.”  Sarah scooted in closer, holding Bill in a hug. 

He needed comfort tonight.  She could give him that, at least.

~~~

 

The problem with the counselor he’d contracted with for the department was that she was too young.  She was Sally Taylor’s age: old enough to remember the bombs, but not old enough to have been involved in the strife.

She couldn’t possibly understand what it’d been like to go to war with New Bern.  Bill should have hired someone older.

She sat across from him, tapping her pen on a yellow notepad.  As if she’d read his mind, she said, “I know I’m young, Sheriff Koehler, but I do remember the bombs.  And I may not be from Jericho, but my father died defending Goodland from the interstate gangs.  Forgive me, but I do know a little of what you went through.”

“You’ve probably read my wife’s book, too,” Bill said.

“I have.  So I’m familiar with the Rangers and the war you fought.  I imagine that’s been on your mind lately.”

Bill sighed.  He might as well commit.  “As soon as the shooting started, it was like I was back on the Richmond farm, fighting the war.  It didn’t help that the man was from New Bern, too.  He was old enough he probably fought in it as well.”

“But you managed to hold yourself together.  You shot him.”

“I have to keep myself together.  I’m the sheriff.  My deputies count on me.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Bill paused.  “I also get panic attacks,” he admitted.

“Did you get one that day?”

“Not until I got home.  I can hold it together that long.”

The counselor made a note.  “Your wife helps you, I imagine?”

“Yes,” Bill said.  “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m figuring out your support system.”

“You should just ask.  It’s my wife and my friend Jimmy, who is my undersheriff.”

“So just two people?  You don’t have more friends?”

“Not that I get into this stuff with.”  Bill thought of Stanley.  He’d understand the war flashbacks, but Bill hated to bring it up.  Stanley’s life was going so well these days, he didn’t want to ruin it, not after the years Stanley spent battling depression.

“Okay, so you have a small support system.  But you have one, which is good.”  She made another note.  “Now to the nitty-gritty.  Walk me through everything that happened that day.”

 

Bill left her office after what felt like an hour’s interrogation.  She’d promised that next session would be different, but Bill dreaded it already.

He drove home from Goodland on the backroads thinking about her farewell to him. 

“A sheriff who gets panic attacks is a rare thing,” she’d said.  “You have to fight anxiety every day, but you’re a champion of masking it.  That’s good for your job, but might not be good for your mind.”

Bill sighed.  Maybe she was right, but what could he do?  Masking it was ingrained in him now.

He kissed Sarah when he got home and collapsed in his old chair. 

“No fun?” Sarah asked.

“I already go to one therapist.  Why do I have to see another?” he grumped.

“You only have yourself to blame.”

“I do blame myself.”

Sarah curled up on the couch by his chair.  “You only have four mandated sessions.  You can survive this.  Just try to be honest and don’t b.s. the girl.”

“Yeah, yeah.”  Bill sighed.  “Remind me why I’m sheriff again.”

“Because you do things like save your deputies’ lives,” Sarah said.  “Because you’re good at it and Jericho recognizes that.”

“I meant why do I keep running for the job?”

“Because Jake Green’s not here and he’s the only person you’d trust the town to.”

Bill leaned his head back.  “I hate when you’re right.”


	21. 2042

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding, a confession, and a birthday!

**2042**

**January**

It was dress shopping time.

Sarah, Margaret, and Mimi drove all the way to Hays to shop at the malls there.  It wasn’t every day Sarah got to buy a new dress, much less a Mother of the Groom dress.

Mimi needed a new dress for the wedding, too, so they’d just made a girl’s day of it, hoping to find some after-Christmas bargains.  Margaret was there for emotional support and honest opinions.

Some of Margaret’s opinions were a little off, though.  She picked up a sleeveless dress and held it up to Sarah, who pushed it away.

“I’m not sure sleeveless is appropriate,” she fussed.  “And not with the way my arms look these days.”

“The wedding’s in July,” Margaret pointed out.  “You’ll thank me then.”

“ _Short_ -sleeved, Margaret, please,” Sarah said, flipping through the dresses.  She tried to keep an eye on Mimi’s choices; she didn’t want to dress brighter than the bride’s mother.

“I have missed malls,” Mimi said.  “I miss a lot of things from the city, but malls are near the top of my list.”

“You’re in luck,” Margaret said.  “We’re hitting two of them today.”

Mimi sighed in happiness.

“Here, what about this?”  Margaret held up a skimpy, short dress.

“Margaret!” Sarah hissed.  “We are all around sixty.  We can’t wear that stuff anymore.”

“I’m telling you.  July.  You’ll be sorry,” Margaret said.

 

“You’re not allowed to ask what I spent on this dress,” Sarah called from the bedroom.

Bill’s stomach lurched a little at that.  They were already paying for a honeymoon to Cancun – how much more could they spend on this wedding?

Sarah came out of the bedroom, and hid in the shadows of the hallway.  “You ready?”

“I am.”  Bill wanted to see where their money was going.

Sarah stepped into the living room and all his thoughts of money blew away. 

The dress was a light bluish silver color that caught her eyes, long with short sleeves, and overlaid in lace flowers of some sort.  It was just the sort of modest dress Sarah usually wore, but taken to a whole new level. 

It took Bill’s breath away.

Sarah grinned shyly.  “That was the reaction I was hoping for.”

Bill got up from his chair.  “You’ll outshine Caroline.”

Sarah laughed.  “Mimi showed me the dresses she’s looking at.  I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

Putting his hands on her waist, Bill leaned in for a kiss.  “The dress is worth whatever you paid,” he said, “But it feels like you have a suit of armor on underneath.”

“Copious amounts of shapewear.  Basically a full-torso corset,” Sarah said.  “I can’t breathe, but it’s worth it for your reaction.”

“Sounds like you’ll need help taking it off.”

“Maybe,” Sarah said coyly.  “Wanna come see?”

Oh, did he ever.

~~~

 

Over the holidays, Sarah had made the whole family – including Caroline – go get a group portrait made.  The prints just came in and were exactly what Sarah had hoped for.

She was packaging framed copies to be mailed to Wes and Libby when Bill came home from work.

“What’re you working on?” he asked.

“Photos.”  She handed Bill a frame.  “Here, for your desk at work.  An updated photo so you can get rid of those school ones taped to that old picture of me you still have.”

Bill looked at the photo.  “It turned out well, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it did.  I’m taking a copy to _my_ desk, too.”

“And of course, that large one to hang here.”

“Yup,” Sarah said.  “The large one for home.”

Bill went ahead and stuck the photo in his briefcase.  “I’m off to get comfortable for the day.”

“I’m starting dinner after this, if you want to help,” Sarah called down the hall.  She grinned.  Bill would probably spend the evening in the garage again.  The old van was acting up and they were hoping he could fix it.

If Bill couldn’t fix it, probably no one could for a decent price.  They might need a new car soon.

 

**February**

Sarah didn’t visit the station much these days; there wasn’t much she needed to be there for.  Bill had plenty of people to file, they were all well trained, and Bill didn’t like to be disturbed.

She was disturbing him today, however.  He’d admitted to working through lunch lately, so she showed up, hot lunch in tow, and planned to sit in his office and make him eat it.

He groaned when he saw her. 

She set the insulated bag on his desk anyway and handed him a bowl.  “It’s just vegetable soup.  You can keep the rest in the fridge here so you have it when you need it.”  There was the unspoken threat that if he _didn’t_ eat the rest, she would be back to hand-feed him herself.

Sarah ladled out two bowl’s worth and pulled a chair around to Bill’s side of the desk.  “What has been so important lately that you can’t stop for lunch?” she asked.

“We’re looking at expanding and moving the station, just leaving a small contingent here,” Bill said.  “Trying to decide if it fits the budget and is worth it.”

Sarah nodded.  The department had long since outgrown the station, but leaving Town Hall was hard – and expensive.

She glanced at the papers spread across his desk, looking to see if she could help, when she noticed his pictures.

On the left side of the desk was the new family portrait she’d given him a few weeks ago, but on the right side sat the old picture of her – one taken with their engagement photos.

“Bill!  You’ve still got that old thing up?  People will think that’s Libby.  Nathan’s almost the same age I was when we took those pictures.”

Bill ate a few spoonfuls of soup before nodding.

Sarah had a sudden terrible thought.  “Babe, do you wish I still looked like that?”

Bill seemed to be caught off guard.  “You still do.  You always have,” he said, a little bit of baffled wonderment in his voice.

Sarah smiled softly, warmed by Bill’s words.  Casting out for some way to respond, she decided on a redirect.  “You realize that I’ve been a Koehler longer than I was a Morgan?”

Bill cocked his head, thinking.  “You know, you’re right.  And this year, we’ll have been married half my life.”

“You mean you’ve put up with me for thirty years and don’t regret it?” Sarah asked.

“Hah!  More like the other way around.  I’d expect _you_ to be tired of _my_ shit.”

Sarah smiled again.  “I think we’ve both scared each other a fair amount.  But we’ve also helped.”  She reached out and squeezed Bill’s hand.

She jerked it back when she heard the office door open behind her.

“Uh, sir, we need your help out here.”

Sarah looked and there was a very irate looking man at the counter.  “Guess I’d better get out of your way, sheriff,” she said, and moved the chair back to the front of Bill’s desk.  She kissed his forehead.  “I expect you to _eat_ when you sit back down, okay?”

“Promise,” said Bill.

 

**July**

It was summer in Kansas, so of course it rained.

Sarah and Bill ducked into the restaurant, Bill holding an umbrella for them both.  He shook it out before folding it up.

Sarah took his hand.  “Ready?”

Bill nodded.  “Let’s hit the party room.”

They weren’t the first ones there.  Stanley, Mimi, Nathan, and Caroline had all beaten them, along with some of the kids’ friends.  It was an odd mix of farmers and lawyers, but then again Nathan and Caroline were the same odd mix.  Bill supposed it must work.

Nathan waved them to the head table to sit by him.  As they slid by, Bill watched as Sarah gave everyone a quick hug and said hi.  She was so good at parties like this; Bill just stood there – or sat there – like a dolt.

The conversation was already speculating whether the rain would hold off long enough for the wedding, or if they’d have to move things into the barn, where they’d just had rehearsal.  Bill thought it would rain and was commenting on that when Wes and Libby came through the doors.

He and Sarah both stood to give them hugs.  Wes had flown in yesterday and Libby drove up from Wichita today.  They had all three kids together for such a short time, though – Libby had classes Monday and Wes flew back out to D.C. on Tuesday.  He wished they were all staying longer.

Sarah squeezed Bill’s hand under the table, as if she knew what he was thinking.

The last stragglers arrived and the rehearsal dinner was served.  They were at Jericho’s fanciest restaurant, which wasn’t saying much: barbecue and chicken fingers were on the menu next to pasta and steaks.

This was the one part of the wedding Nathan and Caroline had paid for themselves, so Bill expected food from the cheaper end of the menu, but it turned out to be Nathan’s favorite meal: filet and potatoes.  There was broccoli on the side as a paean to health, but that was it.  For Caroline’s two vegetarian friends, there was fettucine alfredo.

After the meal came the speeches.  Bill knew he was expected to speak, so he’d tried to think of what to say.

Nothing came to him that didn’t sound over-rehearsed, so he was winging it – just like all major speeches in his life.

Stanley’s speech was short – just how they knew Caroline was always going to do great things and they were glad to have her staying in Jericho with Nathan, who’d always been very responsible.

Then it was Bill’s turn.  He stood, glanced down at Sarah, and smiled when she nodded.  He’d run an idea by her on the way over.

He looked at Nathan and Caroline, who were waiting patiently for him to speak.  Bill grabbed his drink.

“Our families have been entwined for a long time.  Your grandfathers were close enough friends to call each other cousin.  Stanley and I were raised at each other’s houses.  When your grandparents died, Caroline, I moved in to help Stanley keep the farm.  When you both were little, the war destroyed the farmhouse and the Richmonds moved in with us while it was rebuilt.  Stanley offered Nathan his first job – which turned out to be his first love, but not his greatest one.  That one’s you, Caroline.  I hope you continue to make each other as happy as your parents and grandparents and great-grandparents were with each other.  _Are_ with each other.”

Bill toasted the couple and sat down, glad that was over.

Sarah squeezed his shoulders.  “That was great!” she whispered.

Bill grinned.  “Work’s given me a lot of practice speaking in front of people.”

“It shows.  Not nearly as awkward as your proposal to me.”

“Hey, the second time I tried it, it went better.”

“ _After_ you dropped the ring.”

Nathan leaned over.  “Are you talking about Dad’s proposal?”

Sarah nodded.  “I didn’t know you knew the story.” 

It was true, Bill thought.  If the kids were ever interested in their parents’ past, it was mostly of the bombs and the war years.  Not their early relationship.  Except for Nathan, a couple years ago.  “I told him the story before he proposed,” Bill explained.

“I hope you didn’t drop the ring,” Sarah joked.

“Don’t worry, Mom.  I learned from Dad’s mistake.”

 

The party was breaking up.  People finished their food and the available wine and beer and were milling about.  A few had already snuck out.

Sarah was a bit tipsy.  She’d only had one glass, but it was obviously interacting with her medication.

And making her emotional.

She just felt so _much_ when she looked at all three of her kids.  Nathan, who was so much like his father.  Wes, so much like her and yet so different.  And Libby, the social butterfly who was Bill’s female clone.

Sarah shakily walked down to Wes, who was off by himself.  “You doing okay?” she asked, sitting next to him.

“Yeah,” he said, turning to face her.  “Just don’t know many people here except for us and the Richmonds.”

Sarah rubbed his back.  “Yeah, your father and I don’t know Nathan and Caroline’s friends like we should, either.  I’m glad you came back for the wedding, though.”

“Well, Nathan wanted me to be a groomsman.  Or was that you?”

Sarah shook her head.  “I told him I liked the idea, but he brought it up first.”

Wes looked at her.  “Are you okay, Mom?  You sound a little weird.”

Her throat _was_ thick with emotion, it was true.  She felt like she might start crying at any minute, this was all so overwhelming.

Why was her son’s wedding so much harder emotionally than her own?

Sarah patted Wes’ shoulder.  “I think it’s about time your father and I got out of here.  You can follow us out or wait for Libby.”

“I think I better wait for Libby.  Don’t tell Dad, but she’s snuck some beer tonight,” Wes said conspiratorially. 

Bill _would_ have a cow.  Libby was only twenty.  “Get her some water and make sure she’s okay before you bring her home,” Sarah suggested.

She went in search of Bill and found him talking to Stanley.  Of course.

“Babe?” she asked, “I think I need to get home.”

Bill looked at her, slightly disappointed.

“I think I need a nap,” Sarah said, putting a little extra meaning on the last word – their old code word for impending breakdowns and panic attacks.

Bill immediately changed his expression.  He turned back to Stanley.  “Looks like it’s time for us to go.  We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Somewhere between the restaurant and home, Sarah’s tears came.  “I don’t even know why I’m crying,” she told Bill, wiping her eyes.

Bill patted her leg with one hand.  “Weddings are overwhelming.  Ours was.  I never even thought how it was for my parents.”

“I’m happy for them.  I don’t feel like I’m losing Nathan – for Pete’s sake, he’s just moving from the apartment to the farmhouse.  There’s no reason I should feel this way.”

Once he parked the car, Bill turned Sarah’s face to look at him.  “How much did you drink?”

“Just one glass of wine.”

“And you _did_ take your medication?”

“I did, but I don’t know if that’s it, Bill.”

“It might be part of it.”  He kissed her forehead.  “Let’s get you into some pajamas and maybe some tea.”

Sarah smiled.  Bill always knew what she needed.

~~~

 

The wedding itself went off with very few hitches – only the rain marred the day.

While the wedding pictures were being taken, Nathan and Caroline’s friends cleared some of the chairs to make a dance floor and started up the music.

Modern music definitely made Bill feel old.  It seemed nothing like what he’d listened to – which, to be fair, was mostly country and classic rock.  Sarah was the one with the wide musical palate.

Pictures were just as much a chore as he remembered.  They stood around for at least an hour, in various collections of people, smiling until their faces hurt.

At least Nathan and Caroline’s smiles seemed absolutely genuine.

When they were finally released, Bill watched the first dance and Caroline’s dance with Stanley.  Bill couldn’t help but watch Libby watching them.  It probably wouldn’t be too long before one of the boyfriends Libby regularly brought home proposed to her – and then it’d be _him_ dancing out there with Libby.

Bill gave Sarah a little shove to get her on the dance floor with Nathan next.  Bill could see them talking while they danced, but couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Maybe that was just something between mother and son, he thought.  Maybe he shouldn’t ask.

When the song ended, Bill met Sarah on the dance floor and dragged her back.  “You’re not getting out of dancing today,” he said.  “At least for a song or two.”

Sarah rolled her eyes but smiled.  The humidity was making her carefully-put up hair curl and tumble down to rest on the shoulders of that new dress.  It was a good look on her, Bill thought.  He kissed her lightly while they danced.

The party portion of the wedding lasted longer than Bill or Sarah could manage.  Stanley or Mimi, either – the four of them sought out their children to say goodnight around the same time.

“We’re all meeting for breakfast to see them off, right?” Bill asked.

Stanley nodded.  “Eight o’clock, which is late for breakfast.”

“Not the day after your wedding,” Sarah pointed out.  “That’s downright early.  If they didn’t have a flight out of Hays, I bet we wouldn’t see them until lunch.”

Stanley’s expression made them all laugh.

 

Bill and Sarah were curled up on the couch together when Wes and Libby walked in.  They stopped into the living room to talk.

“Well, it’s your turn next, Wes.  Just try not to make us go broke on the honeymoon,” Bill joked, a ways into the conversation.

Wes’ eyes grew large, as did Libby’s.  She stared at her brother.

Wes carefully took a chair by the TV, elbows on his knees, so he could face Bill.  “Uh, Dad.  I’m not going to get married.  Ever.”

Sarah looked up at him, something niggling in the back of her mind.

“Why not?” Bill said, sounding worried.

“I’m aro-ace, Dad.  A-R-O, not the arrows you shoot.  It means I’m not interested in anything but friendship with people.”

“Aromantic asexual,” Sarah said, the memory coming back.  She’d explained those terms to all the kids when they were teenagers, in case any of their friends fit the categories. 

In retrospect, it was obvious Wes was aro-ace.  He’d never had a girlfriend, never shown the least interest in dating.  He’d always been vaguely disgusted when the issue of sex came up, though Sarah had figured it was because he didn’t want to talk about it with his parents.

“Aromantic what?” Bill asked.

“Like Wes said, babe.  He’s not interested in romantic or sexual relationships.  Just friendships,” Sarah tried to explain.  She glanced at Wes, who gave her a slight smile.

Bill seemed to mull over the matter.  “Huh.  Okay.”

Wes took a deep breath and spread his hands.  “I can answer any questions you have, Dad.”

Bill looked at Sarah, who shrugged.  _She_ knew what it meant, but Bill had never paid attention to such things.

“So this is why you never wanted to date?  Why we’ve never heard about a girlfriend?” Bill asked.  “And that Tara girl you hang out with – she’s not a girlfriend you just didn’t want to tell us about?”

“That’s right,” Wes said.  “And Tara _is_ just a friend.  Not a girlfriend or a friend-with-benefits.”

“Libby obviously knew.  I’m assuming Nathan knows.  Why didn’t you tell us?”

Wes looked a little surprised.  “I didn’t know that you’d want me to.  I, uh,” he stammered.  “I honestly thought you’d think I was broken or something.”

“Because you’re not sleeping your way around D.C.?”  Bill shook his head.  “I’m quite glad of that, actually.”

Wes studied his dad.  “So you’re okay with this?”

“I don’t get it,” Bill said honestly.  “But you’re not sleeping around, which is good.  And I guess it’s okay to not date, either.  Don’t you get lonely?”

Wes shook his head.  “I’ve got lots of friends from work and in my apartment.  I’ve got the cats.  It’s not like I’m totally alone.  I go out with groups of people or one-on-one, but it isn’t a date.”

Bill shook his head.  “Okay, then.  I guess that’s that.”

Sarah was impressed with Bill.  She thought he’d ask more questions than that and unintentionally make Wes feel bad.  He’d handled it well, though.

“Of course it’s okay, kiddo,” Sarah said, reaching across the room to squeeze Wes’ hand.  “We love you whatever.”

She watched Wes visibly relax.  “I’m going to bed, then,” he said, and Libby punched his shoulder as he passed her.

“It’s bedtime for us, too,” Bill said, shaking Sarah a little.  “Don’t stay up too late, Libby.”

Libby rolled her eyes.  “I’ll be up in time, Dad.”

 

Bill saved all his questions for Sarah once they were in bed.

“Did you know?”

“No, but it seems obvious now.”  Sarah rolled to face Bill.  “Does this actually bother you?”

“Only a little.  I mean, it’s great we don’t have to worry about what he’s up to in D.C.  But who’ll take care of him when he gets our age and older?  If he gets sick?”

“He could get that from a roommate who’s a friend,” Sarah said.  “Or maybe one of Nathan and Caroline’s children will move out there and live cheaper with Uncle Wes and help take care of him.”

Bill seemed to think about it.  “I just don’t get it.  How can you not be interested in sex?”

“I can’t say,” Sarah said.  “Since we both are.  But Wes isn’t.  We’ve got to respect that.”

“Oh, I’m not going to bother him about it,” Bill said.  “Tonight was all I want to talk about it with him.  But I don’t know if I’ll ever get it.  Not wanting what we have?  I thought the kids all knew we loved each other and how great it is.”

“I think Wes knows we’re happy, babe.  It’s just not what he wants in his life.”

Bill sighed.  “I guess.  As long as _he’s_ happy.”

Sarah smiled sleepily.  “That’s the spirit.”

 

**September**

“What do you want to do for your birthday, babe?” Sarah asked.

Bill thought about it.  He didn’t want a party.  The kids were probably too busy to all come back home, so it was just him and Sarah.

“You know, we haven’t taken an overnight trip in a while,” he said.

Sarah looked shocked.  “Bill Koehler wants to leave town for his birthday?  The same Bill I married who bleeds Jericho High green-and-gold?  Out of town?”  She touched the back of her hand to his forehead, as if checking for a fever.

Bill pushed her hand away.  “I’m serious.  The election was last year.  I can take a long weekend.”

“I’m finally rubbing off on you.  Where would you want to go?” Sarah asked.

“We haven’t gone north in a while,” Bill suggested.  “Wind Cave?”

“That’d be a four-day weekend for you,” Sarah cautioned.

“As someone once told me, if I’ve done my job, the office will function without me,” Bill said, sidling up to Sarah and giving her a hug.

“I’ll book it.”

~~~

 

“Hey, Mom,” Nathan said, calling one night.  “You haven’t told us what the plan is for Dad’s birthday.”

Sarah grinned, having already fielded calls about this from Wes and Libby.  “He and I are going up to South Dakota for a long weekend.”

“Oh.”  Nathan almost sounded disappointed.  “I was going to offer to throw a surprise party for him.”

Sarah thought back to the last actual birthday party they’d had for Bill, twenty years ago.  “That probably wouldn’t go over well.  Surprising a constantly-armed man might not end prettily.”

“Okay, so no surprise.  But we can throw one when you get back and he can know about it, right?”

“You are determined to throw him a party, aren’t you?” Sarah asked.

“Kinda,” Nathan admitted.  “I have a really good gift for him this year.”

“What is that?”

“It’s a surprise for you, too,” Nathan said.

“Is Caroline pregnant already?” Sarah asked warily.

“No!  That’s not it.  Just… let me throw him a party.  It can be here at the ranch the night you get home.”

“Night _after_ we get home.  Keep it small.”

“Deal.”

Sarah wandered into the garage after she hung up.  “Nathan is set and determined to throw you a party.  I made him promise to keep it small, but we’re obligated to go to the farm the night after we get home.”

Bill groaned.  “That boy knows I hate parties.  Why is he doing this?”

Sarah shrugged.  “He said he had a really good present for you.  And no, Caroline’s not pregnant.  I asked.”

Bill made some final adjustments to the truck and closed the hood.  “I think we’ll be good to drive this the whole way.”

“Good.  Guess that means I need to go pack.”

~~~

 

The drive was long but easy, Bill avoiding the interstates as usual.  They found their little rental cabin in Hot Springs and unpacked before going out in search of food.  Sarah made Bill stop at a grocery store and get some eggs and bacon for breakfast before they settled in for the night.

The cabin only had a full-size bed, so they snuggled a little tighter than usual.  There was a touch of chill in the air, though, so neither really minded.

Sarah laid her head on Bill’s chest, caressing it idly with her fingers as she did so.  “Is this okay for your birthday?” she asked.  Bill’s actual birthday wasn’t until the middle of the week, so she still had time to do something different for him.

Bill wrapped his arms around her, warming her bare skin, and smiled down at her.  Sarah couldn’t help but smile back.  The years had been surprisingly kind to Bill and he’d aged more gracefully than she had.  Yes, he had wrinkles and his hair was slowly turning silver, and sure, he needed reading glasses now, but he was still recognizably the young man she’d first met.  Sarah thought she bore little resemblance anymore, no matter what Bill said.

“This is perfect,” Bill said.  “Just the two of us, no comments about my age from Stanley or commiseration from Jimmy, no pieces of the house or car falling apart, and no deputies needing my attention.  Oh, and no paperwork.  Yup, this is perfect.”  He kissed the top of her head and pulled the covers up to her shoulders.

“Need me to move?” Sarah asked.

Bill shook his head.  “Like I said, this is perfect.”

~~~

 

Bill studied the Wind Cave National Park trail map, finally pointing at one.  “There.”

Sarah peered at the map.  “East Bison Flats?”  It was marked as strenuous and nearly four miles.

“You up to it?” Bill looked down at her.  They both knew he was in better shape than she was now.

“Make sure we have plenty of water and I’ll try it,” she said.

One mile in, Sarah was regretting her choice.  The trail had dipped down into a canyon and then climbed straight back out.  They were still steadily going uphill.  Bill promised that they’d go downhill into the Flats soon, but Sarah wasn’t sure she trusted his definition of “soon.”

Two miles in and they reached the Flats.  Sarah’s hair was plastered to her head with sweat, but she’d only slowed Bill down a little. 

She was rather proud of that.

As they walked the Flats, Bill took her hand.  “You did good back there.”

“You say that, but how much more is coming up.”

Bill’s eye darted upwards and Sarah knew he was recalling the trail map.  “Looks like the last half mile or so is uphill again.”

Sarah did her best not to grit her teeth.  All the uphills left a pain in her left shin, where she’d hurt it thirty or so years ago.  That fall in Colorado Springs really messed up her elevation hiking.  She missed being able to climb easily.

Despite that, she had to say the views here just might be worth the pain.

Hours later, they both trudged back to the truck, knowing they’d be stiff and sore once they stopped moving.

Bill almost couldn’t stand after their dinner in town.

“Do I need to get you a cane?” Sarah asked, though she was sore herself.

“I’m not quite _that_ old yet,” Bill laughed.

“Well, you _are_ hitting sixty next week.  I think it’s time to start telling kids to get off your lawn.”

“You joke like you’re not only three years behind me,” Bill warned.

Sarah laughed.  “That’s still three more years than you have, babe.”

They both walked stiffly out of the restaurant.

“I feel like I just did a foot chase,” Bill said.  “Except I didn’t have to tackle anyone.”

“You can tackle me in bed tonight,” Sarah promised.

Bill waggled his eyebrows and Sarah laughed.

~~~

 

“There’s hot springs here,” Sarah said, “or else how did the town get its name?”

“We’ll find them, I promise,” Bill said, looking through all the brochures by the visitor’s center.  “Only ones I’m seeing look kinda commercial.”

Sarah picked up a copy of the brochure he was looking at.  It _did_ look more like a swimming pool, but claimed to be warm mineral water.  “I’ll try it.  Soaking can only help our legs after yesterday.”

“My knees, too,” Bill muttered.  “I’m still glad we did it.”

“And swimming will be exercise, too,” Sarah said.  “We can make up for that huge dinner last night.”

Bill laughed.  “We’d have to swim all day to make up for that.”

Sarah was glad to see they weren’t the oldest people at the mineral springs, but there were mostly young people playing on the slides and other toys.

She and Bill split up to change in their designated locker rooms and met out at the pool.

Once again, Sarah was jealous that Bill could still look good in only swim trunks, whereas she was hiding herself under a towel.

They found a place to put their towels and Bill grabbed the top edge of her towel.  “You’ve got to take this off, babe.”

Sarah let it slide off of her and Bill smiled.  “See?  You look fine.”

Well, maybe she could believe him.

 

After a late lunch, they followed a walking history tour of the town.  Bill pointed out that Jericho was actually older, so he wasn’t terribly impressed.  Sarah replied that Hot Springs had more historical buildings deserving a tour and Bill was forced to agree.  Jericho updated everything in the nineteen-fifties and -sixties – when the salt mine boomed – and never looked back.

He was enjoying walking around in the late summer sun with Sarah.  His birthday always seemed to be the harbinger of fall weather, so he soaked in the warmth while he could.  Sarah loved winters these days, but Bill loved summer more as he got older.  He wondered if he’d like it even if he were still out on patrol every day.

They drove back to Wind Cave to look at the stars that night.  In a dark trail parking lot, Bill helped Sarah climb into the back of the truck and they sat there, snuggled together, just looking.  Even though a chill settled in with the night winds, Bill thought he wouldn’t mind spending all night there, just holding Sarah in the quiet.  It reminded him of the night he proposed - but a lot less stressful.

There was a soft snore and Sarah resituated herself in his lap.  Bill stroked her hair and smiled.

~~~

 

“Are you sure we have to go in?” Bill asked, peering at the Richmonds’ through the windshield.  “Can I just… send you instead?”

Sarah swatted him lightly.  “Your son wants to throw you a party.  You can indulge him for one night.”  She straightened the collar on his shirt and patted his shoulder.  “There.  You look good.  We can go in now.”

Out of habit, Bill came around to let her out and found Sarah waiting for him with the door open.  He grinned.  “I wasn’t quick enough.”

“I waited for you anyway,” Sarah said lightly, taking Bill’s arm as they walked up the hill.

Nathan was at the front door, ready with a hug for Sarah and a handshake for Bill.  “Happy birthday, Dad.”

“You know you didn’t have to do anything,” Bill said, giving Nathan a look.

“Just come in,” Nathan said, holding open the door.

“Bill!” Stanley yelled as soon as they stepped inside.  “Look who came home!”

Stanley had an arm around a thin, white-haired man.  It took Bill a moment to place him.

“Jake!” he said, hurrying across the living room to shake his hand.  “I thought we’d never hear from you again.”

“I’ve been traveling,” Jake said softly.  “But I’ve settled down in Sacramento lately.”

“What are you doing here?”

Jake nodded at Nathan.  “Your son tracked me down and asked me to come back to see you and Stanley.  Said you guys told stories on me when he was growing up.”

Bill shrugged.  “We told them the truth.”

“And then Sarah wrote about it,” Jake said, waving across the room at her.  “Yeah, I read her book.  She did you all justice.”

“She’s a damn exaggerator,” Bill said.

“I hear it’s your birthday,” Jake said.  “Sixty?  Really?  I come back to town and find you’re still sheriff, both of you have grown-up kids, and we’re all old.  Is that about it?”

“Emily’s still single,” Stanley said, garnering a look from Jake.

“That’s over,” he said. 

“How long are you here for?” Bill asked, changing the question.

“I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon, flying back to Sacramento.”

“You should come by the station in the morning, see how we measure up to your tenure as sheriff,” Bill suggested.  “Jimmy would love to see you, I know.”

Bill looked around.  “Nathan didn’t invite the Taylors?”

“He figured you were going out with them tomorrow night,” Stanley said.  “But he did invite two others.”  He pointed at the kitchen.

To Bill’s delight he saw all three of his children, loading up plates of food.  “You’ll have to excuse me, Jake.”

Libby saw him first and set her food down for a hug. 

“You’re supposed to be at school!” Bill fussed.

“Drove up tonight and my next class isn’t until one tomorrow.  Got time to drive back,” she explained.  “Happy birthday, Dad.”

Bill shook his head.  “You should still be studying.  And you!”  He turned and gave Wes a hug, too.  “You’re supposed to be working!”

“I had vacation saved up.  Plus Nathan might have threatened me.”

Libby nodded.  “Me, too.”

“I’m so glad he did,” Bill said.  “Have you seen your mother yet?”

They both shook their heads.

Bill pushed them towards the living room.  “Go see her and then I want to introduce you to someone.”

“We’ve already met, Dad,” Wes protested, but to no avail.

Sarah had gone to talk to Jake – Bill knew she’d never known him _that_ well, but enough to make conversation.

She was already pointing out the kids.  “So you met Nathan – he’s the one I was pregnant with when you left.  Wes is the one I was pregnant with when you came back.  He works at a tech firm in D.C. and I really couldn’t tell you what he does.  Libby came around after you left and she’s in ROTC down at KU.”

“’Down’?” Jake asked.

“They rebuilt the school just outside Wichita,” Bill explained, coming up behind Sarah.  “Did you know the kids were going to be here?” he asked her.

“They may have texted me earlier today to ask if they could stay with us tonight,” she said.  “But I wanted it to be a surprise for you.”

Bill squeezed her shoulders.  “It’s a good surprise.  Maybe we can keep them all through an early lunch.”

Sarah slipped off to talk to the kids.

Jake smiled.  “I hope you don’t mind me crashing the family party.”

Stanley shook his head.  “You’re an honorary Richmond, Jake.  And thanks to the kids, so is Bill’s family.”

“There’s more of us,” Bill joked.  “You might all be honorary Koehlers.”

“For tonight only, maybe,” Stanley said, lightly punching Bill’s shoulder.

Bill pointed to Stanley’s arm, which looked more lifelike than ever.  “How’s the new bionic treating you?”

Stanley held out his arm, rotated it, and shrugged.  “Easier to get used to than that first one.”

“Just what happened that day?” Jake asked.  “You were being _that_ stubborn that you wouldn’t leave the house even though you _knew_ our artillery would fire in that direction?”

“’Bout sums it up,” Stanley said. 

“He’s just lucky I checked on him after,” Bill said, with a quick shudder at the memory.  “Might not have found him in time.”

“I saw you in the clinic before I left, but you were still pretty out of it when I did go.”  Jake looked at Bill.  “I don’t think I heard the full story of you finding him.”

That set off a night’s worth of stories and reminiscing.  With only one break for food, Bill, Jake, and Stanley sat and talked until the kids called it quits and left for bed.

Bill finally glanced over and caught Sarah and Mimi dozing on the couch.  Sarah jerked herself awake and blushed when she caught his eye.

“I think that’s my cue to turn it in,” Bill said, standing.  He reached across the table to shake Jake’s hand.  “I’m serious, come by the station in the morning.  See Jimmy.  Put some fear into those kids when they realize who you are.”

“I’ll be by Town Hall anyway.  I’m going to stop in and see Eric.”  Jake shook his head.  “Third generation Green mayor.  Glad it wasn’t me.”

 

When they got home, Bill looked in on the kids.  Libby’s room was still how she’d left it as a teenager, but they’d converted Wes and Nathan’s room back to a guestroom.  Bill got a sleepy wave from each kid and wished them good night.

He shut his bedroom door behind him, grinning like a loon. 

Sarah laughed when she saw his face.  “So Nathan’s not in trouble for your party?”

“He got Wes and Libby here, which would have been enough.  But to track down Jake?  Man, did you see how happy Stanley was?  He’s really missed him.”  Bill sat on the bed and unlaced the boots he always wore. 

“I saw,” Sarah said.  “You looked pretty happy yourself.”

“Jake’s gonna come by the station tomorrow.”

Sarah crawled up behind him and massaged his shoulders.  Bill relaxed and let his head fall back in happiness. 

“You’re finally going to see if you measure up to Jake as a sheriff, huh?”

Bill’s head came back up.  Sarah was too perceptive sometimes.  “No,” he tried.

“Yes,” she said, giving his shoulders one last squeeze and sliding to sit next to him.  “I know you.  You’ve always wondered.  Always judged yourself against him.  And tomorrow?  You’re finally going to get validation.  Guess that’s a pretty good birthday present.”

She’d gotten it exactly right.  Bill tossed his socks over to the hamper.  “How come you know me so well?”

Sarah kissed his cheek.  “Because I love you.  And you love me.”

Bill turned his head and caught her with a real kiss.  “You do.  And I do,” he said, between kisses.

Sarah unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.  “Sure you don’t want to wait until the kids are out of the house?” she said softly as she kissed his neck.

Bill wasn’t waiting for anything now.  He grabbed at Sarah’s nightshift and pulled it over her head.  “I’ve had everything else I could have wanted tonight.  Now I want you.”

Sarah kissed him again, deep and passionate.  She straddled his lap.  “Happy birthday, babe.”


	22. 2044

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first grandchild arrives and Libby leaves.

**2044**

**January**

Just before bedtime, there was a knock on the door. 

Bill and Sarah looked at each other and Bill got up to answer it.  There, in the swirling snow, stood Nathan.  He looked upset and held a suitcase.

“Hi,” he said.  “Can I stay here for a few nights?”

Bill gestured for Nathan to come in.  “Sarah, we’ve got overnight company,” he called back to the living room.

Sarah showed up in the hallways and hugged Nathan immediately – it was obvious how miserable he was.

“Go put your stuff in your room and come talk to us,” she instructed.

Nathan nodded and head off to the bedrooms.

Sarah looked questioningly at Bill and he shrugged.

They waited ten minutes in the living room for Nathan before they went in search of him.  He was sitting on the guest bed in his old room, twiddling his thumbs.

Sarah went to sit with him while Bill leaned in the doorway.

“What happened, kiddo?” Sarah asked softly.  “You fighting with Caroline?”

Nathan nodded.

“What about?”

Nathan took a minute to answer.  “I think we need to find our own place.  The baby’s coming in May and the farmhouse is already crowded and as much as I like Stanley, living with him _and_ working with him is really hard.”

“And Caroline doesn’t want to move out,” Sarah guessed.

Nathan nodded again and Bill snorted.  “There’s something about Richmonds and that farmhouse.  You may never get her out of there, even if there were bombs heading towards it.”

Sarah shot Bill a look.  _Not funny_ , it said.  _Not helpful._

“So you fought over this.  Did she kick you out or did you leave on your own?” Bill asked.

“I left.  Said I needed a break from living there.”  Nathan looked at Bill.  “Did I screw things up completely?”

Sarah rubbed Nathan’s back.  “Oh, honey, no.  Married couples fight, especially the first few years.  And expecting a baby is stressful.  Your dad and I fought a lot at the beginning.  We once spent about a month not talking.”

“But did you ever walk out on Dad?”

Sarah shook her head.  “No, but I didn’t have anywhere to go except back to Tennessee.”

“Are you going to work still?” Bill asked.

“I didn’t fight with Stanley,” Nathan said. 

Bill rolled his eyes at his son’s innocence.  “But you fought with his only child.  Walked out on her when she’s pregnant.  You’re going to owe all the Richmonds an apology.”

“Oh,” Nathan said morosely.  “Damn, I really screwed things up, didn’t I?”

Sarah said, “No.  You handled an argument badly.”

“Maybe not so badly,” Bill suggested.  “Maybe you both did need a break.  Sounds like _you_ needed a break from that farmhouse.”

Nathan nodded again.

Sarah rubbed his back one more time.  “Get some sleep.  We’ll talk over breakfast about what you need to do.”

~~~

 

Sarah woke up early – as early as Bill used to – so she could cook a full breakfast for Nathan.  And for Bill, too, since he was there.

Nathan wandered in the kitchen not long after Sarah started cooking.  Working at the farm, he was used to early hours.

“Jeez, Mom, you didn’t have to do all this,” he said, looking at the bacon and eggs and French toast she was making.

“I wanted to,” Sarah said.  “You’re not here much anymore.”

Nathan slid into his old seat by the wall.  “Yeah, well, if I don’t figure out how to fix things with Caroline, I may be here permanently.”  He paused.  “Should I just go with whatever she wants?”

Sarah flipped some bacon.  “Do you really feel strongly about finding your own place?” she asked.

“I do,” Nathan said.  “I think we’d be happier and we need the room for the baby.”

Sarah thought back to when she was first pregnant with Nathan.  “Caroline’s a little scared right now,” she said.  “She wants her parents around to help her when the baby’s here.”

“But _I’m_ here.  _I’ll_ be helping.”

Bill walked in the kitchen and laughed.  “Two of you _is_ enough, but it’s also tough.”

“You two managed it with three of us.”

“Gee, thanks,” Sarah laughed.  “You make it sound so easy.  No, hon.  She’s scared and you’re trying to take her away from her support system.  I agree with you that you probably should have your own place, but it’s going to take a bit to convince Caroline.”

There was a moment of silence before Bill spoke.  “Can you talk to Stanley about building a second house on the property?  That way you’re not taking her far away, but you two will still have some privacy.”

Sarah brightened.  “My great-grandparents had a little house on their farm for that very reason – it was the first house two of their kids lived in after getting married.”

“That sounds great,” Nathan said, “but how do I afford a house?  Or someone to build it?”

“If Stanley’ll let you do it, I’ll help you buy the lumber.  Then you get all your friends together and build it.  You plan it right, you can have it up in a week or two.  I’ll help, too,” Bill suggested.

“Dad!  I can’t ask you to do that!”

Bill put a hand on Nathan’s shoulder and squeezed.  “I’m offering.  You’re not asking.  And I can help you get all the permits you need, since they’re all routed through Town Hall.”

Nathan looked stunned as Sarah put a plate of food in front of him.  “That’s too much, Dad.”

“You’re talking about a home for our first child, his wife, and our first grandchild,” Sarah pointed out.  “It’s not too much if we’re in the position to help.”

“Of course, this all assumes Stanley agrees,” Nathan said between bites.

Sarah served up food for both her and Bill and they joined Nathan at the table. 

“You go apologize to Caroline first thing, before she goes to the office.  Tell her that while you feel very strongly about this, you were wrong to fight with her over it.  That you should compromise instead.  Promise you’re not trying to keep her parents from the baby.  Explain what you told us.  When she’s not mad at you, then you bring up the house,” she suggested. 

“And after Caroline’s happy and on board, _then_ you go to Stanley,” Bill added.  “But you’d better hurry, because Stanley will still expect you to work today.”

Nathan nodded and quickly finished his food, taking seconds but refusing thirds.  He wiped his face with a napkin and stood.  “I think I’ve got to go talk to my wife.”

Sarah smiled encouragingly.  “Go do that.  Be kind!” she called after him as Nathan went to pack up his things.

“You think it’ll work out?” Bill asked quietly when Nathan was out of earshot.

Sarah shrugged.  “I don’t know if Nathan will get his house, but I think he’ll get Caroline back.”

Bill sighed.  “That’s what’s important.”

Sarah frowned.  “Maybe not today, though.  He may have to earn his way back, so expect him back tonight.”

 

**March**

Sarah was right.  Nathan stayed with them for about a week before Caroline took him back.  Each night he was morose, but hopeful again in the morning.

It took another week for him to convince her of the house idea and yet another week to convince Stanley.

By the time the ground thawed in late March, Nathan had found a simple house plan, located a spot, and organized his friends.

Bill couldn’t be prouder.  Nathan had taken a bad situation and turned it around into something Caroline liked.  _And_ he was willing to put in physical effort to get it.

If only Bill had been so persistent when he and Sarah fought early on. 

“We raised him well,” Sarah said when Bill told her that.  “And we got through our fights.  Eventually.  We don’t have them near as often anymore.”

“Just about when I’m going to retire,” Bill said, jokingly.

Sarah shook her finger at him.  “You are not going to work yourself to death or miss our grandkids’ lives because you won’t quit your job.”

“Just let me make it an election year, okay?” Bill asked.  “So I don’t leave anyone in the lurch.”

“I’ll give you next year’s election,” Sarah said.  “That’ll bring you to sixty-seven.”

“But you to only sixty-four.  You won’t be retirement age yet,” Bill pointed out.

Sarah sighed.  “One election and two years?” she tried.

“We’ll see.”

 

**May**

“Come meet her,” Nathan said over the phone, sounding exhausted.  “She’s here and everyone’s okay.  Stanley and Mimi are on their way down too.”

Bill called for Sarah as soon as he hung up his phone.  “She’s here!  We can go to the clinic now.”

Sarah stuck her head out from the bedroom where she’d been resting while they waited for news.  “What’d they name her?”

Bill shrugged.  “Nathan didn’t tell me.  But if we want to beat the Richmonds there, we better hurry.”

Sarah came out of the bedroom, straightening her clothes.

“Well, let’s go, then!”

 

They saw the Richmonds pass them when they tried to turn left on Main Street.

“Damn it,” Bill swore.  “They’re going to get there first.  They’re going to have her on the same property her whole life.  Why couldn’t we be first?”

Sarah patted his knee.  “Well, you can drive recklessly and pass them or just suck it up.”

Bill gave serious thought to passing the cars ahead of them, but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.

Miraculously, Stanley and Mimi were waiting at the clinic’s entrance.

“We saw you behind us,” Stanley said.  “I was half afraid you’d pull me over.”

Bill clapped Stanley on the back.  “Not this time, buddy.”

They walked down the hall until they saw Nathan waving them into a room.

Bill was first in, dragging Sarah with him.

Poor Caroline had been in labor nearly a day and it showed.  She looked bedraggled, but happy, holding a small bundle.  She held the baby up for everyone to see.  Nathan stood by her, seeming just as tired but beaming.

The baby looked like most newborn babies, Bill thought, but he was enchanted by her.  His first grandchild.  She had a head of blonde hair already and Bill suspected her eyes were blue right now, too.  He wondered if they’d stay that way.

He loved her instantly.

“What’s her name?” Sarah asked.

Both Nathan and Caroline looked at Stanley.  Caroline spoke carefully.  “Dad, if it’s okay, we’d like to call her Bonnie.”

Bill almost had to sit down, but Sarah had a hand on his back.

Stanley nodded, and Bill saw he was crying.  “Yeah, baby, it’s okay.  More than okay.”

“We both grew up hearing stories about her,” Nathan said.  “We know she meant a lot to all of you.  And, well, the name just seemed right.”

“So meet Bonnie Rebecca Koehler,” Caroline said and reached to hand the baby to her mother.

Mimi cradled the baby in her arms, cooing at her happily.  Almost reluctantly, she handed the baby to Stanley and slowly Bonnie made her way around the room.

Bill stared when she got to him.  He’d forgotten just how tiny babies could be, how fragile they felt to him.

“Hey there, baby girl,” he whispered to Bonnie.  “You’re so little but you’re so loved already.”

Sarah wrapped an arm around his waist and he knew he’d been heard.  He didn’t particularly care, however.  He stepped forward and handed Bonnie back to Caroline.  He wanted to keep holding her, but knew he couldn’t.

Stanley walked up to the bed and kissed Caroline on the forehead.  “You okay, baby?”

Caroline smiled.  “Yeah, Dad, I am now.  She’s here and she’s healthy.  I just need some sleep.”

Stanley turned around and pointed everyone out the door.  “They need sleep.  We can visit again tomorrow.”

“Wait!”  Sarah stopped and snapped a few pictures on her phone.  “Nathan may have gotten some of Caroline and Bonnie already, but I wanted ones with the three of them,” she told Bill as they walked through the clinic halls.

“We’re grandparents now.  Can you believe it?” Stanley asked Bill.  “From playing together as kids to sharing a grandchild.  Who’d’ve thunk?”

Bill shook Stanley’s hand.  “You’re not allowed to hog her just because they live on your property,” he warned.

“Just watch me,” joked Stanley.

~~~

 

Libby graduated and came home with a mountain of belongings.  Sarah wasn’t sure how she managed to fit it all in her room, but she did.

“I’m only here for two months,” she reassured her parents.  “Then I’m off to OCS and then I’ll be deployed somewhere.”

Sarah just hoped that wasn’t somewhere overseas.

Bill was thrilled to have Libby home and Libby was thrilled to have a niece to play with.  Sarah almost felt abandoned – she had no one’s attention.

Still, it was nice that Caroline brought Bonnie over frequently.  Sarah made sure to cook dinner for them when they had a free night, which brought them over even more.  They were even allowed to keep her overnight a few times, to give Nathan and Caroline a break.

The days Bonnie was over, Sarah taught Libby how to play with and care for babies.  In the evenings, when Bill came home, he wanted nothing more than to take a nap in his recliner with Bonnie, just like he used to with their kids.

Sarah would lean in the doorway and watch him, smiling.

“Do you wish we’d gotten married sooner and had kids right away?  So maybe we’d have been younger when we had grandkids?” she asked one night, lying in bed with Bill.

Bill rolled over and pulled her to him.  “I only wish we’d met and gotten married sooner because I want more time with you,” he said.  “There’s no guarantee we’d have gotten our three great kids or that they wouldn’t have still waited.  We might get more grandkids from Nathan, we might not.  None from Wes, and who knows about Libby?  I’ll enjoy the one we’ve got no matter how old I am.”

Sarah took his hand, squeezed it, and brought it up for a kiss.  “I know we both will,” she said.  “I just wondered.”

 

**June**

Libby apparently planned to spend her last summer at home lounging around, but Bill had other plans for her.

He wanted to spend time with her, since he knew she’d likely be gone for years with the Army.  He woke her up that first Monday morning. 

“C’mon,” he said.  “You’re coming to work with me today.”

“But Dad!” she groaned.  “I was gonna sleep in.”

“You’re not going to get to sleep in anymore,” Bill pointed out.  “Not in the Army.  Might as well get used to it now.”

“That’s _exactly_ why I want to sleep in.”

Bill pulled back the quilt on her bed.  “Nope.  Time to get up.”

He and Libby made it to the station only a little after Bill’s usual arrival time.

“Jimmy!” he called, once they were in his office and he’d unpacked his briefcase. 

Jimmy stuck his head in.  “Yes?”

“I’m borrowing your car today and doing a patrol.  Taking Libby with me.  You’re in charge of the station.”

Jimmy nodded and tossed him the keys.  “Move the seat back when you’re through, boss.”

Bill punched Jimmy’s side as he walked by.  “Move your own damn seat.”

Libby looked like she couldn’t decide whether to laugh or be scared.

 

Bill pulled the car off the side of Route 23, backing it into some tall grass lining the road.

“So you brought me out here so you could go on patrol again?” Libby asked.  “You know Mom won’t like it.”

“Then you went on a ride-along with Jimmy today,” Bill said.  “And I stayed in my office like a good boy.”

Libby laughed.  “Oh, Mom’s really not going to like being lied to.”

Bill gave her a look, but knew she was right.  Sarah would know, somehow.

He pulled out the radar gun and showed Libby how to use it.  “Okay, so you can shoot the next car that comes by,” he said.  “See if you’re quick enough.”

He wasn’t worried about Libby aiming wrong and tracking the asphalt: she’d been a great shot as a kid and he suspected ROTC had only made her better.

Ten minutes later, two cars came by, from different directions.  Libby caught the speed of both.

“Good job,” Bill encouraged her. 

A third car came by and Bill could tell from the rumble it was speeding. 

“Seventy-two, Dad!”

Bill shifted out of park.  “We’re going to go pull someone over, Libby.”  He pulled onto the road and hit the gas. 

He’d missed this so much.  Maybe he’d have to start leaving Jimmy in charge more often.

He pointed out where to turn the sirens on and Libby flipped the switch.  To Bill’s disappointment, the car immediately slowed down and pulled over.

Bill pulled up behind it and warned Libby to stay in the car no matter what happened – though he wasn’t expecting anything exciting this stop.  He still held his hand on his gun as he approached the car.

It was a high school kid, one who reminded him a lot of Woody Taylor.  His last name was Taylor, too.  Bill realized this was Jimmy’s sixteen year old grandson Ben.

Oh great.  Now he had to write a ticket for his best friend’s grandson.  Nothing for it, though.

“Do you know who I am, Ben?” he asked when the kid handed over his license and registration.

Ben nodded sadly.

“Good.  You understand that even though I’m friends with your grandfather, you were driving at reckless speeds?  That means I have to write you a ticket.”

Ben sunk down in the driver’s seat.

Bill walked back to his car.  If Libby wasn’t with him, he wouldn’t run the plates or the license – he knew better than to think Jimmy’s grandson was up to anything more than driving too fast.  But Libby was here, so he was going to do this right.

“Okay, so, around here we’re still small enough you sometimes pull over people you know.”

Libby tried to see the license.  “Who is it?”

“Ben Taylor.”

Libby clapped a hand over her mouth.  “And you’re gonna write _him_ a ticket?”

“I’m going to run his plates and license and everything.  I’m going to text Jimmy first and tell him, though.”

He walked Libby through calling in the plates and license number.  Of course, they came back clean, so Bill showed her how to fill out a citation.  The whole time, he kept one eye on Ben’s car, on the miniscule chance he tried to run.

Ben looked even more miserable when Bill walked up to his car.  “You told my grandfather?” he asked, holding his phone, which was dinging with text messages.  “Why?”

“Professional courtesy.  He was going to find out from me telling him or when I called in your license,” Bill explained, not unkindly.

He got Ben’s signature and ripped off the top copy of the citation.  “Okay, you know what to do with this.  And if you don’t, you know who to ask.  Drive slower, Ben.  We want you to stay safe.”

Bill plopped down in the patrol car and handed the citation pad to Libby.  “Hang on to that.  We may need it again.”

 

At shift change, Bill reluctantly took the patrol car back to the station.  He decided to be nice and scooted the seat all the way back, just how Jimmy liked it.  Libby giggled when she caught him adjusting the seat.

Jimmy was waiting in his office, feet propped on the desk and arms crossed.  “Pulled over Ben, huh?” he asked.

Bill pointed over his shoulder.  “Libby’s the one who clocked him going seventy-two on Route 23.”

“Don’t shove this on me, Dad,” Libby protested.

Bill tossed Jimmy his keys back.  “I moved your damn seat.  Can I have mine back?”

Jimmy got up eagerly.  “I don’t want it.  There’s a reason I didn’t run for sheriff.”

“I’m in trouble if you ever decide to,” Bill said, raising the seat so he could see his desk.

Jimmy left, shaking his head.

“His shift’s over,” Bill told Libby, “but you and I are here until five.  You can help me with paperwork, kid, or you can go learn how to do dispatch.”

Libby stood.  “Why do I get the feeling you’re making me do the same stuff you made Nathan and Wes do when _they_ got caught speeding?”

Bill shook his head.  “You’re doing similar, but I’m definitely not trying to punish you or make you sorry you came.”

 

**July**

Over the next two months, Bill took Libby to work and taught her almost everything she’d need to know to be a deputy or a sheriff.  Eventually, she even began to enjoy it.

“You hoping she’ll come home and sign up here?” Jimmy asked one day.

Bill shrugged.  “I mostly wanted to spend time with her before she goes off.  But if she wants to come back, I can’t stop her.”

Jimmy studied him.  “You didn’t used to want your kids to be deputies.  What happened?”

Bill sighed.  “I don’t know.  Feeling sappy, I guess, thinking that Libby might want to take after me.  Nathan certainly won’t ever stop being a farmer.  Wes is in his element in D.C., and all I’ve got left is Libby.  She’s leaving next week and we may not see her for a long time.  But she also might come back.”

“You know, with this training, she might be military police.”

“I don’t know if that’s good or bad,” Bill said, truthfully.

“Guess that all depends on what she wants to do.”

Bill mulled on that until Libby came back from her ride-along with Murphree.

“What is it you want to do in the Army?” he asked her on the drive home.

“Didn’t I tell you?” she asked, looking genuinely confused.  “I tested for military intelligence.”

Bill laughed.  Oh good, something that was probably safe.  “No, you forgot to mention that to us.”

“Oops.”  Libby didn’t seem too concerned.  “Yeah, military intelligence.  I won’t find out which branch until after OCS, though.”

Bill reached out and squeezed her shoulder.  “Just remember to keep us updated this time.”

~~~

 

Libby flew out early Sunday morning.  Bill and Sarah drove her to the airport in Hays and waved goodbye as she went up the escalator.

They were quiet as they drove home, stopping at a restaurant for breakfast.

“Well, that was the last one,” Sarah said.  “We’re done.”

“Are we ever really done?” Bill asked.  “Nathan comes over regularly with Caroline and Bonnie.  Wes still comes home for Christmas.  Libby will eventually come back, too.”

Sarah smiled sadly.  “Different tune than you were singing when we took Wes to D.C.”

“Well, we’ve seen how it goes now.  They _do_ come back, after all.”

“I’m glad you’re so confident,” Sarah said.  “You got to spend all Libby’s time with her.  I just saw her in the evenings.  I don’t suppose I’d know what she wants to do.”

Bill leaned back, shocked.  “I’m sorry I monopolized her time.  You didn’t say anything.”

Sarah shook her head.  “I didn’t.  The two of you have always been close.  I didn’t want to get between you, even if I was a little jealous.”

Bill reached across the table and took Sarah’s hands.  “You need to tell me this stuff.  Don’t slide back into your depression habits.”

“I can’t always help it, you know,” Sarah said and Bill ached for her.  He was going to have to watch her more closely now that they were alone again.

 

**December**

It was shaping up to be a good family Christmas – they were just missing Libby.

Wes had been home a week already and planned to stay another one.  Sarah had to admit, she was thoroughly enjoying having him home.

Especially since he’d picked up a love of cooking in D.C. and offered to help her cook Christmas lunch. 

“What happened to the teen who hated to cook?” she asked.

Wes shrugged.  “I had to start feeding myself and got tired of microwave meals.  Eating out all the time was too expensive, so cooking it was.”

Sarah bumped her shoulder against Wes’ arm.  “See?  I told you it’d come in handy someday.”

He grinned.  “Yes, Mom, you were right.  Happy?”

She grinned back.  “Of course.  All I ever wanted.”

Together, they cooked and baked and fried until the table was almost too full for plates.

With uncanny timing, Nathan showed up with Caroline and Bonnie, who immediately wanted down so she could crawl.

Caroline wrestled her into the old high chair and sat down, exhausted.  “Getting her ready today was a mess,” she confessed.  “Breakfast went everywhere.  Three bath’s worth.  Hers _and_ mine.”

Sarah called the men to the meal and took her seat on Bonnie’s other side.  Bonnie babbled through the prayer, but quieted down when Caroline dumped some finger foods out for her.

Bill sliced and served the ham and everyone passed around the rest.  Nathan teased Wes about his new haircut, Wes teased right back.  Bill talked to Caroline about what her parents planned for the evening.

Sarah sat back and enjoyed her family enjoying each other.

Then she realized Bonnie was too quiet.

She looked down and Bonnie’s lips were turning blue.  She wasn’t breathing, though it looked like she was trying to cough.

Sarah acted on instinct.  She’d learned what to do ages ago, when her kids were little, and it still hung in the back of her mind.

She plucked Bonnie out of the chair as quickly as possible and held her in her lap, angled downwards.

About that time, the rest of the table realized what was happening.

“Bonnie!” cried Caroline, reaching out.

“No, no time,” Sarah said.  She thumped Bonnie’s back three times and she was finally able to cough out a piece of hot dog.  It’d been cut in half, but was still wide enough to have choked a baby Bonnie’s size.

Sarah hugged Bonnie once she saw she was breathing again, but handed her over to her mother quickly.  Caroline clutched Bonnie to her while the little girl cried.  Caroline looked close to tears, too.

“Mom…” Nathan said.  “You just…”

Sarah shook her head, slumped a little as the adrenaline left her system.  “I was sitting closest.  You’d’ve done the same.”

That didn’t stop the rest of the table from staring at her, wide-eyed.

“Stop it,” Sarah instructed.  “I was just the one who noticed.”

“But none of us noticed, Mom.  Not until you already had Bonnie in your lap,” Wes said slowly.

“It’s nothing,” Sarah insisted.  “You’ll excuse me,” she said, putting her napkin in her chair.  She went to the bedroom and sat down, letting it hit what just happened.  If she hadn’t noticed when she did…

Tears welled and she looked up to see Bill had followed her.  He sat down and held her.  “It’s okay now,” he said soothingly.  “You caught it in time.  You did wonderfully.”  He repeated this a few times while Sarah shook with tears.

“But what if I hadn’t looked when I did?” she whispered.  “Bonnie could have died.  Here.  In our house.  On Christmas.”

“But she didn’t,” Bill said.  “Because of you.”

Sarah wept some more, trying to listen to Bill, but all she could see were Bonnie’s blue lips. 

Bill kissed her temple.  “Babe, it’s okay now.  Everything’s okay now.  You just got a shock.  We all did.”

Slowly, Sarah composed herself.  Bill was right.  It was okay.  Her training – nearly thirty years old – had kicked in.  She wiped away her tears.

“Come on, darlin’.  They’re all waiting for us in there.”

Nathan was holding Bonnie and calming her down when Sarah walked back into the room.  Caroline stood and hugged Sarah, eyes red from crying too. 

“Thank you,” she said.

Sarah hugged back.  “You’re welcome,” she said and Bill nodded at her.  Sarah looked around the table.  “Can we get back to lunch or is it ruined for everyone?”

Caroline shook her head, but both Nathan and Wes reached for more food.  Of course.  Her boys were always hungry.

Sarah leaned back and watched her family again.  Nathan was eating around Bonnie’s grasping hands, Bill and Wes were chatting, and Caroline was still staring at her.  Sarah reached out and took Caroline’s hand.  “You’d’ve noticed,” she assured her.  “You knew what to do, too.”

“I thought I cut them small enough,” Caroline said.  “Maybe I need to be double-checked.”

Sarah laughed, garnering looks from around the table.  “You got this, Caroline.  You two are good parents.”

Caroline shook her head again.  “We’re lucky you were here.”

Sarah squeezed Caroline’s hand and repeated what Bill told her.  “It’s okay.  She’s okay.  She’s gonna be okay.”

Caroline nodded.  “Thanks to you.”

Sarah shook her head.  “Not just me.  She’s got good parents and a good family.  She’s always going to be loved and taken care of, whether you’re there or not.”

Bonnie babbled something and knocked Nathan’s spoon from his hand.

“See?” Sarah said, reassuring herself as well.  “She’s fine.  Didn’t slow her down one bit.”

Nathan looked around the table.  “Uh, Mom?  Can I get another spoon?”

Yup.  Things were back to normal.


	23. 2051

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, things end.

**2051**

**April**

“Dad!”

Bill smiled at his phone.  “Hey, Libby.  How’re things?”

Libby was stationed in south Georgia and had been for a few years now.  She’d married a local nurse named Alex Martin two years ago and seemed to be happy, as far as Bill could tell.

“Pretty good.  Alex says hi.”

Bill glanced at the clock.  It was getting late in Kansas, which meant it was later in Georgia.  Libby didn’t usually call after eight.  “What’s up with the late call, sweetheart?”

Libby paused.  “Well, Dad, I wanted you guys to be the first to know I’ve been discharged.  Honorably.”

Bill’s eyes widened.  “I thought you still had some years left?” he asked.

“I did.  But, uh.  I’m pregnant, so I had the option to get out.”

“You’re what?!”  Bill thought he’d heard wrong.  They’d gotten the impression Libby didn’t want kids.

“Yeah.  It’s due in December,” she said excitedly.  “We’re staying here for a few years and I’m going to try to get a civilian job at the Fort.”

“For a few years?”

“Alex and I are talking about maybe moving back to Jericho.  Raise our kid there instead of around the military base.”

Bill brightened.  “That’d be wonderful,” he said, heartfelt.

Libby laughed.  “Thought you’d like that.  It’s still a maybe, though.  Is Mom there so I can tell her?”

Bill walked down the hall to catch Sarah before she went to bed.  “Hold on a sec, here she is.”

Sarah gave him an odd look before putting the phone to her ear.  He must be beaming without realizing it.

“It’s Libby,” he told her and then waited around to watch Sarah’s reactions.

It was worth it.  By the time Sarah hung up the phone, she was beaming too.

Sarah gave Bill a light shove.  “You really have to retire this year now.  Three grandkids to spend time with now.”

“I’m thinking about it,” Bill said.  “They’d have to have a special election, though.  I don’t want to cause the department problems.”

“Jimmy’s retired.  You personally trained the rest of the senior members.  I think it’s okay that you step down now.”

Bill held up his hands in surrender.  “I’ll think about it,” he promised.

He lay in bed that night, doing the thinking.  Bonnie was seven now, her little brother Will three.  Bill tried not to have favorites, but having a grandson named after him was pretty special.

Now there’d be a third one for him and Sarah to spoil, if they got to see it much.  If he retired, they could feasibly go stay in Georgia and help Libby out when the baby got here.

Maybe Sarah was right.  Maybe it _was_ time to hang up his hat.  He’d been a deputy or sheriff for so long though – would he know what to do without that identity?

 

**June**

Bill sat across from Eric, tapping his foot nervously.  “I’ve got a third grandchild on the way.  Sarah is old enough to retire.  I want to enjoy them all while I still can.”

Eric nodded.  He and Mary had children about Libby’s age and small grandchildren too.  “So when do you want to step down?  When should we hold elections?”

“I was figuring November with the mayoral elections.  No sense making anything special out of this.” 

Eric nodded and reached across the mayor’s desk to shake Bill’s hand.  “It’s been a hell of a ride, Bill.”

“It has,” Bill agreed.  If this life hadn’t happened to him, he’d never believe it.

“And your daughter-in-law seems like she’s going to give me a run for my money in the mayoral race.”

“She’s Mimi’s daughter,” Bill said.  “What did you expect?”

“A little more Stanley.”

 

He’d told his family.  He’d told his friends.  He’d told Eric.  Now it was time to tell the rest of the department.

Bill stood in the back of the break room, waiting for Carson to finish shift change announcements.  Before dismissing anyone, Carson pointed to Bill.  “You have anything to add, sheriff?”

Bill cleared his throat.  “I wanted to let you all know I’ll be retiring this year.  I _will_ be staying on until the November elections, but after that…  Well, I want to spend my time with family, not with you guys.”

It wasn’t a huge surprise to the deputies.  With Jimmy gone and Bill turning sixty-nine, it’d seemed inevitable.  The wagers had been on if he’d wait until the next official election or retire this year.

Bill idly wondered who won the office pool.  He knew there’d been one since before he turned sixty-five.

“If any of you are interested in the job, feel free to ask me any questions.  I’m not going to endorse anyone, though,” Bill stated.  As far as he was concerned, he was through with politics.

 

“Told them all today,” Bill said, hanging his hat in the hallway.  “It’s official.  I’m retiring in the fall.”

“Then I’ll tell the library I’m retiring, too,” Sarah said.  “I’m sorry you had to wait until after I turned sixty-five.”

Bill shrugged.  “Insurance.  And to be fair, I was still enjoying work.”

“But we’re both good to go now,” Sarah pointed out.  “We can take our savings and travel.  Maybe take the grandkids with us.”

“You’d have me buy an RV and drive around the country,” Bill joked.

“No, we don’t need to be _those_ kinds of retirees,” Sarah smiled.  “Just the kind that still enjoys each other.”

Bill wrapped her in a hug.  “That’ll be us.”

 

**August**

Caroline straightened her dress suit after hugging Bonnie and Will.  “Thanks for watching them during the debate,” she said.

Sarah picked up Will.  “It’s our pleasure.  I’m just sorry we’re not there to support you.”

“Nathan’s there.  You’re helping by keeping these two out of trouble.”

“Bill’s set up the archery range out back.  I think that’ll keep Bonnie entertained for a little bit.  And I’ve got this little man,” Sarah said, tickling Will until he giggled.

Sarah shut the door behind Caroline and set Will down.  Laughing still, the little boy ran down the hall to the grandkids’ room where the toys were – Nathan and Wes’ old room.

Sarah followed him and sat on the bed while he pulled out the same wooden cars his dad had played with.  Out the window, she could see Bill showing Bonnie how to aim with Libby’s old bow.

They could afford to buy new toys for the kids these days, she knew, but there was something special about them using Nathan, Wes, and Libby’s things.  Seeing those toys get a new life.  At least so far, Bonnie and Will didn’t seem to mind.

“Grandma!  Play with me!”

Sarah smiled and sat in the floor with Will.  “What are we playing, big guy?”

Will handed her a bulldozer.  “You gotta run over all the other cars!”

“Got it.”  Sarah chased down the cars Will was holding one by one.

 

Outside, Bill was in heaven.  He’d started teaching Bonnie how to shoot a bow on her seventh birthday – earlier than he’d started with Libby, but he was a little impatient these days.

“Okay, sweetheart, remember how to aim?”

Bonnie nodded, a determined look on her face.

Bill nocked an arrow for her and watched the tip of her arrow waver.  She needed to build up arm strength, but she had to keep practicing for that.

Bonnie let go of the arrow and it hit the fence to the right of the straw target.

“Darn it!” she said.

Bill looked at her, shocked.  “Who taught you to say that?”

“Granddaddy said it was nicer than ‘damn’,” Bonnie explained.

Stanley, of course.  Bill rolled his eyes.  “It is nicer, but it’s still not a very nice word for a little girl.”

Bonnie glared at him.  “Not little,” she insisted.  She and Bill had this argument almost every time she came over.

Bill stood next to her and measured her height against his.  “Nope.  See?  Still littler than me.  Should we measure your arm to see how you’ve grown?”  He grabbed her hand and ran his fingers up her arm, tickling her at the end. 

Bonnie yelped, giggling, and grabbed her hand back.  “No, Grandpa!”

“Okay then.  Let’s try this again.”  Bill watched Bonnie pick up the bow once more.  He wondered just how long she’d be shorter than him – or if she had more Koehler in her than Richmond.  Right now, she looked like a Koehler and Will looked like a Richmond, but who knew what they’d look like as adults?

 

Eight o’clock and bedtime came.  Sarah and Bill tucked both kids into the twin beds, read stories, got them last glasses of water, and everything else the kids could think of to postpone sleep.  Finally, Sarah shut their door almost all the way, letting the hall be their nightlight.

Bill pulled out the old radio and dialed it to the local station.  They were in luck; the station was broadcasting the mayoral debates.

Caroline was running for the first time – and against a long-term Green mayor.  But the Richmonds were an old Jericho family, too, and with the sheriff as her father-in-law, it gave her a little extra gravitas.

She’d been a criminal lawyer up until this point, so arguing was her forte.  It showed in what little bit of the debate Bill and Sarah heard.

“Glad I’m not on her bad side,” Bill said.  “She’d talk me up the wall and back down again.”

“She’d do that to us both,” Sarah said.  “She’s really in her element here, isn’t she?”

Bill nodded. 

They listened to the end of the debate, both agreed that Eric didn’t know what hit him, and waited for Nathan and Caroline to show back up.

They were euphoric when they did.

“You shoulda been there,” Nathan said eagerly.  “She wiped the floor with Mayor Green.”

Caroline blushed.  “I didn’t do _that_ well.”

“You did fantastic from the little we heard,” Sarah said.

“Kids’re asleep,” Bill said.  “For about an hour and a half.”

“Thank you again for watching them,” Nathan said.

Nathan and Caroline went into the grandkids’ room and miraculously managed to pick up both kids without waking them.  They waved goodbye to Bill and Sarah and snuck quietly to their car.

Bill put his arm around Sarah.  “I have a feeling that when I hand off being sheriff, Caroline will become our new mayor.”

Sarah patted his side.  “See?  Aren’t you glad you’re retiring so that your daughter-in-law isn’t your boss?”

Bill huffed.  “Oh yes.  Definitely glad.”

 

**November**

The first few days of November went by in a flash for Bill.  He tried to wrap up everything he could and clean his things out of the office.  He’d had this office for twenty-nine years – he accumulated a lot over that time.

Bill looked through new applications and left notes with his suggestions.  He’d let the new sheriff make those decisions.  He cleaned out the filing cabinets and drawers of his desk.  He left instructions on how to do all the paperwork sitting in the inbox.  He did try to clear out most of it, though.

Tensions were high in the station.  Murphree, now in her forties, was up against a young deputy named Harrison.  The deputies seemed to be split about evenly between the two camps and it showed during meetings or when deputies were forced to work with a partner they disagreed with.

Bill hated that he was leaving things this way, but he didn’t know how to stop it.  He’d already talked about calming things down at shift change meetings, but the younger deputies weren’t listening to him anymore.

He kept to his word and didn’t publicly endorse anyone, but privately thought he’d vote for Murphree.  She’d turned out to be a good one over the years and had plenty of experience now.

The day of the election was his last day.  Bill woke up earlier than normal, kissed Sarah while she slept, and was at the polls at seven o’clock and his desk by seven-thirty.  He sat there, staring at the photos still on his desk.

There was the group photo Sarah made them take before the grandkids were born.  Eleven years ago, but it still seemed like yesterday.  And his favorite, that picture of Sarah in the flowy dress with the flowers in her hair.  Sarah fussed every time she saw it, but Bill wasn’t ever letting that picture go.  It was going up on his garage worktable if she wouldn’t let him put it up in the house.

Harrison took the day off, but Murphree was working first shift as usual.  Bill was proud of her for that.  She was far from the scared rookie who’d tackled a fugitive with him.

He didn’t know quite what to do today.  He’d cleaned up everything except the last box, prepped everything he could think of prepping, and done a good chunk of the paperwork.

Bill sat there, almost literally twiddling his thumbs, until Jimmy showed up.

“What are you doing here?” Bill asked.  “You’re safely retired.”

“Get up,” Jimmy said.  “You’re not going to sulk your last day.  You and I are going to commandeer a car and patrol together, just like old times.  And then you’ll get your Last Call and go home.”

Bill got up.  Jimmy’s idea was much better than anything he’d thought of.

They hijacked Harrison’s car, since he wasn’t there.  For the first time in a long time, Bill drove while Jimmy rode along.  They hadn’t ridden like that since Bill’s deputy days.

Bill drove the old loop through town, slowly patrolling the neighborhoods and school zones.  They stopped for lunch at a deli that’d been around since they were kids and headed out to the areas outside town, where they could stop and talk.

Bill took them to Cherry Valley Road, a long, open, and usually empty stretch.  He drove slowly past the spot where he and Jimmy had been kidnapped after the bombs.  Both men watched the spot as they drove by – they’d never forgotten.

Bill found a good hiding place for the car and backed in behind a sign.  He shifted the car to park and sighed.

“Do you regret it?” he asked.

“What?  Retirement?” Jimmy asked.

Bill nodded.

“Only at first.  I didn’t know what to do with myself and everything I did seemed to irritate Margaret.”

“But it got better?”

“I go fishing a lot more now.  I take the grandkids out on weekends.  I sleep in and take Margaret out to lunch.  I help Woody and Sally when they need it.  I can pick up the grandkids from school and take them to get ice cream.  It’s not so bad, really.”

Bill sighed in relief.

“Not gonna lie, Bill.  You’ve defined yourself by that job and what you accomplish in it for so many years, I think you’ll have trouble adapting,” Jimmy said honestly.  “You’re gonna want to still be involved.”

Bill knew it was true.  Just the _idea_ of not going into work tomorrow messed with him.  That station was where he belonged, as a sheriff or as a deputy.

Sure, he belonged at home, too, but not in the same way.  Home was his respite from work – but he’d always needed that work.

What in the world was he going to do tomorrow?

 

They sat there for the next four hours, just talking.  Bill had left the nose of the car edged out just enough that they were visible, and no one sped – at least around them.  Occasionally, another patrol car drove by and waved.

It was as if everyone knew to leave him alone today.

So the two old partners talked.  Kids, grandkids, the mayoral race, the weather, the crop report… anything and everything.

Bill could almost believe they were in their twenties again.

Four-forty-five ticked around and Jimmy nudged Bill.  “Time to take her home,” he said.  “But if you want to make a Last Call, this is a good spot.” 

Jimmy handed Bill the radio microphone.

Bill stared at it.  He didn’t know what to say.

Jimmy waited patiently while Bill thought.

Bill felt his chest constrict.  He clicked the mike.  “This is Sheriff Koehler,” he said.  Good start.  Classic.  But what next?  “And this is my last transmission on the radio,” he finished.

His chest tightened more and tears sprung to his eyes.  He tried to keep it from his voice.  “I was a deputy for fourteen years and sheriff for twenty-nine.  I was a Ranger.  I came to this job in the middle of the civil war.  I fought in it and in the New Bern War.  I’ve been shot, beaten, kidnapped, and all other manner of ills while on the job.  But none of that – _none_ of that – is as hard as signing off today.  I’m proud of you all and how you represent Jericho.  No matter who wins the election, keep that up.  Be the department I know you can be.”

Bill stared at the mike for a few moments, digesting what he was about to do.  “This is Bill Koehler, ten-seven, out of service.”

Bill carefully set the mike back in its stand.  Deputies and dispatch all radioed congratulations on retiring, but Bill didn’t feel like a celebration.

Jimmy reached over and pulled him across the console in a hug.  Yeah, he needed that.

Bill wept.  If you couldn’t cry with your partner, who could you cry with?

 

Sarah met Bill at the door that evening, wrapping him in a hug.  “You did it,” she said.  “I’m so proud of you.”

Bill held her for a long while, not wanting to let go.

“Jimmy recorded your last call on his phone and sent it to me.  You did a wonderful job.  Brought tears to my eyes too,” she said, still in his embrace.

“Damn it, Jimmy,” Bill said, but he didn’t really mean it.

Sarah pulled back and kissed him.  “Technically you’re not retired until tomorrow morning when the new sheriff goes in,” she said conciliatorily.  “Do you want to go back downtown after dinner and watch the results?  Nathan and Caroline are going to be there.”

Bill thought about it.  Maybe he should just make a clean break, but he _did_ want to shake the hand of the new Sheriff.  Finding out if Caroline won would be nice, too.  He nodded.

Sarah cupped his cheek.  “Thought so.  Let’s go out to dinner.  Do you have a request?”

“Let’s call the old group and get together at Bailey’s,” he suggested.  “Like old times.”

Sarah nodded and went to dig her phone out of her purse.  Bill went to change.

He stood in front of the mirror for a few minutes.  His mental image of himself was years younger, but still in this uniform.  Taking it off for the last time was…  Well, it was damned difficult.

Sarah checked on him a few minutes later and found him sitting on the bed, boots off, fiddling with his name badge.  He’d left the sheriff’s badge on the desk and the key with one of the deputies he could trust.  All he had left was that name badge.  He’d had it since he was a deputy.

Sarah kissed his forehead.  “Babe, you need to change.  I know it’s rough, but you have to take the uniform off.”

“Don’t you think I should be in it to shake the hand of the new sheriff?”

“Bill, I think they’ll know who you are in civvies,” Sarah said.  “Come on, babe.  You need to do this.”

She reached down and started unbuttoning his shirt.  Bill swatted her hands away.  “I’ll do it,” he said.

Sarah took a step back and Bill stood.  Staring at himself in the mirror, he finished unbuttoning his shirt and handed it to her.  She half-folded it and dropped it in the hamper.  He took off his duty belt and laid it on the bed, then slid off his pants.

All he saw in the mirror when he finished was an old man who didn’t know what to do.

Sarah stepped between him and the mirror.  “Stop looking at yourself like that.”

“Like what?” he said, as if he didn’t know what she meant.

“The way I look at myself,” she admitted.  She reached up and ran a hand through his hair.  “You’re aging well.  We can’t stop the aging thing, though.  Gotta deal with it.”

Bill kissed her forehead.  “You’re still beautiful,” he said.

Sarah patted him on the chest.  “That’s the right thing to say.  Come on now.  Put on some comfortable clothes.”

Bill looked back at the bed where his duty belt sat.  “I guess I don’t have to carry whenever we leave the house anymore.”  Another end.

“That’s not going to stop you,” Sarah said.  “Although I suppose now you have to apply for a permit.  Wonder if they’ll make you take the class?” she said slyly.

Bill finally grinned.  “I might meet an attractive instructor while I’m there.”

“You hook up with a younger woman, she can have you,” Sarah laughed.

 

Surprisingly, the whole old crew met at Bailey’s, almost as if they’d been waiting for Bill’s call.

Stanley told stories of teaching Bonnie and Will to ride ponies, Heather and Emily both talked teaching – though they would retire soon, too.  Mimi talked school with Heather, too – she was Bonnie’s teacher this year.  Margaret and Sarah conspired about something, probably involving their husbands, who sat back quietly.  They’d said everything earlier that day.

After dinner, Bill and Sarah walked hand in hand over to Town Hall, where the votes were being counted now.

Nathan, Caroline, and the kids were there, all dressed up and hopeful. 

“How’d your day go, Dad?” Nathan asked.

“Slow,” Bill said.  “But I couldn’t have asked for more.”

They stood and chatted while they waited for the votes.  Bill saw Eric and shook his hand.  He also spotted both Murphree and Harrison and nodded at both.

It took about an hour and a half for all the machine results to be tallied, but finally the results were in.

Jericho’s new sheriff was Lauren Murphree.

And Caroline Richmond Koehler was its mayor.

Bill gave Caroline a hug before going and shaking Murphree’s hand.  “I was hoping it’d be you,” he told her quietly.  “You should find everything you need on the desk waiting for you.”

“Thank you, sir,” she said.  “I hate I missed your Last Call this afternoon.  I hear it was a good one.”

Bill shook his head.  “It was a jumble.  I didn’t know what to say.”  He paused.  “I don’t think you’ll need it, but if you ever have questions about how I left things, call me.  I left my cell number for you.”

“Thank you,” she said again.  “If I need it.”

Bill knew she wouldn’t.

He turned and found Eric talking to Caroline.  Eric didn’t look as disappointed as Bill thought he would.

“Bill!” Eric said, reaching out for Bill’s hand, too.  “It’s the end of an era.  There’s no one left in city or county government who lived through the bombs.  They’re well and truly behind us.”

Bill found that hard to think about.  The bombs had loomed so large in the country’s history that a world which forgot them was hard to imagine.  Eric was right, though.  Things _had_ changed a lot with this election.

Now they just had to figure out what to do afterwards.

 

**December**

They’d been at Libby’s for two days, waiting for the baby to born and helping her get ready.

Something woke Sarah in the night.  She was about to turn over and go back to sleep when she heard voices speaking softly down the hall.

Carefully, she got out of bed and went to see what was going on.

Libby was pacing the living room while Alex watched helplessly.

“Mom!” Libby said.  “I’m having contractions.”  She sounded excited at this point.

Sarah couldn’t ever remember being excited at the start of labor, but then Libby had never been like her.  “How far apart, honey?”

“Still like fifteen minutes.”

“So you’ve got a ways.”

Libby nodded.  “Stay up with me?” she asked.

“Of course,” Sarah said, stifling a yawn.  “You doing okay, Alex?”

Alex looked surprised to be spoken to.  “I guess,” he said.  “Wish I was obstetrics instead of neurology, though.”

Libby groaned and grabbed Sarah’s hand, squeezing tightly through a contraction.

Sarah watched and realized how Bill had felt all three times she gave birth: she’d give anything to take the pain for Libby, but there wasn’t anything she could do.

For the next three hours, Sarah and Alex saw Libby through her contractions, which were starting to get closer and more intense.

Once the sun was up, Bill came wandering into the room, shocked at what he found.

“You should have woken me,” he told Sarah, who shrugged.

“Someone needed sleep.”

Libby clung to Bill, hanging from him, during her next contractions.  Bill held her and did his best to soothe her.  Sarah recognized some of his words from her labors.  He’d helped her; maybe he was also helping Libby.

Libby was not so excited anymore.  “Daddy, it hurts,” she sobbed.

“I know, sweetheart,” Bill said.  “But that’s getting the baby here.  You’re a strong girl.  You can do this.”

Libby clung to Alex for a bit, then back to Sarah and Bill.  It was as if she hoped one of them had the magic formula for stopping the pain.

Alex kept track of the contraction timing and finally announced it was time to go to the hospital.

All four climbed into Alex’s car, Libby in the front seat, and made the fifteen minute drive to the hospital.  Bill let Libby squeeze his hand as they drove.

They almost didn’t make it.  The baby decided it wanted to be born quickly and Libby was barely set up in the delivery room before she was ready to push.

Seven minutes later, Libby was holding a baby girl.  Bill and Sarah stared at their newest grandchild.

Libby cried and Sarah knew it was in pain and relief and joy.  She’d felt that herself. 

Alex went with the nurses to do the APGAR test and give the baby the necessary vaccines.  Sarah brushed hair back from Libby’s face.

“You did it, baby girl,” Bill said, picking up Libby’s hand.  “You did so well.”

Libby squeezed his hand tightly.  “I’m glad you were here,” she said, looking up at them both.

 

Bill and Sarah drove Alex’s car home that night and left the couple alone with their new baby – Tabitha.

Sarah bustled around the nursery, trying to come up with some way to make it even more ready.  Short of opening a package of diapers, she came up short.

Bill eventually came and gently led her to bed.  “You need sleep, darlin’” he said.  “You’ve been up too long.”

“I just want everything to be ready.”

Bill pulled the covers over them and kissed Sarah.  “It is.  You’ve done enough.  We need to sleep so we can help them tomorrow.”

 

The next morning, Bill fitted the baby carrier in the car and picked up Alex, Libby, and Tabitha from the hospital while Sarah waited anxiously at home.

Alex’s parents met them at the house and expressed some jealousy that Bill and Sarah were staying there with the baby.  Alex assured them it was only temporary.

And it was.  They stayed two more weeks before driving back to Jericho.  They’d helped Libby and Alex get used to the schedule of a newborn and changed more than a few diapers.  They’d rocked and held Tabitha while Libby napped and cleaned the house while all three slept.

Bill was glad to see their house in Jericho, though.  Sarah teased him, but she was right: he didn’t like leaving his home for too long.

 

It’d been a month and a half since his retirement and Bill felt he was finally coming to terms with it.  He went fishing with Jimmy the next morning and for once, didn’t feel like he should go check on Murphree and the department instead.

Oh, he was curious, no doubt about that.  He worried about things going well and deputies getting hurt in the line of duty, but he was accepting that it wasn’t his problem anymore.  He didn’t even feel the need to go see Caroline at her office and “just happen” to drop by the station.

Maybe Murphree would finally oversee the building of that new station.  Or maybe the department would stay in Town Hall.  Bill didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

He cast his line and sat in silence with Jimmy, content.


	24. 2069-2070

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eventually, all things end.

**2069 – 2070**

**June**

Bill and Sarah’s retirement years passed with only a few hiccups.  Bill managed to irritate Sarah soon after retirement when he rearranged the kitchen without asking her.  Sarah fought with depression again as they aged, but Bill was always there for her.  Friends died, but they were of an age to expect that – it was sad, but not a surprise.  Eventually, they had to give up driving, but Nathan was generally available to take them where they needed to go.

Things went swimmingly until Sarah was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of eighty-three.

Her doctor broke the news gently, said they’d need to do further testing, and asked her to be in a study of people who lived through the bombs.

In a daze, Sarah agreed.

Bill didn’t take the news so calmly.

Oh, he was calm in front of Sarah, but he spent the entire weekend tearing down and rebuilding the engine of his lawnmower: a sure sign he was upset.

Sarah wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know how.  _She_ needed comfort and Bill wasn’t giving it.

Sarah told the kids a week after she got the news.

Nathan, now fifty-two, was sure surgery would work; he was almost cheerful about it.

Wes, still in D.C., offered to fly home to help take care of her.

Libby, who’d moved home years ago and become a deputy after all, was the most practical.  She started researching all the treatment options Sarah had.

Sarah didn’t tell any of them she was thinking of not having the surgery.  She’d decide more at her next appointment.

 

**July**

“I’m afraid the cancer metastasized to your liver and your brain,” the doctor said, looking at Sarah seriously.  “We didn’t catch it in time.”

Bill gripped her hand tighter.

“How long until my brain is affected?” Sarah asked.

The doctor shrugged.  “Could be days.  Could be months.  It’s hard to tell.”

“We can still do surgery, right?” Bill asked.

Sarah cut the doctor off.  “Not with all that, Bill.  Not at my age.  There’d have to be surgery and chemo and radiation and I don’t want to do all that.”

The young doctor nodded, as if he’d expected that response.  “We can _try_ a mastectomy and radiation, but it would be rough on you.”

Sarah shook her head.  “No.  Let’s talk palliative care.”

Bill shrunk in on himself at Sarah’s words, disbelieving.

 

Nathan was waiting for them in the lobby.  Sarah hugged him straight away.

“Not good news?” he asked, seeing the dismay on Bill’s face.

“No.  We’ll tell you in the car.”

Sarah held Bill’s arm as they walked to the hospital parking garage.  Nathan helped them both get in the car’s back seat and then climbed into the front.  Sarah smiled; it seemed like just a few years ago she was strapping _him_ into the car.

“I’m refusing treatment,” she said simply.  “It’s spread too far.  It’s not worth the sickness of chemo and radiation.”

Nathan sat there, hand on the keys.  “You sure about that, Mom?”

Sarah nodded.  “I’m sure.”

Bill still looked in shock.

 

“You have to try,” he said, once they were home alone.  “You can’t just give up.”

“Bill, I’ve had a good life.  If this is how it ends, I’m okay with it.”

Bill grabbed her hands.  “I’m not.  I need you here.”

Sarah pulled a hand free and laid it on his cheek, taking in the sight.  She could still see the young man she’d first fallen in love with behind those wrinkles.  “Babe, you’re going to have to let me go.  And maybe soon.  If the cancer’s in my brain, it could start affecting me any day now.  I might lose the ability to talk or walk or see or remember things.  I want you to be prepared for that.”

“How are you so calm about this?” Bill asked, tears forming in his eyes.

“We’ve seen cancer take our friends, Bill.  I saw it take my grandfather.  They all did the treatment and they all died anyway.  I just want to skip the painful part.”

“I need you to fight this,” Bill tried again.  “You can’t leave me.”

“But I can,” Sarah said.  “Think of all those times you left me behind when you were a Ranger.  It’s my turn now.”

Bill shook his head and the tears fell.  “Sarah…”

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead.  “Bill, I love you.  You’ve given me a good life.  I know I’ve been loved by you.  This doesn’t change that.”

“So what do we do?”

“I take pain medication when it starts to hurt.  You and I live every day we can until I can’t anymore.  And then I’ll be a burden to you, but you’ll take care of me anyway because that’s what you do.”

Bill tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  “You’re never a burden.  You won’t ever be.”

 

**August**

Sarah started the pain medication a few days before her birthday.

Bill tried not to think about it.

He was determined to do something memorable with Sarah for this birthday.  Wes had come back to town for a couple of weeks, so they had the whole family together, but Bill wanted more.

He asked Wes to chauffeur them.  He didn’t tell Sarah his plan until they were packed and on the road.

“Where are you having Wes take us?”

“Remember our first trip?” Bill asked.

“Colorado Springs!” Sarah said.  “Bill, you are a sentimental sap sometimes.”

He smiled and didn’t deny it.

 

With Wes driving them, they recreated as much of their original trip as possible: a train ride up to Pike’s Peak, a trip to the zoo, a lazy morning spent enjoying each other in bed, and then the Garden of the Gods.

Bill held her hand in the car.  “You up to another short walk?”

Sarah wasn’t so sure.  “I’ll try,” she said.

They walked hand in hand, Wes trailing behind them.

Finally Sarah pointed out some familiar pillars.  “This is it,” she said.

“This is what?” asked Wes.

“Where your father first told me he loved me.”

“And your mother fell off those pillars because I surprised her,” Bill said.

Sarah swatted him lightly.  “Don’t still blame yourself.”

“I’m just stating the facts,” Bill argued.  “Me saying ‘I love you’ startled you and you fell.”

“It was Valentine’s Day,” Sarah told Wes.  “We spent it in the hospital.  The next one, too.  I thought it was going to become a habit.”

“What happened the second year?”

“Some idiot rammed my patrol car and I broke my arm and dislocated my shoulder.”

“And you hit your head,” Sarah reminded him.  “You were quite cute when you were doped up and out of it.”

Wes rolled his eyes.

Sarah started to feel a little dizzy.  She took hold of Wes’ arm.  “I think I better get back to the car now.”

Bill quickly stepped up to her other side and wrapped his arm around Sarah’s waist to support her.

Wes took them back to the hotel and helped Sarah lay down on the bed.  Bill lay next to her while Wes went off to explore on his own.

Bill stroked her face gently.  “You okay?” he asked.

Sarah closed her eyes to make the room stop spinning.  “Just dizzy.  The doctor said that was a side effect.”

Bill leaned in and kissed her forehead.  “We’ll stay here until it stops.  Rest.”

Sarah smiled in response.  “What would I do without you?” she asked.

“Miss me,” Bill said.

“You’re right.  I would.”

“Just like I’m going to miss you.”

Sarah opened her eyes.  “Bill…  We talked about this.”

He looked sad.  “I know.  It’s what you want.  But it still hurts like crazy.”

“I’m sorry,” Sarah said, as genuinely as possible.  “If I could fix me, I would.”

“But we can’t,” Bill said.  “I know that.  I don’t have to like it.”

Sarah’s heart broke at his expression.  “I’m sorry.”

Bill reached out to pull her close.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.  Don’t apologize.”

 

**October**

Nathan, Wes, and Libby threw a party for Bill and Sarah’s fifty-eighth anniversary, just in case it was also their last.

Caroline let them use the meeting room at Town Hall and they invited their parent’s old coworkers and the few friends who were still alive:  Margaret, Heather, and her husband.

Wes took over Sarah’s kitchen and prepared food for the party. 

Sarah sat and watched him.

“Where are you getting all this vacation time?” she asked.

“I get six weeks a year regular vacation.  Family leave grants me extra time, too,” Wes explained.

“You shouldn’t use it all on me,” Sarah said.  “Save some for yourself.”

Wes stopped what he was doing and kissed her cheek.  “Mom, this is exactly where I want to be.”

Well.  What could Sarah say to that?

 

Libby set up music and didn’t even make fun of Bill and Sarah’s old tastes.  The room milled with deputies and librarians, mostly retired. 

Sarah stood with Margaret off to the side, watching Bill talk to Sheriff Murphree, who was rumored to retire next year.

They hadn’t told a lot of people outside family about Sarah’s cancer, but Margaret was one of them.

“You hanging in there?” she asked.

“So far,” Sarah said.  “My thinking’s slower but I’m not sure if it’s the pain meds or the tumor.”

Margaret rubbed her back.  “You thinking slow is a normal person thinking.  Welcome to the rest of the world.”

Sarah laughed.  “If only.  Wes is the smart one in the room tonight.”

Margaret shrugged.  “Sure he is.  Doesn’t mean you’re not also.”

Bill excused himself and walked over.  “Can I steal my wife away, Margaret?”

“What if I said no?”

Bill grinned.  “Then I guess I’d just have to steal her away anyway.”

“Scoundrel,” joked Margaret.

Sarah knew Bill was taking her to dance before they even started moving. 

She was right.  Bill stopped in an open area in the middle of the room and held her close, one arm around her waist, the other holding her hand.

“I’ve always loved dancing with you,” he murmured as they started turning to the music.  “We’re not that good at it, but I still love it.”

Sarah smiled.  “Glad we’re getting to, then.”

Bill leaned his forehead against hers.  “I love you, darlin’.”

“I love you, too,” Sarah said, and she meant it with all her heart.

Moments later, it felt like a switch went off in her brain.  She slid to the ground as if the string holding her up had been clipped, unable to control her limbs.

She could see Bill and his look of horror as he tried to help her back up.  She wanted to reassure him, but the words she thought were not the words she spoke.

“Nathan!  Wes!  Will!” Bill called and then her boys were there, carrying her to a chair.

She’d had trouble remembering words in the last few days and had felt weak some earlier today.  She’d expected to lose some of her faculties, but not so fast.  Certainly not here, in front of thirty-some-odd people.

Once they had her in a chair, Sarah could sit up, but still couldn’t move anything but her head.  Bill sat in front of her, holding her hand.

“Babe?” he asked and his voice broke her heart.  “Sarah…?”

She tried again to speak, but all that came out was gibberish.

Bill stared her in the eyes.  “You’re still in there, aren’t you?  You just can’t tell us.”

Sarah managed a nod.

Bill looked at her for a moment, with a terrifyingly sad expression, before calling all the kids over.  “Party’s over,” he said.  “We need to get her to the hospital.”

 

Libby and Wes drove them to Rogue River, Nathan following.  Caroline, Alex, and the grandkids stayed to shut down the party and clean up.  Bill called Sarah’s oncologist on the way.

The doctor met them in the emergency room.  He examined Sarah, took another MRI, and watched the way her eyes followed him around the room.

“You’re right.  She’s still aware, but look at this scan,” he said.  “The way the glioblastoma’s grown, there’re tendrils in her speech and motor centers.  It’s a wonder this didn’t happen earlier.”

Bill, sitting next to Sarah on the exam table, took her hand.  “So what do we do?”

“Get her a wheelchair.  Remember she’s still aware and talk to her like she is.  If you can work out a yes/no communication system, use it.  But be prepared for her to take more turns for the worse.”

**December**

Christmas was hard.

Nathan and Caroline hosted lunch at the farmhouse and Bill had to let Will and Wes carry Sarah up the stairs in her wheelchair.

He felt so useless.

He spent most of his time caring for Sarah now.  Bonnie left her apartment a month ago and came to live with them and help, so he wasn’t alone.  Bill was grateful for the help but resentful he needed it.

Sarah was still aware, he was sure of it, but she spent most of her time drugged up on heavy-duty – and expensive – pain medications.  How much was actually getting through to her?  Was he cruel, dragging her with him around town when he went out?

Bill took the wheelchair handles from Will and pushed Sarah inside, where their whole family waited.

“How’re you doing, Dad?” Nathan asked gently, once Sarah was rolled up to the dinner table.

Bill shrugged.  “I’m here.  She’s here.  Just taking it one day at a time.”

Nathan looked at him warily, as if he didn’t quite believe Bill.  He probably got reports from Bonnie on Bill’s frustration with the whole matter.

“Let’s just have Christmas as usual, okay?” Bill said.  “One for her to remember?”

Nathan nodded.  “Of course.”

Everyone tried, bless them, but it was never going to be a usual Christmas.

Bill fed Sarah a protein shake while everyone else feasted on turkey and potatoes and corn and other bounties of the farm.  Bonnie talked about finishing up her Master’s online from some place in Florida and the boyfriend she thought might be the one.  Will talked about agricultural school at KU and _his_ girlfriend.  Tabitha talked about the colleges she’d been accepted to.  Wes caught everyone up on his life in D.C. and Caroline talked about her mayoral work.  Nathan, Libby, and Alex kept to themselves, listening instead of contributing.  Even without them, there was plenty of chatter to go around.  Occasionally, someone even talked to Sarah, who could still barely nod, but no longer speak.

Bill watched his family and wanted to smile, but couldn’t find it within him.  Being in this house made him miss Stanley and Mimi both.  He idly wondered how long it would take for this to become the Koehler Farm in the minds of Jericho instead of the Richmond Farm.  Wouldn’t that just have rankled Stanley?

He didn’t realize he was crying until Libby squeezed his hand.  “Dad?  What’s wrong?”

“I’m so damn tired of losing people I love,” he confessed before he realized what he was doing.  But he’d started now.  “Jimmy.  Stanley.  Mimi.  And now your mother.”

Libby leaned over and hugged him.  “I’m so sorry.  What can we do for you?”

Bill shook his head.  “Just ignore me.  Enjoy Christmas.”

They tried, but Bill’s outburst cast a pall over the rest of the day.  Even the present exchange wasn’t as exciting as usual.

Bill tried to be enthusiastic about his presents, but the fact that the kids still got Sarah presents – a new lap blanket, a wrap to keep her shoulders warm, a necklace Wes found in D.C. – made him tear up again.

Tabitha hugged him this time.  Bill hugged his youngest granddaughter tightly.  “Love you, kiddo,” he said.

“I know, Grandpa.  I love you, too.”

Bill stroked her hair – almost black like her father’s.  “You’ll just have to put up with an old man’s sadness,” he said.  “I’m sorry if I messed up your Christmas.”

“Oh, no,” Tabitha said.  “It’s okay.”

Bill knew it wasn’t.

Bonnie helped Bill move Sarah into bed that night.  She’d lost enough weight that Bill could almost lift her by himself.

Bonnie said goodnight and headed across the hall to her room.  Bill pulled on pajamas and crawled into bed.

He grabbed Sarah and pulled her tight.  “Merry Christmas, darlin’,” he whispered.  “I still love you.”

Sarah blinked.  Bill chose to take that as a response.  He kissed her cheek and tried not to cry again.  “I miss you already, Sarah.  I know you’re still in there, but I wish you could be here, with me.  I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

Sarah blinked again.  Bill curled up against her.  “Good night, babe.”

 

**January**

Sarah was bedbound now.  Bill only got her up to wash and to take to appointments for that study on bomb survivors.  He even fed her lying down, giving her protein drinks through a straw.

He lived his life between the bedroom, the bathroom, and sometimes the kitchen.  Bonnie stayed on, but more and more, the other kids and grandkids came by to visit him.

He knew they thought each time might be the last.

He moved chairs into the bedroom so they could visit with him over Sarah, just on the off chance she still heard and understood.  Bill didn’t want her to feel abandoned.

Nathan and Libby sat with Bill most of the time – Nathan was leaving more and more of the farm work under Will’s supervision and Libby came by religiously after her shift.  Bill wished Wes were with them, too, but he had to go to work sometime.  He couldn’t fault his son for that.

Bill tried to chat lightly with his children, to hide how much was weighing on him.  He sat on the bed and held Sarah’s hand while he talked.

There was a lull in the conversation.  Libby covered her mouth and Nathan said, “Dad…”

Bill looked down.

Sarah wasn’t breathing any more.

Bill’s cop training kicked in, even after all these years.  He immediately got in position to do CPR, rescue breathing, _anything_.

He got two pumps in on Sarah’s chest when Nathan grabbed his shoulders and stopped him.  “Mom’s gone, Dad.  You’ve got to let her go.”

“Damn it, Nathan,” Bill said.  “I’ve got to get her back.”  He tried to start again.

Nathan leaned down so he was looking in Bill’s eyes.  “She’s _gone_.  You can’t bring her back.  She wouldn’t want you to.”

Bill slumped back and picked up Sarah’s hand again.  Nathan was right, but Bill didn’t want to admit it.  “Don’t leave me,” he whispered.  “Come back.  I need you.  I don’t know what to do without you.”

Libby got up and hugged Bill.  He hugged back, but never let go of Sarah’s hand.

Nathan stepped out of the room and Bill heard him calling the funeral home.  Sarah had picked out everything before she got too sick.

Bill _felt_ sick. 

Libby stepped out of the room too so she could call the rest of the family while Nathan arranged for Sarah to be taken to the funeral home.

Bill was alone with her.  He stroked her face, her hair, her hands.  Tears ran down his face and he begged Sarah to stay, to come back.  He bent over and kissed her, as if that would bring her back.

Nathan walked in just then.  “Dad…  I think you need to step out of the room for a minute.  Calm down.”

Bill glared at Nathan.  “I’m not leaving her.”

“Okay,” Nathan said.  “The funeral home is sending someone over.  They’ll be here soon.”

Bill gripped Sarah’s hand tighter.  It was becoming all too real: she’d left him and he was alone.

~~~

 

The funeral took place two days later.  Bill was still in shock.

The visitation was long – all of the kids’ friends – but the funeral service was small.

Sarah would have liked that, he thought.  Not too much attention on her.

He thought she deserved much more than she got.

Bill heard the people whispering, saying he looked frail now.  He felt it.  They said maybe he wouldn’t last long without her.

He hoped not.

He let himself be ushered around by the kids, going from visitation to service to gravesite.  There wasn’t much for him to do but sit there – Sarah had planned everything down to the flowers.  He accepted hugs and handshakes and condolences, but the ones that meant the most were from Margaret.  She’d been such a friend to Sarah in life and like Bill, understood what it was like to be left behind.

 

Bill stayed to watch them lower the casket.

Tabitha stood next to him, rubbing her hands together to keep warm.  She’d barely left his side all day and Bill wasn’t sure if it was of her own volition or if her mother had put her up to it.  Either way, he was glad.

Will walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  “You ready to go, Grandpa?  Dad says there’s stuff to do back at the funeral home.”

Bill had to look up at his grandson; the boy had gotten the Richmond height and didn’t that just make Bill miss Stanley, too?

He nodded and let both grandchildren help him down the hill – away from where the tent was coming down and the backhoe arriving to push the dirt back in place.

With a last look at the gravesite, Bill got in the car and let himself be driven away.

~~~

 

Two weeks later, Bill passed peacefully in his sleep and all the deputies in Jericho lined the roads as he was taken to the cemetery: eighty-seven years old, veteran of two wars, and a retired sheriff.  Sure, he’d protected his town and his exploits were known because of a book, but if you’d asked him, what he was most proud of was his family.  One wife, three children, and three grandchildren.

 _That_ was the legacy he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been posting the Bill/Sarah stories for three months, but I've lived with them in my head for years. It's hard to believe I made it to the end. 
> 
> Hopefully y'all enjoyed the ride as much as I did.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I Believe in Santa Clause](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16838266) by [WarlockWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarlockWriter/pseuds/WarlockWriter)




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